Lititz Record

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T H E L1T1TZ RECORD
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HEADQUARTERS FOR
HOUSE-STIR ES
—AT—
Keiper's Great Furniture Warerooms,
45 North QUEEN Street, Lancaster, Pa.
E V E R Y B O D Y
- In aeed of FURNITURE should give us a call. Great bargains offered.
Godds sold at lower prices than ever before known. We hare a iarga
stock from which to make selections, and guarantee to give satisfaction
to all our patrons, who are cordially invited to call and see for them-selves.
No trouble to show goods. ^Buying direct from the manufac-turers,
we are enabled to/ell at bottom prices.
ja9 0 J. M. KEIPBR
3KNC iesfl What a Fallen says of it.
uTh© Pastilles I purchased from Ton in August
prove to me most conclusively tbat ''while there la
life there is hope." Thev did their work far be-yond
my utmost expectations, for I .certainly did
not expect that a habit of FOURTEEN YEARS'
DURATION could be completely gotten under con-trol
in the exceedingly short time of two months
I can assure you that no false modesty will keep mo
from doing all that 1 can in adding to the success
which will surely crown so beneficial a remedy."
Above extract frora a lattsr dated—'W. Ya. Dec, 28{ 1881
The Pastilles are prepared and sold only by the -- -
H&fii3§s REEffiSDY-CO. CHEM'StS,
306M I04HC AT, ST. K.OUIS, MO,
Ose Jfa&i tnatatept $3, two soa&a $5, ttos aostia 7
yg^XgUNNlNc
v ^ / I f i F l
W O T r
i 9 K > •IMEWHQM
• S E W 1 M 3 M A C H I N E CO-
3 0 UNION SQUARE.NEW YQRK
CHICAGO; ILL.——•
„ ORANGE, MASS.
AND ATLANTA. GA.-
C. FATE,
Agent for Lancaster, Pa.
B. EWING, General Agent,
112? Chestnut St., P h i l a d e l p h i a , Pa.
MICHAEL ROTH,
TONSORIAL ARTIST,
Opposite t h e Sturgis House.
MAIN S T R E E T , UITITS,
Keeps constantly on hand a good stock of
FINE POMADES,
HAIR TONIC, .
rSHAVING SOAP,
jLnd e v e r y t h i n g else belonging to t h e trad*,.
Hair Cutting- done with neatness and dls*
•atoll Children's Hair CnU.ir.a: a sm-piisltr-
L I T I T Z
F r e s h Bread, S p o i l s ,
B u n s , S w e e t C a k e s ,
S t r s i s l e r s , S u g a r
Cakes, &c.,
Served dail in town and country. All order!
for funerals or public gatherings promptly
attended to. A special f e a t u r e in t h e businesi
will be t, h e b a k i n g of GENUINE BYE a ni
BRAN BREAD. My a im shall be furnish i
good a r t i c l e a t a l l times. Give m e a t r i a l a n i
satisfy yourself.
Have also added all "necessary tools for oi>
n a m e n t i n g cakes, a n d am now prepared te
ornament cakes for weddings a n d p a r t i e s in
a n y style desired.
HORACE L. K8CHBAGH.
M
ft Sole agent and dealer
| . in Lancaster and ad-joining
counties forthe
sale of all the Ameri-can
and English Bi-cycles
and Tricycles,
No. 9 E. King Street,
Lancaster, Pa. Riding
School, No. 55 North
Queen St. Please call
i and see my stock of
machines, or send me
your name on a postal
j<n . card, and I will mail
' \ V5, you a catalogue free.
Paynes' Automatic Engines & Saw-Mill,
, OUR LEADER.
•We offer an 8 to 10 H. P. Automatic, Spark-Arrest-ing,
Mounted Portable Engine, with Mill, 16 ft-carriage,
82 ft. track and ways, 2 simultaneous!
Jever set head-blocks, 2%-inch arbor, 3 changes
feed: sawyer controls feed-lever and head-blocks
from one position. 60-inch solid
saw, go ft. 8-inch 4-ply belting,
feed-belts, cant-hooks, swage,
tightener, etc. Big complete for
% operation, $1100 on cars. En-r
sine on sliicls, $100 less. Engine
will burn slabs from the saw two
i f t . ^ to eight feet long and keep up
K steam. Send for catalogue 12..
£ YJ B. W . PAYNE & SONS, '
f ,7 •aniifacturers all styles Auto-
4 / •• itic Engines from 2 to 300 H. P.
Shafting, pulleys, and hangers.
Elmiro, N. Y., Box 1427,
I
r
10t/t i
Mends Everything SOLID AS
BS«>€B4.!-IIard' as Adamant!—
F t 2»s Cirsisaitc! Strongest,
and most Elastic Glue
on J'.iirtli! A Sameonian Gianjt
th among a II otlierGlues
1 nits! AfrsoIiitelyUn* i Me and Inseparable.'
FT NO Preparation
Ready-Always Liquid!
'.lines G-asieasa, CJHiiss, Wood,
Leather Belting, Crockery, Bil-
Tipa and Cloth,Marble.
