Pittston Gazette

              | Jon Pltl.VJ'fNIi 41DD BUWNW TIKII OP PUBLICATION. Tbe Pirtstn* Gtiirri Is published e»ery Tannit iCi«Druing by Ci. II. Rir» v»t, iu th*Gazette Building,' »*.-i si.l# of Main Street, M tl.M per annum. The CrAlSYTu J'»bniD » embrace* fi large varl* if of Jobbing MntC-rial with one Ln.'ge Cylinder Fnyltf/ No p charged within the Coonty. Term* of Sleain Prt*D\ twn -mailer Steam I'mrer Pre«*e* mj«1 ilrortising follows: Ou«i (10 lines) or less, one month or lees, 12 rireo mouths,$5; six months, $8; one year, $12. Om-eignth Column, one mo., |'D; three mof., $lu tlx months, one year, $2.i. tw D Hand I*jiIiiij* enaMfnVn* 10 eipedite »« rk of 4 ?erv kind, ;*nd t«» • 11 i;i a manner not twt-* f»urp:tvsed even in otirl«ij§e ritie.-,and at low raie* ' I'HtlU'Mlur uticnii'm paid t«» tin- printing of Maui J'amphUHa, riiciilnif,M»«»w-Hill*, LhUIti, N«»le# V— CDii« quarter Column, one no., $10; three mos.,$ls sir month a, $25; one year, $35. Order*, Hand.-liillv, Bill lit*d», Tiekei*, Card*, ke One-halt' Column, one mo., three nios.,$30; Mix months, $.".0; one year, $70. Ruled and Bound «»rl( oflill kind* done 10 order DEVOTED TO THE CO At INTERESTS, POLITICS, NKWS, LITERATURE, AGRICULTURE, AND GENERAL INTELLIGENCE. in 1 he neatest and »*eDd manner and p. inietl to or«i*-r On* Column, one month, $30; three months, $40 Six monthi, $70; one year,$120. A foil line of luMtiee**' aud Con liable*' Blanks, to Auditors' "bJ AdraitHntrators' Notiees, $S each. All Communications of limited or individual Interest, 2tD cents per line. Notices of Marriages and Deaths rce; notices accompanying the same,20 ct*. per line get .er wiili License Application* an*I Bond*, N«*te»a VOL. XXI.—NO. 1' PITTSTON, PA., THURSDAY, JULY 21, 1870. WHOLE NO. 1,061. Deota. Contract*. Time and l'ay Koll*, 4c.. 4i ron •  *Untly on hand. ATTORNEYS AT LAW. GROCERIES, &c, MISCELLANEOUS Ortyttnl ¥(iftvu. cceded (bus far, the door opened and a chubby, dressy little man, wearing upon his hat a brass plate with the inscription, "CoSDumE," written upon it,—had the same been stam]Ded upon his eheek there would have been no-lack of the proper metal—entered, and, through a small aperture in his whiskers, wliieh occupied the place where the mouth is located in other men. I heard escape a stream of sound which shaped itself into the words, " Tickets, tickets, if you please." I haw heard of a man who stared his flredogs out of countenance. I think this conductor must have been that man's sole heir. I wonder how any modest young female can travel alone upon the cars and endure the conductor's rude gaze. For myself I blushed to the very roots of my hair as I banded him my tickct. ABOUT TALLER DOGS Is Tight Lacing Injurious ? Shitty* Ww and (Othrvuisr. P S. STARK, VD. ATTORNEY AT LAW. PITT3T0S, PESN'A JE. PKRKINS, . GROCER AND PKOV1S1 ON DEALER OF. GA1NKS, • of Internal Revenue, near Kan U*l, Pitt»ton. ,fnnr p I. A. CHAl'MAN, « Civil Engineer Ami L.Vml Surveyor. Ofli«»e wit human * Gaines. Pittblon, l\i. BY 1IAKR TWAIN le Ho P«r rim lUum KItOM TIIK UlNlm.N J'l'XCJ! —Petroleum men are always great bore* lDut they generally mean wet/. Aug: 10,'»5 Corner of Main ami Pino street*. Pittston, desires b thank the public for past litieral patronage, and. requests a coutiuuance of the same. Thebest quali ties ef !70-ly A Dream When Noah disembarked at Ararat he had searely touched the pier when he proceeded to tally his pai?s£ngers. He had just checked his last item in the list—a Mr., and Mrs. Bedbug—when the cring!"g figure of a quadruped came sneaking down the gang-plank with his tail between his legs. "I)rat it! if there ain't that yaller dog!" says Noah, aiming a vicious kick with his brogan at the brute. But, with a facility both of long and bitter experience, the brute dodged the pr»»- Jeetile, and ejaculating " ki yV'—which is Hyriac for " declined with thanks," or " not for Joe"—he disapjieared, while Noah, who had his sea legs oil, was unable to recover his equilibrium, and sat down with emphasis on the back of his A meeting of line ladies was lu Id the other evening at Philts's Itooms, in order to discuss (his interesting question. In virtue of itossessing the most fashionabk? figure, lier waist only measuring fifteen inches and three-quarters, Miss Wasjie by acclamation was voted to the chair. H. PAINTER, ny coueli in nii*lit |D 1 l,»y, —A pugilist might call a blow which draws blood a claret punch. COFFEE, TEA. SUGAR, HAMS, FLOtJR, FEED, and all other goods belonging to his lino constantly on hand. Prices down to tno lowest living fii/nr«\ .1. E. P. Ill sWH't' i.-t Hie ATTORNEY AT LAW June 23, '70-Iy And darkness* Hc«I aw ay angel sought my —Chimney sweeping must be anagreDable business, for it boots every Unly who tries it. promptly attended to—Collectioos etc. Otic* opposite Miners' Barings Bank. MAIN ST. PITTS roSTFi. [May 6,186# tf. June 16,70-Iy, gUMGARDNER ARAIVKH, Daman «#• gaines, Agents for thC- Si liaslitieoke Powder Company and Real Kstale, near Hotel, Main street, Pills ton. Juno 26,18T0-ly. •ho ton. lied n.y brow with fingers light Ami then I saw n vision bright That thrilled me, filled nry soul with glet MothotigM that thou, my mother dear —Why is n lawyer like a sawyer ? lDecaUMf,* whichever way he moves dow u must come the ilust. C. I. VftlOfT. •- C. Ullliotoi, WRIGHT & HARRINGTON, TI attorneys *t law, Dealers In HRY UC)OIDS, GROCERIES', PROVISIONS, KMDUK, I IME.