Pittston Gazette

              Oldest Newspaper in the Wyoming Villey. PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 1893. ESTABLISHED t850. \ VOL. XLIII. NO. 55- ) C Weekly Local and Family Journal. i*1"'™anScm WIRING'S PERIL. "How did he come to leave his post, sir? I have no recollection of authorising' anything of the kind." a mounted battery, by George!" said the post commander, finally, bringing his fist down on the table with a crash, "I just—won't have it!" well, just take that letter and read. Sit down, sit down. Read, and tell me what we ought to do about it." foliage of magnolias and orange trees on the other hand, they had come upon a series of deep mud-lioles in the way, where the seepage water from the rapidly rising flood was turning the roadway into a pond. Stuck helplessly in the mud, an old-fashioned cabriolet was halted. Its driver was out and up to his knees thrashing vainly at his straining, staggering horse. The tortuous roadway was blocked, but Waring had been up and down the river bank too many times both day and night to be daunted by a matter so trivial. He simply cautioned .Teffers to lean well over the inner wheel, guided his team obliquely up the slope of the levee, and drove quietly along its level top until abreast the scene of the wreck. One glance into the interior of the cab caused him suddenly to stop, to pass the reins back to Jeffers, to spring down the slope until he stood at the edge of the sea of mud. Here he raised his hat and cried: up the crest of the levee; and, overcome by maudlin contemplation of his. foeman's triumph and his own wretched plight, the cabman sat him down and wept aloud. to treat or trust him to a drink. Then, retracing her steps a few blocks, she rang sharply at the lattice gate opening into a cool and shaded inclosure, beyond which could be seen the whitepillared veranda of a long, low, southern homestead. A grinning negro boy answered the summons. STIRRING APPEALS. on pork and its diseases. The county attorney's opinion sine* then has been of no value whatever, for his whiskers were singed off by the explosion, and missing them to gnaw upon while wrapped in thought his legal opinion has been warped, and it is pitiful to see him tackle a simple question, run his tongue out in search of a mouthful of rich red whiskers, find only the place where they were and then burst into tears. v-uiuuv;i. no ivaiu back to his quarters with my consent lx-fore adjutant's call had sounded, and he should have been with us again in abundant time." lie had brought down the pile of letters as well as his fist, and Drake sprang to gather them, replacing them on the desk and dexterously slipping a paper cutter under the flap of each envelope as he did so. At the very first note he opened Brax threw himself back in his chair with a long whistle of mingled amazement and concern, then turned suddenly on his adjutant. And as Cram's blue eyes wandered over the written pa£e they began to dilate. He read from start to finish, and then dropped his head into his hand, his elbow on his knee, his face full of perplexity and concern. And to his succor presently there came ministering angels from across the muddy way. one with a brogue, the other in a bandanna, and between the two he was escorted across a dry path to the magnolia-fringed inclosure, comforted with soothing applications without and within, and encouraged to tell his tale of woe. That he should wind it up with vehement expression of his ability to thrash a thousand swells like the one who had abused him and a piratical prophecy that he'd drink his heart's blood within the week was due not so much to confidence in his own powers, perhaps, as to the strength of the whisky with which he had been liberally supplied. Then the lady of the house addressed her Ethiop maid of all work: BILL NYE GIVES A FEW RECEIVED Bu Gapt. Charles R. Kino. llthor of "Ihmr*Tt» Ranch," "As Am; Portia," "A Soldier'* Secret," Etc. FROM CORRESPONDENTS. '"That young gentleman needs more discipline than he is apt to get at this rate, ('apt. Cram, and I desire that you p.iy closer attention to his movements than you have done in the past. Afi\ Drake," he said to his adjutant, who was tripping around after his chief afoot, "call on Mr. Waring to explain his absence in writing and without delay. This indifference to duty is something to which I am utterly unaccustomed," continued Braxton again, addressing Cram, who preserved a most uncompromising serenity of countenance; and with this parting shot the colonel turned gruffly away and soon retook his station at the reviewing •''What do you think of it? Is there any truth—■" and the colonel hesitated. "It's you, is it, Alphonse? mistress at home?" "No; gone town—chez Mme. d'Hervilly."Is jour Some Indications That Money Ig Real (Oopj light, ins, by J. B. iulpptaeott ft Co., uC pab- Hard to Obtain—The County Attorney Who Got a Square Meal Occasionally From His Whiskers. llabe* br ipociai arrancomoBt.} "As to their being seen together, perhaps. As to the other—the challenge—I don't believe it." (CONTINUED.) "Mme. uevuiease, is lt7 very well; yon skip to town wid that note and get it in your master's hands before the cathedral clock strikes twelve, or ye'll Buffer. There's a car in t'ree minutes." Cram resumed the carry with the saber he had lowered in salute, calmly reversed so as to face his battery, and, with preternatural gravity of mien, looked along his front. There midway between his lead drivers sat Mr. Doyle, his face well-nigh as red as his plume, his bleary eye* nearly popping out of his skull in his effort to repress the emotions excited by this colloquy. There midway between the lead drivers in the left section sat Mr. Ferry, gazing straight to the front over the erected ears of his handsome bay and doing his very best to keep a solemn face, though the unshaded corners of his boyish mouth were twitching with mischief and merriment. There, silent, discipiiucu aiiu ngiu, sou tine scigeaut», drivers and cannoneers of famous old Light Battery "X," all agog with interest in the proceedings and all looking as though they haa never heard a word. "What became of Mr. Waring? He wasn't hurt?" "Well, Cram, this is the second or third letter that