Lebanon Advertiser

              r
*
etownt
liiti.
VOL. 44.-NO. 81.
LEBANON, LEBANOS COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1891.
WHOLE SO—2103.
ftatlroatis.
CORNWALL ANU  LEBANOH KAIL-
■MD.
DIRECT ROUTE FOB ALL POINTS ON THK
PENNSYLVANIA RAILliOAD.
ArrniiK«inent of Psasenvei Trains.
On and alter Thursday, November 19, 1891,
passenger trains will run as follows:
Leave— am   am   ait   r m   r_   pm
Lebanon     6:25 10:1S Il:3»   2:00   3:15  7:10
Cornwall     6:36 10:24 11:42   2:12   8:27   7.20
Mt. Gretna....     9:43 10:34 11:52   2:22  3:37   7:30
Arrive— Al   ah   pm   pm   pic   pk
iLancaster.....     8:10 11:35 12:68   8:65   4:45   8:40
PII    P M
>blladelp-iia..   10:20   1:25   3:15 6:45   6:50 10:55
pm AM
lew fork      1:20   2:30   5:50   9.20   9:36 3.50
AM PM
F_Da.r__l.urg.... 7:30 .... 12:01 8:20 .... 8:45
Willii-Tiiapr.rt.. 11:15 8:00 .... 7:00 .... 3:25
Pittsburg......     650   9:30  .... 1141 ....   6:10
I.eave— AM   am  am   am   pm   pm
Kew York    13:15 ....   ....   9:00  ....   3:00
FUladelpba.    4:80   7:00   8:50 11:40 11:45  5:20
Lancaster     6:25   9:8110:5.   2:00   2:60  7:25
Harri_bur«... 7:00 10:_5 11:00 2:35 3:40 7:30
Williamsport.. 2:40 .... 8:25 .... 12:80 ....
Pittsburg......    8:11   2:80  ..... 7:15   8:00  ....
Arrive— am   am   pm   pm   pm   pm
Ht. Uiutna....     8:00 11:80 12:00   8:35   4:85   8:40
Cornwall      8:«8 11:40   1:00   8:45   MO   MM
Lebanon      8:20 11:50   1:10   8:55   4:55   9:00
Itt. Gretna Park proved Its popularity by
tbe largely inorea_ed business of 1891.
There will be many improvements for tbe
aeaBon of 1892.
B. B. GORDON.
Gen'l Passenger Agent.
MED IRISH. Gen'l. Supt.
Dec. 81,1890.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING RAILROAD. ——
ABKANGEMKNTor PASSENGER TRAINS.
NOVEMBER 15,1891.
TRAINS LEAVE LEBANON.
For New York via Philadelphia, Weekdays,
7:07, 8:00,10:SO a. m., 2:17,4:40 and 6:46 p. m.;
Sunday,2:49 and4:49 p. m.
Kor New York via Allentown, Weekdays, 7:07,
8:&0a.ra., 12:56,2:17 p. m.    Sunday, 7:41 a. m.
ror  Philadelphia,  Weekdays, 6:05, 7:07, 8:50,
IikSO a. m., 2:17, 4.40 and 6:46 p. m.| Sunday,
7:42 a. Ol., 2:49, 4:40 and 6:40 p. ui.
For Middletown, Weekday,, OKU, 8:23 a. va ,
12:66, 6:15, and 1140 p. mi Snnday, 9:54 and
lifts a. m.
For Rcadin., Weekdays, HAS, 7:07 (Fast Express) 8:50,10:80 a. m.. 12:06, 2:11,4:40,6:46,8:63
p. m. Sunday, 7:42,9:4»a. m., 2:49, 4:40 and 6:40
__D,S_a
For Allentown. Weekdays, 6:05, 7:07,8:00 a. ro.,
12:56,2:17 and 4:40 p. m.; Sunday. 7:12, 9:43 a.
m., 4:49 p. m.
For Harrisburg, Weekdays, 6:02, 8:28, 10:58 a.
m., 12:06, 2:22, 0:15. 7:07,8:46 (Cast Express),
and il'-O p. m.; Sunday, 9:54,11:48 a. m., 6:04,
7:04,11:20 p. m.
For l'inegr ove, 8:26 a.m., 1:00, 6:15 and 8:55 p.m.
For Gettysburg, 6:02, 10:68  a. aa..  2:22 p. nu
For Shippensburg, 6:02,10:58 a, m., 2:22 p. m.
TRAINS FOB LEBANON.