—JOHN HASLAM, »t Swar. ■-.J Hotel, Pittston. supplies the Itest quality *»f I-itne tor building purposes, at lowest price- ur.lerD ile Bvered when desired. Mine 2t:, Ix.o-ly Dlamb, • I.ivery and Exchange Stables, near I .t-hiv'li \ alley IDepoL Good Rigs always on hand, and the public accommodated in the lDest manner. My angel mother, thou wort her In opening the proceedings the Chairwoman remarked that, as her breath was rather short, she would beg to )«i exeus«*l from making a long speech. (" Hear!") Fashion, they all knew, was oi)ini(totciit with ladies, and, now that fashion had revived the custom of tight-lacing, ladies were obliged to cultivate a fashionable figure. They might not all arrive at the perfection she had herself attained (Cries of"Question!" and "We'll try,dear!") The advantage of acquiring so slim li waist as hers was only to be gained by hours and hours of actual torture. (Sensation.) Main U/nut Mtuffrir }nnw • // C lnJh; and if they did not mind a few faintingfits at first, followed by continual debility and headache, many ladies might, enjoy t»UC pleasure of ]»osscssing a waist not much exceeding the dimensions of her own. (Cheers.) fwas bliss itself tD dream of ihee! WILKSI-BIBRG, PA. Otic* en Ktii St., above Z. Benn*tt'» Store. WU1 praetlc* In Gourta or Luxerae County and Mirer's Sourta of Carbeudalo. Methought that time had backward rolled —"I had loved lightly," a.7a man said when he. married a widow weighing three hundred pounds. KEED, MEAL, ROOTS, SHOES, HATS Again was I a child, Again 1 into thine eyes, And innocently smiled. AND CAPS, Ac., Ac Coasultatioas in German asd  D. C. Harrington, NoUr J Public. Feb. 4.U*4. MAIN STREET. PTTrSTON Apr. 28. I8T0. 1 saw thy lace so fair and meek —The wise man loves money for the good it may do him, or may enable him to do to others, the mixer for itself. Pittston, June 23d, 187»-lv I felt thy lifDs upon my cheek. I fi lt thy hand most tenderly And gently pressed upon my hrow oh f would that I could feel it now, As in that blissful dream of thee! 0 1 c. James dayis& co., Tannners and Currier*. Tildes and Hark bought at the lDest prices. Near J. E. Patterson k Co-'a plan ing Mill, on the canal. Pittston, June 23,1870-1y. SUTHERLAND, Oe Jl'BTICB OF THE PKACE, FOR MJB8T PIXT3T0* BOROOUH. 4p- Of»ek oCnnt»r of BSeter Mid Warrek Street*. A« basis*.* portaiaiag te bie ««ce promptly ktr 4 m .dad W ►—Col+eetfon* made, ike. . . Occupying my seat alone, I snugly ensconced myself in the scat and soon fell into a sort of oblivious, dreamy state, half sleeping, half waking. I have a dim recollection of stopping at various places for passengers to get in ami out, of hearing the noise of the rolling wheels, the occasional shrill whistle of the engine, the hoarse bawling of the brakesmen at the way stations, and the ringing of the bell. Of everything else around me I was perfectly unconscious. My mind wandered. I seemed to be on the top of a high mountain. I thought I was sitting on the edge of a precipice under the shade of an overhanging tree, reading Milton's II Penseroeo, when suddeuly a dark complexioncd, toothless old crone stood l*Dfore me and exclaimed: " Wouldn't thou know thy Destiny ?" Just then I heard a rumbling sound which seemed like subdued, though dreadful thunder. Upon looking round me T saw that the cliff upon which I was seated, had lDeeome loosened from the mountain and was falling, tumbling, roaring down the precipice. The old woman uttered a cry of alarm, then rushing to me put her arms round my neck, and immediately uuderwent a glorious transfiguration. She was now no longer a toothless old hag, but the lovely Hattie Mansfield. In my fearful fright in falling I seemed to forget all aliout my bashfulness, and, clasping my arms around her waist, pressed her to my heart; fearful as was our condition I felt a thrill of pleasure run through me as I did so. The next moment there came a stunning crash. The huge cliff of solid rock had been hurled upside down and lay upon us, crushing us, wounded and bleeding, to the earth. We all owe something to our country," as the man said when he went itlmiud without paying his Income Tax, H. JONES, head, AT CENTRE MARKET, J HOFFMAN, • Manufacturer of floots and Slioes. Ijirge slock of Ready-made Work constantly 011 hand. Mending promptly attended to. Maiu St., Pittston, near Store ofL. Ackley A Co. June 23, ISIO-ly No troubles then like angry waves, Noah arose, and Id accordance with the style prevalent among the patriarchs, he proceeded to soothe hie affronted dignity by pronouncing a variegated anathema upou the yaller dog, which had characteristically sneaked unobserved on board, in the confusion of putting to .sea, and capsized the captain at the first port. He cursed that dog in body, limb, bark, hide, hair, tail and wag, and all his generations, relations and kindred, by eonsanguinity or affinity, and his heirs and assigns; he cursed him with endless hunger, with perpetual fear, with perennial laziness, with hopeless mange, with his tail between his legs. He closed his stock of maledictions by a sparking display of pyrotechnics, from the demoralizing effects of which the yaller dog has never recovered. No griefs, like surge on surge, llnii o'er me swept No longer bent —A Louisiana negro who watt paUl hi» wagers in silver coin, was thauktui that he had got some money that rats couldn't Has just received a large assortmeut of FIRE WORKS. He keeps constantly on hand Mv heart Joy's fun'ral dirge. 1 had no etrn to weigh me down; No heavy cross, nor tin my crown H V EG ETA UL ES, PHYSICIANS. GROCERIES, CRONK BEER. i( A NDBEW RUOFP, jl\. Dealer in Furniture of nil kind?, I sat ami laughed upon thy knee. Jn glee F clapped my hands, it seemed, As thus I lay and sweetly dreamed A dream of innocence and thee. chaw JJLAKELY HALL, ~ GARDES FLOWERS and HOUSE PLANTS -Alluding to chignons, Mrs. Clever said, "a girl seems all head." " Yes, till you talk to her," replied Mr. Clever, complacently.In great variety. Give him a call. UNDERTAKER, and Manufacturer of all kinds of Furniture. Sellh cheap. Near the Store of L. Ackley A Co.. Main street, Pittston. June 4S, ls70-ly CHElflST AJfD DRVQQIST, Pittston, June Mth, TO-Sm PITTSTON, PA DEITTISTS. And Uien met hough I f heard thee sing My lullaby once more. Hut, though the song was always dear Twaa ne'er so sweet before. Thou unto me came lalmy sleep, -Anil bore me into slumber deep. I dreamed no more. Unwelcome guest, Cilow strange that I such words should "peak Who oft in vain her presence seek !) MAiX STRSBT, . . kt,U«».4n