Pittston Gazette

              I Kfcl!xlV.'nZt'F'i Oldest NewsuaDer in the Wvommg Valley PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 1890. A WeeKly Local and Familv Journal. * ii ueauurui cmnate Here, ana tnen ne repeated his former statement. All physical actions have their significance if we know how to analyze them properly, and jour Vinegar Hill Delsarto class is gently hut firmly getting there, as Kufus CJioate used to say. In a slu't letter like this I cannot do the subject justice, but possibly at another time, if the public demands it and keeps on clamoring for it, I may write more on this all engrossing theme. How interesting it is, for instance, to study the genesis of a physical movement I IN A BARBER SHOP ON NEW YEAR'S. A Conspiracy with, u Sage No need to aalt me wtfat I '.Link c! '.Lis Because). O Socrates yiu must Uavs I ; tfca while sor that Chinaman lady stay by she."—Chicago Herald. HOW THE EARTH MOVES children as old ns :ij, and at least three of her great-great-graudc|iildmi are attending ths village school." Such tustiinony'from such a skeptic is very gratifying to old people like myself.—Interview iu St. Louis Globe-Deino orat RENTING CART HORSES. guide them in order to •' cep within sight of land. The last he saw o: his twenty dollar turtles, as he rowed beck to laud, they were still forging ahead in their double harness. He will repent tho experiment shortly in an iulaud lake, where the turtles cannot get uway from him. He is conlident that a littl* training would make any big turtle a cheap und sufficient traction power in the water.— New York Sun. I said, "You can trust me, Oscar. I will not betray you. "What you say will be as between man and man. If you do not want it printed and would like to keep it in the background and finally run for office and give us a safe, Harrison administration, for instance, as free from turmoil as a great gob of oatmeal mush in a weary land, I will respect Doublo Kates After 1 o'C'Jock and Only A MYSTERY OF THE AIR, Professor Searlo Talks at Washington on How Large City Owners Make the Keep of Their Animal* During tlie Winter. Ttiat lr. those days reflection's cot, coasl jerct Single Rates in a Man's Pocket. Its Splierity and Motion. It was 12:30 o'clock and on the wall of the barber shop was a gayly lettered sign informing those to whom it might be of concern that after 1 p. ni. on New Year's day the rates for shaving and hair cutting would be doubled. Every chair was full and there were five men waiting for the "nexts" when Mr. Do Lay came in. It was absolutely necessary that Mr. De Lay 8'nould have his hair cut and his face shaved, for he was to dine that evening with his aunt, and one of his aunt's guests was a young woman in whom Mr. De Lay took more than a passing interest. Being tlie Greatest Effort of Indianapolis The second lecture of tho public astror,ordeal course by Professor George M. Searlo at the Catholic university on Friday afternoons was on tho subject of tho sphority and motion of the earth. The lecturer asked his hearers to imagine themselves on the deck of on ocean steamer bound for the tropics. As darkness comes on "we begin to study the constellations that some friend at our elbow is ready to point out to us," he said. "We notice some star twinkling near the horizon, just making its daily circle around the unmoving pole star above, one of the seven stars of the Dipper. Let us note carefully tho relation of that star to the horizon and to the stars of the surrounding heavens. Wo have only to take out our watch and make a note of the time, and our astronomical work may be laid aside for the evening. To-morrow night let us come out on deck at the same time and look at the star in its relation to the pole star and horizon as before. But the Dipper that was yesterday on the sea line has almost disappeared below the line. Last night tho wake of the ship was pointed toward yonder star, and now it is a good deal above it, although our direction has not changed. We are still going south, but south now is not the same as south then. New stars have arisen on the horizon as others have descended into the sea. At this season of the year, as coal takes the place of ice as a marketable commodity and the sprinkling carts are relegated to the sheds, there are hundreds of men and likewise hundreds of horses thrown out of employment. It is regarding tho latter that a reporter started out upon & tour of investigation. Among tho facts he learned are these: There are, probably, in New York considerably over 3,000 horses that are used from morning until night during the summer season that would have nothing to do during five months of the,year, did their owners not hire them out. And thought in any ftuise his ion style. g gone out c Itoiut Ananias. should oj tht The wet weather drove all the members of the Ananias club into the roll call room at the station house the other THE MUSTACHE CRAZE. I'm deeply grieved, too. that ku. case. A Curious Fad Practiced by tlie Holies of Because I think n.s saCjc — and prithee dt not scoH— f If but tme-half the so-called nabobs of our rac: Would think tor just a moment, that woulc kill them off. night, San Jose, Cal. your wishes." Tears rolled down Sergt. Buscher a face, and Patrolman Slate's voice was husky with emotion as he, the narrator of the evening, related an incident of his early life. The latest fud. Have you heard about it? No! Well, then, here it is. It is the gathering of mustache sou cenirs by the young ladies. Tile 1'ower of liealisin. He again ahed, and producing a large silk handkerchief, the color of the coating to the stomach of an habitual drunkard, he wiped his wide waste of nose. Then he went in the car and fastened the door, to indicate that the interview was a£ an end. We will say that you come to me when I am very, very busy, and you forget to go away, owing to a lapse of memory which has also interfered with your recollection of the §5 you borrowed two years ago, and you talk to me about yourself all the time when I want you to talk about me and interest me, or else go away and let me work.- Well, a thought wave in my central office goes over to the operator and writes out a red message which scoots along the main line of the spinal column, flashes in the eye, tells the biceps and muscles of the forearm to open the door, darts along the sciatic nerve and tells the muscles and tarsal and metatarsal bones to be on hand, or on foot, rather, and I then, more in sorrow than in anger, kick you down stairs. What does this mean? Why, it means: "I consider myself your superior. I feel above you. I dislike you in some respects. I do this to indicate it. Socially you are not my equal. I take this step in order to call your attention to it." Tho force and realistic nature of theatrical performances have often evoked amusing interruptions from the more emotional of the spectators, while in n few other cases tho sympathetic feeling created in a member of the audience has been so strong as actually to lead to fatal results. In 17.1H, when Har- play of "Charles I" was being given at York, a young lady was so overcome one evening by the painful emotions excited by the piece that she fainted and died. This was tragedy indeed. It is somewhat curious to find that Churchill, describing in tho "Ros- And when we two might coce tnto the rich es tate Which these are squandering in senseless ribald Joys- - The Joys which you and I ooulu n -t appreciate Had wo not once long yean ago been sill} boys. "When I was a young man," began the patrolman, after lighting one of those South Illinois street torches he generally smokes, "I had a friend named John A. Morrell. We were raised together on adjoining farms and were inseparable companions. We left our rural homes together and were fellow workmen in a smoke factory at Pittsburg, and when I secured a job to fan fog on a steamboat