Leave New Tork via Allentown, weekdays,
4:30 and 849 a. m., IKK), 8:40, and 5:40 p. m.
Sunday, 1:00.0:80 p. m.
Leave New Tork via Philadelphia, Weekday?,
7:45 and 11:30 a m., 140, 4:00, 5:00 p. m., and
12:16 midnight; Sunday, 11:80 a. in., 5:00 p. m.
Leave Philadelphia, Weekdays, 4:10.8:35,10:00
a. in., 1:40,4:00. 6:00, 7:15 p. in ; Sunday, 6:30
•ltd 9:05 a. m., and 3:40, 7:15 p. at.
Leave Reading, Weekdays, MM, 7:15,10:19,11:50
a. iu.. 1:27,4.20.8100,7:5! and 10:25 p. m. Sundays, 8:60, 10:48 a.m., 4:00, 0:00, 10:20 p.m.
Leave Allentown. Weekdays, 5:57, 8:10 a. m ,
12:10, 4:'_6, 6:40, 9:05 p. Hi.; Sunday, 7:25 a.m.,
4:25 and 9:05 p. m.
Leave Harrisburg, Weekdays, 5:10, 6:25, 7:56,
8:35 :i-. m., 12:00 noon, 1:26, 8:46. 5:50, and 8:00
p. ni.   Sundays, 6:50,8:50 a. m., 2:00. 44)0, 0:45
ATLANTIO CITY  DIVISION.
Leave Philadelphia. Chestnut Street Whart
and South Street Wharf
FOR ATLANTIO CITY.
Weekdays—Express, 9:00 a. m., 8:00,4:00p. m.
Accommodation, 8:00 a   m,, and 5:0*) p. m.
Sundays—Express, 9:00 a. va. Accommodation, 8:00, a. m , and 4:30 p: m.
Returning leave Atlantic UHy Depot,Atlantio
an d Arkansas Avenues. Weekdays, Express,
7:80, 9 00 a, m., and 4:00p.m. Accommodation, 8,10 a. m. and 4.80 p. m.
Sundays—Express, 4:00 p. m. Accommodation, 7:30 a. m. and 4:30 p. m.
A. A. MoLEOD,
C. G. Hancock. Gen'l. Passenger Agent,
'  Apr. 21—tt.
lENNSYLVAMIA RAILROAD.
On and after Nov. ttd, 1890, trains will leave
Lebanon a. follows, Bonatmltmg at Coneutago
Jot all points on the Pennsylvania Hailro&d.
I.eave Lebanon ut 6.26 a. m. Arrive at Cone-
HHito 7.06 a. m., Lancaster 8.10 a. m .Philadelphia 10.20 a. BU, Raw Tork 1.20 p. m., Har ris-
ourg 7.80 a. in., Altoona 145 p m., Pittsburg
6.50 p. m. This train makes olose conneotion
at Harrisburg lor points on the Northern
Cent ml nnd Phiiudelpbia/fc Erie Railroad.
t_MWe Lebanon 10.15 a. m. Arrive at Cone-
wago 10.55a.m., Harrisburg 12.01 p. in. Arrive
•t Lancaster 11.85 a.m., Philadelphia 1.25 >i.m
NewYork 4.00 p. m. This train makesolose
connection at Harrl_burg for points on the
Northern Central and P. & E. K. R.
Leave Lebanon 11.80 a. m. Arrive at Cone-
Wago 12.16 p. m., i_a.ncasterl2.58p. m.p Philadelphia 8.16p. m., NOW Tork 5.50 p. m.
Leave Lebanon 2.00 p. m., arrive at Cone-
wage 2.40 p. a., Lancaster 4.65 p. m. Philadelphia 6.50 p. ni.. New York 9.85 p. m.. Harris*
ours _.'_0 p. nu, Altoona 7.60 p. in.. Pittsburg
11.56 p. m., Baltimore 7.oo p. m„ Washington
8.60 p.m.
Leave Lebanon 3.10 p. m. Arrive at Cone
wago 4.00 p. m., Lancaster, 4.45 p. m„ Phila-
delp_.ii- 6.50 p. m., New York 9.85 p. m.
Leave Lebanon 7.10 p.m. Arrive utCoue-
waKo7.56 p. m., Lancaster8.40 p. m., Philadelphia 10.56 p. in., Harrisbnrg 8.45 p. va. s
GRAB, il PUGH. J. S. tt OOD,
(general Manager. Geul. Pas_r. Airt.