D" BARRETT, DENTIST, 1DRICK YARD. -1 y JOSEPH P. SCHOOLEY, having recently greatly enlarged his facilities for business, calls ihe attention of the public to his old and veil known Yard on nlank road, half a mile below Pittston, where the public may at all times l»c accommodated with the b«»f»t ofbriek and receive estimates for buildings. Pittston, June 30,1870—ly Miss Pinch said herexperienceentirely agreed with that of the fair Chairwoman, though, unhappily, her suffering had not yet l»eeii rewarded by the rapture of obtaining quite «o fashionable a figure. Still, her waist barely exceeded eighteen inches and a half (shudders); and she hoped, by perseverance and a good strong lady's-maid, to reduce it lieforelong to more genteel dimensions. (Applause, i —Wyoming nurses calm the rising generation hy singing: JJR. P. J. O'MALLEY, Office at his re?idencc on Franklin St. op positetk« MethodistChurch, Wilkes-Barre, Pa. where he may hereafter be found at all hours "X»ec little baby, don't m a fur), ' 'Cmii**' mailt my hus goi»«j to sit ou the jury Fornarl* Resident Burgeon ami *hy»ieian of St. VlneenW Hospital, ' NEW YORK. Uttee—MUn «r«e*, eppdsite Miners' Savings Hank, l'ittateii, Pa. Residence on William BU Aug. 20, '68—3m.* —"When a great man dies," said t|uilp, "the first thing done is to resolve to build a monument to his memory, ami the second is, not to build it." Dr. B. inserts Teeth on Gold and Silver plate, Ac., and operates in all the brandies of Dental Surgery,in the bestmanner. A deduction from usual charges sufficient to cover expenses, allowod to persons whocomo rem a distance. April IV ISfiO.—ly. [NSTRUMENTAL MUSIC WHOLE8AIDS GEOCKBS. Mrs. E. M. Chumard has resumed giving Instruction on the Piano Forte. A few more Pupils can 1*» received. i'all at the house of J. Langford, Wyoming street Word Pittston, or address June HD MRS. E. M. CHUMARD, Pittston, Pa. That tore ine from my mother's hi cast I G" KO W. BRAINERD ft CO., UUOCIK8, Alone in dreams, alasf can I —An Irishman, eating his lirst green corn, handed the cob to the waiter, and asked, "will ye's phize put some more banes upon my stick'."' My mother, meet thee now. Alone in dreams can be a child tg * 44 Murray, Street, DR. C. M. WILLIAMS, SURGEON DENTIST, Thy hand upon my brow. Hut may we, mother, meet on high. When death shall summon, oh I may I M. et thee in realms ofendless bliss; Our meeting there, by Ijfe's sweet stream, \\ ill prove no idle fleeting dream, As though t wore in a world like this. With this curse sticking to him like a revenue stamp, the yaller dog can't help being " cussed." lie don't try to help it. He follows Noah's programme with sneaking fidelity. Ho is an Ishmaelite among dogs. He receives the most oppressive courtesies, in tho form of brickbats, boots, and hot water, which makes his life an animated target excursion. He boards around like a district school teacher, and it is muai-time with him twentyfour hours in the day. Miss Lactdove said she also had sutiered much trom headache, since she wore tight stays, and once or twice bad fainted at the dinner-table. Her doctor had told her she was ruining her health ; but she didn't mind her doctor while she obeyed her dressmaker. (" Bravo!") NEW YORK; fsao.w. MUi*ia», '] DiVUl BahMI, llLUBA W.liITU MAIN STREET, PITTSTON, TA. Among the many improvements recently introduced in his practice, he regards none of more importance than his niothod of AGEll.—Manufacturer of and -Li Draft Harness, of all kinds, and dealer in —A little Connecticut boy, asking u mate who (iood Friday was, received the Withering reply: "Well, you go home and read your 'ltobinson Crusoe.'" WHIPS, ROBES, Itl.AXKF.TS. HELLS. A J A. WIS NEK, • 44 « 44 Murray St. NEW YORK Repairing done neatly ami promptly. Op|insile tin Lime Kiln, Main Stri ct. I'l it atoll. July 7, 1870-ly. EXTRACTING TEETH WITHOUT PAIN, which be ia doing successfully every day, by the use of ROBERT BSAMAN * CO.. VIMUkkLk '«aoa*U. An.l I shall not have long to » ait, I'm in my dotage now. / They say that timo, Willi ruthless hand Has plowed deep furrows on my brow I m ready for the reaper—Death, 1 b'lig to draw my latest breath, I shttjl be glad to speed away; Ami thou will uie. t and greet mo then, And press me to your heart again, And wo shall part no more for aye. •—There was an old lady went to market, and bought two fish ; when she got home she found she had got three: two mackerel and one mm tt. NITROD8 OXIDE GAS piIOICE BUILDING LOTS IN WEST \J Pn«r(* !"t)R S.U.E.—The Mil,*cr|ber oir. rs sevwal «'ho1oo building lots, situate on Susquehanna and York avenues, West Pittston, for sale at desiruble rates. Also a House i nd Lot on Parsonage street, Pittston Borough, tor sale. For further information npply to T. VOIt I D. Agent. Fttb. 2*-f.m Miss Uasper would like to ask, what could doctors know about it ? They didn't wearH)if$&, did they ? How, then, could they telTwhut ladies aulfered from tightlacing ? n,RADY. WARD & CO., VJ (SUCCESSORS TO i. it. STARK * CO.) " VB01S3AX1 * RETAIL DEALERS IX tar. «. ne*. Kjgjiifialt, Wood and Willow It is perfectly safo and very pleasantto inhale- Its results have been entirely satisfactory in ovary instance. C. M. W. Booms with J. W. MILLER,adjoining the Cash Store of Chas. Law A'Co. Pittaton, May fct 18«4. —We see it announced in a California pajter that a Miss Wheat was recently married on the Pacific coast. Let us hojie that she will never get thrashed. Mrs. M. Boii}Doint observed that, although she tried her utmost, she could not reduce her waist to less than nineteen inches. (" Poor, dear!")' Even this, however, made her wretchedly u ncomfortable, and after eating a good dinner she was frequently obliged to have her laces cut, to save herself from fainting. Her doctor tried to frighten her, by talking about fatty something of the heart, which often had proved fatal, lint she would rather die a martyr than dress out of the fashion. Bast Bide of Pbhlle (Woi, » and SO,) E. II. JONES & BROS' The rest of the time he hankers around after something to eat. He is too omniverous for an epicure. Crant him at Delmonico'*, and he would hunger fordessert from an Albany Itoarding-housc. WILKK8-BARM. PA. HEAT MARKETS. —ood bones are better 4han gold, tough muscles than silver, and nerves that Hash fire and carry energy to every junction are better than houses and lauds. ! A. «**»*, Joii H.Win,. I. M. Kmaauu. •VTEW -MEAT MARKET. -L1 The undersigned h;«S fitted lip a convenient and accessible Meat Market in the Ko»m formerly oceiipitd as a Ear-Room, i» the "H,utJ«Cr House ' Huildrng,*nere"tie will kfccp a eonstant'snpply of the best of Meats of all kind* suitaUe to the seanon. A  of public patronage iiC respectfully solicited. Practical Bricklayers and Builders, May so, tea»-iy. Au-expei ience of Twenty Years t-n.