Lebanon Advertiser

              lUiltoatrs.
f^OBNWALL* LEBANOU RAILROAD
DIKECT BOUTE FOB ALL POINTS ON TUK
l'KNNSYLVANIA KAILBOAD.
irrsorement •fPaweenaer Train..
On and atter Monday,  May _ith, lmi, in.
■passenger trains will rnn as lollows :
I ease a«s>  am   rn   ri  ra
Lebanon     «:» ni:15 11:30   '2:00   3:15   7:10
Arrive— am  ak  ra  ra  r m  rx
Lar.caster    8:10 11:35 1*2:58   3:55   4:45   8:40
rx  rM
Philadelphia ...   1U:*20   1:25   3:15 6:45   6:50 10:55
ra - a a
New York........  1.80  4:00   5:50   9.20   9:35 3.50
ax r a
Harrisbnr«......   7:3U  12:01 ....   3:90 .. ..   8:10
tiettysburg 10:10   2:30   ....   6*0   	
Carlisle...V.    8:52   1:17   ....   4:50   ....   9:29
Wllllamspt.rt 11:15   3:05  ....   7*00       3:2s
Pittsburg    650 ....   ...... Matt   ....   «:lo
Leave— am    ah   ax   am   pm   r*a
New  York..—. 12:15       VhOO  ....   3:nn
Philadelphia.... 4.30    7:00 8:50 11:40 11:45   5:.»
Lancaster 6:25    t*-j)l 10:55   2K10   2:50   7:2.
Uartisbura...... 7*~0   10.35 11:50   2:35   3:40   7:.-?
tai lisle.....   5:50    9:40 10:34   ....   »3 «:l"
Uettysbrrg     SIS   .^.   .... VU_  l:.-,"
Wllliamatport...   2:10    ....   _:2»   .... »
Piltsburs* 8:lt     3:*20   ..,.   ....   *»>  5:30
Arrive— SV   am   ra   rx   pm   ra
Lebanon .......   8:20   11:50   1:10   3:55   4:55   9:00
ML Gretna Park proved Its -popularity by
be largely increased business of 1890.
There will MS many improvements for the
season of 1891.
K. It UOUDON.
Gent, Passenger Agent.
■ KO UU--.II. Gen'l. SupL
Pec. 31, 1-90.
"OHlLADELPHIAttlt EADINQ itA1LKOAD
Sl_
ARRANGEMENT Of PASSE NG El£ TK AIMS
MAY 10.,. 1891.
TltAlNS LEAVE LEBANON.
For New York via Philadelphia, Weeksdays,
7»7,8:50*10-40 a. in., 2:17. 4:40 and 6:46 p. m.;
Sunday,2:45and 4:4H p. m.
For New Tork via Allentown, Weekdays, 7:07,
8*50a. ra , 12:96,2:17 p. m.   Sunday, 7.4 a. m.
For Philadelphia, Weekdays, 6:05, 7:07, 8:50,
Iu:30a. m., 2:17, 4.40 and 6:46 jt. m.; Sunday,
7:4*2 a. ni., 2:45,4.49 and 6:40 p. ui.
For Mlddletown,-Weekdays, 6:02, 8:23 a. m ,
12*55,5:16,707 and 11:20 p. in.; Suud ty, 9:54 aud
11:48 a.m. __  _
For Keaoinr, Weekdays, 6:05, 7:07 (Fast Express) 8:50, 10::i0 a. m.. 12.56, 2:1'., 4:40, 6:4K, 9:(3
p. m. Sunday,7:42,9:43a. m.,2:45,4:49and 6:40
p.m.
For Allentown, Weekdays. 6:05, 7:07, 8:50 a. m.,
12:56.2:17and4:40 p. m.; Sunday, 7:42, 943 a
m., 4:49 p.m.
For llarrisburg. Weekdays, 6:02, 8:23, 10:54 a.
in.. 12:55, 2:22, 5:15. 7:07, 8:46 (Fast Axpress),
and il*2u p- in ; Sunday, 9:54,11:48 a. ut, 5:01,
7:04,11:20 p. m.
TRAINS FOR  LEBANOU.
Leave New York via Allentown. Weekdays
4::<0and8-45a. m., 1:00, 3:45, and 5:45 p. m.
Sunday, 5:30 p. in
Leave New Tork via Philadelphia, Weekdayn
;:46and 11:30 a m., 1:30. 4:00, 6:00 p. in., una
12:15 midnight; Sunday, 5:. 0 p.m.
Leave Philadelphia, Weekdays, 4:10. 8:35. 10:00
a. m., 1:40,4:00. 6*00, 7:15 p. at; Sunday, 6:30
and 9:00 a.m., and 8:40,7:15 p. m.
Leave Heading, Weekdays, 5*0, 7:i.\ 10:10,11:50
a m . 1:27,4.20. 0:00,7*5! and 10:25 p. m. Sundays, 8:50, 10-.48 a. m , 4:00, 6:00. 10:25 p. m.
Leave Allentown. Weekdays. 5:47, 8:35 a. m.,
12:10,4:25,6:10,9:05 p. m.; Sunday, 7:25 a. m.,
4-55 and 9JO p. m.
Leave Harrisburg, Weekdays, 5:10, 6 25, 7:55,
9-35a. in., 12*-i!0 noon, lat, 3:4.5, 5:50, and 8:10
p. m. Sundays, 6:50, .:50 a. m., 2:00. 4:00, 5:45
p. m.
ATLANTIC CITT DIVI8IOK.
Leave   Philadelphia   and   Chestnut    Street
Wbart, and South Street Wharf.
FOS ATLANTIC CITY.
Weekdays—Express, 9:(tai, a. m. and 2*0, 4:00,
SHIu p. m. Accommodation, 8:00 a. in., 4:15,
6:30 p. m— Sunday—Express. 8:00, 9:00 a. m.
Accommodation, 8:00 a. m. and 4:30 p. tbi.
RETURNING. LEAVE ATLANTIC CITT.
Depot corner Atlantic and Arkansas evenues
Weekdays—Express. 7:00.8:00,9:00, a. ra., 4:oo,p
m.—Accommodstton, 8:10 a. m. and 4:3* p. in
Sundays—Expi ess, 4:00, 5*0, «:U0 p. m. Ae
ommodatlon 7:30 a. m. and 5:01 p. m.
A. A. McLEOD,
President and General Manager.
C.G. Hascock, General. Passenger Agent.
Mars W. 189L	
On and after Nov. ltd, 1890, trains will leave
Lebanon as follows, connecting at Conewago
lor all points mm the Pennsylvania Railroad;
Leave Lebanon ut 6.25 a. la. Arrive at uone-
wmrto 7.05 a. m., Lancaster 8.10 a. m , Philadelphia 10.20 a. m.. New York 1.20 p. m., HaiTi?-
burg 7.30 a. m., Altoona 1 45 p m., Pittsburg
S.50 p.m. This train makes close eonnectlos
at Harrisburg tor points on the Northern Central and Phlahdolphla ft Erie Railroad.