Dee. 8. 1RWI
IT PAYS
To be cautious in the choice of medicines. Many are injured by trying experiments with compounds purporting
to be blood-purifiers, thc principal
recommendation of which would seem
to bo their "cheapness." Being mado
up ot worthless, though not always
harmless, ingredients, they may well
bo "cheap;" but, in the end, they aro
dear. The most reliable medicines are
costly, and can be retailed at mod-
crate prices, only when the manufacturing chemist handles the raw materials
in large quantities. It is economy,
therefore,
To Use
Ayer's Sarsaparilla, the valuable components
of which are Imported, wholesale, hy tho
J. C. Ayer Co. from tho regions where theso
articles are richest in medicinal properties.
"It Is a wonder to me that any other
than Ayer's Sarsaparilla has a show In tho
market. II people consulted their owa interest, they would never use any other; for
it Is uot only the best, hut; cm aoconnt of its
concentrated strength and purity, it Is the
most economical."—James F. Duffy, Druggist, Washington St., Providence, R. I.
Dr. A. L. Almond, Druggist, Liberty, Va.,
writes: "Leading physicians lu this oity
prescribe
m. Ayer's
Sarsaparilla. I have sold lt for eighteen
years, and have the highest regard for Ms
healing qualities."
"Although tho formula is known to the
trade, there ean bo HO successful imitation
Ol Ayer's Sarsaparilla. Without having tbs
enormous facilities of ths 1. C. Ayer Co., it is
impossible for other parties to pnt together
nidi valuable ingredients, at fits low cost
of Ayer's
Sarsaparilla
It stands at the head ot all similar preparations."—Mark A. Jones, oo years a druggist,
60 Cambridge St., E. Cambridge, Mass.
PHKPAR-D BT •
lr. J. C. AYER & CO., Lowell, Mass.
Bold by all Druggists.   Prioe gl; six bottlns,$5.
i VThe Best and Purest Medicine jjjj
EVER MADB.
^<(^"A Itwtll drive tho Humor fromy onr
'"••^- —-stem, and make your skin
clean and smooth.   Thou
mm
iples and Blotches
_u_h mar your beauty
.are caused by Impure
" "iood, ana can be
removed ina short
time, if you an
.blood i
Xv v- xv* tSS>r
%^&$s
9&^$&\M
The Dose iX&rVS  fCV^H
■mall—only a te
spoonful.   It is
best'and sfceapes-^*;*^.  &/?+. 4*
medicine.   Try ft, and^V'-J' %.%
you will be satisfies.
Get lt of your Druggist.
DokTWjjt. G-_-»**o_roB,
*&*_
If you are Buffering from KM
ney Disease, and wwh to live --
old age, use SULPHUR BITTERS.
They never fall to cure.
Send 8 2-cent stamps to A. P, Ordway ft Co.,
Boston, Mass., for best medical work published?
A GOOD AIID DURABLE
TYPEWRITER FREE I
To .every one who will subscribe for
before January 1,1892.
_Se_d 2c. stamp for sample _nvw and description ol
Typewriter. TEX ■ ^08 PUB. O0«__ —
Yobk Crrr. V
CORNWALL RAILROAD.
Lebanon & Lancaster Joint-Line.
t__r~3hortoftt. route for Lanoaster and alt points east and west.
On and after Nov. lflth. 1891, P. wsenger Trains will he run as follows
p.m.
TU
7 «6
729
tn
1_9
7 68
889
p.m.
p.m.
s io
t tr
3 24
p.m.
p.m.
1185
12 46
12 49
12 AS
Tm
1 19
IH
100
pm.
a.m.
9 10
• fl
9 24
a.m.
a.m.
'11
7 27
7 ao
7 39
' «
708
8 35
9 15
a.m.
am
IH
6 46
6 SO
a.m.
Leave. Arrive.
.........Lebanon....	
......     Coin wml	
......Miners' Village	
 Penryn ..........
 Mt. Hope	
......... Man hefin..........
..King Street, Lancaster..
• Columbia..........
Arrive. Leave.
a.m.
S 11
7 59
7 56
7 50
7 4.
7 88
7 00
am.
a in.
10 25
10 18
10 10
p.m.
2 03
161
1 tt
1 tt
i s?
i tt
12 85
12 85
p.m.
p.m.
4 85
4S8
4 _0
p.m.
p m
6 80
6 19
6 16
i • to
6 05
5 88
5 20
au
p.m.
p.m.
3S5
8g»i
353
moi
4 28
• 00
ooo
p.n_.
p.m.
11 30
11 tt
It 4ft
p.m.
a.m.