Mt-uils. Patches on Leather and
bu'jr oboes, Bric-a-brac, Book
cks. Stone, Furniture, Bicycle
bber lires, Ornaments of every
id. Jewelry, Smokers' Pipes and
rar Hoidors, Card Board in Scrap
oks.andH^v^s'j'lEslBi^ •pisewith
Lverlitsrmg inseparable Tenacity I
Mjasna*;•;>*'turoa'S of Gummed La-
1 1 t i l abrics,Fine.Carriages,
Pi aaop, A rf ificialFlowers, imitation
btained Giass <k. Straw Goods. Cabi-tM
1 r supplied, by Gallon
° 1 >0<-ES!»ii?«p(Bru8hand
1 ) assail, postpaid, 10c,
"y by Manufacturers
. u . o r o o . ^. sin{"*to-n,^l>.-0«
re. Sold by iu-ug.gista,
nnd General Storea.
iflNITfl'SJUM, Riverside, Cal. The dry climate <mre&
Jfose, Throat,Lungs, full idea, 36 p., route, cost, free
MMRIAGF CAUNSDD S. H2E6A0 LpTgHs. ] Illustrated. <
; All that the doubtful ourious or thoughtful want to>
.know, Cloth and gilt binding50 cts, paper 25o, Mar-|
riage Guide, 144 p 15c, Bent sealed, money or stps,by<&
.DR. WHITTIER P . W s W A , ,
' The great specialist, Nervous Debility,ImpedimeotBC
; to Marriage, Consultation and Pamphlet free, J
SPECTACLES!
Hundreds of persons in Lancaster, Chester,
and York counties, Pa., a n d Cecil county, Md.,
and elsewhere, are wearing my Spectacles
with a satisfaction a n d comfort t h e y never
received f r om glasses before.
THE BEST HPEOTACLE3 AND
EYE GLASSES ON HAND.
Do not r u n the risk of i n j u r i n g your eyes
by unsuitable glasses, b u t call on Dr. BBOWN
and get glasses t h a t will suit your eyes and
do t h em good The only place to he properly
suited w i t h glasses.
ALL DISEASES OF EYE AND EAR
TREATED.
If your sight is failing,.or If you need glasses
It will be to your i n t e r e s t to address or call on
D R . C . H . B R O W N ,
E Y E A N D E A R S U R G E O N,
NO. 20 WEST ORANGE STREET.
LANCASTER. Pa.
V I G O R O U S H E A L T H F O R M EN
HARRIS' ,
A Radical Curs
FOB
SPERMATORRHEA
IMPOTENCY.
ffl®"Teated for over 5
years by use in thou-sands
of caaea.
^ e o
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SEND ADDRESS _
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organic weakness &od do>
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C O . , M'fg Chemist*
BLATGHLEY
p u m p i
BUY T H E B E S T .
BLATCHLEY'S
TRIPLE ENAMEL
PORCELAIN-LINED
SEAMLESS TUBE
: COPPER-LINED
Do not he armed into
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For sale by the best
houses in the. Trade.
C. cT&t ATCHLEY.Jsnanuf'r,
308 MARKET 8T., Phllad'a. Wilts to me for n t o e oi aearest Aerenfc
WOKE.
Some find work where some find rest
And so the weary world goes on;
I sometimes wonder which is best,
The answer oomes when life is gone.
Some eyes sleep when some eyes wake,
And so the dreary night hours go.
Some hearts heat where some hearts break;
I often wonder why 'tis so.
Some hands fold, where other hands
Are lifted bravely in the strife;
And so thro* ages and thro' lands
Move on the two extremes of life.
Some feet halt while some feet tread,
In tireless march, a thorny way;
Some struggle on where some have fled:
Some seek, when others shun the fray,
Some sleep on while others keep
The vigils of the true and brave;
They will not rest till roses creep
Around their names, above a grave.
HOW WE GOT A STEP-MOTHER.
0 I L Y _ m
fflLAIffli
SINGER
is the BEST BUILT,
FINEST FINISHED,
EASIEST RUNNI NG
SINGER MACHINE ever offered the public.
The above cut represents the most popular style for j
the people which we offer you for the very low price
of ®20. Remember, we do not ask you to pay until you
have seen the machine. After having examined it,
if it is not all we represent, return it to us at our
expense. Consult your interests and order at once, or
Bend for circulars and testimonials. Address
CHARLES A. WOOD & CO., No. 17 N• T e n t h St., fbiMtlj/liV, 1%
There were three of us, and terrible
"pickles" we were. Cooks and nnrs-ery
maids from time immemorial had
impressed the fact upon us. Our near-est
neighbor. Miss Rachel Vincent, had
often told us so, in the softest of pur-ring
voices but with a vixenish glance
of her cat-like eyes. Our dear father
himself had been lately betrayed, by
some wild fun or other, into a similar
sentiment. Thereupon Miss Raspberry
Vinegar, as Sam always called her, had
laid a caressing paw upon his coat
sleeve, whispering—
"Dearest Mr. Yenney, the poor
children need a mother,"
And our father had replied signifi-cantly—
1 thought—
"Dearest Miss Yincent, we must
endeavor to proyide them with one."
A personable man was our father at
this time, one who bore his flve-and-forty
years well and youthfully—a fas-cinating
man to women young and
old, by reason of his unvarying old-fashioned
deferential courtesy and the
tender inflections that crept into his
deep voice in addressing them, but a
man entirely unconscious .of his own
fascination—a profound scholar, whose
library was ever ten-fold more attrac
tive than any drawing-room—a kindly,
quiet, charitable, simple-minded gen-tleman.
