Lititz Record

              ©PFICE—On Broad street, iAtitx,
Lancaster County, Fa.
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11,00, if paid in advance, and SI.25 if payment
is delayed to the end of year.
For six monthg. 50 eents, and for thrse
months, 25 cents, strictly in advance.
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the end of the term subscribed for, will be
considered a wish to continue the paper.
WAny person sending us Ave new cash
Bubwribers for one year will be entitled to the RECOKD for one year, for his trouble- LITITZ PA., FRIDAY MORNING, AUGUST 16,1889. NO 51
Bates of Advertising in the Record.
l in 2 in 3 in. l4 c. o. Icol
50 90 l 25 2 m 4 00 7 ftft
7ft 1 Kf> 1 «ft s '/ft fi 7ft 10 (HI
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1 2ft 2 15 .1 no ft it ?fi i ft «y
2 00 H2 5 4 ftft 7 ftfItS 'srK>i lt»
2 fiU 4 2f> ft (to t» 7ft 17 «it SI Oí
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Yearly advertisements to bepaid quarterly.
Transient advortisomonts payable in ad»
vance.
Advertisements, to insure immediate inses
tion, must be handed in, at the very latest, M
Wednesday evening.
Job Work of all kinds neatly and promptly
executed at short noiice.
All communications should be addressed to
BECORD OFFICE.
IiitttB. Lane. Co., Pa.
w. the Tailor,
and Gents' Outfitter.
CLOTHING.
I offer everything in the way of Spring
andSummerClothing and make a specialty of
SUITS TO ORBER,
having an endless variety ol piece goods to
select from. In the
Ready-made Department
you will find an elegant variety of Men's,
Youths' and Children's Clothing, made up
in good style, warranted as represented or
no sale. Prices will be found as low as
anywhere.
HATS AND CAPS. .
SHIRTS.
We have the latest and nobbiest styles
in Fine Stiff and Soft Hats and Straw
Goods for men and boys. Caps for summer
wear a specialty. No old styles.
The most comfortable and neatest
Shirt is the Tailor Made Flannel Shirt.
I have them in all colors, in various patterns,
at prices far below last year's prices and in
such pretty designs that they will sell.
White Shirts, laundried and unlaundried,
the latter from 35 cents up. Who'd think
of making a shirt when they can be bought
at these prices ?
NECKWEAR.
Nothing adds so much to the appearance of a
man as a neat Collar and Necktie. I have the correct
styles in seasonable summer shapes of fashionable
Scarfs and Ties, in large variety to select from. These
goods were made especially for me from silks of my
own choice. In COLLARS and CUFFS I can supply you
in linen, celluloid or paper, just as you prefer. In
styles it must be funny if I cannot suit you.
Would be pleased to have you call and see before going
elsewhere to purchase.
WALTER H. BUCH,
" R E C O R D " BUILDING,
!B_R,O.A.:D S T . , L I T I T Z .
^Rothsville Carriage Factory.**
A L L K I N D S O F
'aggies, Carriages, Phaetons,
Spring and Market Wagons
on hand a t lowest prices. Also a complete stock of SECOND HANI) COXYEYAiiCE
VEKY LOW. P. B. KOFROTH, Prop'r,
,!2-mar ROTHSVI L L E , PA.
A. G. Killiaji's.
«FRESH FISH»
RECEIVED WEEKLY,
•om now until warm weather comes,
- A T T H E -
^eiicaiiO^fcePpoa^
OYSTERS AND OBANGES
specialty for the supply of hucksters.
STOVES !
I now liave a stoce of upwards of 100
)TOVES,EMGM HEATERS
««leet from, in all the latest imprsved
styles. 20 pieces of new patterns in
OIL CLOTH,
Ms wide, at from 45 to 90 eents a yard}
«pipe and Stove Boards, Agate Ware,
an« Bucket», KniTe* and Forks,
.flag and «pontine, Plumbing-, Steam
;as Fitting, wood and Iron Pumps,
ires put up and delivered iree of charge
ork guaranteed. Can compete In prioe
•he lowest.
e and see my stock. No trouble to
¿}oods.