Leave Lebanon 10.15 a. m. Arrive at Conewago 10.55a. tm. Harrisburg 12.01 p. ui. Arrive
at Lancaster ll.!i-a.m., Philadelphia I.Up. m
New York 4.00 p. m. This train makes close
connection at Harrisburg for points on the
Northern Central and P. ft E. R. R.
Leave Lebanon 11.80 a. m. Arrive at Conewago 12.15 p. m., Lancaster 12.58 p. m., Philadelphia 3.15 p. m.. Hew York 5.50 p. m.
Leave Lebanon 2.00 p. m., arrive at Conewago 2.45 p. in., Lancaster 4.65 p. m. Philadelphia 6.50 p. m., Mew York 9 35 p. m.. Harrisburg 8.20p. m., Altoona 710 p.m., Pittsburg
11.55 p.m., Baltimore 7.00 p. m„ Washington
8.60 p. as.
Leave Lebanon 8.15 p. m. Arrive at Cone
wago 4.00 p. m., Lancaster, 4.45 p. m., Philadelphia 6.50 p. as.. New York 9.35 p. BL
Leave Lebanon 7.10 p.m. Arrive at Cone,
wago7.56p.m., Lancaster 8.40p. m., Philadelphia 10.55 p. m., Harrtsbui-g 8.46 p. na
CHAS. K.PUGH. J.B. WOOD,
Oeneral Manager. Genl. Past- r. A gt.
Dese. 3. 1893.
GROCERIES! GROCERIES!
WHOLESALE Ann KET Alls.
 W	
FISH, 0Y81RR8, BANANAS,
GARDEN VEGETABLES,
BUTTER and EQ08.
—_.—
No stale or old stock on band. Fresb
supplies received dally from Philadelphia and New Yoik markets, and from
Oe country.
Goods delivered promptly snd in
prime condition.
Everything tbe housekeeper can desire, rf ihe best quality snd at reasonable prices.
LORENZO NHCGAH,
N. W Cor. Seventh and Cumberland Sts
Sl-rtl  I.   91. l.tTaflANON.   P
& U. REINOEHL.   H. W. REINOEHL.
H. A. REINOEHL.
REINOEHL LUMBER CO.
Successors to Reinoehl ft Meily.
0FFIC1
PLANING MILL
AND YARDS
EIGHTH . WATIfi STREETS.
White Pine, Yellow Pine ami Yellow
Poplar, Hemlock, Laths, Pickets, Shingles.
Hard Woods, and manufacturers af Doors
Sash, Blinds,   Carvings,    Moulding
Flooring, Turning, Scroll Sawing.
Persons in want of anything ia onr tin-
will fiud it to their interest to examin.
onr stock. Jaa. 15-ly
AGENCYibr>
L A pamphlet of Information and abstract of Uie laws, showing Uow ton
^Obtain Patents, ClTHTtn. Tn-de^
' _. Marks, Copyrights, tent frc€.
^Addm. MUNN   A  CO.,.
sj361   Broadway.
New York.
Ly
VOL. 43.-NO. 42.
LEBAXON, LEBANON COUNTT, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 1. 1891.
WHOLE NO.-2182.
CORNWALL RAILROAD.
Lebanon & Lancaster Joint-Line.
t^TShortest route far Lancaster and all points east and west."®!
On and after May 10th. 1891, Pt.ssena.er Trains will be rnn as follows :
p.m.
7 15
7 »
7»
7 .*»
7 41
7 5*1
8 *_5
p.m.
p.m.p m
3 10! IS S5
3 -11* 4«
.1 24
3 31
p.m.
li 49
1*2 56
1 00
IM
1 55
2 00
p.m
a.m
11 05
11 is
nw
11 26
a m
9 10
• at
9 24
9 31
a m
f SO
6 46
6 50
p.m.
3 411
3 SS
358
p.m.
12 30
12 42
tttt
4 10
4 22
sot
5 06
p.m.
p.m.
a.m.
a m.
7SS
8 M
sn
8*27
t 39
8 50
SM
a.m.
I a.m
7 12
787
730
7 39
7 4.1
7 W
8 27
9 22
I. m. la. nt
Leave. Arrive.
....aa.s.. Lebanon	
............Corn wail	
, Miners' Village	
...........Penryn ,
 Mt.Hope.	
 Manheim	
. .King Street,Lancaster..
 Columbia	
Arrive. Leave.
a.m ia in. p in p.m.
8 lli.O 2512 20. 2 03
7 5910 131-2 08: 1 51,
7 aVillO 10 12 05' I 48
10 0112 00   142
.....t I 1 ST
 '  l »'
..._.i MM
 I 12 35;
a.m. p m. p m.
Ial
7 4
7 13
01
am.
p.m.
4 31
4 23
•ire,
4 14
p.m
p in
e-te
rn
6 16
e»
9te
19.
8«
p.m.
Leave.        SUNUAHH,        Arrive.
  Lebanon......	
 •••• .....Cornwall	
 Miners' Village	
 Penryn.. ,
 Mt Heme	
............... Manbeim	
........King Street, Lancaster..	
  Columbia ..»....■
Ariive. Leave.
a m.
9 32
917
IH
p.m.
8 W
823
829
9*90
8 44
8 WI
8 05
....
am.
p.m.
p m.
5 M
456
4M
ei
4 -.7
361
3 50
p.m.
Nortb and South-bound trains connect at Lebanon with trains on Philadelphia 9 Reading
Railroad to and from Harrisburg, Reading. Pottsville, Philadel (thia ami New Voi lc
South-bound trains connect at Manheim with trains on the Reading & (la uinbin Railioad
for points between Beading and Columbia.
Philadelphia ft Heading Uallroad Company mileage books -.'ill be accepted on tbe Corn wall
Railroad.
FINE tolSFLAT OF
Stationery Goods!
0-)
3B
mmw
©
©
S3
as
tern.
EMBRACING a large aDd varied asssoi tment of Books, Bibles,
Testaments, Hymn Books, Books in board, eloth and fine bindings, for all ages ; from Toy Books witb colored illustrations for
the little ones, to board covers—books for youth  and miss, np to
standard works for adults.
FAROY GOODS.
In Leather, Plash and Persian Silver Cases such as Albums, Work
Boxes, Toilet Cases, Shaving Sets, Writing Desks, Ci.ar Cases,
Manicure Sets, Ink Stands, Paper Weights, Calendars, Card Cases,
Lap Tablets, Pocket Books, Wall Pockets, Cards, 1'ortfolios, Picture
Frames, Dressing Cases, &c., &-.
GOLD PENS and SOLDERS.
Stylographic and Fountain Pens and Pencils in Quid, Silver, Rub*
ber and Celluloid Cases.
sPOCEEl BOOKS and PURSES.
A. large and varied assortment.
Ks
a
o
S3
_*■
er
ft
Ml
crq
D"
5"
_t
■3
CD
OATXi   AMD
No advance in Priees.    Holiday Goods sold at as Low
Prices as others.
Dee. lti, '90—3m
KAUFFMAN'S
NEW SPRING MILLINERY
-WE HAVE-
The Largest Stock,
The Best Styles,
The Finest Quality,
The Lowest Prices.
