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32- Tuesday - 11 P.M. Oct 17 My darling: I'm feeling mad, weepy, lost and I don't know how many other things tonight. Bev had us down to lunch with Edie Cox (Remember the tall blond) and another girl Joan [H?] today. She had a hangover and was complaining about not wanting to get supper so I told her to bring Gil up and I’d put something together. I had received letter XX from you, and loved every word of it, a good letter darling, and one which did me so much good. Anyway, it started me thinking, and Gil and I got in a conversation about one thing and another and gradually got around to us. And you know me in any sort of a discussion call anything black that anyone else calls white and contradicted myself all over the place. I was just letting off steam, but Gil laughed, and I just crumpled up inside, and feel as if I never, never want to talk to anyone again, at least about anything [pg 2] personal. Am I always going to be like that, and never keep my mouth closed? I feel so inadequate now, and as if I was being laughed at, and it feels horrible. Gil asked that you look up his friend as a favor to him. Today was a dismal day - all gray, brightened by your letter thought of yesterday's phone call and by our new sign tacked, or I should say nailed to the tree out front which says Lt. (jq) W.R. Johnston! Tomorrow, weather permitting I shall take a picture of it to send you. Wendy liked your message, but she says she knows you don't really write that way! I thought I was getting straightened out but now I only feel like a complete fool, and as tho I want to stay away from people. God bless you darling for being so tolerant and so good to me. I miss you so completely. Honey, I don't think I'm a dimwit it's just that all my thoughts and ideas [pg 3] go twirling around in my head, and bumping around so much that I scarcely know what I really do think - Therefore, I make very emphatic statements trying to make something clear to myself, and it only makes me sound garbled to other people. What am I to do? I must go to bed now - little sweetie wakes up at 5 or 6 now and the mornings are dark and cold. I do love you more than ever my darling- Bobby
