Pittston Gazette

              « r.^'iV.'.?"!;.'^0 } Oidest f ewsoaoer in the Wyoming Valley. PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2S, 1890. A Weekly Local and Familv Journal. EDIE AND I. Lord. LOUdington didn't think it suited FOE SALE: REAL ESTATE.! jno. Wait anotner year at least. At present an opera house in my subdivision to the solar system would be as useless as a Dull Thud in the state of New York. THE DEAR OLD FACE. The marshal was inaccessible. Nothing could prevent him from finishing the game. j . e lie Had Some Joys. "Poor little fellow," said the hjiihuji thetic lady to the urchin who wai trudging along with hooks and date tinder his arm, "aren't you sorry to have to go back to school? Still, I suppose you manage to have a great many good times." "Yes'm," was the reply, "I do. I fut a lizard in the teacher's desk, and mucilage in her ink and dropped my date oil Johnny Flynn's sore toe, and put Lim* burger cheese in the pnmp, and school ain't really opened yet, either."—Washington Post. her. I thought it looked & little tumbled, ; but one has to run those risks when one sends goods on approval. She had determined to have that hat just to wear for the one day, and she was too mean to get it honestly." "Of course you'll have it out with her —you'll expose her?" I said. I was as angry and disgusted as Nina, who stood opposite me, with her pretty eyes and cheeks flaming with honest indignation.HE SURPRISED KLIZA. Showing That Tales of Animal IntellJi fence Are SometUnea Very Wonderful. i A TREE FROG'S INSTINCT. Sister and brother for many • year. Edie and I; I saw him In a dream again last night— The dear old face, the patient, r ijless eye*, The well known figuro Kitting in too light In the old chair—and it was no surprise. He Was C»-eted with a Little Surprise Sharing bright weather and facing the drear, BILL NYE OFFERS CHEAP A LODGE One drawback to the immediate prosperity of the place is that commutation rates 60 far are yet in their infancy. Eighty-seven and one-half cents per ride on trains which run only on Tuesdays and Fridays is not sufficient compensation for the long and lonely walk and the paucity of some suitable cottages when one gets there. But the captain's mind was elsewhere. So much for being young! He became confused, forgot his caution, and made two shots which nearly gave his opponent the game. This time the marshal grew furious. Surprise and indignation burst forth on his manly visage. Just at this moment a horse tore into the court yard at a terrible pace and dropped dead. And aid-de-camp covered with mud forced the guard and leaped up the steps at a bound. "Marshal! Marshal!" he shouted. He met with a rough reception. Swelling with rage and purple in the face the marshal appeared at the window, his billiard cue in his hand. "Your turn to play, captain." Himself. Edie and I. Keen is our love as a sword free from rust, Time welds the closer our absolute trust. So shall it be till we both are but dust. IN A VAST WILDERNESS, John Roberts, of North East, is a farmer well enough to do, but he had always been eccentric about his clothes. Until a week or so ago he had not been known to buy a new suit of clothes for years. The ones he wore had been so otten patched and repatched that no bit of the original warp and woof was visible. Tb s personal slovenliness on the part of Ldr husband was a source of constant anaoyance to Mrs. Roberts, who is a woman of exceptional neatness. She long ago became so ashamed of his appearance that she would no longer accompany him to town to do her trading. This singular characteristic of the farmer was not owing to penuriousness, for he is a liberal man in all his dealings. A few days ago he went to town to do a little trading, and to the utter astonishment of the town he purchased a new suit of clothos for himself. His new clothes were done up in a package, and he placed the p;ickage on the wagon seat beside him when he started home that light. It was a dark night. Farmer iioberts had got half way ho*ie when a brilliant idea struck him. He stopped his horse on a bridge where the road crosses the east branch. "Talking of instinct," remarked the man who used to be a great fisherman before he joined church, "I cnce had a tree frog that in my judgment beat the weather bureau all to pieces. "I had read about their being able to predict weather changes, so I got a wide mouthed bottle, a little wooden ladder and the other articles usually recommended. I put them ull together in the parlor and waited for developments. "And I must say the developments startled me. Bight along that frog, when it was going to be good weather, came to the top of his ladder; when it promised to turn out threatening, he would rest half way down, and if a storm was on hand he always staid ua der water. Never knew it to fail. Nay, but my Foul went out in one treat cry Of wild rejoicing to behold him there, And at his feet 1 knelt convulsively, Fondled his hands, and stroked his soft gray hair. Edie and L A E»1 Estate Investment Between MIn- Just to know this, that we never shall change. neapolis and the Polar Sea Which Edie and I; Profited Mr. Pansley, but Fills Mr. Edie and 1. Lovers may fade like a comet's brief flams, Friendship is often but friendship In name, Come what come may we are always the same, Never grow formal and distant and strange, Nye with a Great Grief. "Father, dear father, is it really you* Speak, ease the doubt that at my neart doth ache- Say that the hour Is merciful and true. And the stern past a weary, long mistake I" [Copyright, 1890, by Edgar W. Nye.] "My dear boy, I would if I dared, but I can't afford to. It would drive half Minneapolis, Minn., j In the Fall of the Year, j So I will sell the dear old place, with all its associations and the good will of a thriving young frog conservatory, at the buyer's own prices. As I say, there Edie and L my customers away from me, and I must think of Hugo and Giles, fhey don't cost much while they are such tinies, but I want to give them every advantage, the darlings, and I was left so badly off, and the business is just beginning to pay so well. I daren't run the risk of exposing Lady Loddington's meanness." I have just returned from a visit to my property here, and cannot refrain from referring to its marvelous growth. The distance between it and the business center has also grown a good deal since I last saw it. This is the property which I purchased some three years ago of a One moment—just one moment did it