Untrimmed Hats in every Bhape made this season.
150T_yEWEST    STYLES^ _\_ 50
TRIMMED HATS aud BONNETS.
Flowers Ribbons, Laces, and all tbe new Trimmings.    Cotne and see
them, at
KAUFFMAN'S
813 Cumberland Street,
LEBANON, PA.
April 1, '91.
00AT
COAT
OUR preparations for the Holiday Trade are on a
Larger and Grander Scale than ever before.
• W "**' ^° ^^ weather has actually set in
ladies will Bee the necessity of au immediate purchase of
a WRAP or COAT of some kind. We bave bought
the entire stock of a large Cloak Manufacturer at prfces
which enable us to place them within the reach ot all
THE HEAVY STOCK
Of Coats and Cloaks we carry makes us Headquarters for
these goods, but as we prepared for a very oold winter,
and it is here, we are prepared to furnish yon vr*h _
Good, Warm and Stylish Garment at a Very Low Figure.
DRESS  600DS  DEPARTMENT.
This   department never was so full of  Choice   Goods
^^^ Suitable §o_
^H0LIDAY=PRESENTS^
C. SHENK,
Lebanon's Leading Clothier,
816 Cumberland St.,        LEBANON, PA.
S. SEIBERT, Praaident
0. EBB HORN, .Mansver
TOE 1,11I1;\D\ BREWING COMPANY
The Leoanon Brewing Company ift prepared to furnish their ex el lent
W1ENER-MAERTZEN, EXPORT
—AND—
Salvator Lager Beer
IN ANY QUANTITY DESIRED.
1HOTTLED    BEE R. 1
Orders for our Bottled Beer left at thr* Brewery, or with J. F. fi_.ia
the prominent bottler, at tiie Exchange Hotel, Ind. Diet., will be filled.
Our Wiener Beer, which is bottieu, ia especially recommended for
LADIES NURSING CHILDREN bv the most prominent physicians
in the City.   |0>TELEPHONE CONNECTION.   Apply to
LEBANON BREWING CO,
V&t, 3,1887. Independent District, Lebanon. Pa,
THE BEST
APERIENT
In modern pharmacy is, undoubtedly, Ayer's Cathartic Pills. . Except
in extreme cases, physicians have
abandoned the use of drastic purgatives, and recommend a milder, but
no less effective medicine. The favorite is Ayer's Pills, the superior
medicinal virtues of which have
been certified to under the official
seals of state chemists, as well aa
by hosts of eminent doctors and
pharmacists. 25o other pill so well
supplies the demand of the general
public for a safe, certain, and agreeable family medicine.
"Ayer's Pills are the best medicine I ever
used; and in my judgment no better general
remedy was
Ever Devised
I have nsett them in my family and caused
them to be used among my friends and employes for more than twenty years. To my
certain knowledge many cases of the following complaints have been completely and
permanently cnred by the use of Ayer's Pills
alone: Third day chills, dumb ague, bilious
fever, sick headache, rheumatism, flux, dyspepsia, constipation, and hard colds. I know
that a moderate nse of Ayer's Pills, continued for a few days or weeks, as the nature
of the complaint required, would be found
an absolute cure for tbe disorders I have
named above."—J. O. Wilson, Contractor
and Builder, Sulphur Springs, Texas.
" For eight years I was afflicted with constipation, which at last became so bad that
the doctors could do no more for me. Then
I began to take
Ayer's Pills
and soon the bowels recovered their natural
and regular action, so that now I am in excellent health."—Wm. H. DeLaucett, Dorset,
Ontario.
"Ayer's Pills are the best cathartic I ever
used in my practice."—J. T. Sparks, M. D.f
Teddo, Ind.
PREPARED  BT •
Dr. J. C. AYER & CO., Lovell, Mass.
Bold by all Druggist a aud Dealers in Medicine.
LINIMENT
°Tft
\&
.-AUK*-
\J    Tor nrrEBNAL and EZTEEHAL use.
.GENERATION AFTER GENERATION^
0_**_,____.V_ USED AKD BLESSED IT.   _ *\*U*
°°^INC-H£^
Dropped on, Sugar, Children Zove It.
Every Traveler sbould Eave a battle of it In bis satchel.
Pup**!/ 5s I l*ff s_ t-a I* Vkom Rheumatism, Scl-
•**"TO,Jr -*™l l*»I Ol ,tica, NeuralKia, Nervous Headache, Diphtheria, C-ouehs, Catarrh, Bronchitis,
■Atrthma, Cholera Morbus, Ptarrhtpa, Lameness, Soreness
iu Body or Limbs, Stiff Joints or strains, will flnd In
this old Anodyne relief and speedy cure. Pamphlet
free. Sold everywhere. Price 35 cts., by mail, 6 bottlea
Express paid,(i.   LS. JOHNSON & CO., Boston,Haas
Septy-Kem.
I CURE
FITS!
■When I say Ctnt-I I do not mean merely to
■top them for a time, and then have them re*
ton again.  I mean A RADICAL CURE.
*t I bave made the disease of
FITS, EPILEPSY or
FALLING SICKNESS,
A life-long study. I warraut my remedy to
Curb the worst oases. Because others havo
failed is no reason for not now receiving a cure.
Send at once for a treatise and a Free Bottlb
of my Infallible Remedy. Give Express
and Poet Office. It costs yon nothing for a
trial, and it will cure yon. Address
H.C. ROOT, M.C., 183 Pearl St.. New York
June 4,189
StOP   -tZfcLfVt
J Chronic Cough Nowij
j For-If yo_i do not tt may become con- j
j Bumptive. For Vou sumption, Scrofula, \
J General Debility ami Wastitttj JJiseases, *•
j there Is nothing like I
SCOTT'S
Fmulsion
Of Pu-e Cod Liver Oil and
HYPOPHOSPHITES
Of   Xiixuo    _m.__.e__    Soda.
It Is almost as palatable ^s milk. Tax
j better thau other so-called Emulsions. !
J A wonderful flesh producer.
. Scott's Emulsion
(There are poor Imitations.   Get tlie grettuane.j
Humphreys
Dr. Humphreys' Specifics are scientifically anu
carefully prepared prescriptions ; used for man}
years in private practice with success,ttnd for over
thirty years used by the people. Every single Specific is a special cure for the disease named.
These Specifics cure without drugging, pti raring or reducing the system, and are lu fact and
deed the sovereign remedies offtake AV or 1 tl.
OF PRINCIPAL NOS. CURES. l'Rll
Fevers, Congestion. Inflammation...
Worms, Worm Fever, Worm Colic..
Crying Colic, or Teething of Infai.ts
Diarrb ea, of Children or Adult.—
Dysentery, Griping, Bilious Colic....
Cholera Morbus, Vomiting	
Coughs, Cold, Bronchitis	
Nt :ralgia, Toothache,Faceache—
{leadachea, Sick Headache, Vertigo
fyspepsia, Bilious Stomach .a.
Suppressed or Painful Periods.
Whites, too Prof use Periods	
Croup, Congh, Difficult Breathing....