-ibles us to ensure the public unrivalled ju-coinplishiiicnis in the perfection of our work, and is an indueemont In our favor to all who desire to build. Residence on Luzerne Avenue, West Pittston. Sept 3o, 'ftu-ly PITTSTON, PA (Original JJOSS ft LABA-GH, He can't be utilize*!. He is too tired. As a swill-cart locomotive, a hunter, or a sentinel, he is an ignominious failure. The dog-churn was a stragetie attempt to employ his waste energies, but he had'nt any waste energies, .and butter hud too much self-resjDect to " come" at his persuasion. So the dog-churn was dropped. TRIALS OF THE DIFFIDENT —A debating society at Lyons has been lor some time engaged in a discussion of the question: "If you have a 'hoU,' where would you have it?" ami its memlDers have finally decided, "on atiolhcr fellow." » COMMISSION MERCHANTS JOHN TBEFFWUN and DEALERS in Pittson, May 6,1869. pROPERTY FOR SALE IN A SKKIKS OK I.ETTKKS. When consciousness returned I found that (he train had been thrown from the track and gone down over the embankment. The cars were now standing bottom upward, for I was lying on the top of the car, with my arms tightly clasjied round the waist of the pretty little woman who had been sitting in the seat next to 1110, with her arms as tightly clasped round my neck, while the two fat women lay sprawliug across the top of us. I tried to loosen my arms, but could not with such a weight resting ujioii me. The handsome woman tightened her clasp upon my neck and said: " This is a dreadful accident. Are you hurt dear John?" It was plain Unit she mistook me for the wolfish looking mail. "Can't you siDeak to me darling? Oh, dear! Oh, dear!" and then I was horrified by feeling a kiss pressed upon my brow, after which the little woman gave way to her fears, and, uttering a piercing shriek, fainted away. In my excitement I knew not what todo. I doubt if the rock of which I dreamed had held me much more immovably than did the weight of the two lusty females aliove me. I began to call lustily for help; and, with that, it seemed tome that everybody else did the same thing. Since that minute I think I have a pretty vivid conmption of the confusion of tongues at the building of the tower of Babel. tjsh, Pr •vtsioa.", Fkiur, Butter, Cheese, Lard, Ac.. Ac. PITTSTON MEAT MARKET PETEK SE1BEL. Thopreimscs formerly owiu-Jbyt harles Mantauye. in Exeter (o«mhlb, two mites froin Pittston. The House in suitable for a Hotel, has large barn attached,and .ilstillers establishment which could l e converted into almost any kind of nianiit.ic luring establishment. Onod running water at the door of dwelling, and fair Hat.t power part of the year. KUoM IT AH It V HAMP11KN, A lU.SlUTI, YolTXO MAX, TO TIMOT1IV TI'l'I'S ills iiAsiiKri, KKII:MD. *. J. ROSS, J. I. LABAUH. Feb. 18, t9. Main Street, Pittston, Pa. At the Pittston Meat Market, opposite tbv ISfiitk. desire to inform tlie public thai they are as !D. r. tolore supplying their numerous customer- with the be.mof FRESH BEEK. l'OKK, MUTTON, t.A.MB, and aU other seasonable loeata. (Applause.) 1.KTTEK V Miss W hey I ace said she feared that by acquiring a small waist she had injured her complexion. Her nose was getting red now, and her cheeks were pale and pimply. Some one had told her this was owing to impeded circulation, Bui she was consoled by having a fashionable —One of Disraeli's admirers, in speaking about him to John Bright, said:— " You ought to give him credit for what he has accomplished, as he is a self-made man." "1 know he is," retorted Mr. Bright' "and he adores his maker." HOTELS. Thev are also dealing in HIDES SHEEP SKINS, and F(J)H,for wha-h tliey will at all times pay Hie A 1.90, a mountain tract ofabontlSTiacrns—part coal land, part siiital.le for farming puraones—one mile from Pulsion. Apply to No sausage maker dare foreclose his lien oil the yaller dog, lest his customers —no longer " soothed and sustained by an unfaltering trust"—transfer their patronage to some less audacious dealer. The savages, who admire baked dogs, aud who even attack tripe and explore the mysteries of hash without dismay, acknowledge the yaller dog to be too much for their gastric intrepidity. "YYHlTK HORSE HOTEL, My Iteing caught in such an unhappy plight, the other day, by the young ladies of (lie Mansion, rendered me so extremely miserable that I could not rest. I tried to pursue my studies but all in vain; my mind refused to be concentrated 011 the subjects before 111c, but would wander off to my unhappy plight and the anguish caused hie by my excessive hash fulness. W hen I retired I lay rolling and tumbling upon my couch, and sleep refused to visit me. I passed several days in feverish unrest and mental anguish. Again and again I tried to think what I should do to relieve me ot my troubles. 