he was made second cook on the same boat. Wc boated togetlu vcrai years, and finally I shipped on thO'rairieBird, running between Cincinnati and Helena, Ark. John could not get a job on the Prairie Bird, but was taken on the Diana, an eight boiler boat, in the iamo trade as the boat I was on. It has struck San Jose, and the persistency with which those who havo the craze go after "just one little hair from your upper lip," if kept up any great length of time, will make some of the San Jose young men's upper lip resemble a plucked fowL The hiring out of work horses is a new and at the same time an old industry in this city. It always has been done on a small scale, but it is only within the last few years that the managers of large corporations have seen tho advantage of hiring out their horses during the winter, rather than following the precedent established by their forefathers of sending their horses into the country to eat their heads off during the winter months. There are at least two dozen corporations, employing the grftter part of the year from 100 to 300 horses each, that advertise daily, from the beginning of October, that work horses can be hired from their various offices. There was a bored expression on the young man's face until his eye caught the fancifully arranged notice. Then he paled slightly and glanced hurriedly at those who were "ahead of him." He felt cautiously in his waistcoat pocket, running his fingers over the silver there, piece by piece. When tho coin jingled slightly, he drew his hand hastily from the pocket and blushed. Were there a way to work this happy schemj of mire. To get our moneyed dudes to think and di . 4'd grab it: The reporter was permitted to look upor one of these collections last evening, an to say that they are unique would hardly ex press it. Come, wisest Socrates, wlat say you. let's «orn bine. ciad" the author of this tragically effective play, thus ridicules his pretensions as an actor: And strive to put in vogue a deadly thinking habit. —John Kendrlck Banes, in Harrier's Bazar. Tlie one shown was a small white silk banuer with gold fringe. Tho hairs, in some cases there were Ave, in others only one each of the young man friend, were artistically arranged on the banner, being fastened on with small, red wafers upon which were the initials of the donor. The hirsute adornments of the young men's upper lips were in all colors and shades, from the deep Italian black like unto that of the "Black Prince" to that of the delicate bloude of the clerk in the shoe store on South First street, and the shapes into which they were woven showed the remarkable skill of the fortunate possessor of these sweet remembrances. Here Harvard, all serene, in the same strains, Loves, hates and rages, triumphs and complains; His easy vacant face proclaim'd a heart BILL NYE AS A PUNTIST. There were four men ahead of him now, and it was twenty-five minutes of 1. No one of those in the, chairs was having his hair cut. Ho began a little mental calculation. Ten minutes each for the men in the chairs would make it a quarter to 1, but one man had just taken his chair; allow him twelve minutes.Which could not feel emotions, nor impart. The Gentleman's Magazine of 1782 records another fatiil instance* of excess of omotion. In this case tragedy resulted from comedy. A Northamptonshire lady, a Mrs. Fitzherbert, went one Wednesday evening to Drury Lane theatre to see the '-Beggar's Opera," a revival of which amusing play was then delighting the town. As soon as Banister, tho comedian, appeared upon the stage, "made up" as Polly, the audience laughed loudly at his absurd appearance. Mrs. Fitzherbert was greatly affected and laughed, immoderately. She found herself unable to control ber emotion, and left the theatre before the end of the second act, but soon after fell into hysterics, in which she continued until Friday morning, when she died. The actual expense of keeping these horses is less than a week per head. They are let out by the day for $2 each, the owner furnishing the food and care. Sometimes truckmen, even those enjoying a prosperous business, have need for an extra team, truck, and harness. These can be obtained * for from $4 to $5 a day. And this is a fact that The News readers might well remember, that a job of work may be done by one of these hired teams at $5 a day that would cost, were a regular truckman employed, nearly double that sum. A PLUNK AND A SMILE, BUT THE "At last we reach the equator, and we find the pole star itself ha3 sunk down to the horizon. We see no polo star in the south, but, as our studies on a previous occasiob have led us to expect, there is a spot, unmarked by any especially brilliant orb, around which the stars of the southern heavens circla There is no explanation for this, except that we are not traveling over a level surface but over a curved one. If wo compare the sections of sky that appear in the south or disappear in the north with the number of miles passed over by our ship's log we shall find that they have always been in proportion. We have then been sailing or steaming over a great circular arc instead of a straight line, as it appeared to be.'' LATTER WAS NOT HIS "We left Cincinnati three hours ahead of the Diana with a general cargo. John promised to join me in Helena and bring his wife with him—he was to be married that day. Our cruise was uninteresting until we reached Helena. The captain was sick, and I was on the hurricane deck as we made the landing. The bow lines had been made fast, I had notified the pilot, when I felt the boat tremble; the air was thick with steam, there was a deafening crash, and I knew the boiler had let go. I felt myself going up, up, up. I haven't any idea how high I did go. Three hours later, as I was coming down—I was about a mile from the earth then—I met a man and woman coming up. The woman had hold of the man's arm, and in his other hand lie carried a grip sack. I recognized him as my old friend, John A. Morrell. First Impressions of (Hoar Wilde—Tho Vinegar Hill Delsarte Class—Thinks In- spired by the Grest Master's Teaching*. Two of the other four men might want their hair cut, and that would run them over the hour, but ten minutes each for the other two would leave five minutes' leeway for Mr. De Lay. He became more cheerful, but he watched every stroke of the sinning razor blades and listened closely for every vicious snap of the scissors. He figured the time down so closely that he picked out the chair which would fall to his lot. Imported and Domestic Ktiquette. This is higher education, The lady above referrred to said it took her just thirty-five days to collect the fifty-three tokens of her gentlemen friends' regard, and "I was nearly one week engaged in arranging them in the presentable manner in which you see them," said she. Art should interest by the true. Art should move by the beautiful. Art should persuade by the (food. Art should Interest by the true to illumine the in te 113 iCence. I GAVE HIM MY CARD. The most of these horses are hired out to teamsters who furnish their own harness and vehicle. Possibly their own horses are sick, but more probably they have no horses, and rely solely upon hiring their motive powers to carry on their daily business. It is estimated that there are above 500 such teamsters in New York, and but far the establishment of such stables they would be obliged to go into some other calling. Move by the beautiful to rejrenerate the life. Since then I have always regarded Oscar "Wilde as a greatly overestimated man. The young lady also confided to the reporter the information that there was great rivalry lietween the young ladies in the matter of their collections, and great secrecy was indulged in until the collection was finally arranged and placed where friends could Persuade by the good to perfect the heart. 