Many, I could remember, Were the
feminine jealousies and heart-burnings
on his account, and various the re-grets
to which his constancy to our
dead mother's memory gave rise. Most
people had decided that it would last
forever. I imagined it would soon
end , and so did- Miss Yincent --she be-cause
the wish was father to the
thought—and the thought had been so
continually and ingeniously presented
to my father that he might well have
adopted it; I because only a week be
fore an escapade of mine had brought
the loving comment—
"Madge, my darling, for fifteen
years I have lived a lonely life for
your mother's sake; but for yours and
Bertha's I must place a wiser mistress
than you, dear, at the head of my
household,"
"We had discussed this matter in
solemn conclave—Bertha) Sam aiid I.
"Pickles" as we Were, this sobered us;
and we debated gravely thereon. JSTofc
that we were greatly dismayed at the
prospect of a step-mother—there Were
two sides to that question—but that
"step-mother" and Miss "Raspberry
Vinegar" seemed to us synonomous
terms. "We saw through her delicate
flattery of our father, her simulated
affection for us, her wily approach to
the coveted position, the head of his
table. Whether they were equally
transparent to him we could not tell,
We feared the worst, for day by day
Miss Vincent's advances became more
marked and the silent courtesy with
which they were invariably received
evoked triumphont flashes from her
feline optics. We were unanimous on
one point—that something—no matter
how desperate—mnst be done to defeat
her design, but no course of action had
hitherto suggested itself.
I t was late autumn, or rather early
winter. Without the tvind whistled
weirdly around the dear old house;
within a blazing wood-fire lighted
somewhat fitfully the large low room
in which we were assembled. We
had dined earlier than usual, and our
father had departed to deliver a lec-ture;
at the nearest town to the young
men of some Mutual Improvement
Association. I had not yet rung for
lights, for me the gloaming is the pieas^
antest part of the day, especially fitted
for; talk or meditation. Half buried
in a roomy easy-chair, gazing at the
crackling logs, my father's words
kept repeating themselves—
" I must place a wiser mistress than
you, dear, at the head of my house-hold."
At my feet, apparently dozing, lay
Sam, at full length upon the hearth-rug—
all legs and wings, as we girl's were
wont to tell him. Bertha sat On a low
stool at hia head, playing alternately with
his purls and wish a tiny Skye, alookof
intense glee upon her mischief-loving
face. A piece of tape was in her hand,
but what she was doing witli it I could
not see. Presently she rose and rau
lightly across the room.
"Mop, Mop, Mop!" she cried; and the
Skye bounded toward her.
A horrible yell burst from Sam, and
a whine from the dog.
"Mop, Mop, MopI"
Another bound from the dog, and. as
Sam sprang to his feet, muttering inco-herent
but wrathful anathemas, I saw
that his curls were carefully attached to
Mop's leg by about four yards of white
tape. It was some seconds before his
clumsy fingers could find and open the
many-bladed pocket-knife with which,
I imagine, every boy of sixteen is pro-vided.
Then ensued a chase, in which
the effect of two yards of tape stream-ing
behind him, his excited face, and his
unwieldly efforts to slip as deftly as
Bertha round intervening chairs and
tables was irresistibly absurd. At length
a spring forward was followed by a loud
crash; and he, a small writing-table,
pens, inkstand, paper-knife and blotting
pads came to the floor together.
"Dearest Mr. Venney," mimicked
Bertha, in exact imitation of Miss Yin-cent's
dulcet tones, "poor Sam is so
clumsy ; lie requires female influence to
teach him the amenities of life."
"You be hanged I" was Sam's polite
rejoinder. "See to what your female
influence has brought me I"
" I s the ink spilled?"asked I nervous-ly,
after satisfying myself that nothing
was broken.
".No ink to spill," said Sam turning
the bottle topsy-turvey. "Look here;
trou monkey 1" clutching Bertha by the
lialr, "Ask old Tom to fill it, and tell
Susan to bring in the lamp."
Order restored, and the lamp lighted,
a little silence fell upon us. Sam broke
it.
" I say, girls, I've been thinking—"
"Nonsense I" interrupted Bertha.
"We can't believe that, you know."
"Of your nonsense," pursued Sam.
" I t will bring us Miss Raspberry Vine-gar
for a step-mother, if we are not
careful."
"And if we are careful, too, I fear,"
remarked I.
"isTo," said Sam, decidedly. "There
is another aspirant for that doubtful
honor."
"Who ?" asked Bertha, eagerly.
Sain assumed a look of preternatural
gravity, slowly closed his left eye and
as slowly opened it.
" I know but one person whom I
could bear to see mistress here," said
I—"dear Mrs. Wood, of Fosse Cot-tage.",
"Which she is the very identical I"
exclaimed Sam.
' 'What do you mean ? " was my re-joinder.
"That this amiable widow, fair, fat,
and forty, blushes like a school-girl,
when one Martin Yenney pays her or-dinary
attentions."
"Dear little lady," said Bertha. "I
could call her mother.' "
"You shall have that pleasure," as-serted
Sam, a wicked twinkle in his
eye. "I am about to make her an of-f
e r ."
"You?":
"By letter—in the pater's name, of
course—and she Mill not refuse i t ."
"And the pater ?"
"Must make the best of the situa-tion.