I. A. MIKSCH,
EET, L I T I T Z , PA
HESS & BEAR,
6I1LM LUMBER DEALERS
L I T I T Z , P A .
Coal and Lumber keut under Gen ar.
We make a specialty of LIME-BURNING
COAL, which is run over a screen and easily
loaded without extra charge.
We also sell Plastering Hair and Sand and
are agents for CROCKER'S HONEST PHOS-PHATE,
one of the best fertilizers in the
market for tobacco and wheat.
Prices Reasonable in Everything we
Sell. 16mar-ly
A. M. KREIDER,
TIN & SHEET IRON WORKER,
Roofing and Spouting a Specialty.
GasaiSteafflEittiiaiPliiiiMis.
Am prepared with a full set of tools and
compatent workmen In this branch. All
work guaranteed.
A L L . K I N D S OP
WOOD AND IRON PUMPS.
Agent for the famous Walters' Patent Tin
Shingle.
BROAD STREET, LITITZ. 23my-ly
AUNT KATE.
DR.COEX'S SANTONINE WORM SYRUP
Is the most pleasant and certain Vermi-fuge
known to medical science. Trya bottle.
Price 25 cents. These Remedies are prepared
only at Dr. H. N. Coxe's Laboratory, Schuyl-kill
Haven, Pa., and sold by all Respectable
Dealers' 28sep-fim
Being a boy and only fifteen, of
course I could not be expected to un-derstand
trouble very well.
But Aunt Kate was just the bright-est,
happiest little woman I ever saw
before mother died.
She was a teacher, and I know that
many of the little comforts about our
home came from her salary. Oh bless-ed
Aunt Kate.
But mother died one day.
Such days and nights of sorrow as
followed her death I pray heaven we
may never be called to suffer again—
Aunt Kate and I. Shekept up brave-ly
while people came and went and
tried to be sorry for her, but when
they were all gone then she crept up to
the room where mother lay, and I sat
humbly staring into the darkness, and
she fell down on the lounge and lay
there so still I could scarcely tell
which figure was furthest froin life.
Poor Aunt Kate!
. When the sad funeral was over and
we sat together in the twilight, silent
and still, with our four hands clasped,
as though we fain would comfort one
another, a man walked in unannounc-ed,
through the shadows, and sat down
near us.
It was Mr. Aytown, from the neigh-boring
village of Oak Station. ••
He had often been to our house be-fore.
I knew tie came to see Aunt
Kate, so I shrank away behind the
window curtain, laid my face down on
my arm, and was soon, I suppose, fast
asleep. I awoke at last, with my arm
aching, and heard a low sound of
voices in the room.
" I cannot give you up in this way,
Kate," the man was saying. " Let
me, at least, share your cares and bur-dens
until you can reasonably lay them
aside." Aunt Kate's voice was very
calm and low as she answered him :
" No, Francis ; right is right. You
would naturally grow weary of respon-sibilities
that were not your own. But
my sister's children are mine hence-forth,
and there are secrets in her life,
transmitted now to mine, which I can-not
eyen share with you. Please do
not make my path harder than it
otherwise would be by importunities
which I cannot answer.
There was silence for a tiue, and
then the man said bitterly :
" If you love me Katharine, you
would not talk in that way."
" Perhaps not." Aunt Kate's voice
was lower, almost a whisper. " I am
sorry to make you feel bad, but "
" You think I had better leave, and
you do not wish to tell me so. Is that
all?"
That is all."
" Kate—If you need a friend—and
I can serve you—will you let me
know?"
" Yes." I wandered if he kissed
her; I could not see through the
gloom; but after he was gone a great
sob struggled up to her lips, and again
she fell down like one in a swoon.
She went to work again in a few
days at teaching, and every hour when
she was out of school she used to write
and write. I knew that her pieces
sold and she wanted more lin^e to give
to them. But the drudgery of school
life held her and she could not escape
from it. Slowly, slowly she was wear-ing
out. I wanted to help her. I
wanted her to let me leave school and
go to work, but she begged me so hard
to stay in school, because father might
come home, and he could not want to
find his boy ignorant and broken down
witli work.