seem— He stc/ivd upon me; then my hope was o'er. But oh, thank Qod: if only in a dream 1 have beheld my life's best friend once more. —Quiver. Brother and sister and heart within heart, Chaos nor death cannot drive us apart, Edie and I Left. Edie and L Steadfast as those who have died for a creed. True to each other in word and in deed, Never to fail in the hour of need, ——, A LOST BATTLE "What is the matter?" he said. "What is it? Is there no sentinel on duty?' —Ernest UcGaffey in Chicago Herald. Edie and L "But, marshal"  "I had forgotten your children. No, I see it wouldn't do. Trust me to give her a m&uvais quart dTieure, if I get the chance." As they had been fighting for two days and had passed the preceding night with their knapsacks on their backs beneath the drenching rain, the soldiers were exhausted. Nevertheless, for three mortal hours they had been kept waiting, with grounded arms, in the puddles of the highways and the mud of the soaked fields. "Very good — presently. Let thom await my orders!" "This was through the summer. The next fall I took him to the sitting room, and hang me, if he did a thing else but sit on his ladder with his legs crossed and mope, storm or sunshine, hot or cold, wet or dry. Prophesy he would not. He seemed to be half tired of life. ON APPROVAL And he closed the window violently. Let them await Ms orders. "What on earth d'ye call that thing?" 1 asked, poking with my stick at a bunch of grapes poised airily upon a brass stand. "Promise youH be careful. Think of the boys!" They were doing that, the poor men. The wind drove the rain and shot full in their faces. Whole battalions were exterminated, while others stood useless, their weapons in their hands, unable to comprehend the reason of their inactivity. There was nothing for them to do. They were awai ing order*. But as one can die without orders, the men fell dead by hundreds, behind the bushes, in the ditches, before the silent grand chateau. Even when fallen shot tore them still, and from their gaping wounds the generous blood of France flowed noiselessly. in the billiard hall things were coming to terribly close quarters*, also. The marshal had resumed his advance, but the captain defended himself like a lion. "Seventeen? eighteen! nineteen!" Scarcely had they time to mark the points. The noise of the battle came nearer. The marshal had but one more to make. Already bombs had reached the park. One exploded over the pond. The mirrorlike surface was convulsed, and a terrified swan swam about in a whirlpool of bloody feathers. It was the last shot. Bloomey—Say, old man, dont m thir1 ' - take turn • ' \ it would" be fair for you to « it the oars? For bet t (as Miss Cleercut palls tha onnecting pin of the portable hoit) ■ Certainly, dear boy.—Puck. "I won't injure the dear little chaps, you best of mothers." "Well, in that case, I only hope fortune may favor you." "I concluded, of course, he didn't like his pew quarters, so I took him back to pa trior and presto! he brightened up and began business with the old reiiabif "That thing," replied my cousin proudly, "is the very latest Parisian fashion in bonnets." Overcome with fatigue and loss of sleep, their uniforms neavy with water, they huddled together to keep warm, to sustain themselves. There were some who slept as they stood leaning on their neighbor's knapsacks, and weariness and privation were best pictured on those unbent faces abandoned to slumber. Rain, mud, no fire, no soup, a black and threatening sky, and the enemy on all sides. It was wretched. Fortune did favor me at last, but she kept me waiting till the autumn, like the fickle jade she always is. My chance came in this wise: My uncle asked me up to his place in Scotland for shooting, and I went. The old gentleman is a very connoisseur of beauty, and every pretty woman of note is bound to be asked up to D. sooner or later. I got there in time to dress hurriedly and appear jn the drawing room just as my uncle was telling every one whom they were to take in. I was introduced to I sank back into the little lounge that ran along the side of the room—you couldn't insult anything so dainty with the name of "shop"—and gazed upon its owner with an exclamation moro profane than appropriate. "I'll do it, by gum!" he said, it and su'prise Eliza!" 'Til do ity right away. "Naturally this aroused my curiosity, and I finally found out the Becret." Thereupon the farmer rose up in the wagon and began to take off th* patched ind repatched clothes he had worn so long. As he removed a garment he tossed it into the creek until he had :ossed I hem all in and had nothing on jut his shirt. NYE AND THE OROCERYHAN. "Well," inquired the crowd of eager listeners. has been since I was last there a steady growth, which is mostly noticeable on the mortgage which I secured along with tho property. It was on these when 1 bought it, and as it could not be removed without injury to the realty, according to an old and established law of Justinian or Coke or Littleton, Mr. Pansley ruled that it was a part of tho realty and passed with its conveyance. It is looking well with a nice growth of interest around, the edges and its foreclosure clause fully an inch and a half long. It must ut once be confessed that she was a charming object to gaze at. There was an expression of wicked amusement in her large gray eyes, and the black gown she still wore in mourning for her husband—poor Jack Henderson, who wafe~ killed in tho Soudan—set off tho lines if her slender young figure, and threw her golden hair and fair skin prettily into relief. "The cunning beast had been all the time watching and making use of a little barometer that stood right beside his glass on the mantelpiece."—Philadelphia Times. What were they doing there? What was taking place? "Don't you thick, Mr. Cahokia," Miraa the young lady from Boston, as she  lown the photograph album and looked dreamily at the stalwart figure of ow of the waltzers in the next room, "thatMf. Robust has a splendid physique?" "Y-yes," answered the young from St. Louis somewhat vaguely, "bat a fellow like him, with 360 acres of good corn land, Miss Howjames, can afford anything he wants, you know."