7 56
• 10
8 18
8 27
8 44
9 20
9 20
a.m.
Leave. SUNDAV8. Ariive.
....,_.... Lebanon................
i......... .....Cornwall......	
 Miners' Village..	
 .Penryn.................
 Mt Hope	
  Manlicfin................
 King Street, Lancaster........
 Oolumbia	
Arrive. Leave.
_ m.
p.m. .i
982
2 85
• 17
2 23
• 14
2 20
9 00
• •••
846
8 00
806
a tn.
p.m.
p.m.
5 06
411
4 47
4*4*
•ts
8 46
8 45
p.m.
North and South-bound trains connect at Lebanon with trains on Philadelphia ft Reading
Bailroad to and from Harrisburg, Beading, Potts ville, Philadelphia and New York.
(jouih-bound trains connect at Manheim with trains on tbo Beading ft Columbia Bailroad
for points between Beading and Columbia.
Philadelphia ft Heading uailroad Company mileage books Till be accepted on the Cornwall
Railroad.
GEO. A. ALBERT,
FASHIONABLE TAILOR.
Full Line Fall and Winter Goods Just received.
Reasonable Prices—A Fit Guaranteed.
&ife 1019 .Forge Street.
CHOKED    O*    _K.~-l__t._-l'.
'Lish, you rickollect that air
Dad burn skittish old bay ntars
Was no/livin' with—'at skeered
•Tever thing she seed er heerd ?
Th'owed Tea Anders.—-And i h'owed Pap.
First he straddled hor, k-slapl—
And 1 zory — well—th'owed her
Haint no lellin' jest how fur!—
Broke her collar bone—and might
Jest a-kilt the girl outright!
Well—Vg heerd 'em make their boast
She'd th'ow auy fellow, 'Burnt,
Ever backed kerl   S' I, "1 know
One man 't she'll never th'ow!"
So I rid her ln to mill -
And, jest comin' round the hill,
Met a traction engine! -Ort
Jest a-heerd that old mare snort.
And lay back her yeers, and see
Her a-tryin' to th'ow met
'Course 1 never said a word,
But thinks I, "My- Ladybird,
You'll git cuored, right here and now,
Of yer dy-does, anyhow!"
Ton know what I done ?—I jest
Stuck her—tel she'd done her best I
Then I slides off—strips the lines
Over her blame head—and finds
Me a little saplin' gad
I 'Side the road!—And there we had
Our own fun!  Jest wore her outl—
Mounted her, and faced about,
And jest made her boss that-air
Little traction-engine there!
—James Whitcomb Riley.
BIG JIM DIDN'T SHOOT.
AN  INCIDENT OP   THE OPENING OF OKLAHOMA  TO SETTLERS.
Ik recently fell to my lot to pass a Sunday in a small Kansas town, and as it was
a wet day I was forced to remain tor the
greater part of it cooped up in the little
hotel. The house had no other guest, and
so for tiie want of other company I went
to the office and entered into conversation with the.andl.ord, a tall, sun bronzed,
leathery featured man past middle age,
who, I soon learned, had spent many
years in the West, and who had seen some
rough, aa well as interesting experiences,
and who was chuck full of reminiscences.
After we had talked for a couple af
hours on various subjects, my host suddenly remarked:
"I reckon, stranger, you've heard tell
of Jim Dixon, or more likely 'Big Jiui'
as we alius oalled him."
"Ko, I think oot," I was compelled to
admit, though I realized from the tone in
which the question was asked that it was
a humiliating admission to make.
"Never?" the landlord repeated. "Wai,
that's strange. Thought shortly ever'-
body knowed 'bout Jim. He was the
foremost man on the border, an' he made
a record that'll stand a good many years.-
He was a great man, Jim was; a won*
devful feller, shore. Tough! Oh my,
Stranger, I reckon he was. He wasn't
afeard of nothin', an' I guess the happi'._i!
times he ever knowed was when he was
mixed up in a shootin' scrape. Thar's no
tellin' how many men Jim killed first an'
last, for he was so reckless he'd jes' pop
'em over at the crook of a finger, an'
didn't no more kesr for it than nothin*.
Twixt you an' me, stranger, I think Jim
oarried the shootin' business a leetle too
fer. I like fer ft man to stand up fer his
rights, and If a feller needs drappin', why
then drap 'lm; but there ain't no call fer
gettin' too blamed promieo'us 'bout it an'.
puttin' a hols through a ohap jest fer the
fun of it. .