1 — Delsarte. One beautiful day In July last I floated along down the bosom of the Thames in a brown study, also in a canoe that had tried the sunlit waters of nearly every American river before it cauio to *isit this quiet but rather noted English stream. Harry Welcome paddled and I smoked an American cigar. I did not paddle for the reason that I do not know how. I enjoy industry, but there are lines of industry with which I am not familiar. This is one of them. To paddle a birch bark canoe so that it will run straight is not an industry, however. It is an art. Punting seemed to be more in my line. Punting looks more simple. Punting on the Thames is conducted by means of a long pole and a fiat bottomed gondola. Quite a Mistake. Some time ago a sensational- piece called "A Mother's Sin" was being performed a« the Queen's theatre, Manchester. One night, toward the close of the third act, where th« villain appears triumphant and the hero seems to be hopelessly in Sis power, a man in the gallery rose excitedly, shaking his fist at the actor who was playing the villain, and then jumped from the gallery on to the stage, on which ho fell heavily just clesx of the footlights. The distance jumped was about thirty feet. The unfortunate man was taken to the infirmary, where it was found that in addition to other injuries, his leg was broken. It was afterward discovered that his name was the same as that of the heroine of the piece, and hence it was bupposed his excitement—Corn kill Magazine. But art is not dead even though Oscar Wilde has had his hair cut by means of a can opener, and now the great Delsarte movement or cult is sweeping the country like a besom of wrath, I was going to say, but I hate to use the word besom at this time without consulting some authorities regarding its meaning. There were two barristers at the Irish bar, one named Mahaffy, who was very tall, and another, called Collis, who was very short. Both were engaged in a case before Lord Redesdale, who was not yet personally acquainted with the lawyers. Mr. Collis was opening the motion, when Lord Redesdale observed: There are other proofs than these of the circular character of the earth, the lecturer said. We have only to look out to sea when a ship is leaving port. It is now just on the horizon, and presently only the masts are visible and the hull is soemingly under water. Something has intervened between the vessel and the eye. What can this be but the curved surface of the ocean? It was a quarter of the hour now. Two men had stepped from their chairs and two more were about ready to leave them. They were a little behind time, but only a minute or two. view it '•One young acquaintance of mine has a collection of seventy-five. Just think of it!" said the informant. "And she has arranged them on a satin banner in the form of a heart, with a dagger through the center. Oh, it is just lovely! The wafers used to fasten the choice morsels to the banner are also in various delicate shades and form a most enchanting picture." So profitable is the renting out of horses by the day that many of the large corporations employing great numbers of horses keep an extra supply on hand the year around, so that this demand may be met both in summer and winter. But it is in the latter season that the big profits are reaped. There are a number of sales stables that rent put their horses prior to .selling them. They receive work horses in droves from the west They sometimes ore obliged to keep these animals for months before they are sold. During that time any healthy horse will consume his cost in feed. To provide against this, certain enterprising horse dealers rent out their animals by the day, and if the horse remains unsold a sufficient length of time the-owner can well afford to give him away and still make a handsome profit on his investment. "Your hair needs cutting, sir, very badly," said one barber with a wise air, and Mr. De Lay felt his heart grow heavy. We have a Delsarte movement on Vinegar Hill. I had long felt the need of such a movement, and so heartily joined it. Early association with Blackfeet and Flathead Indians, and a course of training afterward as a farm hand, had given me a plebeian manner in society which were sadly out of keeping with my pregnant mind. The Delsarte school teaches us to cultivate friendly relations between the mind and body; that good breeding is not shown by an artificial cultivation. Of course we have .only advanced a little in our Vinegar Hill class, but we are getting on to the scheme, as you might say. We are all enthusiasm and earnestness. We have got some books, and we can already fall down two flights of stairs without injuring them. "Mr. Collis, when a barrister addresses the court he must stand." " 'Hello, John,' I shouted. " 'Well, Henry,' he answered, 'is that A grander and more direct proof than any, if we could only realize it, is that which we get in eclipses of the moon. Before an eclipse becomes total watchers will see a curved line which marks the edge of the shadow thrown by the earth upon the lunar surface, and all know that an object which always casts a regularly and uniformly curved shadow must be a sphere. "I am standing, my lord," said Collis. "I beg a thousand pardons," muttered the judge, much confused. you?' "Oh. no," was the answer, and Mr, De Lay smiled feebly. " 'Yes, what's left of me. Who is that The reporter took up his informant's collection anil, noted the initials. Then another mystery, which he had in vain attempted to solve before, was quickly* made plain to him. "Sit down, Mr. Mahaffy." "It looks very ragged, sir." Mr. De Lay said something under his breath. with you?' "I am sitting, my lord," was the reply to the confounded chancellor.—Yenowine's News. " 'Oh, excuse me, Mr. Slate. My wife.' " 'Glad to meet you, Mrs. Morrell,' says I. 'Just starting on your wedding trip?" "Well, as long as I am here, you mighttrim it." Mr. De Lay's face looked like a thunder cloud ready to burst. The young men of San Jose have for the past three months been shaving off their mustaches, and now this "initial mustache craze" had solved the matter as to why they did so. Tersonal Ignorance. " 'Yes, sir,' she answered. She said something else, but I was going so fast I did not catch it. When I struck ground I learned that the Diana had exploded her boilers three hours after our explosion, that Morrell and his bride were standing on the boiler deck at the time of the explosion. They were ready to go ashore, but went up instead. The first illustration, though not so striking as some others, is the best, for it shows not only that the earth is round, but also just what the amount of its curvature is. Hence it is found out what its size is as well as its shape. One day's voyage on the southward bound steamer brings the star which was 6een the night before just appearing above the southern horizon a good distance above the water's edge. "How many such lifts would be required to bring it up to the zenith right over our heads? Suppose we thought that fifteen would be needed. If then we could keep on for 15 days it would be in the zenith, in 30 days it would be there behind us; in 45 it would be down below the horizon, directly under our feet, and in 00 days it would be in the same place again where it is at present. In other words, we wpuld in 00 days have returned to just where wo are now. Our log tells us wo have traveled 400 miles each day, and 00 times that would be 24,000 miles. This, then, is the circumference of the globe." In traveling through Persia some fifteen years ago, Mr. Bellew, an English engineer, found the people of almost every rank willing to admit and to lament their ignorance. A native official whom he met explained how it is that the English are so much better informed. 