Halt Rheum, Erysipelas, Eruptions.
Rheumatism, Rheumatic Pains....
Fever and A eue, Chills, Malaria.
Piles, Blind or Bleeding	
Catarrh, Influenza. Cold In the Head   .
Whooping Cough, Violent Coughs.
Oeoeral nebllily.PhysicalWeakneai
K.idne y jMseese	
Nervous Debility «--^a-_*v ■■•   ;■
•J 3
•ti
■15
-i-S
-5
•J 5
•23
-5
■25
•iS
•it
as
•ii
±5
•IS
■iO
.->o
so
20
50
JO
CO
so
oa
Sold by Druggists, or gent postpaid on receipt
Of price. Dr. Humphreys' Manual, (144 page.)
richly bound In cloth and gold, mailed  free.
HUMPHREYS' MEDICINE CO,
Oor. WUliam and John Streets, New York.
SPECIFICS.
aRICKETT COLLEft
MCOMMERCt
■ Kroa
| pi
GIRARD RUILDINl
Broad and Cliestuut Sta.
PHILADELPHIA
THE  LEADING SCHOOL OF
al
34
-_-\7.
TH     Graduates uf both sexes assisted to good jiotitii
Year Send for Clrci'lars und Report ol CoanneutiUuiL-i
TO WEAK MEN
Buffering from the effects of youthful errors, early
decay, wasting weakness, lost manhood, etc., I will
■end a valuable treatise 1 sealed; containing full
particulars for home cure. FREE0* charge. A
-splendid medical work; should he read by every
man who is nervous and debilitated., Address,
ywi» w. c FowiaEB, woo-aug/cpna*
■April" 9, '91—ly
9   PASSING   FACE.
Twas but a moment, jlong enough to feci
The grateful presence of her quiet grace
And at her beauty's shrine a moment kneel
To mark the sweetness of her gentle face.
To catch a glance from out her downcast eyes,
A fleeting light of violet, more rare
Than all the colon ofthe summer skies,
That but a moment lingered fluttering there.
A moment. Then she vanished; yet to stay
Within my memory as some distant strain
Of music, rising slowly, dies away,
But lingers yet when all is still again;
Or as a dream that flits across the mind
Vvhen care is bound by all-forgetting sleep
Too soon "will vanish, but yet leave behind
A gentle sweetness that the senses keep.
If fate had been but kinder.   Who can tell
Onr paths bari been the same, and hand in
hand
Together we had wandered o'er the fell
And crossed the border of the unknown land?
We met to meet no more.   Upon the sea
Of life we pass like ships.   A moment seen,
A signal shown, a shout thrown cheerily—
Then darkness, waves and distance stretch
between.
—[Somerville Journal.
A  TRUE  TALE.
Mr. WillougJs-by Arnold was a theatrical
agent. He liad lived at different times ia
New York, Boston, City of Mexico, Parts,
Dublin, and Liverpool, but had gravitated
like most geniuses and many lesser lights
to the great center raf the world—London.
He was tall, rather "thin, dark mustached
and haired, wore always a dark brown
velvet coat and light gray trousers, and
liad a chronic cough. He liad the reputation of being sharp, but tl ien sharpness is
needed in almost all professions, perhaps
most of all in that of a theatrical agent.
For he has not only to live on his own
wits, but also on the wits of others. And
this Mr. Willoughby was quite an adept
in doing.
He had been eight months in London,
and to judge from the furniture and appointments of his office was already doing
well. He was very exclusive and mado
it very difficult for people to gain access
to him. Up four nights of stairs was his
office, and when you got there you found
a smiling clerk, to pass whom was well
high impossible. When you did succeed
in passing him Ite agent's cousin, Mr.
Digby Arnold, had to be coaxed and bullied before you could pass from his littlo
corner cupboard of a den into the photograph hung, flower scented inner sanctum
of the agent himself. The visitor's progress was a good deal like that in the o'd
fairy tales, where ft Uon lay at one turn
in the path, and a-Hragon at another, and
an ogre at the third, and so on, and your
chances of passing the latter depended
always on your giving the right word and
correct salute to ths first.
Still, then were plenty of people, and
not all of the feminine gender either, who
were willing to climb the stairs and wait
at the outer doors in order to gain entrance at last to the holy of holies inside—
the presence of Mr. Willoughby Arnold.
finally there came one day a young
lady, very neatly, tastefully dressed, and
with every pretension to breeding, to the
outer office and besieged the desk. Her
business was politely requested of her.
She named it. Engagement, she hoped.
The smiling clerk, not a whit embarrassed by beauty, breeding, and fashion,
ref used the suggestion. Mr. Arnold's vacancies were absolutely full. He had no
room for any one. Could not entertain
any more applicants.
The young laity named a mutual friend,
Miss Lawrence Max. Ko use; the smiling clerk distinctly though politely refused her admittance. Fortunately for
her, Mr. Digby Arnold, passing through,
saw her and was attracted.
"I think perhaps, Austin, my cousin,
(he sometimes forgot whether he was a
cousin or a brother, a little careless, this
Digby) might find time to see this young
tody.1'
Miss Lamont was highly grateful. She
had given her name as Helen Lamont.
Austin opened a little wicket and Miss
Lamont entered office number one. In a
few moments she had completely subjugated Digby and was cosily seated in orifice number two. From where she sat
she could hear Willoughby cough.
"Some one with a very bad cold," she
prettily hazarded.
"My brother—Willoughby," responded
Digby. "I am sure I can get him to see
you. Any friend of Miss Lawrence Max
would be at any time perfectly welcome,
only—town is so crowded just now, and
the stage so thoughtlessly besieged. You
can have no idea how my poor brother is
haunted. Really, only for this arrangement of offices he would not be able to
attend to business at all. Will you wait
a moment?"
''Certainly," aaid Miss Lamont.
She was a very pretty girl, so demure
and neat and womanly. Charming for
ingenue characters and well, even richly
attired.
"A good premium," whispered Digby
in the next room to Mr. Willoughby,
seated at a long table strewn with letters,
books, trifles of art and beauty, flowers,
and photographs.
He held a white silk handkerchief to
his face, and wore the famous brown
velvet coat.
"Ask it, anyway," said Digby. "I
don't know anything about her ability,
but that doesn't matter. Shall I show
her in?"
Willoughby assented and, when Miss
Lamont entered in her pretty, modest,
beseeching way, dressed in soft gray with
immaculate boots and gloves, a gleam of
jewelry and a wave of perfume, and a
knot of violets at her throat, he motioned
her to a luxurious arm chair.
He still held his handkerchief to his
face as he said, between coughs—
"Excuse me. I am a very great sufferer
from a combination of complaints. Yon
are looking for an engagement on the
stage?"
Miss Lamont assented.
"I am left penniless. I had a talent
tliat way. At least, I trust so. In amateur evenings "
"A very different thing, I assure you.
However, your looks will assist you.
Penniless ?   I can hardly beUeve that."
"WeU—a smaU annuity—yes, I have
something, but it will not last forever,
and in tine meantime I must try my luck
in a profession."