"I reckon, stranger, ever" man what
Jim made up hi* mind to kill caught it,
'eept one, an' that one, I guess, was the
last one he ever laid off to plant."
"Jim caught it that time himself, eh?"
I suggested. ,•
"No, he didn't, "the landlord replied in
a tone of slight disgust. "Narry time,
sir. Jim wasn't tiie man to be planted
premachooriy, sa' the feller that could
uap 'im never lived."
"How did it happen that ha didn't kill
the man you speak of, then?" I asked.
"Well, dr, it was a quaire piece of
business, that was, an' one o' the most
techin' things I ever see. I never knowed
a feller so broke up in all my life aa Jim
wat, an', sir, it was nobody but a little
gal that dona it—a little bito'shaver,
'bout six or seven years old, I reckon, an'
the poorest peekedest little thing I ever
set eyes on.
" Waut to hear 'bout it, eh? Wai, the
way of it was thia:
"You see 'bout tha time Oklahoma was
opened for settlement, Big Jim, an' me,
an' four other fellers was herdin' on a
range in western Texas. We'd bean up
in the territory herdin' a right smart, but
the soldiers drove ua out with tha rest of
ths cattle fellers, you know, and so we
laid down aa the border sorter waitin'
for developments.
"While ws wat in the territory wa
picked out a valley what had 'bout 8,000
acres o' the best land an' richest grass I
ever aee any wher, an' we 'lowed as soon
as the country waa open far settlement
we'd come back and take possession of it
an' make a ranch thar la spite o' all era*
a tion.
"Wai, by an' by the President issued
his proclamation, an' then When the da/
fer enterin' tte territory come 'round we
moved ia with our cattle aq' took possession of the valley.
"'Kow,'said 1 that night aa we squatted 'bout our campfire, 'if none tf those
blamed settlers don't come foolin' 'round
yere to take up claims ia this valley
we're fixed, for this 'U make one 'o tlie
nicest little ranches in the country.'
"'Wai,' said Big Jim with an oath, 'if
any settler wants to take a olaim yere, au
thinks he can, jis' let him toy it. I' low
he'll find out mouty blamed soon that
he's undertook a most miserable unhealthy job, Tliis valley's ours an' we're
goin' to hold it spite o' the dickens; an' I
can tell yoa right now, fellers, that I'll
shoot the first chap what offers to stop
here. I'll make sich a example of him
that ther won't another settler come in
40 mile of us.'
"Wai, we was purty well tired out so
we turned in quick as supper was over,
an' we slept like logs till mornin'. When
we woke the sun was up, an' the fust
thing we see when we glanced 'cross the
valley was a old covered wagon not
mor'n a quarter of a mile away. The
wagon had oome in, I reckon, jis'after we
went to sleep, an' the folks had put up
a tent like as if they was fixin' to stay,
Big Jim he took a squint at the outfit,
then he tore loose an' swore fit to set a
woods afire. Then he got his pistols, an
when somebody axed What he was goin'
to do, he said:
"'I'm goin' over thar an' wipe that
derned settler out. I'm goin' to shoot
him so full tf lead that he'll weigh a ton.
FU break up this squatter business right
on the start.'
"I knowed Big Jim meant what he
said an' I Mt kind o'sorry for the settler'
but I didn't lay nothin*. Me and the
other boys jest set down and watched
Jim as he strided 'cross the prairie, an'
waited to see what was goin' to happen.
"When Jim got up sorter close to the
wagon we see him draw his gun au' git
ready to shoot, then we see him edge up
a little closer kinder keerf ul like, then all
to once we see him stop an' wait liko he
was listen i n' at someth i n'.
"Wai; I reckon most a half hour must
a passed that .way, an' we got to wonder-
in' what made Jim Stan' there actin' like
that, when all to once he whirled 'round
an' come back to wt lookin' the soberest
an' solemnest I ever see a feller look in
all my life. By gosh, stranger, you may
not believe it, but I'd a most swear they
was tears in old Jim's eyes, an' I know
when he spoke to us his voice was all a
tremble Uke his feelin's was too much for
him.
"It was a good bit before Jim said a
word, an' aU the time he jest set thar on
a inverted bucket nussin' his head in his
hands, an' actin' like he was dreadful
cut up. We stood 'round an' looked at
him, a wonderin' what it meant, but
after a while I ventured to speak to him,
sayin':
"'What's ailin' you, Jim?'
"Then he raised his head sorter slow
Uke, an' in a tone so sad and different
from what his alius was that I didn't
recognise it, he said:
"'Boys, I'm jis' completely upsot by
what I heard over thar, an' I feel so
blame sneak in' mean that I've a great
notion to shoot myself. I never knowed
before how cussed onery I am.'