I listened when a hard-faced man,
who often came to the house, was
talking with Aunt Kate. I heard
about debts yfejt to be paid and legal
trouble-to be settled. Then I made
up my mind, and the next morning,
when Aunt Kate went to school, I
started off to find Mr. Antowy.
I had a long search, but I found
him at last. He had moved his store
to another town, thirty miles away,
and was living like a hermit, or a
misanthrope, all by himself. I was
glad of that.
It would have been so much worse
if he was married, you know; but I
walked into the store and called him
by name. He did not recognize me
at first, but I told him who I was,
and he looked at me under his
wrinkled eyebrows and:
"Did she—your aunt—send you
here?"
"No, sir, " I answered promptly;
" she did not know I was coming, but
she is working too hard and I want
to help her. Now, if you will take
me into your store and give me $5 a
week I can take pare of Kittle my-self,
and you can take care of Aunt
Kate. See?" -
» He laughed a little, short, hard
laugh and said :
" It is not so bad, you trying to
take care of your self, boy, but your
terms are rather extravagant, and I
doübt if you can stay here anyway.
Does she want you to leave school ?"
" No, sir. She wants me to finish
my education, so when father comes
home I can go to work with him."
"What!" he said, sharply, "I
thought your father was dead ?"
"So I thought," I answered him,
and so does nearly every one think ;
but I remember, now, that mother did
not think so. She always watched for
hjm, and Aunt Kate knows more
about it than she says. I expect he
went away and left a lot of money to
be paid, and these women thought
they could pay it and then he would
come home."
" You have some queer notions,"
Mr. A. said, and then he asked me a
lot of questions about my, father and
grandfather and about mother too,
and Aunt Kate, and then he went to
his desk and took out some papers
and said:
" Here, take this home to your Aunt
Kate. Tell her that it was her pride
that has kept me from understanding
her position all this while; that I
never intend to injure anybody, and if
she wants to see me she has only to
write."
" And you will not give me $5 a
week?" I asked, for I was awfully
disappointed. He laughed again—a
pleasenter laugh this time and said :
" Ask her ?"
So I went home again and gave her
the .papers to read, and she cried and
said :
" My brother—my dear brother!"
and all the while she was glad, she
said, though she still kept crying.
At last Mr. Aytown came without
being sent for, and they talked a long
while. It was about some papers that
had been intrusted to somebody, and
father lost them and was afraid to
own it. It was something about the
bank where Mr. Aytown was president,
and the papers were found and
brought to him, and he put them
away and said nothing, and father
went away and liyed in fear, expecting
a lot of trouble,'and Aunt Kate kept
it all to herself and wouldn't say a
word.
And father came home, very sad
and troubled, grieved beyound all
words that his home was broken up
and his wile gone from his sight for-ever.
He put his hand on my head
and said :
" If I have erred, my boy, I did it
for your sake. I could not bear the
thought of that disgrace or even
suspicion should rest upon the father
of my phild."
I said : (
" Poor father, you have lots of
trouble, but I think we will work
together after this."
And so there was a wedding at our
house one night. The parties were
Mr. and Mrs. Aytown, but the bridé
was dear Aunt Kate.
The Largest Draw-Bridge 111 the
W o r l d .
The great railroad bridge; crossing
the Thames River at New London,
Connecticut, which is now almost
completed, is the largest draw bridge
in the world. The Thames River is a
tidal estuary about fourteen miles
long. The Niantic 'and Shetucket
rivers enter it at its head near which
is the town of Norwich. New London
is near its mouth. The hew bridge
is at a narrow portion of the inlet,
where it diminishes to 1,500 feet in
width, yet the tide to be resisted
necessitated great skill in engineering,
and the central piers had to be
weighted extraordinarily. The central
draw-span of the bridge affords two
cl ar openings of 225 feet each in
width.
The great width is exacted by the
United States government, which
possesses a naval station above the
bridge, and requires that the channel
shall not be too much obstructed.
The draw can be swung through the
entire circle, and when opened for the
passage of a vessel can be rotating
<is the vessel passes through, thus
closing without reversal.