—Chicago Tribune. Conld Afford It. I STROLLED OUT THERE. "Great apple sass!" he exclaimed; "but ■von't Eliza be su'prised!" real good man. His name was Pansley— Flinton Pansley. He has done business in most all the towns of the northwest. The cannon, their muzzles pointed toward the woods, had the air of watching something. The masked mitrailleuses stared fixedly at the horizon. Everything seemed ready for an attack. Why did they not attack? For what were they waiting? Then Farmer Roberts reached for the ackage that had his new clothes in. It vasn't on the seat. Farmer Roberts got lown and reached under the seat. Tht ackage wasn't there. Then he felt all ver tho bottom of the wagon. The package wasn't anywhere on the bottom. 7armer Roberts rose up in the wagon ind looked back along the pitch dark road. 3oine girl—I haven't a notion who she . was, but I gave her my arm and took her down to dinner, murmuring commonplaces on the way. The truth is, I was half famished with my journey and "Henry," she observed sadly, "you certainly have changed I What has come over you lately to make you ac haughty?" His BIm In the World. The property was sold to my wife by Mr. Pansley at a sacrifice, but when the burnt offering had ascended, and tho atmosphere had cleared, and the ashes on the altar had been blown aside, the suspender buttons of Mr. Pansley were not there. He had taken his bright red markdown figures and a letter to his future pastor and gone to another town. He is now selling groceries. From town lots to groceries is, to a versatile man, a very small stride. Ho is in business in St. Paul, and that has given Minneapolis quite a little spurt of prosperity. "Pull yourself together, my dear boy," she continued, opening the door of an old carved oak cabinet, "and I will show you something that even your crude male intellect will appreciate. If yon don't say it's lovely Til never let yon inside the shop again. Ton may flatten your nose against the window, or stroll disconsolately up and down the street in vain! No more chats, no more teas in the back room!" my one idea was dinner. It was not till "Miss Twilling," stiffly replied the young man, "while the pleasant relations which have heretofore existed between us will, I trust, remain unchanged, at the same time I find it necessary to maintain the proper amount of dignity in accordance with the more exalted position which I now hold in society. You are evidently not aware of the fact, but I have recently invested some of my capital in, and I am now wearing, a suit of genuine silk underwear."—Clothier and Furnisher. I was well on with the fish stage that I looked at my left hand neighbor. It was Lady Loddington herself. "I haven't seen you since we met at Ascot," she remarked pleasantly. She certainly is a most lovely woman, by the way. I stared blankly, and she went on, with an air of well acted reproach:I would be willing in case I do not find a cash buyer to exchange the prop- They were waiting for orders, and the headquarters did not send them. The headquarters, however, were not far distant. They were at a handsome chateau uuthe style of Louis XIII, the red bricks of which, washed by the rain, glistened on the hillside among the trees. It was truly a princely dwelling, and well worthy of bearing the banner of a marshal of France. Behind a great ditch and a 6tone railing which separated them from the highway the grassplats ran straight up to the steps of the mansion, even and green, and bordered with vases of flowers. erty for almost anything I can eat, except Paris green. I would swap the whole thing to a man whom I felt that I could respect for a good bird dog, male dog preferred unless good references are given. I could forgive things in a male bird dog which would not, on the other hand, be forgiven. You know how society is here where I live. We cannot be too careful. Then an oppressive silence. Nothing but the rain falling upon the hedges, a confused roll at the base of the hillock and on the soaked highways something like the patter of a hurried flock of sheep. The army Was in full flight, but the marshal had won his game.—Alphonse Dandet. Then he climbed back in his seat, and away the horses went for home. The aight was chilly, and there was three niles to go. When Farmer Roberts reached home and climbed out of his .vagon he paused. Ho Was Safe There. First Criminal—Hello, Jiint How c fou get ont of jail? Second Criminal—I filed a bar aotf myself ont of a window. So saying, she lifted gingerly from the shelf a a large hat, and planting it upon her pre tty head turned triumphantly toward me. It was lovely—quite lovely— a sort of arrangement in amethyst velvet and feathers to match. Being only a miserable and ignorant male of course I can't describe it, but it was uncommonly becoming, and made Nina look like a Gainsborough picture. I told her so and gushed over it sufficiently to satisfy her. "I believe you have forgotten we ever met there." First Criminal striped clo+' jpRHa , , t j( . Wu—But, how about your ;hes? : Criminal—Oh, that mi A iail isn't far from a WJfiife as soon as I got down to tC all right. They took vty xor a bathing suit.—America. Fun for the Pug. to take his departure)^ leave my hat? Why, yottr /ing with it in the corner. yes—by Jove! he'a tarn, the f  isn't he cunning? Stay a longer and well wateh fain t. Isn't bo amusing?—Bpodh. » A English Language Again.' Now, here is a beaati&l • you will see how elabot is! Y-yes; but I'm afraid too expensive; havent yon jf the same kind, with rather laborate chastity about it?— We exchanged a cottage for city lots unimproved, as I said in a former letter, and got Mr. Pansley to do it for us. My wife gave him her carriage for acting in that capacity. She was sorry she could not do more for him, because he was a man who had found his fellow man in 6uch an undone condition everywhere and had been trying ever since to do him up. "The hull idee didn't work," said he, 'but I'll bet nine dollars that I su'prise Eliza!" Here was my chance; I seiz?d it Second right The resort, and beach I was convict rig "Forgotten! Why, I remember every word you said, the color of your gown, and even the very hat you wore—th6 loveliest and most becoming hat I ever saw in my life." The Quaker Garb Hu Had IU Day. That he did no one doubts, but when tie got up in the morning and went out to the bafn, clad in the hired man s overills, and saw his package of new clothes hinging by its string on the brake handle at the side qf the wagon he was a little surprised himself.