"Course we was all s'prised at that sort
o* talk from Jim, 'cause he was so blamed
tough we didn't s'pose nothin' 'ud tech his
heart, an' we waa anxious to know what
he'd heard over to the wagon, an' so we
axed him.
"'Wai,' he said, 'I went over thar to
shoot that settler, .in' I was slippin' up to
the wagon to git the drap on him, when
all at once I heard a voice—the meekest,
pitifulest little voice I ever hear in my
Ufa, aa' I knowed in a minute it was the
voice of a leetle gal.'
"Jim's voice choked up so he couldn't
say nothin* more, so he wailed a moment, an' then he went on:
"'Fellers,' he said, 'that voice jest went
through me Uke a knife, an' I never fall
so quar* since I waa bora. It was so
weak, an' so pitiful, an' so helpless like.
I heard it say:
"'Is the land pretty, pa? Is it green
with grass like the old home back east ?'
" 'Yes, it is very beautiful, darling,' a
man replied Uke he was cryin'. 'It's
very pretty, an' you will find tha green
prairie almost as nice as tha big meadow
back at the old home. When you get
well you can romp over the plain and
gather flowers and be very happy."
"'I ain't never goin' to be weU any
more, pa,' the little voice said, and I
won't never gather no flowers nor romp
over the prarie; bnt I'm glad Wt pretty,
'cause when I'm in Heaven where the
angels are, an' where everything is so
beautiful and bright, I want, to know
that you an' ma have a nice home like
the old one we lost. I won't be with you
very long now, pa, 'cause I can hear the
angels singin', an' I know they're comin'
to take me away. Don't cry, dear pa an'
ma, 'cause I ain't sorry to go—only I
don't like to leave you. I'm so glad
you're goin' to have a beautiful homo
where the grass an' the flowers grow; an'
sometimes, maybe, I'U oome back to see
you.'
" Wai, big Jim, he told over all what
the leetle gal said, an' I never see anybody what talked so gentle an' kind aa
be did,
"'Fellows,' he said in conclusion, 'I
never felt so awful as I did while I was
standin' there listenin' to them words o'
that ohild. Peared like every one of 'em
was a knife, an' that ahe was stabbin'
'em into my cussed, wicked heart; an'
though thay hurt terrible I wanted 'em
to stab deeper, 'cause I knowed I deserved it. Thar I was sneakin' ap thar
like a law down onery thief, intendin' to
shoot that feller te tryin' to git a home,
while he was in thar nussin' his dy in' child
an' her a talkin' 'bout the grass an' the
flowers, aa' the old home back eaat, an*
the angels an' Heaven. Boys, I'd a been
glad if a streak o' lightnin' had struck
me right then an' thar.'
"Wai, air, we never heard nothin' more
'bout keepin' settlers off en the valley, an'
we never triad to hold none of it 'cept
what tha law 'titled us to hold. Big Jim
an' all the rest of us helped the settlers
ever* way we could, and when the angels
came fer his leetle gal an' took hsr spirit
away we made a grave on the prairie an'
buried her whar the grass growed and
whar Big Jim planted a tree an' some
flowera I never see old Jim cry before,
stranger, bnt he shed tears over that
grave like the leetle gal was his own, and
from that day he was a different man,
an' as kind an' gentle as a woman. "—
Thomas P. Montfort,
Bill Snort's Letter.
BY ALEX. K.  SWEET.
White Horsa. Nor. 23, 1891.
To Major Dan Mc Gary, Houston, Ttm.:
My Deab Major :—A little incident
occurred in my family cir.le that goes
to show that while Mrs. Snorl is as
Caesar's wife should have been, "above
suspicion," she also resembles Caesar,
himself, for she is ambitious. In fact,
like Sol Smith Russell's dog-faced boy
who wanted to be the bearded woman
in the show, she is too ambitious.
I noticed that Minerva was not herself for several days. She seemed to
have lost her appetite and to be out of
sorts. At last I said to her, taking her
on my knee and encircling her sylphlike waist with my stalwart arm:
"What's the matter with Snorty's
little Birdie ? Has Mrs. Harrison been
trying to hurt-Birdie's feelings again. "
she merely shook her dangling curls.
"Does Birdie hanker after the bean
pots of Boston ? Does she want to go
oack to Busting to visit cousins Amiii-
adab, Priscilla, Obadiah, Ananias,
Sapphlra, Nicodemus, Ichabod, and the
rest of them."