The superstructure is built entirely
of steel, and is calculated to bear a live
load of 3,000 pounds to the lineal
foot of railway tracks, with the
superadded weight of two locomotive
engines. It has two tracks it entire
length, and the trains of the Shore
Line on the Boston and Providence
route will cross it, instead of being
ferried across the estuary as hitherto.
A S a f e Guard—Always on Duty,
Thousands make'a practice of taking
Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite
Remedy,, of Rondout, NY Y., when-ever
they have symptoms of possible
sickness, and through the prompt
action of this remarkable medicine
they are really never ill. It is a per-fect
safeguard against all forma of
malaria, sick and nervous headache,
palpitation, dyspepsia and heartburn.
He Had Traveled.
A young man with a great deal of
hat and a small amount of grip-sack
came into the depot on a train the
other day and walking through the
hackstand he said to the driver of a
vehicle:
" I want to go to the Wayne hotel."
"Yes, sir."
"The ordinance gives you fifty
Cents."
" It does."
" Here's your money. I've traveled
a bit, I have, and I know what's what.
Don't try any gum games on me."
- " No sir—get right in."
The stranger entered the hack, the
driver drove across the street and got
down and opened the door, and as the
stranger saw how he had fooled him-self
he looked as- flat as chalk and
muttered:
"Yes—I see—-just across the street.
I've traveled, I have, but I guess I
was on the wrong train."
As S h a r p as t h e Lawyer.
An old plasterer is called upon to
give evidence for the plaintiff. Counsel
for the defendant tries to bully him.
" Your name is John Smith ?"
"Yes."
"Are you the same John Smith
that was sentenced to eight years'
imprisonment for using bad lan-guage
?"
" No."
" Are you the same John Smith
who was sentenced to a couple years
hard labor for theft ?"
" No, that wasn't me, either."
" Then you have never been in
prison ?"
" Yes, twice."
" Ah ! and how long the first time ?"
" One whole afternoon."
" What! —and the second time ?"
" Only one hour."
" And pray, what offence had you
committed to deserve so small a
punishment ?"
" I was sent to prison to whitewash
a cell to accommodate a lawyer who
had cheated one of his clients."
(Cross-examination collapsed.)
Home Ijove.
The bitterest tears shed over graves
are for words leit unsaid and deeds
left undone. " She never new howl
loved her." " He never knew what
he was to me." " I always meant to
make more of our friendship." "I
never knew what he was to me till he
was gone." Such words are the
poisoned arrows which Death shoots
backward at us.
How much more might we make of
our family life, of our friendships, if
every secret thought of love blossomed
into a deed ! We are not speaking of
personal caresses. These may or may
not be the best language of affection.
—But there are words and looks and
little observances, thoughtfulness,
Watchful little attentions, which speak
of love, which make manifest, and
there is scarcely a family that might
not be richer in heart wealth for more
of them.
I t W a s n ' t There.
I was out on the south veranda half
an hour before breakfast, when a
young lady and her mother came out
and hailed a newsboy and bought a
Philadelphia paper.
" Suppose it isn't in here ?" queried
the girl as she opened the paper.
" Oh, it's sure to be," replied the
mother. " Didn't father write out
the notice himself -and send it to the
office?"
" But it's not here—-not a word of
it!" shrieked, the young lady as she
hastily scanned the Atlantic City
personals."
" What! Doesn't it say that the
handsome and accomplished daughter
of Judge Waxera, of No. 920 Shacka-jacksen
avenue, left for the seashore
last evening to be gone a month, and
that she will be the bright star around
which Atlantic City sooiety will re-volve
for the next few weeks?"
" Not a line—not a word. I am
totally ignored."
"It looks like a conspiracy, my
child, but wait. Get me a telegraph
blank and I'll raise your father out of
his boots and see whether he has any
influence over the mendacious press of
Philadelphia."
Where Rest Was Needed.
" Say, Samsinger, I hear you people
have sent your pastor to Europe for a
long vacation. Why, I saw him last
week, and a stronger, healthier look-ing
man I never want to see. He
doesn't need a rest."