If he declines to accept it, he is
too thorough a gentleman to marry an-other
woman for many long months,
at least."
I listened with mute amazement.
Madcap Sam was displaying method
in his madness. Here was a scheme,
wild enough, but feasible, and one that
promised to effest that great end, the
discomfiture of Miss Raspberry Vine-gars
"Draw up to the table girls," said
Sam, "and let us each write a draft of
the pater's lave letter; but I depend on
yours, Madge."
For some minutes there was no sound
but the scratch, scratch of our three
pens; but I soon became conscious that
two had ceased to fly over the paper.
Looking up, I saw Bertha nibbling her
quill in a perplexed and meditative
way, and Master Sam with one hand
pressed to his heart and the other out-stretched
to her, his whole attitude ex-pressive
of extreme demotion. Bertha
and I burst into a roar of laughter,
whereupon he gravely rebuked us for
"unseemly levity and Waste of precious
time," scolding us until we resumed
work. Five minutes later our compos-itions
were finished, and Sam proceeded
to rea'd his own.
"Dear Mrs. Wood,—Why should you
and I be content with single wretched-ness,
when wedded bliss can be so easi-ly
assured ? I have a fair income, a
good position, a large house and a small
family. With respect to the last, I
must own that Madge is of somewhat
uncertain temper"—here I made a dash
at his hair, and gave it a good tug—
"and Bertha as harum-scarum a young
madcap as you might wish to see"—
here Bertha jumped up and boxed-his
ears pretty soundly—"but my dear boy
Sam, the hope and joy of my heart, is
so staid, so studious, so sweet-tempered,
and so perfect m every way that he
more than atones for the shortcomings
of the others. Will you be a mother
to them, and the honored wife of your
devoted admirer,
MARTIN Y E N N E Y ?"
"Ridiculous-I" said Bertha.
"Then we will hear yours," replied
Sam, snatching it from her fingers.
"ListenI"—and with ludicous and
exaggerated emphasis, he read the fol-lowing—
"Adorable Charmer—Your manifold
perfections have kindled so intense a
flame in a heart I had deemed almost
insensible to woman's wiles that the
great desire of my life is to call you
mine. To describe the rapture of love
which fills this manly breast is indeed
impossible; to make you feel it in-some
degree, if you will come to these dear
arms as my dear wife, is the hope of
my existence."
Pretty strong," said Sam, "for
forty-flve and forty. Read yours,
Madge."
"My dear Madam—I have come to
believe, for the second time in my life,
that it is not good for man to be alone;
and it is your sweetness of disposition,
your goodness and amiability, and: the
certainty that in you my dear children
would indeed find a second mother
that have brought me to this convic-tion.
I cannot offer you that passion-ate
regard which is youth's preroga-tive,
for my youth, dear Madam, is
over, and I am forty-five years of ajge.
But I can give you the deepest and
truest affsetion, and it shall be my
first aim, if you will confide your hap-piness
to my keeping as your husband,
to prove worthy of the trust. What-ever
may be your reply, believe me,
dear Madam, always faithfully and af-fectionately
yours,
M A E T IN VENNEY. ' '
"Here goes mine,'' cried Bertha,
tearing her sheet in two.
And mine I" laughed Sam, follow-ing
SUit. . ;
"And minei" said I.
"Not so fast, old lady," chuckled
Sam, snatching it from me. Why,
yours is the precise thing! I will copy
and post it in ten minutes; then you
may *h ave *y our *p recio*u s h*a ndw*o rk.*"
We had one day's breathing time,
for, unless Mrs. Wood replied by spec
iai messenger, her letter would not ar-rive
till the second morning. All three
of us were guilty quite; but our father
did hot observe it. He startled us at
dinner by remarking—
I called on Mrs. "Wood yesterday,
to asfc if she would join me in a siup-kitchen
scheme."
"Did she consent?" I inquired.
"She asked a day or two for consider-tion."
The morning came. The letter-bag
lay unopened by'my father's plate,
whilst he unconcernedly discussed a
hearty breatfast. Bertha and I played
with out knives and forks; Sam ate
well—nothing less than a social earth-quake
could have spoiled his appetite.
The eventful moment arrived; the
bag was opened, two or three circulars
were disposed ot, and then came a
delicate little envelope somewhat tre-mulously
addressed. My heart seem-ed
to stand still whilst our father pe-rused
its contents.
Girls," said our father, I shall ride
to Posse Cottage this evening and dine
with Mrs. Wood. She says she will
then answer my proposal."
A sense of relief came to me. Tn
his mind the "proposal" and the soup-kitchen
were doubtless intimately con-nected.
I glanced at Sam; he was
bursting with suppressen laughter.
"Very well, papa."
About ten that evening we heard the
ring of horse's hoofs on the way to the
stables. Bertha fled innocently, bam
had barely time to whisper, "All right,
Madge—my doing altogether. I plan-ned
and wrote it, you know," before
my father entered.
"Go to bed at once, both of you,"
he commanded, in the sternest tones I
had ever heard him use.
I stole one look at his countenance as
I crept away; it was more young and
merry-looking, I thought. He saw the
pitiful expression on my face, and he
held out his arms. I sprang into them,
and nestled close.
"Forgive us, dear," said I ; "we will
never do it again."
" I trust you may never have occa-sion;"
he replied; and a glad light shone
in his eyes. "Meanwhile ga to bed;
and, on your lives, be silent and dis-creet,
all of you."