1 could not " drown sorrow in the flowing bowl," for I had ever been a total abstainer, and I knew to break over my rule now, would only be to add to one great evil another still deeper one. At last I determined to seek lorgetfulness in the excitement of HIGHEST MAltiiET PKHJES IN CASH, Kring f hem alone. P. S PitUtvn, Nov. 1,1866—tf. ISAAC CARPENTER, llea.1 of Valley L. B. PEKR1N, Paorauios. W 8ood StaKing attached. Oct £3, '88. MARKET STREET, WILKES-BARRE, PA June 1G—t REMOVAL OF THE LAC! K AW ANNA MEAT MARKET. ATOIGIIT & SIMMONS, ' DHHI.HtS IN Kate hates milfticlx K: -'So much hair Mukex fiery man look like a bear;" llut Kuiuiy, who no thought can fetter, Biurt8 out, "The moie like bear* the better; lleeaiiso," her pretty "hotiMt'rx ahriifrKiiiK ''i'ears are sueli ehapD for hugging. SWAN HOTEL, PltTSTON, PA. The undersigned has lately purchased the Hotel property known as the Swan Hotel, in th« borough of r ittston, and it now prepared lo meet the demand? of the public for a first class Hotel Sept. 30, 'M.-ly The proprietor* of Uie STOVES, TIN-WARE, WOODEN AMHIOI.WIW WAR!• figure Miss Tucker said the worst of wearing a tight dress was that it sadly took away one's appetite. Since site had reduced her waist, she could not eat one-half of what she used to tlo. (Sensation.) Now, this was a great misery, for she was fond of eating. Still, she had rather give up her custards than her corset. (Cheers.) LACKAWANNA MEAT MARKET JAPAN WAHK &C■„ & CHAS EOHRANK. takne pleasure in informing his many friends ah J the public generally, especially the citizens ul JOBBING of all'kin.Js anally, cheaply :in-l prompt He always manages to belong to a ragged, tobacco-chewing, whiskey-drinking master, whose business is swapping dogs and evading the dog tax. Theyaller dog is acquainted with himself, and he enjoys the intimacy with edifying contempt. He slinks along through life, 011 a diagonal dog trot, as if in doubt as to which end of him is entitled to the precedence. lydone. Agency for the celebrated Monitor Cottcc Pot. Butler Store BuiidiiiK. Pittston, Pa —Aii alisurd pC»ct of modern days has Made the remark, "liright things never •lie." This is utterly false. A frit-lid of ours, who latterly had a rich ml head.of hair, made au attempt to transform it into a pleasing brown with stupendous suet-ess. It was found to dye beautifully. FflfiEBT HOUSE. SCR ANTON, PA. UPPER PITTSTON AND CHURCH HIM. June -A '7n-ly tliat he has recently removed bis Meat Market to «. J. REED. July Ki, KCtt-ly. U. O, SC'HOONM AKER. millfi PITTSTON & ELMIKA COAL -L COM PA NY offer for sale, at Retail, to the eitieeiia of Pittston and vicinity their superior Coal from the CelebratedSeneca Mine, at the following prices at the Shutos. UPPEll PITTSTON, (near the Depot.) Miss Gossliug thought it was not ladylike to eat Much. Rude health was a most unfeminine jDosse8sioii. A ]Derson to he fashionable should be always rather delicate; and nothing insured this so nicely as tight-lacing. HOUSE, This beis£ the only Meat Market in this section, he flatters himself that hi? can accommodate hts customers better, more expeditiously ai.d with greater satisfaction than they can be furnished at any other place. Grate or No. 1, Small Egg or No. 2, Chestnut or No. 5, Stove, When ClesireCl coal will bo «lel»?erod, a«lCliuC* only the cartage to the above prices, lDec. 10, 'G8. $2 75 3 00 2 50 3 00 —A man with four wives was brought before Hans Swarhart, a Mohawk Juntice, for coiuiuitnient on the charge of W1LKESBARRE, PENN'A He is always ]Dervaded by. a liang-dog sense of guilt, aud when retributive tinware is fastened to his tail, he " flies from the wrath to come" with a liorritied celerity, which ought to be very suggestive to two-legged sinners of a similar ordeal in store for them. Bu«s«t free to and from all trains. Meats direct from the shop is always more fresh and nice than those which is carried around in the wagon9 and handled over until it becomes strong and unpalatable. At this shop the people may always tind fresh meats of every description and at pricex calculated to draw cnstoiners. Jn.T, IMS. T. B. HULL, Proprietor. bigamy WU'S JHKDTmm, TUMtCHANNOCK, FA. 1 t ravel Miss Lazie remarked that another of its benefits was, that it prevented any muscular exertion. To lie ujhui- a sofa and read novels all day long, was her idea of almost perfect earthly happiness; and, as tight-lacing unfitted her for any useful work, she had borne like a martyr the torture it had caused her. "I'our wives'.'" exclaimed theastonisheil Hans, "four wives? dat vas a most hinocious crimes, discharge him at vonst. Acc ordingly, gathering up my luggage, I mailt' my way to the dejwt, and procured from that concentrated essence of selfsatisfaction, the ticket agent, a.small slip of paper claiming to entitle the holder to one seat from P e to Philadelphia. Then 1 went in search of that double distilled quintescence of meanness, the baggage master. I must say, Timothy, that the selfishness and disobliging spirit evinced by our railroad employees is intolerabl—a libel upon the human race. GIVE ME A CALL. JACOB RITTEL. E. N. FRISIUE, Pres't. SBE1D t PAYPAIR, Proprietor*. WYOMING FIRK INSURANCE CO TT WILKES-liAKRK, TENXA. Capital and Surplus, "NY hy ?" protested the prosecutor. Why discharge him when the proof is positive —will the court explain?" «. I. *uD. j. a. riina. Upper PitUton, Feb. 10,1870-3m. The yaller dog is—well, to sjDeak in italics, he is a slouch. April 2l-tf BAKERIES. $170,000 By and by the live hundred pounds of flesh, and adipose matter that had been reposing ott the top of us slowly arose of Its own accord, and I sprang to my feet and quickly made wy escape from the car. The accident proved to be a pretty serious one though not fatal in any case. After nil had gotten out of th# broken hulks of the cars, the eight, though pitiful, was irresistably ludicrous. What with the rubbing of bruises, bleeding of noses, wringing of hands, blackened faces, bedraggled dresses and torn clothing—what with hobbling to and fro, with searching for friends, with crying of women and children, with Pomjiey and Dinah crying, "De Lo'd sabe us! De Lo'd liab mussy on us!" with the cursing of some and the praying of others, with the mutual congratulations of friends upon escape from death—well Timothy imagine the scene, I shall not attempt to describe it. The excitement finally subsided and we were all glad that the accident, though bad enough, was no worse. "\es, I ccksplains. Off he lifs mit four vifes he got punishment enough. I lifs mit one and I got too much punishment already." "JUNCTION HOTEL. O Ofpf alt* Ui» U t B. I. B. Dapot, PITTSTOK, LUZEiJTI CO., PA. Saving.iMMd lh« »b»ve Hatal for a term of font* an* iJiaraugbly l*raiahad and ret Me* it, the patroaaga af Iba fcravaliag public la aolieitad, 4pt.aB.T0 W?H. COSTRIGHT, Prjp-f. NEW BAKERY. The undersigned would respectfully announce to tho public that he has opened DIRECTORS: CHAS. DORRANCE, L. ID. SHOEMAKER, JOHN REICHARP, O. COLLINS. STEWART PIERCE, G. M. HARDING, CIIA8. A. MINER, TIIOS. FORD. A. MORSE, C. E. LITTLER, A. C. LANING, R. C. SMITH. Dividing the Profits.