Mr. Arnold turned over his papers and
cards with his left hand, while keeping
the handkerchief to his  face  with his
right.
"Ah—what can you do?   Sing?"
Miss Lamont shook her head.
"There's a very nice part waiting to be
filled up, but it requires two songs. Tliat
wouldn't do. Here is an ingenue part at
Islington—old theater, but good pay.
WiU you read me something? I must
know what yon can do, you know."
Miss Lamont's courage did not desert
her. A ragged Shakespeare lay on the*
table. Blushing, she took it up and declaimed Portia's speech. Mr. WiUoughby
Arnold.thoroughly interested and pleased,
let his handkerchief faU in the nuddle.
Miss Lamont almost screamed. Through
her brain rushed this sentence:
"Remember, he can be identified anywhere by a triangular gash—most remarkable—directly under the nose."
"I beg your pardon," she exclaimed-
letting the book faD, "I am a Uttle nenv
ous, I suppose. Do you think I shall
do?"
WiUoughby, who was now attacked
by verty intense coughing, signified his-
pleased surprise at her reading.
"You might do very well, I can make-
an appointment here with Arden, the*
manager—old John Arden—very nice-
old man—kind, and all that—any time
you like."
I J^jtos Lamont was of courp|Y.rygrato-
ftd.
"Fee, please," said Mr. WiUoughby, as
she turned to go.
"Oh, I didn'at know.   How much ?"
"A guinea," repUed Mr. Digby, whoap-
peared at the door to escort her out to
office number two, and thence to office
number one. And the premium, Wtt-
loughby?"
"Premium?" said Miss Lamont, looking from the one to the other.
"Of course. We ask a premium of 10
guineas on every appointment made.
You see we have to do this, so many unconscientious people going round.** *
"Then, if I pay the premium you are
sure to get the manager here to meet me
*-_b. Arden?"
"Oh, certain:" , repUed the suffering
Willoughby.
:. "Well, if you don't mind." said Miss
Helen Lamont, smilingly opening her
purse, "111 just pay the fee this morning, and see you again about the premium.   I can easily come in again."
With that she departed, and she took a
strange direction for so pretty a young
lady, for die went straight to Scotland
Yard.
"I have found him." slid she. "Itried
eleven theatrical agents, and lie was the
eleventh. There can be no mistake. He
has a cough and a gash under his nose."
Next day about 4 o'clock Mr. WiUoughby Arnold, of Garrick street, alias a good
many other people, and a notorious forger and embezzler, was quietly waited
upon by an arm of the law. The cough
was partly natural and partly assumed,
and the flat in Garrick street was soon
shorn et two of its occupants.
"To think," reflected Austin, the smiling clerk, "that that pretty girl was only
a detective, after aU!"
And a capital business Miss Lamont
has found' it, although occasionally trying. She has been uniformly successful,
however, and is shortly to issue a volume
containing her experience.
Advice to Lady Gardeners.
Now plant schemes for summer travel.
Rake in your husband's loose change and
cut back his superfluous expenses. Cultivate hectic flushes and sick spells,
showing the need of fresh air and of
transplanting tothe seaside. Prepare for
summer dresses and get ready your guide
books. Saratoga should be brought out
and overhauled. Water tlie famUy doctor with generous fees and cultivate his
ideas that the European travel treatment
would best suit your case. Begin to
mulch your husband witb kindness and
flattery. It may encourage the growth
of his liberality. When he is ripe toe
picking he should have more fondling
and be put into the sunlight of warm affection. This should be kept up until he
begins to drop big leaves from his checkbook. When you have got aU you can,
turn him out of the pot and throw him
into a corner to dry off.—[Philadelphia
Times.
Just the Same.
The other day a Virginia negro dug up
a shell at Malvern HiU which had been
buried since 1862; but when he put it to
roast in a flre so as to get at the kernel it
went off and kiUed a plow horse and left
the darkey only one leg to go on for the
rest of his life. Those old shells were
loaded for b'ar.
A Misunderstanding.
Yabsley—What was the nature of the
misunderstanding between you and
Vickara?
Mudge—The misunderstanding was all
on my side. I understood that Vickars
was a man who could be kicked with impunity.—[Indianapolis Journal.
Creasy's 15 decisive battles are: Marathon, B. C. 490; Syracuse, B. C. 413;
Arbela, B. C. 881; Metaurus, B. C. 207;
Teutoberg, A. D. 9; Chalons, 451; Tours,
732; Hastings, 1066; Orleans, 1429; the
defeat of the Spanish Armada, 1588;
Blenheim, 1701; Pultowa, 1709; Saratoga, 1777; Valmy,1792; Waterloo, 1815.
No man can Uve a Christian Ufe that
does not avail himself of aU the powers
given him on every side. There is work
for thought, work for every moral sentiment, work for aU combinations of the
faculties.
' More land is owned by railroad companies (811,000,000 acres) than wonld
make six States as large as Iowa. Since
1861 no less than 181,000,000 acres of
land have been given to railroad companies.
They Flutter Bjf.—"Oh. mamma!" exclaimed Uttle Maidie, as a brightwinged
insect passed the door, "here goes a flut-
terby 1 "—pudge.
The way station master always has an
unflagging interest in through trains.—
[Washington Star.
Can Be Elected.
Tbe outlook for the election of a Lent •
cratic president next year conld notte
better. Tbe Republican party ia now divided upon the selection of a candidatr,
and the party will bardly be united, save
under the lash, upon any man. Harristn
wants tbe nomination and will probably
eet it, if Blaine does not want it, bi t
James has thrown so many anchors to
windward lately that a demand for his
name in tbe convention, even against bis
expressed wish, would in all likelihood
lead to bis nomination. It is understood
that tbere will be no embarrassing letter
next year to paralyze the eitorts of bis
friends. That means that, although he
wilt not ask a nomination, it will be acceptable to him. He did not take a portfolio in tbe cabinet merely to be secretary
of state. His party bas bad a cban.e to
compare bis ability with tbat of tbe exec
utive, and tbe verdict is known.
Tbe Farmers' Alliance bas become a
powerful political factor, and it Will draw
more votes from the Republican than from
tbe Democratic ranks, no matter wbo is
the Republican nominee. Tbe People's
party will also command many Republican
votes. Tbe people composing this organization bave been giveu promise aftei
promise, all of whieh have been broken,
until promises have come to be looktd
upon only ai the Uo*» er tbat holds tin
poisoned knife. They have, tberefoie, nf
love fur the Republican party.
Ib tbe ranks of tbe g. o. p. there is a
disposition to oust tbe men wbo havt
heretofore won for them, bat who in doing
so have east distrust and suspitrion upon
themselves because of tbe corrupt and no-
lawful means employed. Tbere are man*,
men iu tbat party who are jealous of those
who ran Uie machine and wbo would like
to have a chance at it themselves. Tbe
campaign corruption fund for '92 will nor
be as vast as that of '88. Mr. Wanamaker's $400,000 purse will also be greatl)
missed. The "voluutary contribution"
mud will be of slim proportions and there
will be no "blocks of five" next year.
