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76 Tuesday Nov. 27 - 5:00 PM My dearest darling: So tired tonight - don’t know what’s the matter - don’t have any energy and bounce any more - feel so much older- This morning we got up at 9:30 - did a big wash and put it out in the sun. Scattered crumbs on the patio for the birds - think Wendy will enjoy watching them a little later on. We went downtown about 11:00 - was disappointed not to find any mail, but that gives me something to look forward to tomorrow. Spent some time at the bookstore - and bought the Modern Library illustrated edition of ‘The Wisdom of Confucius’ - It is thoroughly delightful - illustrated in canary yellow and slate blue with dragons all over the covers. Also bought the paper bound copy of the ‘American Program’ - Will keep those books to send you when you are in Hawaii again - no sense in having too many of our books in the mail at the same time. On our way home stopped to see Bev and leave some applesauce made between breakfast and dressing little sweetie. [pg 2] Met [?] Jones and Skip Brainard - and it was quite a shock - guess I expected two smoothies - [?] is a blowzy henna tinted lass with an accent you could cut with a knife and personality to match - Skip is horsey-and if you thought I had muscles you ought to see hers! Meow-but I thought you’d like to know. Latest news has them all leaving here about Dec. 10th I shall be sorry to have Bev go - she's been good company (Wendy is looking up at your picture and talking to you) and has more sense than most people around here - Oh, I'm so excited - just said da-da - and Wendy answered back with a big DA! She is so pleased with my delight in her that she's laughing and hunching her little fanny as fast as she can - meanwhile banging her fists on the mat. This afternoon after Wendy's and Keeo's naps we all walked downtown to market. Tonight is my weekly ‘splurge night’ - buy my dinner ready made at the Specialty store - Roast beef, salad, little individual pie. That together with eating downtown on Sunday helps keep me going. Took another role of film to be developed - will be ready next week. Must bathe the sprout now - and get her supper. She's busily cleaning both fists and admiring the lamp. [pg 3] 6:30 Darling when is this hell going to end - each day it grows worse - I see you, hear you, even feel you, but you just aren't here. I try to pretend, but it hurts it just isn't real, and then I cry, and that doesn't help either - I've tried so hard to make some sense out of it all to make the best of life - to be what you would want me to be, and I've failed miserably. I've turned into all the things I never wanted to be - things always despised in others. Tho to no avail - I rebel, and get struck back every time, and still I ask why must this be? I'm so tired, alone and afraid - If I could only be with you - no matter where- just to be close to you and love you- Bobby