1 She Evidently Knew. It was a close race now, and Mr. De Lay watched the clock in an agony of suspense. His turn was next, but only seven minutes were left. His only hope now rested in one chair. He might catch it with one two minutes to spare, but the barber was intolerably slow. He was doing more talking than The puntist rams this pole into the bottom of the river, and by a dextrous push sends the boat along at an even and delightful gait. I had poled a raft on the upper Mississippi, broken a jam and been a director on a rope ferry, twenty-five years ago, so I knew enough of aquatics to punt, I should say. Mr. Fisher said I might punt awhile, so lie yielded his place to me. I rose to my full height, and as I did so, baring my brow to the soft kiss of the clover scented afternoon, I was recognized by other Americans who were assisting me last summer in making times easy in Paris and also in bringing about an era of prosperity in London. A round of applause greeted mo from along the river bank also, for I am almost as well known abroad as I am in my own country, and in fact all summer long it was nip and tuck between me and old Bouillon Jay to see which would get the most press notices. So I bowed a Delsarte bow and spat on my hands in a languid way. Another burst of applause that echoed down past the lock and out toward Hampton court swelled my heart with a pardonable pride as I raised the punt pole high in air and socked it into the brunette bosom of the lustorical stream. The swift and rather slick craft shot away with its gay and well dressed burden, but I did not join them. I remained. Jones' wife was not a very bright-.woman, but she sometimes said things which were worthy of a wit. One day, after doing or saying something silly, her husband snapped out: Here were the initials of some of the young men, who, if they had acceded to the wishes of one-tenth of their lady friends and given one little memento from their upper lip to each, would not have had a baseball representation left, while there were others again whose initials adorned this pretty banner who had once claimed "a lady killer," but had loft it with the tonsorial artist. Some of the dealers, realizing the profit in hiring out their horses, have provided a complement of trucks, vans, hucksters'wagons and harnesses. These articles are let for from $1 to 82 a day in addition to the hire of the horse. The harness costs 50 cents a day only. For $5 a moving van or a truck with a team and driver may be secured. Most of the men who rent horses, however, have their own vehicles and harnesses, and the ruling price for a horse at tbe present time does not exceed $2 a day.—New York News. "You go riding along and come to a village. To the first man you meet in It you say, 'What do you call that hillf and ha gives yw its name. Out comes your notebook ana down go tho names, aud by ard by all the world knows that there is such a hill near such a village, a fact nobody else4n tho country is aware of except the inhabitants of the actual locality. "Well, you are a little the worst I ever saw." "Why, what's the matter now? I done anything wrong?" Have shaving. "About three years after that I was sitting in the office of the Palace hotel at San Francisco. I picked up a Honolulu paper and nearly dropped dead when I read this paragraph: "I should say so. You don't know the difference between a horse and a donkey, I don't believe." "That was a bad murder," said the barber, stopping to strop his razor—why Mr. De Lay failed to see. "I knew that Johnston myself." We are also enabled to analyze motion and physical displacements and muscular disintegrations. We can also "relax." Likewise "devitalize" ourselves, and although wo "decompose," there are as yet no flies on us. Why? Because the young ladies persisted in selecting the memento themselves and paid no attention as to whether the preceding twenty-four solicitors for like favors had gathered their crop from one side of the lip or not She wanted her choice from that side also. "I didn't say you were a horse, did I?" she replied meekly, and Jones said no more.—Merchant Traveler. "Johnson, wasn't it?" said the man in the chair, comfortably. "About 7 o'clock this morning four persons suddenly appeared on the streets of this city. They could not talk our language, and a number of our best citizens have assured us that they fell from the clouds. The strange quartet made their way to tho Dirty Mike hotel, and we at once followed them, determined that our readers shduld be fully advised as to who or what these people are. The man walked up to the register and wrote in a bold hand as follows: "a mysterious arrival. "By way of illustration I will tell yoqjwhat occurred to me many years ago, wheu, as a» young man, I went to Bangalore witb a batch of horses for sale. An English office*- who spoke Persian asked mo one day about my country, and when I told him the name of my village he turned it up in hi3 map and said: "No, sir; Johnston. I knew him." Fight. Browning says, you know What is he but a brute Whose flesh hath soul to suit, "To Wliat Base Use." Mrs. Dressy—Why did you lay aside those pieces of cloth? "Well, I thought it was Johnson." And hero again was another strange feature of the craze, one which has a more demoralizing effect on the mustaches than the influenza has on our best citizens. The city of Constantine, in Algeria, has been making a remarkable fight against the crickets, which threatened to strip the town of every bit of foliage. These pests, which have been trying to turn Algeria into a desert, invaded the town in a cloud, and in a few hours they were devouring all the gardens, and even the interior of the houses; the hospital and the prison swarmed with them. It is well known that the particular insect which is afflicting Algeria does not fly high. In order to keep out fresh arrivals the citizens lost no time in surrounding the entire town with a fence of cotton cloth about six feet high and over 36,000 feet long. "I'll get a paper and show you," said the barber, taking a towel and wiping his hands slowly. Whose spirit works lest arms and legs want play ? To man propose this test— Thy body at its best, how far can that project thy soul on its lone way? Mrs. Patch—They will be useful some day to repair the base of Tommy's trousers."Oh, never mind! No doubt I am wrong. I didn't read it carefully." "I want to get it now just to satisfy myself." There is still, the lecturer said, a more accurate method than that which he described. By making observations with delicate instruments upon the land, instead of with the log, which is so inaccurate, it has been possible to measure accurately tho arc of the meridian, and the truo circumference of the earth has thus been ascertained. Tho young ladies select only from the left upper lip. And why? Well, because there is supposed to be more of an affinity attached to them than to those on the right side, on account of their being on the same side as the " 'Yes, I see. There is a place near it called Ganda China.' We are engaged now in the analysis of physical motion. All motion of the body or limbs is eloquent if we will pay attention. Art comes to our aid and lets us in on the ground floor. The higher education opens up a mighty vista in this direction, all • new and untrodden. It shows us that what we thought, for instance, a courteous bow, was, after all, a poorly concealed insult. We see now that it was a reluctant compliance with an old custom. Instead of meaning "I acknowledge your worth and lower my colors to your superiority," it means that "I comply with the statutes in such case made and provided, and I externally bow to you while infernally biting my thumb at you. I simply bow in a way to convince bystanders that I am a gentleman, whether you are or not." " 'John A. Morrell, wife and two children, Mississippi river.' " 'No,' said I, 'there is no such place near it, nor even in the country.' Mrs. Dressy—I see; they are reserved