At dessert»next evening Miss Vincent
was announced. We were near neigh-bors,
and two or three times it was her
custom to run in and spend the evening
sans cermonie. My father rose, drew a
chair to the table, and filled her glass.
"Dear Miss Vincent," said he, "to-night
I have a toast to give, which you
will drink, I trust, with all your heart.
Children fill your glasses. "My future
wife!"
We drank it with suppressed enthusi-asm,
Miss Vincent somewhat hysteri-cally.
" I hope," said my father—and, as he
spoke, I noticed what I had never be-fore
observed, how surprisingly like
Sam's his eyes could be when they
twinkled in a certain way—"I hope
soon to present my establishment a
lady more than worthy to be its mis-tress"—
here a deprecatory expression
hovered about Miss Vincent's face—"to
my children a mother capable of recip-rocating
their affectionsjwith the utmost
tenderness"—here she made a gesture
as though she would embrace the said
decidedly unappreciative children—
"and to gamfoi myself a helpmate who
may share the joys and soothe the sor-rows,"—
here Miss Vincent's handker-chief
came into active requisition—"of
the years I have yet to live. I have
long felt that there was one woman in
the world perhaps but one—who could
do all this. Here in the bosom of my
family"—Miss Vincent's unoccupied
hand groped blindly towards my father,
and the twinkle in his eyes became more
marked—"I may say that that lady's
name is—Mrs. Wood , of Fosse Cottage."
"Who?" cried Mis3. Vincent, in a
perfect transport of ragje."
But nobody remarked -the ejacula-tion
save Sam, and Bertha and I had
our arms round our father's neck, and
were smothering him with, kisses. Sam
rose and with a profound bow opened
the door for Miss Vincent and in the
confusion she escaped unnoticed.
We religiously preserved the secret of
the proposal, and our dear step-mother
never suspected its authorship. She
has been dead some years; but my
fattier lives still, and only the other day
he told me what passed between them
at the snug little tete-a-tete dinner which
terminated so happily.
"She was charmingly dressed," he
said, "and a delicate little flush of em-,
barrassment made her look very young
and pretty."
The embarrassment wore off as the
meal proceeded, and they talked civilly
enough upon the topics of the day, un-til
the cloth was removed. Then said
my father—
"My dear madam, with reference to
my proposal?"
To his astonishment, a vivid blush
overspread her face,
" I t was so unexpected," she mur-mured.
"But not unwelcome, I trust?"
There was no reply; but the lady
looked down thoughtfully and played
with- some filberts on her plate.
"Think," urged my father, rising in
his enthusiasm, "how excellent is the
idea, and how much good may be done
by our union—how my energy, wisely
directed by you, may call down bless
ings upon both our heads'."
To his utter amazement, Mrs. Wood
burst into a flood of tears, rose, and
threw her arms about his neck, cry-ing—
"My dear Martin, I always loved you
—always."
To soothe her agitation by caressing
the soft brown hair that rested against
his shoulder was his first thouglit, his
second, "What in the world does all
this mean?"
"I have read your dear letter a hun-dred
times," she sobbed.
"What next?" thought my father.
"Poor thing she has gone madl"
Meanwhile his arm stole round her
waist—a very slim one; the situation
began to have its attraction.
" I t is like yourself," she continued-most
kind and considerate, and most
delicately expressed."
•'Let me see it again," said he, catch-ing
sight of a paper half hidden in her
bosom, and gently drawing it forth.
The lady hid her face while he per
rused it, and he pressed her the nearer
to him, perhaps that he might ponder
the revelation for a minute.—Then he
raised her head, kissed her lips tenderly,
and led her to a chair.
"So you will be my dear wife?" he
said. "But this interview agitates you
too much; we must end it. Good-by
till to-morrow."
My father always declares that he had
for some time been attached to Mrs.
Wood and that our premature proposal
only forestalled his own avowal. Be
that as it may," it is certain he never
regretted it. For two months the ride
to Fosse Cottage was a thing of daily
occurrence; after that time, the cottage
was to let, and we had succeeded in
providing ourselves with a step-mother.
Fa-nous Lunatics.
Style.
Style is an imperious tyrant. It has
subjects everywhere and they are gene-rally
of the most abject kind. The de-mands
of the master, however extrava-gant
and how great soever the sacrifice,
are complied with, it not with absolute
cheerfulness, at least without outward
murmuring. The family that stints its
table for eleven months in the year, in
order that the twelfth may be spent in
style at some noted summer resort,
never complains to others of the priva-tion.
If the inner histories of many of
the devotees of style were faithfully
written, what a curious volume they
would make, and how plain people would
stare and smile and wonder when they
read it.
—Twelve million clocks were manu-
Howard, the philanthropist, who
crossed seas and mountains to relieve
the distressed, was a brute and a tyrant
in Ms own family. Dr. Winslow says
of him: "His cruel treatment caused
the death of his wife. He was in the
habit for many years, of doing penance
before her picture. He had an only
son, whom for the slightest offense, he
punished with terrible severity, making
him stand for hours in a grotto in the
garden. The son became a lunatic as
the result of this brutal treatment." I
am strongly inclined to the opinion that
even the extraordinary benevolence of
Howard was one of the symptoms of
the disease in his brain for insanity
may have good as well as evil ma,nites •
tations, and such exceptional self-sac-,
rifice as his—so blind, so persistent, so
life-enduring—is just as liable to pro-ceed
from a morbid state as the directly
opposite qualities of ungovernable rage
intense hate or cruelty.