It ouly remains for tbe Democratic party
to nominate a man in every way equipped
for tbe elevated position. Victory will
follow a wise choice.— Harrisburg Patriot.
AH ESCAPE FEOM PIBATES.
Too are ln tt Uad m_m
Bnt we will cure you if yon will pay ue
Men who are  Weak, N-srvoua and Debili
tated,  suffering from Nervous Debility,
Seminal  Weakness, and of the eflects ol
early evil habits, or later indiscretions,
which   lead to Premature   Decay,   Con
sumption or Insanity, should send for and
read the "Book of Life," giving particulars of a Home Cnre.   Sent (sealed) free,
by addressing Dr. Parker's Medical and
.Surgical Institute, 151 North Spruce St.,
Nashville, Tenn.   They guarantee a cuie
or no pay.—1 he Sunday Morning.
Sept. 10, 'DC—lyr.
If a feeUng of superstition with regard
to unlucky vessels were ever pardonable,
it must surely have been so in the case of
the brig Crawford, owned flrst at Freetown, Mass., and afterward for many
years at Warren, R. L
It would seem as if no nervous person,
acquainted with her history, could havo
trod her decks in the still midnight
watches upon the ocean without a creeping sensation of dread.
The writer has a distinct recollection
of this little fuU rigged brig as a vessel
which figured prominently among i,he
notable craft of his boyhood. There were
dark stains on her deck which had the
appearance '•__* iron rust, but which all
knew were not iron rust. She had been
the scene of a tragedy that, with its associations, was oue of the most remarkable
upon record.
Her whaling voyages from Warren, of
which she made a number, were all unfortunate in a pecuniary sense. From
one of them, after an absence of 14
months, she returned without having
taken a drop of oil—her captain having
actually been obliged to purchase a supply for the binnacle lamp at some foreign
port.
But the one dreadful event of her history had occurred while she belonged to
Freetown. In fact, it was chiefly in consequence of this that she was sold to her
purchasers in Warren, her original owners feeling that they could no longer bear
to look upon her.
It was, I think, about 1839 that the
Crawford sailed tot the West Indies under the command of a Captain Bright-
man, whose crew consisted of his two
mates, a cook, and three foremast hands.
Her outward cargo was disposed of ett
Havana, and sho was nearly ready fbr
the homeward voyage when four Spaniards came on board, seeking for a passage to the United States. They were
villainous looking feUows, with swarthy
faces and flashing black eyes.
The mate advised Captain Brightman
not to accept them, and urged his objections with some force. The captain himself hesitated at first, but the thought of
the passage money was too tempting, and
he finally consented to take the strangers
on board.
One of the four passengers could speak
English, but his companions knew only
Spanish. After the brig had been at sea
a few days, the cook detected this man,
whose name was Tardy, in the act of
sprinkling some white substance on a
quantity of food in the galley. Tardy
explained that the article was a kind of
seasoning well known in Cuba, and tliat
he wished the officers and crew to try its
flavor.
The cook scraped off as much of tt
as he could; but, although the fact of
his doing so shows that he must have
iiad a suspicion of foul play, he unfortunately did not make known the incident
until too late. He may have thought
that his knife liad removed aU danger.
Immediately after eating, the captain
and chief mate were taken violently HL
The foremast hands also felt some bad
effects from their meal, though in a less
degree; but the second mate escaped, as
his duties on deck had kept him from
eating with the captain. As to the four
passengers, they, of course, had taken
care not to touch the food on which the
white powder had been sprinkled.
It was now that the terrified cook told
the mate what had occurred in the galley. ' But in a few moments his voice
was sUenced forever. He was struck
down by the murderous pirates, who
-.eeing that their work was but half accomplished by tfae poison, at once pro-
.?eeded to complete it with their knives.
The captain and chief mate they killed
in the cabin; the cook and one ofthe
foremast hands were murdered close by
the windlass, on the forward part of the
leek; wliile another sailor was killed as
he stood at the wheel.
Meanwhile, the second mate, whos.*
name was Dnrfee, and a man named
AUen Bicknell, of Barrington, R. I..
who were now the only survivors, ran
aloft in the forlorn hope of thus savin*-;
their Uves. The pvates fired at Bicknell with pistols, wounding him as he
stood in the foretop.
Tardy now hailed the second mate,
promising to spare his life if he would
come down, as they required him to
navigate the vessel. He accordingly descended, and was not harmed. Seein;*;
the officer in present safety, Bicknell.
the poor sailor, already wounded, asked
if they would spare him also. Upon receiving a reply in the affirmative, he
came painfully down the rigging; but
the moment he reached the deck he was
killed.
The vessel was now entirely in the
possession of these monsters, and the
feelings of Durfee must have been indescribable, as he realized the extent of the
tragedy and his own dreadful situation.
He knew, of course, that the pirate,
would never, if they could help it, permit him to leave the vessel aUve. ft
might serve their purpose to spare him
for a time, but unless he should be able
to hit upon some manner of deUverance
the fate of his shipmates must at last be
bis.
The bodies of tlie victims were thrown
into the sea, and the four murderous
scoundrels then commenced searching
the cabin, being apparently aware that
she had on board a considerable amount
of money. This they brought on deck
and divided, all the whUe talking rapidly
in Spanish.
Tardy now informed the second mate
that the brig must be taken to South
America. Durfee well knew that should
he carry the wretches to that part of the
world his own doom would be sealed
tlie moment they reached its shores. Ho
sought for some excuse to land elsewhere,
and fortunately found one.
"I can take you to South America," he
said, "but for such a voyage we must
have more water. We have only enough
to last for a short time, and we may be
60 or 70 days on the passage. *
Tardy uttered a Spanish oath or two,
and then asked if a supply could not be
obtained by entering some inlet of the
coast where there would be no danger of
capture.
"Yes," repUed Durfee, glad that the
pirate had anticipated a proposition which
he himself had intended to make. "We
could run in at night and get out before
morning. Then we should be aft ready
for a voyage to South America or anywhere else."
Tardy flourished his knife fiercely before the face of his helpless prisoner,
thus indicating what would be done in
case of the least attempt at deception.
Durfee's nerves had already suffered terribly, and it was only by the greatest
effort that he could maintain anything
like an appearance of calmness.
Hastily running over in his thoughts
the various inlets of the coast, he resolved upon making for Chesapeake Bay.
He was far, however, from telling the
pirates of his decision, but led them to
suppose that the destination was some
obscure nook among islands and promontories. It was fortunate for him that
they knew nothing whatever of the existence of the wide water sheet which he
had in mind.
He used to relate that while the vessel
was running on the course he had chosen,
and he was filled witt the most dreadful anxiety lest his plans should, after
aU, miscarry, Tardy would come to him,
and with oatlis boast of the murders he
had committed.
|! Great was Durfee's anxiety as the brig
made the land!   Soon hi*..atf would be
decided. He thought with a sickening
sensation of the pirate's threats, but he
thought, too, of the fort at Old Point
Comfort, and upon this his hope rested.
It must, of course, be approached at
night, and luckily the Spaniards were as
anxious for the cover of darkness as was
he himself, so that he was permitted to
keep off shore until past sunset.