" I should say not! we sent him
away to give the congregation one."
"When Baby tras aiek, wo g»T® her Caatoria,
When she was a Child, she cried for Caatoria,
When she became Mias, she clang to Caatoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria
He Got His Sweetheart,
'• So you will not lend me the
money ?" asked Edward Stone of his
gruff old uncle.
" I will give you instead a bit of
advice," said the old man, " if you
will take it."
" Very well," said the nephew in a
disappointed voice.
" Go back to your store and save $3
a week out of your salary. Learn in
the meantime all you can of business.
At the end of four years you will haye
the capital you seek and it will be
doubly valued because you have earn-ed
it. Then come and see ifie again.
I dare say you'd rather have the
money than the advice," as the other
turned to go. " But hold on, you've
got time to take tea before the train
starts, and I want you to see my little
housekeeper. Polly!" he called, and
a bright, rosy-cheeked girl tripped in,
while Edward's face flushed painfully.
" Polly," continued her father, this is
your cousin Edward. He leaves on
the 6 train; make his short stay as
pleasant as possible "
At the request of her father, who
was very fond of his daughter's varied
accomplishments, Mary sang and
played for her cousin, and his visit
ended in singular contrast to the
stormy way it commenced. Edward
refused the $5 note tendered to him
by his uncle at parting for his travel-ing
expenses.
The old man smiled as he returned
the note to his pocketbook. " He's a
sensible young chap, after all," he
remarked to his daughter, as the door
closed after their guest. " It's in him,
if it can only be brought out. We
shall see, we shall see."
" A good deal for father to say,"
was Mary's inward comment, who
thought her cousin the most agreeable
young man she had ever met.
Three years later Mr. Stone and his
daughter paused in front of a small,
but neat and pleasant looking shop,
on the plate-glass door of which were
these words: "Edward Stone, Sta-tionery
and Book Store."
It being too early in the day for
customers they found the proprietor
alone, and his face flushed with pride
and pleasure as he greeted them.
" I got your card, nephew," said the
old man with a cordial grasp of the
hand, " and called around to see how
you were getting oh. I thought it was
about time I gave you the little lift
you asked of me three years ago. You
don't look much as if you needed it,
though."
" Not at present, thank you, uncle,"
was the cheerful response. " Curious-ly
enough, it is the same business that
I wanted to buy then. * The man who
took it had to borrow money to pur-chase
it with, getting so much involved
that he had had to sell at a sacrifice."
" Just what you wanted to do."
Edward smiled at the point made
by his uncle. " It isn't what I've
done, though. I have saved $4 a
week from my salary for the last three
years, and so was not only able to pay
the money down, but had $50 be-sides."
" Bravo! my boy," cried the de-lighted
old man, with another grasp
of the hand that made our hero wince.
" I am proud of you! You are bound
to succeed, I see, and without any-body's
help. I told your Cousin
Polly that when she was-eighteen I'd
buy her a house in the city ; that she
should iurnish it to suit herself, and
have all the servants she wanted, and
I've kept my word. Come 'round and
see us whenever you can. You'll al-ways
£nd the latchstring out."
Edward did not fail to accept the
invitation so frankly extended—a very
pleasant intimacy growing up between
the three during the twelve months
that followed.
On Christmas eve the old man en-tered
the room where his daughter and
Edward were sitting, and said:
" I must not delay any longer the
'little lift' I promised you, nephew,
and which you have well earned."
Edward glanced from the $5,000
check to the lovely face at his side
and then to that of the speaker.
" You are very kind, uncle—-far
kinder than I deserve, but I "
"But what, lad? Speak out?
Would you like it in some other
form ?"
Edward's fingers closed steadily
and strongly over the hand he had
taken in his.
" Yes, uncle—in this."
The old man looked keenly from
one to the other,
" You are asking a good deal,
nephew. Polly, have you been en-couraging
this young man in hi3
presumption ?"
" I'm afraid I have, father,"" was
the smiling response.
The father's eyes moistened.