Alexander the Great behaved like a
lunatic in the latter days of his reign,
and the supposition is plausible that if
he had survived a few years longer he
migbt have become a mo3t implacable
and capricious tyrant. From being
very abstemious he gave himself up to
dissipation. His lust for power became
a disease, and he strove for gigantic
impossibilities. Robespierre and some
of the other leaders in the D'rench Rev-olution,
were probably made more or
less insane by the exciting events in
which they took part. It is certain
that Robespierre was originally kind-hearted
and considerate, for t e began
life by endeavoring to procure the.
abolition of capital punishment.
Lo uis XI of France was insane, both
in his despotic cruelty and his caprices.
He shut up his nobles in cages or hung
them on the trees of the forest. He
lived in the constant fear of death, kept
in seclusion in his castle, was on inti-mate
terms with his hangman, amused
himself by watching battles between
rats and cats, drank the blood of young
children, and tried various and abomi-nable
compounds in order to lengthen
his lif«.
King Frederick of Prussia, without
any reason whatever, treated his son
and sister for a long time with tlie most
unnatural and brutal severity. He
kicked them about the room, pommeled
their heads with chairs, compelled them
to eat the most repulsive food, and in
every Way made their lives Wretched,
His insanity, In thi9 respeet, was abso-lute,
and should have sent him to the
mad-house. But his unnatural and
whimsical treatment of his family was
only one of the symptoms Of his mad-ness.
He was inconsistently avaricious,
scrutinizing every household expense
with absurd attention, and lavishing
fortunes on his army of giants. He
would run through the streets caning
the loungers and workmen who fell in,
his way until they roared for mercy.
Dr. Johnson was hypochondriacal,
and in various ways gave evidence of a
morbid condition of the brain. At the
early age of twenty he became the vic-tim
of melancholic delusions, and from
that time forward was never happy.
On one occasion he exclaimed, despair-ingly;
"I would consent to have an
arm amputated to recover my spirits."
Wr etchedness like this, when it is tem-porary
or spasmodic, may signify out
little; but when it is persistent and
life-long, it must be regarded as the
symptom of cerebral disease that may
and often does advance to absolute
madness. The violent impetuosity of
Dr. Johnson, his unreasonable, almost
furious prejudices, may be accounted
for on the same theory.
Pascal was one of the most original
thinkers of France, but no inmate of
any asylum ever presented more rndis
putable proofs of mental disease "than
those which characterized his wliole
career. All his life he walked in dark-ness,
knowing not at what he stumbled,
in constant fear both of the preseut and
the future. He was the victim of ab-surd
delusions, was harrassed by exces-sive
nervousness, and was the slave of
uncontrollable excentricities. On ex-amination
after death his brain was
found to be seriously diseased.
Our American poet, James Gates
Percival, was troubled, I think, with a
slow and chronic type of cerebral dis-ease.
it would be hard', indeed, to find
ony theory on which to account for the
thousand and one eccentricities and
inconsistencies of Ms enigmatical ca-reer.
His absurd fear of women was
certainly full evidence of monomama,
but when we take this fact in connec-tion
with his life-long melancholy, his
early and repeated attempts at self-destruction,
his unnatural ingratitude
to those who befriended him in distress
and his anomalous love of solitude, we
find it impossible to accept any other
interpretation of his life than that he
was never an absolutely sane and re-sponsible
being.
The gifted poet Collins was at times
a sad and moaning lunatic. The ex-centricities
and melancholy of Lord
Byron were probably the uncontrollable
manifestations of disease, and during
his short and brilliant career he gave
sufficient evidence of insanity. Nothing
seems clearer than that the irritability,
hypochondria and meanness of Alexan-der
Pope were the results of organic
cerebral conditions which he could no
more control than he could remedy his
physical deformity. "I Shall die at the
top first," ejaculated Dean Swift, as he
sadly gazed on a tree whose branches
were decaying, and he realized his ter-rible
prediction. He was more or less
insane during all his active life.
Tasso was a positive maniac, and,
like many other unbalanced geniuses,
believed that he was attended by a
familiar spirit. Madame de Stael had
a masculine and powerful intellect, but
she was a slave to idle fears and silly
eccentri cities that in ordinary persons
would certainly have been regarded as
symptoms of disease of the brain. Car-dinal
Richelieu was subject to maniacal
attacks, during-which he lost all his
self-control and behaved like a silly
child. When the attack was over, he
had no recollection of what had
passed.
Attar of Koses.
To please the voluptuous Jehangir, it
is said, his favorite sultana caused the
bath in the palace garden to be filled to
the brim with rose-water. The action
of the sun soon concentrated the oily
particles which were found floating on
its surface, and the attendant, suppos-ing
the water to have become corrupt,
began to skim it for the purpose of tak-ing
off the oil. The globules burst
under the process, and emitted such a
delightful odor that the idea of prepar-ing
this beautiful perfume was at once
Erln-go-Brasii.