seats—Munsey's Weekly. "Later—We have been informed by Col. Jack Bowers that Mr. Morrell and family are the sole survivors of the ill fated Diana, which years ago blew up on the Mississippi river, which is situated in the state of Missouri near a town called St Louis. We bid the strangers welcome. "It's Johnston," groaned Mr. De Lay. He did not know whether it was Johnston, Johnson or Jonestone, but ho knew that it was useless to contradict that barber, and it was now four minutea of 1. " 'There must be,' maintained he. "There is still another peculiarity in the collection of these mementoes of our gentleman friends," said the young lady. "There are some of my friends who will have only the brunette type, while others ask alone for tho blonde relic. Now, for instance, I have a blonde friend, and she is securing collections only from her brunette friends, while another friend who is of the brunette persuasion seeks the opposite—blonde." heart. "Well, considering I knew my own country best, I thought it useless arguing th# point, so I remained silent, allowing him to have his own way. When I returned hom* and recounted my adventures in the Deccan, I mentioned this circumstance, with no very flattering allusion to the English officer's persistent obstinacy. His Legacy. "How much did Fuller leave when he died?" "Of course I tried to lind Morrell, but my letters came back unopened, and I havo never seen him from that day to this."—Indianapolis News. The lecturer referred to the peculiarities of the earth's shape and its flattening in the region of the poles, and then proceeded to give the scientific demonstration of the fact that the apparent motion of the heavens is really caused by the motion of the earth itself. Experiments show a diminution in the weight of objects as we approach the equator, which Shows that the equator is really in motion. A portion of this diminution, however, can be accounted for by the slight difference in the rotundity of the at the equator and toward tho poles; jand to infer from it the earth's motion it is necessary to assume the nearly uniform density of the globe.—Washington Star. "About $50,000,1 should say." "What! In cash?" "No, unpaid."—Toledo Blade. The barber looked at him with a smile. "Oh, yes, it's Johnston. I'll show you." As soon as they had cut off the sources of re-enforcement, every man, woman and child began to devote exclusive attention to the enemy within the walls. Business was almost entirely suspended, and lawyers, merchants, magistrates, Jew bankers, laborers, Mohammedans and Christians, all went eagerly to work to kill crickets and save the gardens. The insects were killed by the hundreds of thousands, and the bodies of the slain were swept into the river and carried out of the city. The town had no other thought or business as long as there were any crickets to be killed. At last the enemy was completely vanquished, and the half destroyed gardens were saved from further injury. The war kept the town busy for nearly a week.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat. A BnsinesM Woman. "He began to search through a big pile of papers on the table. When he found the paper it was three minutes of 1. " 'You are wrong. Shah Sahib,' said two or three voices, 'Ganda China is the briny bog at the further end of the hollow behind our hill' "Will you marry me?" Bowery Accommodation. The punt pole has a tendency to stick in the clay bottom of the Thames, but I did not know this. Clinging to the pole, of course I missed my connection with the boat, and a loud plunk, followed by a merry peal of laughter, closed the sad scene. I did not furnish the laughter. I supplied the plunk. "No, there's no money in it. I can make more practicing my profession."— Time. '■ = In addition to the satin and silk banners, plain white cards are used, the cards being edged or bound with ribbon and a light colored wafer used to fasten the relic on. These are more common than the banners, but are made very attractive with ribbon and the arrangement of the gifts. "There," said the barber in triumph, unfolding the paper. "Here it is: Joseph Johnston, a well to do baker, was attacked in his own house last night by an old enemy and was shot through the heart, being killed instantly.' I was sure it was Johnston." He read on for half a dozen lines more, dwelling on the name Johnston with great satisfaction. " 'Well,' said I, 'I never knew that before.' So the English officer, you see, knew what I did not of my native place."—Youth's Companion.An Accident. Myths of the Departed. In regard to the manner of securing the trophy, the reporter was permitted to gaze upon a pair of oxidized silver tweezers which are used to uproot the particular and desired buona mano. It was a delicate affair, and was fastened to a small chain, which apparently did service as a fob chain. Those young ladies who are most zealous in their search for treasures from the lips of their young men acquaintances are provided with similar "instruments of torture," and handle them very dexterously, says the young lady informant, who further continues as follows: Long after Bonaparte had been dead and buried, and his heart, to use Sir Lucius O'Trigger's expression, "pickled and sent home," the veterans of the grande armee continued to believe that their emperor was still alive and would return some day to lead on the French eagles again to victory. This superstition gave occasion to a heartless practical joke. There was quartered in a provincial town of France a veteran of the Old Guard, who was firmly convinced of the future coming of the emperor, and would descant upon this topic at a cafe he used to frequent at such a length as alternately to amuse and bore a parly of young men whom he used to meet ther», and who would often draw the old man out. One day it became known to them that a certain relative of Napoleon, who bore a striking resemblance to him, would enter the town that night in command of a detachment; of troops. That is not true art. That is Elevated Railroad etiquette—a bow with a string to it. The higher education is really a refined and durable style of Christianity. It is the kind that teaches us things which will not only be of use to us here, but also aid us in entertaining an angel Tlie Morphine Mania. A beautiful but rather impulsive dog belonging to Mrs. Sheldon plunged in and saved my life. He dragged me out on the bank by my clothing, as he thought, no doubt, but my clothing was not so thick as he bad supposed. That is if a dog ever supposes. So I will always carry the marks of that rescue even to my grave. Dogs are very intelligent animals, but they do not know always to a dead moral certainty whether one has his winter or summer flannels on. War has for some time been declared by French medical men—or by some of them— against morphine, which, when injected under the skin, as it appears to be in many classes of Parisian society, recklessly and habitually, merely to procure temporary pleasurable sensations and not for the relief of pain, leads infallibly to death or the madhouse. The International Medical congress has now taken up the matter and has been considering ways and means for checking the evil. The morphine mania is thought to be evidently much on the increase in France. Not alone, by any means, are the ravages occasioned by the abuse of the narcotic confined to the higher class of society, for medical men havo como forward at the congress to state that the habit has a Arm bold on the working classes, and that women of this condition of life will deprive their children of food or clothing in their craving after the deadly drug. "You see." ho said, stropping his razor again, forgetting that he had just gone through that useless performance, "I seldom make a mistake on names." l'ruofs of Negligence. i', One and a half minutes to 1. The shaving was finished and the man was out of the chair. One minuto more and Mr. De Lay's groan was audible to every one in the room. During the last Belgian maneuvers Gen. Van der Smissen had ordered some photographers to be stationed at various points on the maneuver field. At the end of the operations he had the proofs brought to him and could thereby ascertain that frequently his instructions luid been neglected. Thus, at the passage of u ford, he could see that many Bo'diers, instead of fastening their cartridge pouches to their rilles, as the instructions prescribed, left them where they were, whereby they got wet. He also observed that no ropes were stretched across the stream to mark the ford and to enable the soldiers to hold fast on in case the current proved too sin mg. A good many other things the general is said to have found out, and so the photographers will proiu.bly become the bete noir of the Belgian Thomas Atkins.