"Then go, my daughter. I give
you to a worthy keeping, and if
you make your husband's heart as
happy as your mother made mine
during the few short years that she
tarried by my side, he will be blessed
indeed."
A Dakota Heroine.
Miss Lizzie Duffield, who has spent
the past six years in South Dakota,
was among the first young ladies to
brave the hardships of claim life and
take up land in Dakota, and she is
now the fortunate owner of 820 acres
of excellent farm land, half of which
is a short distance iron Harold, Hyde
Co. The other quarter section is near
the thriving town of Aulkton, and all
of which will certainly be valuable
property in time. All the adventures
of life far out upon the prairie, with
the nearest neighbor a mile and a half
distant, the perils in storm and flood
and the danger of living alone for
weeks at a time, have been undergone.
She was one of those brave and reso-lute
Dakota school teachers who, with
a few pupils under her care, encoun-tered
the awful storn of January 1888.
During the long night which followed
the dreadful blizzard, with scant fuel,
she kept herself and the children from
freezing only by the utmost exertion
until all were rescued from their fear-'
ful situation at 5 o'clock the next
morning. Miss Duffield has gained
an enviable reputation as a teacher.
He Saw the Bull.
A man out in the fields in a Con-necticut
town wanted to inspect more
closely a three-year-old bull. He bel-lowed
at him and succeeded in attract-ing
his attention. His bullship thought
some of the neighboring bulls had
got into his territory and came up
with his head down and nostrils ex-tended
and fire in his eye, prepared to
fight, but fortunately for the man
there happened to be an apple tree
close at hand, which he succeeded in
dodging behind just as the bull made
a dive at him, striking the tree plumb
in the centre, which luckily was just
the right size to fit between his horns,
thus holding him fast for a moment,
which gave the frightened man a
chance to use his horns as a step-lad-der,
thus enabling him to climb the
tree, where he amused himself by
throwing apples at the infuriated bull,
who stood underneath pawing the dirt
and bellowing until his owner came
after the cows in the evening and
drove him away.
Preservation of the Eyesight.
The best preservative of eyesight is
outdoor exercise. A cold bath every
morning stimulates the circulation,
and with an active bounding of the
blood through the arteries assimilation
and elimination bring about good
results.
Heated rooms with poor illumina-tion
are a prolific source of weak eyes.
Reading or writing with the light
falling on thre page and reflecting its
rays into the eyes often brings about
a spasm of the little muscles which
govern the accommodation, and the
result is to exhaust the eyes. The
light should always come from behind
the individual, and fall obliquely over
the left shoulder. People who indulge
in overfeeding, are careless about
clothing, travel with damp feet, or
dine irregularly, all suffer sooner or
later from defective vision.
A habit quite common among
fashionable ladies, to whom nature
has denied a black or brown eye, is to
seek the secrets of the chemist's shop,
and apply a weak solution of bella-donna
or homatropine to dilate the
pupil and render the cornea more
brilliant, Even the cologne bottle has
been drained of its contents to give
brilliancy to the eye. Such habits are
only to be spoken of to be condemned.
Let.the natural lubricant oe the only
cosmetic used. See that ducts are
kept healthy by proper means and
nature will then do her duty.
A J o k e on a Car Driver.
The driver of a Philadelphia street
car relates the following joke on him-self
; " Those traveling salesman are
full of tricks. One of 'em played a
a good joke on me last night. I had
a carload of lady passengers on the
down trip, and I saw a chap pull a ci-gar
out of his pocket and stick it in
his mouth. I told him it was against
the rules to smoke when there were
ladies on the car, but he paid no at-tention
to me. He pulled out a match
and when I made a grab for it he
pulled the cigar apart and it opened
into a fan. Maybe they didn't laugh
at me ; but it was a good sell, and I
enjoyed it if the joke was on me."
A Fortunate and Grateful Woman.
Mrs. J. H. Giles, of Everett, Pa.,
says : " I suffered for years from kid-ney
and gravel trouble. No physi-cians
or medicine at home did me any
good. I finally visited my former
home at Rondout, N. Y., and began
using Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite
Remedy, of Rondout, N. Y. A few
words tell the result. J am a perfectly
well and happy woman once more.