An Irish emigration ship had been
fallen in with by one of our cruisers,
and the commander of His Majesty's
sloop, the Hummingbird, made a selec-tion
of thirty or forty stout Hibernians
to fill up his own complement, and hand
over the surplus to the admiral. Short-sighted
mortals we all are, and captains
of men-of war are not exempted from
human imperfection. How much also
drops between the cup and the lip!
There chanced to be on board of the
same trader two very pretty Irish girls
of the better sort of bourgeoise, who
were going out to join their friends at
Philadelphia. The name of one wai
Judy, and of the other Maria. No
sooner were the poor Irishmen informed
of their change of destination than
they set up a howl loud enough to
make the scaly monsters of the deep
seek their dark caverns. They rent the
hearts of the tender-hearted girls, and
when the thorough bass of the males
was joined by the sopranos and trebles
of the women and children it would
have made Orpheus himself turn round
ani gaze.
"Oh. Miss Judy! oh, Miss Maria!
would you be so cruel as to see us poor
crathurs dragged away to a man-of-war,
and not for to go and spake a word for
us? A word to the captain from your
own purty mouths, and no doubt he
would let us off." Thus spake two of
the erhigrants who were regarded with
special favor by the two girls.
The young ladies, though doubting
the- powers of their oWn fascinations,
resolved to make the experiment. Ss,
begging the lieutenant of the sloop to
give them a passage on board to speak
with his captain, they added a small
matter of finery to their dress, and
skipped into the boat like a couple of
mountain kids, caring nothing for the
spray of salt water, which, though it
took the curls out of their hair, added
a bloom to their cheeks which perhaps
contributed in no small degree to the
success of their project. There is some-thing
in the sight of a petticoat at sea
that never fails to put a man into good
humor, provided he be rightly "con-structed.
When they got on board the
man-of-war they were received by the
captain.
"And, pray, young ladies," said he,
"what may have procured me the honor
of this visit?"
" I t was to beg a favor of your honor, "
said Judy.
"And liis honor will grant it too,"
said Maria, "for I like the look of
him."
Flattered by this shot of Maria's,
the captain said that nothing ever gave
him more pleasure than to oblige the
ladies, and if any favor they intended to
ask was not utterly incompatible with
his duty, he would grant it.
"Well, then," said Judy, "will your
honor give me back Pat Jb'lannagan,
that you have pressed just now." Tlie
captain shook his head.
"He's no sailor, your honor, but a
po or bog- trotter; and he will never do
you any good." The captain again
shook his head.
"Ask me anything else," said he,
"and I will "give it to you."
"Well, then," said Maria, "give us
Phelim O'Shaughnessy." The captain
was equally inflexible.
"Come, come, your honor," said
Judy, "we must not stand upon trifles
now-a-day. I'll give you a kiss if you
give me back Pat Flannagan."
"And I another," said Maria, "for
Phelim."
The captain had one seated on each
side of him; his head turned like a dog
vane in a gale of wind. He did not
know which to begin with; the most
ineffable good humor danced in his
eyes, and the ladies saw at once the
day was their own. Such is the power
of beauty, that this lord of the ocean
was fain to strike to it. Judy laid a
kiss on his right cheek, Maria matched
it on his left.
"Well then," said he, "you have
your wish; take your two men, for I am
in a hurry to make sail."
If such are captain's perquisites, who
would not be a captain? Lord Broug-ham
used to say that he always laughed
at the settlement of pin-money, as lad-ies
were generally either kicked out of
it or kissed out ot it; but his lordship,
in the whole course of his legal practice
never saw a captain of a man-of-war
kissed out of his men by two pretty
Irish girls. After this, who would not
shout, "Erin-go-bragh."
N E W S I N B R I E F.
The Historical Game.
A very interesting and instructive
game is the historical game. All the
players—the number of players need
not be limited—sit in a circle. One
from the number is chosen, and he or
she must leave the room. The remain-ing
players fix upon some historical
character, such as Gen. Jackson, Mary
Queen of Scots, Hannibal or Bismarck,
After they have agreed the absent one
is told to return. He then proceeds to
ask a question from each of the players.
For instance, he would say to the first
player: " I s it a man. or.a woman?" The
peison must answer the question under
the penalty of a forfeit. "What nation
does he belong to?" The next person
must answer. So questions are asked
until the player can form his conclusion
as to who the person is.
Made Traelts.
In illustration of the quality with
which Gen. Gordon has to deal, it is re-lated
that in 1821 Ismail, son of Mehe-met
Ali. the conqueror of the boudan,
was ordered by his father to collect the
tribute due from the tribes of Bedouins
of Shendy on the Nile, half way be-tween
Berber and Khartoum. Ismail
summoned a cheiftain known as the
Tiger, and told Mm to furnish a large
amount of forage and fodder in lieu of
a money payment. Nexi morning Is-mail
and his troops found with satis-faction
piles of the stuff demanded
around the camp, but their satis-faction
was short-lived. The stuff was
soon set on fire, and those not burned
were picked off by men lying in wait
behind the burning piles. Mehemet to
avenge his roasted son, razed the town
of Shendy, but the Tiger made tracks
in good time into the fastnesses of the
interior.
—New Orleans still extinguishes her
street lamps when the meon rises.
—King Humbert of Italy suffers
from dyspepsia.
—Young Jim Nutt is farming near
Leavenworth Kans.
—Montreal is putting all electric
wires underground.
—The Connecticut legislature pro-hibits
the sale of impure ice.