—Exchange. j  unawares What would some of our Elevated Rail* road gentlemen do even if only a male angel dropped in to spend the evening, or if one of them tried to ride down with him from Harlem to City Hall? He would step on the wings of a seraph and jab his wet umbrella into the ribs of the heavenly host if they stood in his way. This is not the king of the tramps. It is only Randegger bowing to Miss Gramercy, and that frayed lining has come out of his hat.—Judge. McWhatey (the waiter)—Did youse order soup? "Of course, we don't ask all our acquaintances for a sample of their upper lip covering. for the fact is that some of the young men could not well spare even a few hairs without making a breach which would be readily observed: but occasionally, after having been rebuffed by some of the gentlemen, we get desperate, and then the modest mustache has to suffer, and generally the next time the young man calls he comes clean shaven. "Johnson," said tho barber, detaining the man, "was as quiet as any man in the world. He never harmed a soul. I lived next to him for three years." Orloff (the Russian)—I didsk. Punting is a very healthful exercise, but one should have a set of dry clothing at hand, so that he may change as soon as he gets his punting done. McWhatey—Well, sor, th' boss says if it'll aise you anny aitin' it, you can wrap yure lips around th' shpakin' tube, an' he'll pour it down from th' room above us.—Puck. We learn here that each organ of the body has its significance and meaning, when we come to analyze people and their conduct toward us from day to day. The head, we will say, is the mental division. If I bow the head only to you I signify that I lower my wisdom or mental jag to yours. I say, externally at least: "You know more than I do. It may be an inferior order of knowledge, but we will let that go. I bow to you to signify that I recognize your wonderful ability, such as it is." An Ham bit? v.esMu. One o'clock. A first class type of the American tramp was shuffling along on Third street yesterday morning. He looked pale and emaciated and the chill winds merrily whistled through 'the air holes in his scant clothing. One hand was thrust deep in his pocket, while with the other, the fingers of which were blue with cold and begrimed with the dirt of countless days, he gripped the drumstick of a turkey, the meat from which had nearly all disappeared into his rapacious stomach."Thank you, sir; a happy New Year— Nex-x-xt!" turning to Mr. Do Lay. who was fumbling nervously in his pocket. But I started out to say that among the faces I seemed to recognize was one that was very English, and yet I thought I had seen it in America. It was the face of a man of forty odd, I would say. It was the face of a very homely woman on the shoulders and body of a man. The features were as ptSiin as those of a hippopotamus in repose, but when lighted up with a smile they were as beautiful as those of a pariah. The hair was abundant and about the color of a maple caramel that has been exposed to the elements all summer. It had evidently been worn long, but had been cut off at the neck by means of a pinking iron and a set of burglar's tools. His complexion was opaque and his teeth hung in rich clusters on the outside of his mouth when he smiled. He wore an Eton cap and lolled back in the canoe while a talented hired man at three bob a day and a shandy gaff paddled the frail bark along the Thames and exhibited this gifted curiosity to the wondering crowd. Ae gifted curiosity was Oscar Wilde. Seeing an opportuaity;of indulging in a joke at the old man's expense, they told him, as a great secret, that his hopes were about to be realized, and that, if he desired to witness the emperor's return, he should get himself placed on duty that night at the gate of the town. The veteran did so, and, palpitating with joy and expectancy, awaited the appointed hour. It came, the soand of drums approached, the troops entered the place, and at their head rode one whose calm face and clear cut feat ures awakened in the old soldier's mind memories of the glorious past. In an agony of joy he exclaimed "C'est lui!"—he dropped his ;musket, threw up his arms, and with a cry of "Vive l'empereurl" fell dead.—Gentleman's Magazine. Thirty seconds past 1. "Hair cut, sir? Needs it very badly." "No," gloomily; "shave."—New York Tribune. "What a queer Dick Tom is!" said Miss Lively, from the west. Dialect. "Here are some samples left by a friend of mine for me to arrange." The habit of scowling when reading, writing, thinking or talking earnestly is easily and unconsciously formed, and it is a habit almost impossible to correct. Even in sleep the brows will be drawn together and the little lines that age the otherwise youthful face will grow deeper. A smooth, white brow Is one of the greatest attractions of a woman's face, while a prematurely wrinkled brow mars the youth of the fairest face. A studious young lady found herself the victim of this scowl, but also devised a means of curing herself of the habit. When at her studies she fastenen a ribbon band tightly across her brow, tying it in a knot at the back of her head, and at night she slept in the band. After several months the little hair lines disappeared from her pretty forehead.—Lewiston Journal. To Care ScowUng. The reporter examined the collection, which numbered thirty-two, and found among the initials on the wafers some of San Jose's best known society men.—San Francisco Ex- "Yes," replied Miss Beaconstreet, of Boston, "Thomas is an extremely curious Richard."—New York Sun. Two Girls. Ella—I fell in love for fun. And you? Bella—For money.—The Epoch. Dr. Kukenthal, who with Dr. Walter has been away this summer making explorations in the Arctic regions around Spitsbergen, has just returned to Bremen, and has reported to the Geographical society of that place, at whose expense the expedition he commanded was fitted out, that he has discovered a new and important ocean current flowing through the whole length of the Olga strait from north to south. It was observed everywhere and at all times from Northeast Land to the liyk Yse and King Charles Land. Only on the shallow coasts was it overcome by the ebb and flow of the tide. The explorers will make a full report of their discoveries to the Bremen GeoeraDhical society. New York Telegram. A New Arctic Ocean Current. Grammatical. aminer Small Boy—Kin I shovel off your sidewalk?Presents for Royalty. You then return the bow by giving a similar one, which means: "0 no, now, partner. Come off. Come off. That is a mistake. You are my mental superior, and so here is your old bow returned with thanks." The End of the Hnnt. The German emperor and empress have been busy of late in unpacking and arranging tho innumerable and magnificent gifts presented to them by tho sultan. A correspondent at the Berlin court writes that those of the emperor include a splendid sword, valued at not less than $75,000. The blade is an old Damascus one, of remarkable beauty, being engraved with sentences from the Koran. The hilt'is studded with emeralds and diamonds. There are also whole cart loads of the finest Turkish cigarettes, which were specially made for his majesty, and a quantity of smoking necessaries, of which may be mentioned a chebook of amber, covered with precious stones, and a tobacco casket with the sultan's initials in Turkish. A dirty atom of humanity watched him greedily as he carried the bone to his mouth and stripped it of its laat morsel of flesh- Plumbkins—No; but you may shovel off the snow.