—Silamanc'j Dispatch In New York Sun. How He Won Her. I would also trade the lots for a milk route or cold storage. It would be a good site for some man in New York to build a country cottage, provided he desired to lead what is called a double life. While the faith of the Quakers has undergone no radical change since the days of -Mary Dyer, the simple manners and customs of the sect are rapidly disappearing. Here and there, it is trne, one of the "old fashioned" Quakers is to be seen. When Jonathan Chace occupied a seat in the senate of the United States his coat was of the orthodox cut, and his correspondents conld not please him better than by addressing him as plain Jonathan Chace. A consistent Quaker, too, is Jonathan Chace, for he, with his plainly dressed wife, rather than deprive their coachman and horses of their Sunday rest, will frequently walk two miles and more to meeting and return by tho same conveyance. On the other side, the private side of the chateau, the hedge was full of luminous gaps; the pond in which swans were swimming stretched out like a mirror; and beneath the pagoda shaped roof of an immense aviary, sending forth shrill cries into the foliage, peacocks and golden pheasants beat their wingB and spread their tails. The compliment told. He (abon Where (lit' pug is pk What—no— lining out "I don't believe yon do," she pouted, I would also swap the estate to a man who really means business for a second hand cellar. Call on or address the unuersignea early, ana piease do not pusn or rudely jostle those in the line ahead "Upon my word I do. It was a sort of big affair of amethyst velvet and Tho property lies about half way between the West hotel and the open-polar sea, and is in a good neighborhood looking south; at least, it was the other day when I left it. It lies all over the northwest, resembling in that respect the man we bought it of. "It's my own idea, shape and all, and there isn't another like it in the world. I may possibly copy it, but I'm not sure. It depends upon who buys it. How I wish you were a woman, Ronald!" she sighed regretfully, "and I would make you buy it for Ascot to-morrow?" feathers to match. I remember it with double force because I made a cousin of mine quite angry with the mere description of it. I don't know if you have ever met her? She has gone into millinery, like everybody else. She calls herself 'Mme. Destrier.*" I looked Lady Loddington full in the face, and laid a peculiar emphasis on the Th«re Wu a Postscript. Many years ago when Dr. Temple, th« present bishop of London, was head master o? Rugby a boy in the school was accused of some peccadillo. He really had a good defense, but being neither clear headed nor fluent he conld tot present it to the head master. So he wrote it out in full to - his father, asking hua to present it. - On reading the letter the father thought the best thing would be to inclose the letter itself to Dr. Temple, merely asking him to overlook its crudeness. Apparently, howgver, he bad not noticed & postscript which the boy had written, in which he made the following remark, "If I conld explain it wculd be all right; for, though Temple is a beast, he is a just beast."—New York Tribune. of you. She—Oh little while play with ? Cast oIT clothing, express prepaid and free from any contagious diseases, taken at its full value. Anything left by mistake in tho pockets will bo taken good care of, and, possibly, returned in tho spring. Although the proprietors had departed, nothing there indicated the recklessness, the overwhelming desolation of war. The oriflamme of the chief of the army had preserved everything, even to the meanest flowers of the grass plats, and it was something impressive to find so near the field of battle tho opnlent calmness which arises from orderly arrangements, from straight rows of trees and from the silent depths of avenues. Mr. Pansley took the carriage, also the wrench with which I was wont to take off the nuts thereof and grease it on Sabbath mornings. We still go to church, but we walk. Occasionally Mr. Pansley whirls by us and his dust and debris fall upon my freshly ironed and neat linen coat as he oasspa bv us witlra sish. r went up to see tho property with which my wife had been endowed by the generous foresight of Mr. Pansley, the heathen's friend. I had seen the 4Dlace before, but not in the autumn. The Awfu Dealer—1 piece, madam rat fly chased "I wish I were, my dear. But why don't you go and wear it yourself?" Jack (who has popped)—It takes yon a long time to decide. 1 - "Gracious! and leave the shop for a whole day at this early stage of its existence? -You guardsmen have no more idea of business than a baby. No, I can't go; but I hope you'll have a lucky day and a good time, and Ronald dear, if you were nice you'd just look in one day soon and tell me what sort of day you had. Oh, and be sure you don't forget to notice what hats and bonnets people wore." I never saw any one so thoroughly caught in my life. I knew in a moment that she knew I knew, as Punch would put it. She turned perfectly scarlet to the roots of her hair, and then quite white, and didn't speak for at least a moment. Theij she pulled herself together as only a woman can, and adroitly changed the subject. name. Gunnysack Oleson, who lives eight miles norlh of the county line, will show you over tho grounds. Please do not bitch horses to tho trees. I will not be responsible to horses injured while tied to my trees. Sallie—I know. And I've abont concluded to wear a demi-train of white chiffon over white silk, and have no bridesmaids.—Judge. Fair Customer— that will be something less—er—e Judy. But the old time straight cut coats are fast passing away, and even Jonathan Chace has discarded the drab, and his black coats, though of the Quaker cut, are of the very finest piece of oroadcloth that the looms can weave. It is with regret that the public part with the qoaini costume of the Friends, for when seen upon the street it formed a delicious picture. We may see something akin to it at the Shaker settlements if we take the trouble to visit them; but the costome which poor heroic Mary Dyer wore in her last hour has almost passed from the sight of men.—Boston Journal. The rain, which filled the highways with such wretched mud and plowed such deep furrows, was there but an elegant, aristocratic shower, brightening the red bricks and the green of the grass plats, adding glo6s to the leaves of the orange trees and the white plumage of the swans. Everything shone—everything was still. Verily, without the flag which was flying from the peak of the roof, without the two soldiers on guard before the grating, never could one have believed it the military headquarters. The horses were reposing in the stables. Here and there one met grooms, orderlies in undress uniform lounging in the vicinity of the kitchens, or some gardener in red pantaloons tranquilly drawing his rake through the gravel of the principal walks. An Important P. S. N. B.