—The. State tax of Florida this year
is but 3 mills.
—Ira S. Todd died in Tolland, Conn,
of glanders, caught from a horse.;
• —Ithaca, the largest village in the
world, has become a charteied city.
—Chicago dailies,are driving;out St.
Louis papers in Southern Illinois.., ;
—Kansas City packed 55,000 more
hogs than Cincinnati the past winter.
—Greek Wines are now introduced
into* France for admixture with the
native wines. . . ..
—The Prince of Wales last year re-ceived
from the Duchy of Cornwall the
net income of 1325,000.
—London has 700,000 houses and
nearly 5,000,000 inhabitants—about
seven people to each house.
—In France gardening is practically
taught, it is said, in more than t wenty
thousand primary schools.
—Sam Kee, a Chinaman, declaies
that Mrs. Kee must go. He,has filed
a bill in divorce in a Kentucky court.
—Fruit, hop and other crop reports
from the Pacific coast section are very
encouraging.
—There are twenty-four Portlands
in this country to bother the post-masters.
—Platinum wire has been drawn so
fine as. to be absolutely invisible to the
naked eye, 1
—The Pension Office expends more
than 160,000 a year investigating
alleged pension frauds.
—The revised version of the Old
Testament will t e i ..i complete, it
is said, in September.
—The agricultural wealth of Illinois
for 1883 was $67,404,000 less than the
previous year.
—Sergeant Mason has stopped exhib-iting
himself, and is now living at- his.
Virginia home.
—The University of Lewisburg. Pa,
has received a gift of 1100,000 from
William Bucknell, of Philadelphia.
—A firm at Tullahoma, Tenn., is
said to ship 7000. dozen of eggs per
week to the Northern markets.
—Au Idaho man has just been mar-ried
again to the woman from whom
he was divorced twenty $ears ago. .
—The Government has sold more
tham two hundred million ddllars
worth of public lands in eight years.,
—Of the present City Government of
Belfast, Me., consisting of sixteen
members, only three are natives of that
city. •
—With great ceremony the. last stone
was laid in the harbor of Trieste re-cently.
The work has taken fifteen
years and has cost over $7,000,000.
•^English pennies, silver plated,
have been made to answer for Ameri
can half dollars among careless Bos-tonians
on recent nights.
—It costs Turkey over fifteen mil-lion
dollars a year to support the Sul-tan
and his harem.
—The spectacle of a large party of
school teachers out rowing, led a cynical
chap on shore to observe that it was
"a whaling fleet.'"
—A newspaper at Cherokee, Iowa,
is owned, managed and edited by a
man wno is totally blind. Ha is assis-ted
by his wife. " •-',..
—Mayor Low has been remonstrating
with Brooklyn's street cleaning con-tractor
about the dirty condition of
the highways of that city.
—Artificial ice made from distilled
water is the final luxury for New York
cocktail drinkers. It is of course very
pure, and as clear as crystal.
—The German Government, for tha
encouragement of electric lighting,
has ordered the admission of Edison
and Swan lamps on pavment of nomi-nal
duties.
—Almond growing in Northern
California has been declared a failure
the fruit blossoming too early and not
bearing a full crop.
—A Montana paper relates that in
Butte the other day a man fell to the
bottom of a shaft 120 feet deep without
receiviug serious injuries.
—Rhode Island savings banks have
$52,460,205 intrusted to their care by
120,582 depositors,
—California is at present producing
not far from $18,000,000 of gold and
silver bullion annually.
—Ohio has coal in thirty of tliirty-'
eight-counties, and put out 8,220,229
tons m 1883—a gain - of 1,000,000
tons.
—Statistics show that there are at
present about 1,000,000 people in
Great Britain who receive charitable
relief.
—When the territory of the United
States-is as densely settled as that of
France there will be 680,000,000 people
here.
—The' New York Young' Men's1
Christian Association has a member-'
ship of 3,356, of whom 1,569 were ad-,
ded last year.
—The Niagara Suspension Bridge is®"
2,260 feet long, that of Kief, Russia,
is 2,552 feet, and that between New
York and Brooklyn 5,9S0 feet.
—Already the new Iowa prohibitory •
law is marked for the supreme court.
It is claimed that two members who
voted for it were ineligible to their,
seats, or something of the sort.
—Canyon C;tv, Colo., has the largest
artesian well in the world. -At the
depth of 1,220 feet a stream was tapped
which flows 400 gallons a minute.
—A dramatic performance in which
all the actors were deaf ana dumb was
recently given in London, and is rep-resented
to have been sustained with
"intelligence and spirit."
—The value of tha telephone patent
Is enormous, and we very much doubt
if it could now be purchased for $25,- -
000,000. It is probably by far the most
valuable single patent which has ever
been issued. . ,
—A town in Ohio has adopted the
plan of posting a list of habitual
drunkards' names m every saloon, so
as to give efficiency to the law prohibi-ting
the sale of intoxicants to such
persons. It is said to work well.
—Of his native country Ireland,
whence he has recently returned,
Senator Jones, of Florida, says: "While
I enjoyed my visit to the old country
I could not live there again. That'
is the country of the past—this is the
country of the future."
—The Nevada county of Clam has at
last built a gallows. They had got
along by borrowing from the neighbors
whenever a hanging came, but business
grew so lively that building seemed
cheaper, and a carpenter was em»
ployed.