—Lawrence American. 4 A Grammatical Romance. A cultured Boston girl was she; He, handsome, rich, but from Chicago; And how our mother tongue did fare » When'er he let his wild west jaw go! The wistful look on the urchin's face caught the gaze of the relic of manhood, and he stood musing a moment, while a tender look came into hie haggard eyes. "Hungry, sonny?" he asked, in a husky voice. To go still farther, if I bow more extensively, involving the entire body, or torso as we call it, I say by this action: "I am highly inferior to you mentally and physically. Your eyes are as the diamonds bright, but mine are dull as lead. I therefore lower my eyes to yours and douse my ocular peak td yourn. Your hair is superior in quality and knocks me silly as to quantity. I therefore lower my hair" to you. I also that my other features, when compared with yours, look like a mi* understanding in the house of representatives. I therefore make an obeisance with my other features. My voice also lacks the timbre and other building material to be found in yours, and so I bow my voice. My heart and all its wealth of rich, warm affection I place at your feet. I also bow my sluggish and inferior liver out of respect to your active and self reliant liver. I bow my gastric works also, knowing how poor they are and how unreliable and prone to keep me awake of nights. I therefore bow my entire system of assimilation, mastication, digestion, chyliflcation, chymiflcation, lactification, gastrification, bilification, pancrification. deglutition, dentition, ossincation and perspiration to yours." As regards the reproduction of the bacteria, many of them can double their numbers every hour when placed in the best conditions for their activity. In such circumstances, then, a singlo bacterium would, in twenty-four hours, produce no less than 16,777,220. At the end of forty-eight hours the offspring would amount to 881,500,000,- 000, and would fill a half pint measure—all produced in two days from a single germ measuring 1-15,000 of an inch. Fortunately, however, bacteria can rarely so propagate themselves, they meet with all sorts of drawbacks, and thus, in spite of their enormous fertility, the survivors are in a general way only enough to keep up a fair balance in nature. The diseases producing bacteria, however, hav*e no claim upon our forbearance, and in these the enormous fecundity we cannot too closely contemplate. Some, like the bacteria of tuberculosis and glanders, propagate themselves slowly, but the great majority of the bacteria causing animal plagues will, in favorable esses, double their numbers hourly.—Now York Telegram. Reproduction of Bacteria. He'd conned the rules of grammar, too, But failed to put them into practice; He knew the righteous ways of speech, But trod them not, the simple fact is. "Betcher I am/' answered the urchin. "My, but I bet dat leg was good." Niter Deposits. "Elizabeth Barrett Browning Blobbs, Be mine! You've learned me love's sweet Caves containing deposits of earth with from 4 to 30 per cent, of calcium nitrate and 5 to CO per cent, of calcium phosphate are common in Venezuela, according to a chemical journal, not only in the littoral mountain chains, but also on the flanks of the Cordillera of the Andes. In these deposits are imbedded remains of mammalian bones, preserving their form, but so friable as to fall to powder when they are extracted. They consist solely of calcium phosphate; the gelatine has been nitriiled and dissolved out, and the calcium carbonate of the bono has been used up iu neutralizing the nitric acid produced. The nitric ferment is found in abundance throughout the deposits in a very well developed form. The Old Czar and Ills Doctor. "'Ere's anodder one," 6aid the tramp, drawing his concealed hand from hia pocket and displaying the mate to the vanished leg. "Yer can have dis. I had a bit of a sonny like yer myself in de days ago when I wasn't like I am now." An interesting story is told of the manner in which the celebrated Russian physician, Dr. Botkin, who has just died in the south of France, lost the intimate friendship of the late czar, which he had possessed for many years. It appears that, through a serious illness of the present emperor, Dr. Botkin remained day and night at the patient's bedside, and succeeded, after a hard struggle with death, in saving the then czarowitch. Alexander II was deeply grateful, and asked the doctor to choose something with which he might recompense him. Dr. Botkin replied: "Your majesty, I do not want anything, but I beseech you to have mercy on Tchernicheffsky" (the Socialist author who died not long ago, and who had been banished to Siberia). The czar turned away without saying a word, but next day Dr. Botkin received the St. Vladimir Order and 100,000 rabies, Tchernicheffsky remaining where he was.—Philadelphia Ledger. passion; I'll never wed no other girl!" He cried, in wild Chicago fashion. The presents of the empress include a pair of agraffes, composed of the most superb diamonds, from which bang strings of pearls and diamonds, which can be formed into a collar. The value of this gift alone is said to be $123,000. Her majesty has also received a quantity of costly silks, fine oriental carpets, fans, shawls, embroidered slippers, aud other articles too numerous to mention. Perhaps, hqwever, the most graceful act of the sultan has been to Bend her majesty a portrait of her consort, painted especially for the sultan by an Italian master, which was hung, with great tact, In her majesty's bedroom at Yildi* Kiosk. Finally, his majesty has seut the emperor, empress and Prince Henry of Prussia each a magnificent horse of pure Syrian breed.— New York Tribune. "Keally," Miss E. B. B. Blobbs cried. And high her cultured ire had risen. "If you can't use more projier speech I simply must decline to listen The kid accepted the proffered morsel and tackled it greedily, while a tear trickled down the face that watched him, leaving a pale streak in 'tie dirt it washed in its course. Mrs. Warburt-on (after the crash)— Why, father, what is the matter? "Decline to listen! No you don't," Chicago cried, no whit flustrated. "Listen's a verb; and verbs, I think. Are not declined, but conjugated." Young Rupert W.—Gramlpap an' mo was plavin' bear, up in th' nursery, an' he tried to 'scape down th' cleft canyon tli' Ilockies.—Puck. "Have a chew?" asked the lioy, proffering a chunk of the weed in sympathy. This native wit so struck the maid (He'd wheat in many an elevator) That all she said was, "I'm your verb;" She wanted him to conjugate her. —The Lounger. "Don't mind if I do, sonny," was the answer, and the two representatives of the unwashed parted company, leaving behind them a lesson which no one but the reporter noted.