Then the Uttle brig stood in under all
sail. With a fine breeze she passed Cape
Henry, and continued her course up the
bay. It was for Durfee an hour of unspeakable suspense. At any moment the
pirates might take alarm, and he felt almost a surprise to find that they did not
do so. Here and there could be seen
distant lights, but the shores were hidden
in darkness, and the evU eyed wretches,
wary as they were, seemed not to suspect
treachery.
Being for the time in command, as
navigator and pUot, the anxious officer
was at the wheel, wliile his unwelcome
companions stood ready to shorten sail
and let go the anchor at his bidding, J9
may weU be imagined that he measured
with every nerve alert each inch of the
way.
The brig's yawl hung at the stern davits. He had made sure that its tackles
were in running order. How near to the
fort would lie dare to approach before
bringing the brig to?
Presently he directed his dangerous
crew to take in the Ught sails and the
courses. Tardy repeated the order in
Spanish, and it was obeyed.
'Let go the topsail halyards," was the
next command; and down came the topsail yards upon the caps.
Clearing his throat tor another effort,
Durfee felt tliat his heart throbs were almost suffocating. Nevertheless, he was
able to command his voice.
"Stand by to let go anchor I" he cried,
feeling that in another moment he would
k iow his fate. The four pirates ran to
the windlass.
"Let go!"
There was a splash under the bow, and
a swift paying out of the cable. Just
then Durfee sprang over the taffrail antl
into the boat, lowering it instantly, antl
with a violent push sent it spinning from
under the brig's counter. Then, seizing
nn oar, he commenced sculling with all
his might. As he did so he heard the
Spaniards rushing aft, but they were too
late to get more tlian a glimpse of him u-
the darkness.
The grim fortress at Old Point Comfort was not a quarter of a mile distant.
Durfee's calls drew the attention of the
sentries, and in a few minutes there were
lights gleaming from a row of portholes, with the black muzzles of cannon
looking threateningly forth into the
darkness, and a dozen soldiers were at
once ordered to board the vessel. On
reaching her, they found only three of
the pirates on deck. These were at once
made prisoners. Hurrj ing into tha cabin,
they found Tardy lying dead upon the
floor. Struck with despair at the impossibility of escape, he had chosen to dit*
by his own hand rather than to await
the inevitable halter.
His three accomplices were tried and
hanged at Norfolk. They died protesting their innocence, and declaring that
the entire guilt rested upon their dead
confederate.
As to poor Durfee, the second mate,
after the dreadful scenes he liad passed
through, he was never really himself.
His nervous system had been thoroughly
shattered.
Who can wonder that painful thoughts
were always associated with the Crawford, or that a gloom should seem to invest even the old Warren wharf where
she used to Ue!—[George H. Coomer.
The Workshops of Nazareth.
The shops of Nazareth are primitive.
Unfortunately, the carpenters have introduced the modern novelty of a work
bench, and no longer sit on the floor beside the board at which they work, ;u
some related crafts still do elsewhere.
But their tools are very simple, and it ia
interesting to notice them doing a great
deal at the door siU, in the light, which
with us can only be dono at the bench.
They sit on the ground to drill holes in
wood or to use the adze; but at best their
work seems very rude. Blacksmiths,
with tiny bellows and furnace and small
anvil, find abundant employment in
sharpening the simple ploughs and mattocks of the peasantry, and making folding knives for them, the quality of which
maybe judged from their price, which
is only twopence or threepence. Shoemakers also do a good trade, sitting, Uke
all other workmen who cau do so, at the
door or in the street, but their skill is
confined to slight, short boots of bright
colored leather, or to sUppers without
heels, which are all that one sees, as a
rule, even on the roughest roads.
Foot passage over the Brooklyn Bridge
is now free.
ISSUED EVERT WEDNESDAY BY
"W. J. BURNSIDE,
HM.Ninth Street,.      •      Lebanon,flu
TERMS Of BUBSCRIPTIOS;
ONE YEAR. •        $1.50
INVAKIAIILY IM AllVANCK.
tlTThe above rate includes payment
of postage by ns. Subscriptions can
commence anv time during the year
Bill Snort tai the White House.
BY ALEX. E. SWEET.
Where Tbere Are NO BAD INDIANS.
The Sissetoii Indian reservation at the
eastern boundary of South Dakota and
containing one million acres of choice
farming lands, has just been opened for
settlement and offers to the homeseeker
inducements tbat eannot be equaled. Tho
soil is very fertile, tbe country well watered, there being numerous small lakes within its boundary, aad it ia within a short
distance of the twin cities of the Northwest, St. Paal aad Minneapolis, insuring
good markets almost at tbe settlers'doors.
This is not a frontier teservation, but is
surrounded on all sides by an old, well
settled and prosperous country.
Tbe reservatioa wUl le beld for actual
settlers, only homestead entries of IM
acres each being peimitted, and there is
room for more than 6000 farmn. To get
the best, however, eome early ; first come,
flrst served. The Chicago, Milwaukee &
St. Paul Railway lathe ouly road whieh
runs directly through the reservation.
To reach it from the East buy tieke-s to
-ummii, 8. D., Waubay. 8. D, Wilmot,
S. D.. or Wbeaton, Wan Summit is
within the reservation, tbe other >tations
on the border. AM ticket agents in tbe
United States or Canada sell tickets via
tbe Chicago, Milwaukee &, St. Paul Rail-
way.
For further information, apply to Geo.
H. HEAFEOKB, Oeneral Passenger Agent,
Chicago, III, or to
Wm. K_XI.Y, Jk., Trav.   Pass.   Aft   C,
M. & St. P. B'y, 16 S. Broad at, Phila.
Our Foreign Dairy Trade
For some years past American cheeses
hive beeo losing popularity abroad, owing
t*» a deterioration in tbeir quality tays an
officer of tbe Bureau of Animal Industry.
The Liverpool Provision Trade Associa
tion has called attention recently to tka
importation from the United States of
"filled cheese," which is a compound of
"skimmed milk and grease" aot calcula' ed
to gratify the consuint r or engender confidence in our dairy methods. It l« taw
ther stated that the "grease" mentioned
in this agreeable recipe is a compound of
Suoh materials as oleomargarine and stale
butter, the latter ingredient being a favorite, because it is deemed likely to defy the
efforts of tbe analyst. We have thought
it worth while to call the attention of
dairymen to the fact that our butter exports have never recovered from the loss
of confidence engendered in foreign mark
ets by similar methods practiced by some
of our bntter producers. During tbe past
ten years there bas beea a steady falling
ofl in our butter exports as well aa in the
price per pound obtained, thela'teraverag
ing from three cents to five cents less. Our
exports of cheese have averaged for the
lai-t five years 88,000,000 pounds at nine
cents a pound, as against 120,000 0X1
pounds for esch of five years before' at
eleven cents a pound. It behooves Am;r
ican dairymen to brace up and restore this
foitign tirade.
White House, June 20, 1891.