—A new railroad track is thinking of getting a right of way next year which may bo nearer by two miles than the one that I have to take, provided they will let me off at the right place. "Dear Mr. Hicks," she wrote, "I am sorry that what you ask I cannot grant I cannot become your wife. Yours sincerely, Ethel Barrows." ir It Might Take. Dotkins—"What's the matter with Sifter Nellie? She acts so queer. Mamma (in a disgusted tone)—Oh, she's in love again! This is the third time, and she's got it bad. Dotkins—Why don't you have her vaccinated, so she can't catch it?—Judge. Bat she has been monstrously civil to me ever since, much to the surprise of my friends. I am plain and uninteresting; 1 am not a personage; I haven't a Oh, no, I had not saw it in the hectic of the dying year! I hod nw it wnen tne squirrel, tne comic lecturer ana the Italian go forth to gather their winter hoard of chestnuts. I had not saw it as the god of day paints the royal mantle of the year's croaking monarch and the crow sinks softly on the swelling bosom of the dead hcrse. I had only saw it in the wild, wet spring. I had only saw it when the frost and the bullfrog were heaving out of the ground. Then she added, "P. S.—On second thoughts, dear George, I think I will marry yon. Do come np to-night and see your own trne Ethel."— New York Herald. I promised to do my best, and took my leave reluctantly as a large and portly matron, gorgeously arrayed, and whose features unmistakably betrayed her Semitic origin, sailed in and demanded a small "flower bonnet." I will promise to do all that I can conscientiously for tho road, to aid any one who may buy tho property, and in calling the attention of railroads to the advisability of a road in that direction. All that 1 can honorably do I will do. My honor is as dear to me as my gas every year I live. The Education of u Calliope. farthing—not even expectations—and they can't make out where the attraction nia Wish. lies. They had better ask Mme. Destrier, of Oxford street, to enlighten them.—London World. Miss Rowena — Think of a Wshy washy, phlegmatic girl like her being named Stella! Perhaps. Mrs. Channcey Lake (looking np from her paper)—My dear, here's a doctor who says yon shotild always avoid falling dne. That woman in a flower bonnet! J hope, poor soul, that Nina saved her from herself. Mines of the German Empire. It appears that the total production of the mines throughout the German empire, including Luxemburg, has steadily advanced from 37,689,000 tons, of £11,- 347,000 value, in 1868 to a total of 05,- 866,200 tons, of £24,735,000 value, in the year 1888. Of this quantity coal figures as 25,704,800 tons in 1868, as against 63,- 386,100 tons in 1888, peat has advanced from 7,174,400 tons to 16,574,000 tons; iron ore from 3,634,300 tons to 10,664,300 tons; zinc ore from 369,900 tons to 667,800 tons; lead ore from 95,300 tons to 161,- 800 tons, and copper ore from 201,700 tons to 530,900 tons.—Chicago Journal of Commerce. "What are you going to do this afternoon, Ronald?' asked my mother, three days later. "I wish you to come and sail with me on the Vanderdeckens." Only Partial Satisfaction. Mr. Par ham—"Stella" means a star. Perhaps they called her that, not because they thonght her bright, bnt because she was beantifnl in the dark.— Harper's Bazar. tee v.»a »Uh the Irish. Mr. Channcey Lake (who is a trifle short)—I wish my bills wonld consult that doctor.—Westborough Tribune. Another incident of the wheelmen's excursion over to Europe we overheard one morning. They were riding along through Germany when a German boy threw a good sized club out in the road to see them run over it Unfortunately, the club struck a wheel, broke out four or five spokes and caused a rider to take a header. They all dismounted and made for the boy. The parents put in an appearance. Between Englinh and German it was difficult to make them understand what the boy had done. I strolled out there. I rode on the railroad for a couple of hours first, I think. Then I got off at a tank, where I got a nice, cool refreshing drink of as good, pure water as I ever flung a lip over. Then rolling my trousers up a yard or two I struck off into the scrub pine, carrying with me a large board on which I had painted in clear, beautiful characters: At the Railway Station. "Cau't. my dear mother. Promised to go and seo Nina." P. S.—The dead horse on lot 9, block 21, Nye's Addition to the Solar System, is not mine. Mine died before I got The dining hall, the windows of which opened upon the steps, displaying a table half cleared away, uncorked bottles, soiled and empty drinking vessels, looking wan on the rumpled cloth—all the fag end of a dinner deserted by the gnests. In an adjoining apartment was heard the sound of voices, of laughter, of rolling billiard balls, of clinking glasses. The marshal was playing his game, and that was why the army was awaiting orders. When the marshal had once commenced his game the heavens might fall, but nothing on earth could prevent him from finishing it. Stranger—When can I leave far Boston?Countryman (moderately)—Well, there are two trains a day. Visions of Miss Vanderdecken, rich as Croesus, but ohl so deadly dull, hastened my movements, and I was half way to Oxford street before my mother could sail me back. I found Mme. Destrier, is my cousin calls herself, just parting with a customer. The hat was in her band. In Salamanca lecently Dan Sully produced for the fitret time his revised play "The Millionaire." The second act shows an attempt of some wicked capitalists to prevent the finishing of the hero's railroad in time to preserve his charter. The villains have seduced the Italian workmen employed on the road, and are trying to win over the Irish, when the hero makes an impassioned appeal, begging the men to stand together, like the loyal sons of Ireland they are. Among the Salamanca "supera" there was an Irishman named Monahan, who has been employed on the Erie railroad at that place for many years, and is well known to very body in town. He was on the stage the night in question disguised as an Italian. At the motnent Mr. Sully began to harangue his Hibernian workers Monahan grew interested, and as the eloquent speech progressed he became oblivious to all else. Finally, unable longer to pontain himself, he started to leave the Italians. there. R N. SAD BUT TRUE. Grogan, the Newsdealer—Thot's right, tlar-rlin'; yure doin' shplendid, an' CM wonldn' shtop yez fer th' wur-rld. Wai more good yell now, that's th' bye. Stranger (exasperated) — Well, when does one of them go? I can't take thfcm both!