—Minneapolis Timas. Stay-at-Horn e». A Chinese tea merchant in a small town in California came home from San Francisco one day with his new wife, for whom, according to custom, he had paid a great amount. It soon appeared that she was as proud of the trade as ho was. f&i; Old Folks, Millions in It. Sohmer — I've got an idea for tho World's fair that there's big money in. Decker—What's that? I ittu Icsepiag a complete file of that depart meut, and havo done so ever since it com' menced. Among others who are doing tho same thing is a gentleman in LondoD —Savel by name—who frequently writes for evidence to confirm or more correctly di? prove tho statements of your correspondents He is responsible for au elaborate argument that the biblical limit of three score yeart and ten is seldom exceeded by more than twenty years, and that the centenarian is a myth. When Montefiore celebrated tho centennial of bis birth, Savel saved his theory by ringing in the old chestnut about exceptions proving rules, and every time ho gets confirmation of an American centenarian he comforts himself and and his friends by criticising tho American system of registering births. The public library which Mr. Gladstone ia building at Ha warden is a large [building, with five rooms. It is to contain 16,000 volumes, and the rooms are purposely builtt small'in order to allow of quiet for those who* are to use them for rC;ading purposes "Your scheme won't go on Wall street." "Why not?" "It won't hold water," Weekly Absolutely No Good. ■Saved from an Awful Death. Sohmer—Put it off for a hundred years ind let tho fund accumulate at interest! —Puck. Hod und Uun tells an interesting story of animal instinct by which a fox terrier was the means of rescuing a brother four-footed animal from an awful death, after having been buried alive for nineteen days. About three weeks ago, two fox terriers belonging to Mr. George Bailey, who lives near to Singlesole, in Thorney Pen, was missed, and it was thought they had been stolen; but at the end of five days one of them returned home, in an emaciated condition. All hopes were then given up of findihg the other. Shortly afterwards the returned dog was noticed to leave home at intervals, and at the eud of nineteen days it was followed to a very large tree some distance away. There it scented at a hole where it was thought rabbits were lodged. After scratching the earth the dog began to whine, in answer to which a faint sound was heard from beneath the tree. At once an attempt was made to disentomb the poor animul that had been buried for nearly three weeks. The work was very difficult, is it had got lodged ib the center of the root, much of which had to be cut away before it could be rescued. The dog, which was valuable, is, through careful treatment, recovering.Solidified Petroleum. Ah Lee permitted tho wife and daughter of his chief customer, Squire Hadley, to pay his young wife a visit of courtesy —an unusual privilege. The French professor of chemistry, De Millefleurs, recently exhibited before a meeting of Parisian scientists several bricks of petroleum which he discovered how to solidify by on original process. The petroleum bricks were hard enough to be handled without inconvenience, yet soft enough to be cut with a stout knife. They burned slowly when touched with a lighted match. Millefleurs says they are non-explosive and inexpensive.—New York Telegram. '—Munsey's Burying Hilt Merritt—Do you enjoy a good cigar? Ehea Fagaeesl There is a hill called Burying hilt in Plymouth, Mass., whero many of the Pilgrims were buried. On this hill, which commands a fine view of the harbors of Plymouth and Duxburyand the adjacent oountry, a fortified church was built' ia 1G22, with six cannon on its flat roof. . g  Those are the language of the deep and earnest bow. If I be the subject of an irritable monarch whose wife makes head cheese every fall, sufficient to last through the winter, I bow myself still more and become entirely prone, thereby indicating this: "Your Most Noble and Royal Corpulency—I knock under to your nibs. You are my superior in regard to numbers, and I humiliate myself rather than be in the soup or get my ''pad cut off while still in its sins. I Jield to thee, thou royal, apoplectic, polygamous reptile on thy father's side, because I haven't money enough to take me to America. I root in the sand at thy august and ponderous feet rather than be beheaded in order that thy multitudinous wife may make head cheese for the neighbors." Another Useful Device. "How do you like our little city, Mrs. Ah Lee?" asked Mrs. Hadley; "it must seem very quiet hero after noisy San Brown—Yes, bat not as much as I should have enjoyed it years ago when I souldn't afford one.—New York Sun. I RAISED THE PUNT POLE HI(JH l"P IN AIR, I met him in the territories twelve or thirteen years ago, I think. He wore more of a coiffure at that time. Since then he has stuffed a sofa pillow with it. His hair at that time clustered around a horse's face apparently and lie wore a genuine store sombrero. It was too new to look comfortable, as he had bought it at Tie Siding. Oc. wore a liver colored cravat and a look of intense melancholy. I gave hitn a large green and gold card of mine, primed in our new inh m bright young artist who had ted two or three of his most desirable fingers to our largo blue job press while trying to pick a dogder out from amonc its back teeth. Francisco." In fioitoii, "Mo no hear heap noiseo down Sa* F'an'sco," replied Mrs. Ah Lee with dignity."Aro tho folks in, Grimmins?" The Honeymoon. "No, sir," said tho dignified butler, 'the folks are not in, but the family is at home, sir."—New York Sun. Youn;; Bride (pouting)—Here we have only been married two days, Clarence— and you're scolding mo already! Husband—I know," my dear; but just think how long I've beeli waiting for the chance!—St. Paul Eye. "I supposo not," said Dora Hadley. "Your women and girls are not allowed to go about in the way wo do. I should think you'd just hunger and thirst to go shopping and buy things; don't you ever? You no buyee, no shoppee?" But. the English papers give particulars ol a very remarkable ease nearer his home. A Yorkshire lady named Bildershaw was reported to bo 100 years old, aud Savel lost no time in going to Yorkshire to "dispel tho illusion.'? For two weeks he conscientiously liunWd up local records and church registers of christenings. In his report he says: "There can ho no doubt this venerablo lady was bom on oak apple day, 1783. I found her hale and hearty, but opiDosed to talking to me, because some one told her I was a doctor, and she expects to die from the effects of medicine. I found her only surviving son, who is over 80, several grandchildren nearly 50. great-graud- A Frenchman and Hi» Turtles. A Frenchman in Siam has recently written to a French sporting paper an account of his experience with turtles as beasts of burden. He bought two bfc fellows for $10 each, and harnessed them together by means of on elaborate wire and chain arrangement. Then he hitched them to an eighteen foot row boat in a neighboring harbor, got into the boat and let the turtles go. They started off with a rush that upset everything in the little craft, including the Frenchman, and made for the open sea at the rate of speed of a man walking fast. They paid no attention to the reins with which the Frenchman tried to A Forcnalo Suggestion. "Well, Pat," said the lawyer to his client, who had just been convicted, MI did the best I could for you." "An' was thot the best yez could do?" "Certainly." There was a light of pride in the dark, ulmond eyes, a haughty turn to tho queer shaped head, and Mrs. Ah Lee replied with feminine emphasis: A San Francisco j *per states that Mr. Adolph Sutro is experimenting with cinchona treee on his ec.ita on the neighboring sea coast He hope.s to acclimatize at least soma of the varieties from which quinine is produced; and, if so, will doubtless be more than repaid for his enterprise. Ciuclioim Trees In California. "Wull, begorraht the prosecutin' attorney ought to pay yez a salary to defend cases, thin ho wouldn't have any work t« do at all, aD all."—Merchant Traveler. "The Theatre Conversationalist"—designed for people who will talk during the acts.—Puck. "Melican lady walk, walk, walk; buy heap drosses; spend heap dollars. Chinapan lady cost heap dollars, for why Mr. Wilde said "Ah!" I said we have