—John Quill tells of a man who planted potatoes and waited for the flowers to ripen into fruit, until the whole crop rotted in the ground. He was told that he should have dug the ]MDtatoes up soon after they flowered. He cherished this advice, and tried it on a ktop of tomatoes the next year, rooting it all up oil the first sight of a flower. Of course he didn't make a fortune in that line. But ve heard a smart Dutchman out West—the story w old but just as good as new—who bought a farm, and hired a Yankee to run it 011 shares. After a good deal of haggling they agreed that they should divide profits thusly—the Dutchman to receive the "tops" and the Yankee the "bottoms" for the first year. Miss Waddler said she could not walk well in her stays,they made her feel so stiff" and wooden. But her waist looked well 011 horseback, though she never dared to venture at more than a foot-pace, for her habit was so tight that'she could hardly breathe when trotting. AN HXTENSIVE BAKERY IN PITTSTON adjoining the Butler Houae, where ho'will be prapared at all timei to supply families and partieawith Bread Biscuit, Cakes and Pies,ol all kind, on short notice. From an extonsive experience in the bakery business they feel no habitation in saying tfrat he will be able to •atisfy all as to the quality of|Bread Ac,, which heoffari. A share of patronage is respectfully solicited. L. ELTERICH. Pittston July 6th, 1S4S5. —After a sermon preached by a Paris priest in favor of Ireland, a woman passed through the assembly with an almshag. The sermon had been very eloquent, the emotions excited by it were universal and gifts reigned into the Img. A workman present cast in his watch, saying aloud: "One need not know the time of day when a. |Deople is (lying of hunger." £1A*IBRIAN HOTEL, CHARLES ID0USANCE,President, L. D. SHOEMAKER, V. President. R. C. Smith, See retary, THOS. FORD, Agent, rituton, Pa. After a great many inquiries as to his whereabouts, I found the important official of whom I was in search, only to be sworn at for disturbing him before the time. In fifteen minutes he would begin to check baggage. VA.IX STREET, PITT3T05, (Opposite E. Bctda A Co,) QBIFFITH THOMAS, Prop'R. Miss Prancer observed that, much as she loved dancing, she had found it impossible to waltz in her new ball dress. She felt so squeezed and faint that the utmost she could do was to walk through the square dances. ("Poor thing!"). In consequence she hail lost a numlier o' nice partners, and that odious Miss Whirler h;ul sadly cut her out, although her waist«us nearly two feet jn circumference. (Shudder*.) Mny lCth,'«7. WC. DANE, • WHOLESALE AND RETAIL TOBAC- 1 pty a raKllfr Hatal Ltcanpe «■C) hsva oomfortabla batb regular m4 traaaiantb*ard*rD •114 tlia traveling public. Bar ►upsliaU with bant of fce«eragaa af all kinda. Cigara, ka. WE TUT TO PLEASE ALL. Juae 39,18TO-ly. Wyoming Valley Steam Bakery. CONIST And Dealer in Imported and Domestic SECJAKS an.l SNUFF. Constantly on hand CHEWING and SMOKING TOBACCO, Soon we heard the whistling 0/ the engine ; then what a hurrying and scrambling among the crowd! Amidst the crying of babies, the farewells of friends, the incessant loud talking of the crowd, the ringing of bells, the yelling of omnibus drivers, the scolding of women and the swearing of men, I attended to my baggage and entered the car, which happened to be one promiscuously occupied by ladies and gentlemen. I took a front seat, then turned to look back to see into what sort of company I had fallen. The company was a promiscuous one,sure enough. On the seat next me sat a man with the most wolfish countenance I ever saw. By his side sat a lovely woman, small, and remarkably handsome in face. I heard this pretty woman call the wolfish looking man her "dear," and then the Latin proverb, " lie gustiltus von dispufandum recurred forcibly to my mind. On the next seat sat a woman ■ whose weary look wrung my heart. On her lap she held a wailing infant, and by her side in the seat sat two bright eyed little boys and one crying, pouting little girl. Courtship in Greenland. G.T. There is something exceedingly melancholy in the accounts which are given in the custom of courtship in Greenland. Generally, women enter upon the blessed estate with more willingness and less solicitude than men. The women of Greenland are an exception to this rule. A (ireenlander, having lixed his affections upon some female, acquaints his parents with the state of his heart. They apply tCD the parents of the girl, and if the parties thus far are agreed, the next point is to appoint two female negotiators, whose duty it is to broach the subject to the young lady. This is a matter of great tact and delicacy. The lady ambassador* do not shock the young lady to whom they are sent by any sudden or abrupt avowal of the awful subject of their mission. Instead of doing this, they launch out in praises of the gentleman who seek* her hand. They sjicak of the splendor of his house, the suniptousness of his furniture, of his courage and skill in fishing and catching seals, and other accomplishments, The lady, pretending to he affronted even at the remote hints, runs away, tearing ringlets of her hair as she retires, while the ambassadresses, having .not the