—Lowell Citizen. \ Weird Tale of Love and Misery In (lie World'* Fair Town. ; FOR SALE. : : The owner finding it necessary to go to : : Europe for eight or nine yearn, in order to : : brush up on the languages of tho continent : : and return a few royal visits there, will sell : : all this suburban property. Terms reason- : : able. No restrictions, except that street : : cars shall not run past these lots at a higher : : rate of speed than sixty miles per hour with- : : out permission of the owner. : Evening in Chicago. « The lake beating a murmurous tattoo on the lonely shore. Had to Leave All His Jokes. 'Tve soldit," she cried gleefully; "just sold it to that nice girl for five guineas." Finally the affair was illustrated by the production of the club and the wheeL Then the old man turned on the boy and gave him a terrible whipping. Whun he got through the wife continued on in a second edition. All efforts to induce payment for the broken wheel were in vain. They were willing to pound the boy, but had no money to repair damages.—West Chester (Pa.) Record.• "-^Tr ■ ' — Managing Editor—Has Fnnniman Mat in his joke column yet? i "Awfully glad. I'm sure. But, my Hear girl, Tve a shock in store for you. I saw tho very model and marrow of that hat at Ascot the day before yesterday."A great house in the silent street, with the wind howling outside. Bow Be Knew. "No, sir; he's very sick, and the doctor •sayshe can't live another week." The young Count of New York whispering sweet somethings to the lovely Lady Northside inside. , The Narrator—Yes, I journeyed for four days through an absolute wilderness, sparsely inhabited by benighted people. "Then be snre to tell him to ten'Ha a conple of extra columns week."— Boston Times. I think that the property looks better in the autumn even than it does in spring. The autumn leaves are falling. Also the prices on this piece of property. It would be a good time to buy it now. Also a good time to sell. I shall add nothing because it has been associated with me. That will cut no figure, for it bas not been associated with me for so very long or so very intimately. "Dear lady," he says in tremulous tones, "I have known you only a short time, but love is not a slave of time or circumstance, and, lady mine, I—I"— ho hesitated only an instant, "I would ask your hand." Billiards! The Doubter—How do you mean they were benighted? "You couldn't, you couldn't! Who was wearing it?" she cried sharply. The game was this great warrior's weakness. He stood there, as grave aa in battle, in full uniform, his breast covered with decorationo, his eyes sparkling and his eyeballs inflamed by the dinner, the game and his potations. Hi« aidsde-camp surrounded him, eager and respectful, uttering exclamations of admiration at each of his shots. When the marshal made a point they all precipitated themselves toward the marker. When the marshal was thirsty they all wished to prepare his grog. 'Twas a crush of epaulets and plumes, a clash of crosses and metal tipped shoulder knots, and the sight of all the agreeable smiles, the fawning, courtier like reverences of so much embroidery and so many new uniforms in that lofty oak wainscoted hall, looking out upon parks and courts of honor, recalled the autumns of Compiegne and contrasted strangely with the weather stained overcoats vainly waiting along the highways and forming such somber groups beneath the rain. A Hopeless Case. "Can nothing more be done for the prisoner, Mr. Brief?" "I fear not, sir." "The legal expedients are all Exhausted, are they?" * "No, but the prisoner's money i*T— Puck. "One of our reigning professional beauties—Lady Loddington." The Narrator — Because in all that time I heard no one whistling "Annie Rooney."—Pittsburg Bulletin. "Lady Loddington!" gasped Nina, matching hold of the chair behind her. "Ronald, are you sure you aren't making any mistake?" Hard on the Faasily. She blushed and let her beautiful brown eyes fall. Hereditary Nerve. Ethel—Have you any remembrance of your great grandfather, Clara? Clara—Excuse me, but we never speak of him. Jfd Cri Ah, yon ycrang rascal, w "I swear I'm not. She had on a frock the color of the hat, and she looked simply ripping. I paid her all the compliments I could think of in the five minntos I was talking to her." He picked them up quickly and handed them to her, as she Baid: "What you ask is very great, dear Reginald, and"  But Reginald was gone. And Lady Northside was conversing to herself. "Here," whispered the master of the supernumeraries, restraining him, "don't go over there. Remain here." But the excited Monahan would not be detained, for the blood of his native land was up. "Bismarck as a Humorist" is the title of a book w hich is to appear soon at Dm* eeldorff. In it the following anecdote ia related: When the Prussian troops .entered Nickolsburg one of the citizens began to abuse the Prussians on the street. He was immediately seized'by soldiers and beaten into silenoe. The row attracted a crowd, and presently Bismarck came along and wanted to know what was the matter. "This man was abusing the Prussians and"— "That's not true," exclaimed the man; "I only abused Bismarck." A roax of laughter greeted this unfortunate reply, but Bismarck joined in it and said: ''Let the fellow go. Others and greater men have done the same thing." On another page an anecdote is related tn own words: "At Koqigagrata I had only one more cigar in my pocket, and that I guarded as a miser does his treasures during the whole battle. My fancy dwelt on the enjoyment that cigar would give me after the battle. But presently I noticed a poor collier lying on the ground, both arms shot to pieces and begging for some refreshment. I searched in all my pockets, iwt found nothing but money and—my cigar. That I lighted and put it in th6 mouth of the helpless soldier. You should havo seen his grateful sruilo! I have never enjoyed a cigar as much .is that onet"— Chatterer. t Bismarck's Idea of a Joke. Ethel—Why, is he tabooed? The place, with advertising and the free use of capital, could be made a beautiful rural resort, or it could be fenced off tastily into a cheap, commodious place in which to store bears for market. The Baby (fifteen years later)—E-x t-r-a!!!