Short Cuts.
The language of the deaf mute ;
without saying.
An electric spark—making love by
telephone.
The shoe dealer who will do Work
which is beneath other people.
Every fat man has a theory on how
to dispose of thé surplus.
The bad small boy, when his moth-er
calls, is like the echo. He answers
but he doesn't come.
It is a little singular, to say the
least, that after a man has been paint-ing
the town red he usually feels blue.
When a man affirms that " there's
lots of money in leather don't dispute
him—purses are made of leather.
A pocketbook made of rattlesnake
hide, which is so repulsive to ladies
that they wont touch it, is having quite
a sale among married men.
It Would Seem so.—Ted—" Is love
really blind ?" Ned—" I suppose so.
You know a fellow seldom goes to see
his girl until it's dark."
The doctors are doing their best to
convince the public that ice water is
dangerous. Perhaps it is, but then,
so are whisky, and toy pistols, aud
matrimony, and lots of things.
Inventor—" I would like to get you
interested in my improved fly-paper."
Capitalist—" What makes you think
it will be successful ?" Inventor—
" Because it's gotten up in imitation of
a bald head."
In a St. Louis hospital a man re-cently
had a dream which covered
six months' time and 10,000 miles of
travel. There is a great deal of sight
seeing embraced in a drink of St.
Louis whiskey.
Wife—" I'll take the $20 you gave
me and buy my bonnet thir morning,
dear, as you want what's left to get
your hat." Husband—"All right,
dearest. I'll go down at once and or-der
a sixty cent hat for myself."
A .good memory is a blessing, says
a writer. And it may be remarked
that it is one that wealth cannot buy.
Just look at the man who has be-come
suddenly rich. He cannot even .
remember the faces of his old friends.
Wife—"I suppose we'll have to
send an invitation to those Evercomes
to be at our party next week, but I
hate to have them here. I wish I
knew how to ayoid it. " Husband—
" Send the invitation by a messenger
boy. Then you have done your duty
and they won't get it until after the
party has occcurred.
" Edward, why do I hear that you
have disobeyed your grandmother,
who told'you just now not to jump
down these steps ?"
" Grandma didn't tell me not to,
papa. She only came to the door and
said : " I wouldn't jump down those
steps, boys." And I should not think
she would—an old Jady like her !"
A Millionaire's Phonetic Spelling.
Hundreds of people stopped on Sun-day
in front of an immense 12-story,
$800,000 building now in course . of
erection at No. 549 Broadway, New
York, to read the following inscription
printed on a piece of brown paper and
secured to one of the iron pillars with
a string:
" He who bilds, owns and will occu-py
this marvel of brick, iron and
grauit, thirteen years ago walked the
streets peniless and fifty thousand in
det—only to prove that the capitalist
of to da wer poor men twenty years
ago, and that many a fellow lacing
poverty to-da ma be a capitalist a
quarter of a century hence if he wil.
Pluck, adorned with ambition, backed
by honor, grit, will always command
success even without the almighty do!-
ar.—Chailes Broadway Rouss."
Mr. Rouss is an eccentric millionaire
who is in the wholesale auction dry
goods business. He came to this city
form Winchester, Va., in 1866, with-out
a dollar and heavily in debt. A
keen business sense, aided by an inde-fatigable
determination and unswerv-ing
integrity, soon resulted in his abun -
dant prosperity. He is a member of
an association for the encouragement
of phonetic spelli ng.
A Vain Search.
Yellowly—" Why, Brownly, how
bad you look this morning. Did you
sleep any last night?"
Brownly—" Not a wink."
Yellowly—" Anybody sick ?"
Brownly—" I am."
Yellowly—" What's the matter ?"
Browuly—" Well, you see my wife
has been in the habit of going thr ugh
my pockets at night, and I thought
what was good for the gander was.
good for the goose, so after she fell
asleep last night I arose and set out to
go through her pocket."
Yellowly-—" Get anything ?"
Brownly—"No. Searched the dres&
over and over, spent the whole night
at it, but couldn't find the pocket."