consent of the jiareiits, pursue her, drag her from her concealment, lake her by force to the house of her destined husband, and there leave her. Com; jK-lled to remain there, she sits for days with disheveled hair, silent and dejected, refusing every kind of sustenance, till jtf last, if kind entreaties do not prevail, she is compelled hy force, and even by blows, to submit to the detested union. In some cases, Greenland women faint at the projiosals of marriage; in others, they lly to the mountains, and only return when comiK-lled to do so by hunger and cold. If one cuts oft her hair, it is a suie indication that she is determined to resist to the death. All this ap))ears so unnatural to us, that we seek for the reason of such an apparent violation of the first principles of human nature. The Greenland wife is the slave of her husband, doomed to a life of toil, drudgery and privation ; and if he die, she and her children have 110 resource against starvation. 1 lie married state is a miserable condition, while widowhood is still more appalling.—Dtrnorait's Monthly. SCIILAGER, KILLERS & BARNES, HTES AND SEGAR HOLDERS. RESTAURANTS. Manufacturers and wholesale dealers in all kinds of HOTELS, STORES AND DEALERS SUPPLIED AT SHORT NOTICE, BY J? M. SINCLAIR, -Jt Saloon and Restaurant, with Rowling Alley in rear. Bur supplied with the beat of Liqaors, Sar*apttriiia, Mineral Water, and all other refreshing summar beverages. Next door to Post Office. Pittston, Juna 1C, '7tMm. The Dutchman looked forward hopefully for a large yield of wheat, rye, oats, cabbage, salad, celery and other good things that rise above the ground; and he kind of chuckled in the thought that he had taken in the Yankee. He didn't laugh so much when he saw a splendid crop of beets, onions, potatoes, radishes, turnips and all such things, the "tops" of which didn't amount to much. The Yankee took to his share naturally and kindly without complaint. The Dutchman insisted that next year he would take the "bottoms." "All right," says Jonathan, "I'll take the 'tops.'" "Alters recht," echoed the other; but when he saw nothing but cabbages, salad, celery, pumpkins, squashes, wheat, rye and oats coming up, he swore, in high Dutch and dudgeon, that next year lie would have both "tops" and "bottoms" and "vool de Yankee yet, py tamn," Jonathan, however, was too cute again, as lie planted for the third year, only Indian corn, iDeas, beans, tomatoes, Ac., of which he gave the Dutchman the "tojis" and "liottoms," and kept the "middles" for himself. The last we heard of the members of that firm, after it was dissolved, was that the Yankee was running the farm on his own hook, and the Dutch-111:111 was keeping a lager beer saloon in the next village. Mrs. Wiseman said her husband would not let her wear stays, (Sensation and cries of "what a wretch !") and she would advise young ladies to leave oft' lacing tightly if they wished to get good partners. Men loved healthy wives far better than small waists, ("Gracious goodness !") and no one but a fool would link himself for life with a woman in bad health, however she might pride herself on having a tine tigure. ("Question!") She would propose a resolution :— CRACKERS AND CAKES, W. C. DANE, Main Street, I'ittston, Pa. June 30, '70—ly IV/Tc DOUG ALL'S l'J- CENTRAL JOHN U. HORN, June 2,1870- ICARKET STREET (oppoaite tha jail) WILKBS-BABRE. Pish, Steaks, Chopa, Ac. Ac. Old an i New Ales, Wine*, Ltqaors and Cigars of the choicest quality. Pek. «6 ROOK AND MUSIC STORE, TRAGI  Opposite Cooper's Hall, Keeps constantly 011 hand a good assortment ol Hooks, Music, and Stationery of all kinds. SLATES, The Truth of the "Woman Question."—"One thing," says Mr. Mill, " wo may be certain of, that what Is contrary to women's nature to do, they never will be made to do by simply giving their nature free play. The anxiety of mankind to interfere in behalf of nature, for fear lest nature should not succoed in effecting its purpose, is an altogether unnecessary solicitude. What woman by nature can not do, it is quite superfluous to forbid them from doing. What they can do, but not so well as the men who are their competitors, competition suffices to excuse them from, since nobody asks for protectivedutiesand bounties in favorof women; it is only asked that the present bounties and protective duties in favor of men should be re-called. If women I wive a greater natural inclination for some things than for others, there is no need of l&m-s or social inculcation to make the majority of them do the former in preference to U*; latter. Whatever women's serviees are most wanted for, the free play of competition will hold out the strongest inducements to them to undertake. And, as the words imply, they are most wanted for the things for which they are most fit; by the apportionment of which, to them, the collective faculties of the two sexes can lie applied, on the whole, with the greatest of valuable results." ,VHw STEAS V,K^' TENCILS, TArER, SCHOOL BOOKS, BLANK BOOKS, "yyALLACE'S DINING SALOON AND RESTAURANT. Meaii at •!D boar*. Beverages «f all kinds. Kelt door to PHMMd Ceeparmttre Star*. W*. WALLACE. Prop'r. MEMORANDUMS, Ac. MONIES & PUGHE, Iho business will receive careful attention ;inCl every addition will bo promptly made to the stook winch tno wants of the community may call fur. The patrongo of the public Is respectfully solicited. Pittsaon, April 18.18C7. "That this meeting, tieing satistie.l from mtw abounding c-vUnit light laeiiig i« Injurious to happiness ami health, will 1I0 its very utioo-t to Cli« courage and riiscoiiuti-tiaticc so 1iarl.niious a Cushion." MA X UFA t'TVR Kits AND WH0U£ALI D1ALIU IN ALL KIMCe or Here several ladies, interjvosing, began all to speak at once, and hence ensued a scene of violent excitement. Many of the fair combatants fainted from exhaustion ; and it was not until a number of corsets had been cut, that the sufferers were able to be taken to their carriages. rittatoa, Jw 16. "70-1 y. CRACKERS, CAKES, MAKING