—Judge. Clara—Well, Tve been told that ho married beneath him, and that after that time the family never took any no* tice of him.—Judge. "The cheat, the swindle of it!" cried my cousin, white with anger. On the outside the count halted. \ ' 9J+ *1 A Close Shar*. "Hands off!" he cried in a voice that was heard all over the house. 'Tm no Eyetalian! Tm with the Irish!" i'My dear girl, calm yourself! Tm jorry for you, but great minds, as you Irnow, will jump, and some other clever woman has had the same idea as you." But it has grown. It is wider, it seems to me, and there is less to obstruct the view. As soon as commutation or dining trains are put on between Minneapolis and Sitka a good many pupils will live on my property and go to school at Sitka. "By Zucks!" he exclaimed, in cold, mechanical tones, "she thought I was asking for her foot." A Lesson in Respect. Youfig Cashly—Aw, governor, cant you let me have a check for a hundred Sday? Curtain.—Exchange. Nina was past taking any notice of the insulting suggestion. She seemed thoroughly uiDset by the coincidence, and looked as if she were going to cry. And the next moment he had disappeared in the gathering gloom.—"Washington Star. Old Cashly—Veto! Clara (with emotion)—George, are you sure you will always love me? George (fervently)—While life lasts, my own. Her Groundless Fears. Young Cashly—Aw—veto! What doea that mean? f\ Trade is quiet in that quarter at present, however, and traffic is practically at a standstill. A good many people have written to me asking about my subdivision and how various branches of industry would thrive there. Having in an unguarded moment used the stamps, I hasten to say that they would be premature in going there now, unless in pursuit of rabbits, which are extremely prevalent just now. One of the Hotel Clerk's Trials. , y y -grat*. ..bat do you mean by helping yourself to my cigars? "Why did I ever go into business?' she cried miserably; "it's simply awful to get behind the so»?nes like this and find out how mean women—well bred women who ought to know better—can be. Wo were all brought up with the aid fashioned noblesse oblige ideas. Ron —you were too—and it seems to me bow tliat there is hardly any one in society who has a notion of honor and dignity. as we used to understand the terms. Society! After til I'm thankful Tm more or lesa out of it. It's just a herd of people, pushing, struggling, sellingeverything for notoriety and money." "Hear, bear! Your sentiments, madam, are mine. But I don't t-hinlr they should be wasted on the mere fact that sbme other woman has made a hat like yours." Old Cashly (mimicking)—Aw—governor; what does that mean?—Manser's Weekly. The summer resort hotel clerk is beginning to find his speech after the past season's campaign. And if you will let him tell the story he is a much abused individual. "For instance." says one of them, "the clerk schedules on getting np at 7 o'clock. Well, at 6 a boy hammers on his door and says a lady wants to see him at once down in the office; can't wait a minute, and nobody else will do. Up jnmps the clerk and falls down to the ground floor to find the occupant of Suite A, for example, laying for him. 'Good morning, madam,' says the clerk. 'Dear! how you have kept me waiting!' she replies. 'Very sorry,' says the clerk, wishing in his soul that he had kept her half an hour. Then she begins again: 'I intend to spend the day in town, and got up early to see if you thought the 10 o'clock train was better than the 10:20. What do you think? He's just got to grit his teeth and smile, and say that the 10 train is faster by two urinates, but that he thinks she would find less cinders in and better views from the 10:20. Then she'll thank him and take the 11:50 train."—New York Tribune. The marshal's opponent was a captain on the staff, belted, with curled hair and light colored gloves, who was an expert at billiards and capable of vanquishing all the marshals in the world, but he knew how to keep at a respectful distance from his chief, and while he strove not to win endeavored not to be beaten too easily. He wap, as they say, an officer with a future before him. Young Crisp—I'm curing myself of the cigarette habit, sir,—Puck. Clara (suppressing a tear)—George, if trials and tribulations should come" George (amazed)—My heart is yours alone, my love, and always will be. The DUoomfltur* of a Collector, He (delightedly)—So you will marry me? Clara (sobbing)—George, are you sure, perfectly sure that nothing—nothing a* all could cool your affection? She (calmly)—On mature consideration I think I will. You don't amount to much, you're homely and awkward, but in Massachusetts you know we have to put up with anything that comes along.—Yenowine's News. George (thoroughly alarmed)—M» gracious! What's happened? Has your father failed? Trade is very drill, and a first or even second national bank here in my subdivision of the United States would find itself practically out of a job. A good newspaper, if properly conducted, could have some fun and get a good many advertisements by swapping kind words and regular catalogue prices for goods. But a theatre would not pay. I write this for the use of a man who has just written to know if a good opera house with folding seats would pay a fair investment on capital. .No, it would not. I will be fair and honest. Smarting an I do yet under the cruel injustice done me by the meek and gentle groceryman, who, while he wept upon my corrugated bosom with one hand, softly removed my pelt with the other and sprinkled Chili sauce all over me, I will not betray my own friends. Even with my still bleeding carcass quivering under the Halfonl sauce of Mr. Pansley, the "skin" and hypocrite, tho friend of the far distant sax age and the foe of those who are his unfortunate neighbors, I will not betray even a stranger. Though I have used his postage stamp, I will not be false to him. An opera house this fall would be premature. Most everybody's dates aro booked, anyhow. We could not get Francis Wilson or Nat C. Goodwin or Bosina Vokes or Edwin Booth or Mr. Jefferson, for they are all too busy turning people away, and I would hate to open with James Owen O'Connor or any other mechanic*l_appliaJice.Father—Didn't 1 tell you I would whip f on if I caught you in the water again? It was truly an interesting game. The balls sped, kissed and crossed their colors. Suddenly a cannon flash shot across the sky and a hollow report maae the window panes rattle. The officers started and looked at each other uneasily. The marshal alone had seen nothing, had heard nothing. Bent over the billiard table he was combining a magnificent draw shot. Draw shots were his forte. Clara (hysterically) — Worse. Fat worse. Son—Yes, sir; and thafi's the reason I hurried out when I saw you coming.