No, she didn't want to see any of
them. Her "Snorty" was all the company she wanted.
Tin n I suggested malaria, caused by
the miasmatic vapors of the Potomac
flats, but it was not that; it was ambition. She wants me to be the next
President of the United States. She is
not satisfied with my being the next
Vice-President on the Harrison ticket.
I expressed a foreboding that the people of this country were not ripe for
such a President as I would make; thnt
I was too far in advance of the a1, e to
b *■ acceptable to the masses, or rather
''them asses," who elect such Presidents as Hayes and Harrison. I shall
not yield tr, popular clamor and become
President of he United States, not
even to accommodate Minerva, who
will have to be satisfied with the Vice-
Presidential coronet. At the same
time I expect to have considerable trouble in preventing the vox populi forcing
the Presidential diadem upon my noble
brow, tor honors by the bushel are being showered upon Col. Snort and his
blushing young Boston bride, the belle
of the Wnite House.
Minerva is not only, in the language
of poesy, a may flower, a bashful morning glory, a night bio lining eereus, the
daisiest of daisies, .he is in herself a
whole botanical garden. Moreover, she
has been officially notified that the New
York flower show has named a new
brand of blonde cllrysarit einum as big
as a soup plate niter her*
Wonder how Caroline Scott Harrison
feels now ?
Mrs. President Harrison smole a sickly smile when she heard of the new
honor bestowed on Minerva Beacohhill
Snort. The following is a copy of the
letter conferring the floral honor on the
only real Pirst Lady of the Land, with
the Boston label blown ih the bottle.
Beware of Indiana imitations!
New York, Nov. 6th, 1891.
ToCoi». Bu.]. Snout, >
Executive Mansion, Washington..   :
Dear Bib :—As you are probably
aware, the lady managers of trie great
New York Clm sau th. mum Show nave
attaohed to different varieties of the
peerless autumn flower the names of
some of the most beautiful and distinguished ladies of the land.
The specimens which attract muoh
admiration are the Mme. Drexel, a
beautiful magenta-like flower; tbe Tokio. a large, full, fluffy specimen of
which bears the name of Miss Minnie
Wanamaker; a snowy bloom christened
Mrs. Langtry; the Magicienne, a beautiful specimen, large and rich of coloring, with pale butT petals deepening into a glow of ' he richest dull red ; and a
blissoiii of dark red named' tne Carnegie, and a flower with gold petals named
the Sara'i Bernhardt.
Appreciating the beauty and intelligence of the fair young bride which you
have introduced into the Wbite House,
and being personal admirers of the
great journalist and statesman. Col.
Bill Snort, with the kind permission of
yourself and Mrs. Snort, we desire to
attach to a queer specimen of a spikelike flower, of a salmon pink color,
trained like an umbrella tree over a
spreading lattice, and forming itself
into a glowing splendor of bloom, toe
beautiful and poetic name of Snortiaua.
As you are probably aware, we have
also baptized a new blossom with white,
pink and crimson petals the Ruth
Cleveland, whose father's name, like
your own, hav been mentioned in connection with the Presidency. May we,
ladies of the New York Chrysanthemum
Show, hope that at our next annual
exhibit we may have the opportunity of
conferring a like honor on the prospective member of your illustrious family,
if it should prove to be a girl. Have
you selected a name for it as yet.
Last Man ageks
Chrysanthemum Show.
To this I have replied as foUows:
Executive Mansion, Nov. 10, 1891.
Mt dear Ladies:—In behalf oil
Mrs. Snort and myself, and alio in behalf of that prospective heir in the
Snort family to which you so touchingly
allude, I desire to express our hearty
appreciation of your Kindness, and to
state in answer to your last inquiry and
to innumerable inquiries from all parts
ot the country, that as yet Mrs. Snort
and myself have not selected a name
for the future infant.   <
Yours truly,
Bill Snort.
It takes Harrison longer to see anything than any President, we have had.
The day after the election I went into
his office and found lr m in high spirits.
He was rejoicing over the election of
McKinley in Ohio.   He said:
"By Jove, Col. Snort, this is glorious
news. We will have to celebrate this
with a little of that barrel of old Scotch
whisky Andy Carnegie sent me from
Scotland, and which us only to be used
on great .occasions Uke this. Lige, go
down in the cellar and bring up some
ofthe 'O, be joyful P"
After we had disposed of a bottle or
so I began to feel the effects
tonic.
"Harrison, schuse me, but 3
fool." said I.
