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[Back of envelope - “Don't take this seriously-but do write me a long letter about it”] Saturday Evening 9:00 P.M. [9/30] Warren, my darling: Living this way is its own particular brand of hell. I am so alone and so desperately in need of you. I keep trying to settle down and get organized - be brave or whatever it is one is supposed to be under these circumstances, but everything revolves around you - always I look for you and there is nothing but emptiness. I just can't go on endlessly like this - Isn't there anything you can do to come home again - is it completely hopeless? Don't worry about me - I won't do anything foolish - but please, please give me something to hold on to for your sake and Wendy's - She is such a precious baby and so happy. It breaks my heart not to have you here, so that together we could watch her grow. I speak to her always of you - and wish so much that she was old enough to miss you so that I could comfort her. Warren, I want to try and be sensible, and I need you to help me. I don't think it's wise for me to go on living her alone this way - I've fallen apart inside, and don't seem to be able to get myself together again. Mostly, its’ not knowing when you will be back - the future is such a dark blank. I want to be a healthy, normal mother for Wendy, and wife [pg 2] for you. I don't want to give in to myself, but don't know how to hang on. Financially we can't make another move, and not for the world would I want the family to know how things have turned out. Granted, I broke off a piece bigger than I can handle - Suppose it's really my problem, but I just go round in circles wanting you. Just writing you helps, but I want you to know now instead of three or four days from now, when you'll be needing to keep your mind on your work! I received your Tuesday letter today, and was happy to hear that you were with Henry. I didn't quite understand “not feeling up to this deal” can you explain? Darling, don't let anything get you down, and just let me say once more - don't overwork. One of us has to be level headed always, and I guess that's going to be your job til we’re together again. I don't want to let you down my darling, as I know I must be. It's just that this is a cloudy world I'm in where nothing is clear, and I keep wandering aimlessly about. Wendy is my one stabilizer, and no matter what, I don't neglect her, but she takes so little time, and the days are so long. My dearest I'll do whatever you want me to - just tell me what to do. I love you so much - Bobby