— Puck. George (much relieved)—Tell me all, my angel; I can bear it "Tim* Is Money." Clara (with a heroic effort)—George, IV® -rye got a—a boll coming on my nose.—New York Weekly. Teacher (to class in grammar)—What is that familiar short sentence which brings time and money into close connection?Qe Was Engaged at One*. Aunt Sarah—HI be with you in a moment, girls. I want to gather a little bit of this lichen to put around the edge of my herbarium. "S'ie hadn't!" cried Nina indignantly. "Lady Loddington was wearing this very hat! Listen, HI tell you the whole story. The 'same afternoon you called a lady came in beautifully dressed and asked to see some hats. I saw who she was, though I've never met her, I don't want to meet her," savagely; "one sees quite enough of her in all the shop windows." Voice in Back Seat—I know. Teacher—Well, Tommy, what is it? Tommy—Ten days or ten dollars.— Munsey's Weekly. "I see," said a man entering a caterer's ♦stablishment, "that yon advertise wedflings furnished?" Wanted Two at Ouce. urn anorner nasn came, tnen another. The «uiuon reports multiplied. The aids-de-ciiicp ran to the windows. Were the Prussians going to attack? An Innovation In Washington. A noble innovation lias be?n mad* la social customs in Washington this wince? by two ladies influential enough to set the fashion. Miss Sanger, President Harrison's stenographer, the lady who wrote out his message, wag asked by Mrs. Harrison to assist the White Hqus* ladies in receiving on New Year's day. Also Miss Runt, private secretary of iha vice president's wife, is treated by Mrs. Morton with distinguished consideration "Yes, sir," replied thecaterer briskly. One Exception. "I wish you'd send a couple to my house right away. I've two daughters I'd like to get off my hands."—Harper'h Bazar. "Well, let them attack!" said the marshal, chalking his cue. "Your turn to play, captain." He (getting up froxji his knees)—I don't believe, Miss Eissburgg, you have a particle of affection for a human being. Special Redaction. "She wanted a hat the color of thin one; so I brought it out and showed it to her and told her the price, and explained why it was bo expensive. 'Oh, I don't mind giving that for the hat,' she said, •it is well worth it. I am quite in love with it, Mme. Destrier, but I daren't buy it without letting my husband see it. He is so very particular about what I wear. Could I have it sent round tonight for him to look at? I would let you know some time to-morrow whether I would take it or not.' Of course I said I should be glad to send it, and she gave me the address, and the hat went round there t&at evening. Last night she sent it back and said she was very sorry, but "One does," I remarked, sotto voce. A Bad Ending. The staff flattered with admiration. Tnrenne asleep upon a gun carriage was nothing compared to this marshal, standing so calmly before the billiard table at the very moment of action. Meanwhile, the uproar redoubled. With the cannon shots were mingled the roar of the mitrailleuses and the roll of the platoon musketry. A red smoke, black at the edges, mounted from the extremity of the grass plats. All the lower part of the park was in flames. The frightened peacocks and pheasants clamored in the aviary. The Arab horses, scenting the powder, pranced in the stables. The headquarters commenced to grow excited. Dispatch followed dispatch. Couriers arrived in hot haste. They demanded the marshal. She (much shocked)—Dear me, Mr. Sm  Mrs. Ronig—What did you pay a yard for that, Mrs. Roouey? Mrs. Rooney—Nine cents. "Why. they charged me ten cents for the same goods on Wednesday." "Yes, but Wednesday was bargai* day."—Munsey's Weekly. Cleverton—Miss Summit spoke about your neckties yesterday—said they were just perfect. He (bitterly interrupting)—True. I forgot. There is one.—Chicago Tribune. Roaming Peabody—You gimme tea dollars 'r put that fur back where yon got it See?—Judge. Dashaway—You don't say! In the History Clan. and assists in receiving the guesta at receptions. It is exceedingly pleasant to record this truly republican way of tdo* ing things. If there is anybody who.deD serves social recognition it is the refined, highly educated woman who support* herself. t Cleverton—Yes, and she said she never saW you betray the slightest sign of disorder in your dress. Dashaway—Oh! "What was the greatest act of Thomas Jefferson's life?" inquired the teacher. And the shock headed boy that hadn't studied the lesson scratched his left shin with his right foot and said he guessed it was the last act of "Rip Van Winkle." —Chicago Tribnne.  Secret Service Official—This special mission requires a man of the utmost delicacy, tact and diplomacy. Whal credentials have you? Great Trnths. Getting Along Very Well. The one beautiful thing about the special delivery stamp is that it is never on sale at the hour you need it most ur gently. "I think young Squaretoee is coming on nicely. I saw a week ago he was after our Mary"  Cleverton—She declared she never saw such hats, such gloves, such shoes, such clothes—that you were perfect down to the smallest detail. Applicant—I've jest been umpirin' a baby show —Puck. "Well?" A man is known by the company he keeps. It would be very odd indeed if they didn't know him "Well, I just noticed as I passed the parlor he had got alongside of her, and the chances are in a little while they'll be neck and neck."—Philadelphia Timet, Dashaway—Weill well! And then? Part of Him, at Least. Ufiweeii 1'heuiielTefk Senator Joe Brown, of Georgia, is one of the most curious public characters in the sonth.as -well as ohe oMhe wealthiest men in the nation. His fortune has been estimated as high as $60,000,000. He is said to look more like a down-at-the-heel book agent than a senator. Cleverton—She wound up by saying that she didn't see how a man of your intellect managed to dress ao well.— Clothier and Furnisher. Miss Fannie—Young De Menteis a regular swell, isn't he? Her Brother (gruffly)—Hi* head is.— Washington Star. Gil»s —Does that girl of yours know that you are a poet? Tubbs—Yes, but I'm trying to keep it from her father.—Epoch. The shortest day in the year is Dec. 22. A twenty-second day ought to be abort enough for anybody.—Puck.