U And, howkIaL *, king, XV fguocMioM to Bxirs £•*.,] C1LKBRATID XX AND XXXX A LIS, CONFECTIONERY, N.J. SMITH, SCRANTON. PA. A practical Wagon-Maker of long experience! won 14 respectfully call the attention of the public to his e»- tablishmer.toa Main street, Pitts ton, near the "Weal End HoUd," where he is constantly turning out the iHl The Mott Steam Mill, The next seat was occupied by what I took to be a pai* of lovers. Venus reclined against Adonis, her head resting" on his shoulder. One of his arms was slipped round her waist, whilst with the other hand he clasped one of her dainty little hands. The loving gaze they bent upon each other reminded me of a pretty pair of pigeons, I used to have in my childhood's days, whose cooing was equally demonstrative. UMRIVALED CREAM ALE8, Manufactured from THE BEST OF MALT AMD HOP9. families can be supplied with a Pure Healthy and ■utritieua beverage. VERY BEST WAGONS, PITTSTON, PENN'A for both heavy and light work, that can bo produced in lit.) State. First class —A philosopher projiouud* the following connumdrums: "Willexperimenter* succeed at last in manufacturing pears and peaches out of their elementary ingredients, so that fresh fruit may lie made to order in midwinter? Will balloon* be regulated, and air traveling rendered practicable, so that each man shall keep a balloon hitclicd to a stake by his doorstep, and horses and boats thereafter be superfluous? Will one immense Drum-111011 d light, from a lofty tower, illuminate the city at night, and one vast umbrella, swung aloft, shade it by day ?" GllIER k FAllRER, l'ropr's CARRIAGES, BUGGIES, and SLEIGHS MINERAL WATER. 80DA WATER, SARSAPARIIjLA, Ac. BOTTLED ALE AND PORTER. UNION BREWERY, PjtUtOD, XX AND XXXX PORTER, nr.- also in liis line of wnrk, and special attention tiv on in the sanu*. Manufacturers of Finest Quality Family Flour KKI'AIUINti of all kinds dune promptly ami .nib- Btantially. 1'UUjUin, June It;, 1870-ty. Cliop and Feed of various kinds, and dealers in Grain generally, All Flour and Feed sold by us, warranted tfareh *8,'69-tf4 as represented. All orders promptly filled, Pittston, Dec. 10,18G8.—ly. JOB5 htjghes' EXPRESS ! The Strong Steam Mill, IMPORTANT NOTICE! Behind these satPoiupey and Dinah with faces black its night, shining ivory teeth, and gleaming, merry eyes. PITTSTON BREWERY Proprietor* of T..KDBLAWAKK LACKAWANNA t WESTERN hXrRtJtel have removed their otliee to —A curious paper might be written about the conteuts of odd wills. It has often been observed that the character of a departed person can often be read in his will; but what manner of jterson Joseph Mulley, of Clapton, can have been it is difficult to say. It is dated 1838, and contains the following curious Legacy: THOMAS WADDELL, Prop'r., Across the aisle were two huge women, whose bed raggled skirts,disheveled, sandy hair, red faces, wide mouths and pug noses, were decidedly more picturesque than beautiful. Aro prepajed to furnish their patron* with all tleir Manufactures the best of D. G. BOSSARD'S STORE, famous brandi of FLOOR, FEED, MEAL, AC., AC., on MAIS St.,opposite Kagle Hotel D. O. BOSSARU, Agent. New York office No. 7 Park Plack, notir Broadway. ALE, PORTER, AC. Order* recel»ed at Menri. Gregory A Snover, Scran- Ami hoIIm to the trade AT THE LOWEST PRICES Goods shipped at New York in the evening, by the night expaess.ivill be delivered in PiltMon at eight o'clock next morning. Another line leaves New York in the morning and arrives in Pittston at five P. M. A line also from Pittston via. (ireot iieud, leaves Pittston at eight P. M. —A well known young solicitor obtained a divorce for a pretty and wealthy client. He sent in a bill for $2,000. The next day the lady called 011 him, and inquired if he was in earnest in proposing toher. "Propose to you, madam! I did not propose to you," replied the astonished lawyer. " Well, you asked for my fortune, and I thought you would have the grace to take me with it," was the calm reply. The lawyer gave in. too, or at their oftea la Pittatoo, will receive prompt attention. Orders filled with tlie utmost eare and dispatch Pittston, June 30, 1870—ly A few seats further back I recognized one of our prominent statesmeni, whose name has frequently been mentioned in connection with the Presidency, and who is now a member of the U. S. Senate. By his side sat one whom I judged to be an office seeker by the uncommonly pliant manner in which he assented to, and echoed, the statesman's sentiments. —The following is a lady's idea of a model husband: They have full and complete arrangement* made fer the QARPENTERING AND 15UILDING June 30,1876-lm A man that's neither high nor low, In party nor in stature; No noisy rake, no fickle bean. That's used to cringe and flatter. And let him be no learned fool That nods o'er musty books; That eat*, and drink*, and lives by And weighs my words and looks, Let him be easy, frank and gay, Of dancing never tired ; Always have something smart to say, Hut silent if required. "I give unto my sister Susanna five pounds of money of Great Britain, one long hair broom, a winney, a dust-shovel, two hard brushes (both to be used at one time), and one pound of the best rapiDee snuff, which I am sure will complete her happiness in this world and the world to come." GEORGE M. SAX, MANUFACTURE OF ALE, inequality «r Whl h will be uaaurpused. Send in Respectfully announces his readiness to do Carpenter-Work of all kinds in the best manner. He professes to be thoroughly acquainted with his business and can with confidence warrant satisfaction in all cades. Shop on Montgomery Street, above Wyoming Street, West Pittston. Residence ou Wyoming Street, 1|Yest PitUton. O M.S. May 6,1869-ly. To Hotel Keepers. Applications and bonds forTAVERN LICENSE for sale at the PITTSTON GAZETTE OFFICE your ordere. Dec. IT—Jm of all klnda at the Pittaton Uitirt! Offie A LL KINDS OF JOR PRINTING XV neatly and "xpeditnnsly executed at this office- By the timo my observations had pro-