"Whazzd
am I a fool'
of tha
matter, Schnort. Why
Shay! replied Hai rison.
who was worse off than I was, tie'eause
he was never a member of th. Texas
"Poker" Legislature. Besides that
Scotch whisky is the stronges.. stuff
ever I tasted. However, I maii'agei to
reply:
'"The matter ish. Mishter Preshid. nt,
that while 'publican party ish all rite,
thisli adminishtiashun ish scoopedi
You don't know it, but lemme t_!l you
your headsh ish off. Our chances for a
sheckond term are blacker inshide of
box blacking."
"How sho, Schnort, how sho'." asked
Harrison, taking another snifter.
"Mishter Preshident," said T. holding up a oopy of the Wasi»iu.;ioa
Chronicle, "here ish a teller who hash
the whole thing in nutshell, shee?
Read the beadliush "
HARRISON SHELVED!
The People did it last Tuksdat.
For President, 1892, William
MCKinley.
McKindey the Coming Max !
"Itsh lie. Don't care who shays sho.
Harrison's coming man. Hurrah for
Harrison and Schnort i." said Harrison.
I read the rest of the article out loud
after a fashion.   It ran as follows:
Harrison's bright prospects.
The series of facts are self-evident.
Gen Harrison was eliminated from
the 1892 race >iy the results last Tuesday in New York, Massachusetts and
Iowa.
Mr. Blaine shares to a degree tha
shelving of the Harrison Administration, and his disgruntled attitude toward the McKinley tariff bill, practically eliminates him also from the 1892
race.
The McKinley tariff is the winning
platform te the Republicans to stand
on in 1992.
The oandidate of the Chronicle for.
President of these United States lor
1892,is
HON. WILLIAM McKINLEY
OF OHIO.
Hurrah for the 'winning Buckeve Boy
for 1892.
Yours for reform,
Bill Snort.
The Olrt Santa Fe Trail.
Thirty-five years after Columbus discovered this Continent Alva Nunez Cab-
eza de Vaca sailed from Spain and landed
in Florida, or in the region now called by
that name. From there he made a wonderful overland journey to the City of
Mexico. On that journey a part of tha
way he trav ersed a route which over si nee
has found great favor with travelers to
New Mexioo. Just think of itl There is
a road 800 miles long, rising so imperceptibly for over 600 miles of the distance as
to seem absolutely level, and without g
single bridge from end to end I What
wonderful tales that road could tell—of
the bearded followers of de Vaca, thin
and worn by privation and the fatigue of
their long journey through a wilderness
until then pathless—of the after settlement of the neighborhood by the Spaniards—of the coming of the hardy American pioneer, traders, soldiers, settlers,
and last, but most important of all. tha
'railroad engineers. Many an exploit of
soldiers, scout, and Indian warrior has
that anoient trail witnessed, Phil Kearney knew it well, te had he not fought
over nearly its entire length? Kit Carson achieved much of his fame in its
vicinity, and in the early fifties F. X
Aubrey, a young man, made a famous
ride against time over the same route,
from Santa Fe to Independence, Mo.—
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Trair Resigned.
There waa once a certain old lady
whose son, late in life, married against
her wishes. The wife was everything
that could be desired, and yet the old
lady had ndt intended her middle aged-,
"boy" to marry at all, and loud were her
complaints thereat. Finally the minister
called to ossay consolation and remind,
her that it was hardly best tomakethe-
neighbors the confidants of her woes.
" I am sure Huldah will prove a dutiful
daughter to you," said he.
She'll do as well as she oan," grumbled
the old lady, "but her best'11 be bad
enough. *
"Well, you know the deed is done.
now, and nothing you can say will prevent it."
"I know it. If he had only heard tome in the flrst place, it never would have
happened."
"But, my dear madam, this is not
making tiie best of things."
"There ain't any best to some things!"
snapped she.
"If you oouid only be resigned "
"Resigned? Pm always resigned whea
things go as I want them tol"
Evidently there was no more to bo
_aid.
The best way to live is to cast away
troubles and contentions, which can not
be cured by fretting.
A panther escaped from his cage ia
Grand museum at Boston and attacked
and terribly lacerated an elephant.
A large deposit of vanadium, a metal
worth $1,500 an ounce, was discovered
in Mondova, Argentine Republic.
Professor Alfredo Barili, a musician
and a nepbew of Patti, ■ deserted his
wife and children in Atlanta, Ga.
* It was reported in Washington that
Italy intended to establish friendly relations with the United States.