To Major Dan Mc Gary, Houston, Tex.:
My Dear Ma.tor :—Everything is so
fearfully dull in Washington just now that
it is very difficult for me to write you a
letter tbat will interest yon. This, you
know, is the dull season. There is nothing
new or fresh ia polities or social life, for
wbioh reason our intelligent Qerman fel-
Ipw citizens eall it tbe pickled cucumber
season ; that is, tbe only fresh vegetables
are pickled cucumbers.
Yoa perceive I use the expression, "in-
tellieent Oerraan fellow citizens." When
an American politician uses tbat expression instead ol "D—d Dutch," you may
be sure be has not yet gone out of politics,
and that he needs the German vote in hia
business. Harrison and myself are going
to run for a secoud term, aod I am beginning already to consolidate the different
classes of voters. Harrison has consented
to follow my instructions implicitly. If .
he dors, success will perch upon Ui banner. If be does not, ha will hear something drop.
It is not too late to retrieve the ground
lost by the bad breaks of tba elder Harrison and the youthful indiscretions of the
heir apparent. Russ is to be muzzled. I
made that tbe condition of my assuming
command, ltuss has been niven to taa*
derstand that he is to keep bis mouth hermetically closed on political subjects,
except wbat I toll him to say, then he will
go and say it.
lie has promised to be guided entirely
by Col. Snort's suggestions. If be violates
bis pledge 1 will complain to the Presideut aud he will immediately fire out of
tbeir fat offices about 300 college chums
and personal friends of the Presidential
•mm*. I rather thiuk we hive got Russell
where the wool la tight. In fact, tbe
President bas signed a document declaring
Russ non compos, and appointing Col.
Snort hiSrguaidian. I will not use it unless I am compelled to. Tbis ia a state
secret. Harrison told me tbat now, sinco
I am Russ' guardian, be, tha President,
sleeps sound for tho first time since he
ascended the Presidential throne.
We intend to work tbe religious racket
for all it is worth. Of course, Brother
Harrison is solid witb the churches, and
can hold tbem without any trouble. Iu
this field "pious John" Wauamaker Will
be very useful, if be does uot overdo it,
and can he persuaded to quit talking about
bis cheap pauts and tbe attractions of bis
bargain counter. I will attend to Wauamaker myself, I bave a valuable document in my inside pocket, aad tta mere
intimation tbat I may publish it causes a
cold shiver to run up aud down bis spine.
I cannot, even let yoa know the contents
of tbis document, which is a letter to a
dear youug friend. If be says "cheap
pants'* once moie la publie Pll shake it at
bim, and you wil see him imitate the
example of Zacchtus, wben be was up the
sycamore tree and was requested to come
down.
My dear Dan McGary, Col. Snort, of
Texas, bas iu bis possession documents of
silch a compromising nature that if be
cbot>e to publish tbem Harrison's prospects would be jolted vary severely, and
people would regard that card playing
episode in England as a mere bagatelle in
comparison.
My tirst move was to patch up a reconciliation between Senator Quay and Harrison. I made this a sine Quay nam. Har-
risou kicked like a green bay steer planted
by tbe river of water. He said that Quay
waa a thief aud a villaiu, and a great many
more thinge.    I replied :
"Mr. Pie.ideitt, I know tbat Quay is a
d—d clever rascal. That's wby we need
bim in onr business. We just have to
have bim. This administration is top
beavy already witb saints. There is you
and "Wanuy," aud "Lige," and a whole
lot more. 1 bad Husson tbe list of goody-
got.dy boys, until he used profane lan-
guag« to that Herald reporter. Then I
stiuck bim off the list. Tu offset aU these
good, psalm-siugiug pillars of the church
ibe administration has ouly uie."
"But, Col. Snort, you nre considerable
of a sinner. You are still in tbe bond of
sin and the gall of iniquity."
"I am not as bad, Mr. President, as I
ought to uo to offset all tbe good people
you bave around you. I am oot as yet
sufficient!} deiraved to offset your good-
ness It is line tbat 1 sbttt a nigger or so
iu Texas ; Dau McOaiy and myself stole
Ro.e Hill preciuct ballot box; I was a
men:ber ol ibe Texas 'Poker Legislature,'
aud I v»as sceu iu company, after dark,
wilh 'Audy' Faulkner, ofthe Texas Central, but still I am not wicked enough to
establish the equilibrium. We need men
wbo have regular eonvict antecedents.
No matter what it costs, we must bave on
our side Senator Quay and Cal. Dudley,
of Iu. iaua. Compared with them Col.
Snort Waot in it."
'But will not my association with Quay
ii juie my reputatiou'.'" asked Harrison.
'•It would play hallelujah with your
reputation, if you had any left, but you
will be the next Republican President of
tue Uuited Males, so what do you care'.'
If you are friendly witb Quay you will be
able to work tbe wicked partner racket."
"How is tbat?"
"It is simple enough. No matter wbat
rascality you are guilty of, tbe publie will
relieve you from blame and put it on your
wicked partner Quay. Tou will be solid
witb tbe good people, and the bad peoplo
wiil rally around Quay, so between you
both yon will scoop iu votes enough to
to re elect you."
"Mein Lieb.bhen, wass willst du noch
mehrf or, iu English, "Do you want tbe
earth ?'•'
Harrison saw the wisdom of my suggestion, aod uow be and Quay are suckiug
each other's ears aa lovingly as two calves
in a bull pea.
I alao read the riot act to Harrison lu
regard to Blaine.    I said :
"Mr. President, before I undertake to
pull the administration out of the hole ife
lain. I waut it understood tbat from now
Mr. Blaine is to be treated with all proper
respect. His reputatiou is somewlr.it mildewed and Irajed at the edges, but as be
veiy worthily represents the administration, you and Russ must quit throwing
mud at bim."
'•But, Cul. Snort, he is after my second
Us*."
**U you and ltuss keep on prodding him
be «iii get it, too. Just leave Blaine to
Col. Snort. 1 can manage him. It re-
quins a thrm band and plenty of brains to
ride the trick mule from Maine. I think
I eaa manage bim so that all of us can
ride into a second term on bis back ; but
If Russ keeps punching him ou bis sore
spots, he witl be liable iu the next campaign
to suddenly reach out with one hind leg
and give your digestive organs a jolt thaE
will bring on such an attack of gastritis
that yoa will bave to return to Indianapolis and cultivate the domestic virtues for
the reat af your life. Aod be will seize
Russ by tbe voluptuous bosom of his
pants and hold bim up to the derision of a
mirth loving public"
Harrison bas acquiesced in all my plans,
and if we do not keep on looting whatever
money flows into tbe treasury, it will not
be tbe fault of the great Texas statesman
and journalist.
Youis for Reform,
Bill Snort,
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Reading's Fourth of July Excursion
Tickets.
The Reading Railroad will contribute to
the jteneral enjoyment of the "Glorious
Fourth" by selling reduced rate excursion
tickets on July 3d and 4th, good to return
until Jnly Tth inclusive. Tbese speoial
tickets Will be issued between aU local
points in the Reading's territory, and also
to stations on several of the lines connecting with tbe Reading. Tbe minmium
round trip rate where tbe ordinary time
limit is extendel, Will be 85 ceuts to:
adults and 13 cents for children,