has come to me in the same hand. Now, you must see to it that he returns and doesn't quit the post until this matter is arranged." The financial distress in the rice and cotton country, though not so great as in the large banking centers, is still felt to a degree, as souie of the correspondence of colored gentlemen with storekeepers and employers as given below will show that suffering is so great that several of the writers want to draw their next week's pay, which is, as every one knows who is familiar with the colored pauic, with a large P. [tJopyright, 1893, by Edgar W. Nye.] Numerous inquiries have been received within the past summer regarding funeral etiquette, etc. I here take the liberty therefore to insert a piece of word painting taken verbatim from an exchange, the names only having been changed to avoid giving additional offense. The clipping itself is offensive enough to drive a mule from his midday meal, but I print it to show one-half the world how the other half is permitted to rush into print on the heels of death even if ignored the rest of the time: "Not a bit, sir, that I know of. He drove to town with Capt Cram's team —at least I was told so—and left that note for you there, sir." And then, well content with her morning's work, the consort of the senior first lieutenant of Light Battery "X" (a dame whose credentials were too clouded to admit of her reception or recognition within the limits of a regular garrison, where, indeed, to do him justice, Mr. Doyle never wished to see her, or, for that matter, anywhere else) betook herself to the magnoliashaded cottage where she dwelt beyond the pale of military interference, and some hours later sent 'Louette to say to Doyle she wanted him, and Doyle obeyed. In his relief at finding the colonel had probably forgotten the peccadillo for which he expected punishment, in blissful possession of Mr. Wariag's sitting-room and supplies now that Waring was absent, the big Irishman was preparing to spend the time in drinking his junior's health and whisky and discoursing upon the enormity of his misconduct with all comers, when Ananias entered and Informed him there was a lady below who wished to see him—"lady" being the euphemism of the lately enfranchised for the females of their race. It was 'Louett« with the mandate from her mistress, a mandate he dared not disregard. "I'll attend to it, sir," was the answer."He did!—left the post and left a note for me! Why!—" But here Braxton broke off short, tore open the note and read: And so that evening, while Waring was slowly driving his friends about the shaded roads under the glistening white pillars of the rows of officers' quarters, chatting joyously with them and describing the objects so strange to their eyes, Mrs. Cram's "little foot page" came to beg that they should alight a ftw minutes and take a cup of tea. They could not. The Allertons were engaged, and it was necessary to drive back at once to town, but they stopped for a moment to chat with their pretty hostess under the gallery, and then a moment later, as they rolled out of the resounding sallyport, an orderly ran up, saluted, and slipped a note in Waring's hand. point. "Mr Dear Coloitkl: I trust you w'll overlook the informality of my going to town without previously consulting you. I had purposed, of course, asking your permission, but the mishap that befell me in the runaway of my horse prevented my appearance at the review, and had I waited for your return from the field it would have compelled me to break my engagement with our friends the Allertons. Under the circumstances I felt sure of your complaisance"Mme. Lascelles! madame! this is indeed lucky—for me. Let me get you out." "Go you over to Anatole's now, Louette. Tell him if any of the byes are there I want 'um. If Dawson is there, from the adjutant's office, I wahnt him quick. Tell him it's Mrs. Doyle, an8 never mind if he's been dhrinkin'; he shall have another dhrop here." race, a siDCn 01 Then came the second hitch. Minor hat! had no experience whatever, as has been said, and he first tried to wheel into column of companies without closing1 ranks, whereupon every captain promptly cautioned "Stand fast," and thereby banished the last remnant of Minor's senses. Seeing that something was wrong, he tried again, this time prefacing with "Pass in review, and still the captains were implacable. The nearest one, In a stage whisper, tried to make the major hear "Close order, first." But all the time Brax was losing more of his temper and Minor what was left of his head, and Brax came down like the wolf on the fold, gave the command to "Close order" himself, and was instantly echoed by Cram's powerful shout "Limber to the rear," followed by "Pieces left about! Caissons forward!" Then, in the rumble and clank of the responding battery, Minor's next command was heard by only the right wing of the battalion, and the company wheels were ragged. So was the next part of the performance when he started to march in review, never waiting, of course, for the battery to wheel into column of sections. This omission, however, in no wise disconcerted Cram, who, following at rapid walk, soon gained on the rear of column, passing his post commander in beautiful order and with most accurate salute on the part of himself and officers, and, observing this, Minor took heart, and, recovering his senses to a certain extent. gave the command "Guide left" in abundant time to see that the new guides were accurately in trace, thereby insuring what he expected to find a beautiful wheel into line to the left, the commands for which movement he g-ave in louder and more confident tone, but was instantly nonplussed by (teeing the battery wheel into line to the right and move off in exactly the opposite direction from what he had expected. This was altogether too much for his equanimity. Digging his spurs into the flanks of the astonished sorrel, he darted off after Cram, waving his sword, and shouting: Aco. 1, 1893. Dear Editor—The death angel has made its ingress into our quiet little city, snatching from oar midst one of our most deserving and beloved citizens in the person of Mrs. Judge Burstforth Balaam of East Tottawotamle, this state. After a protracted illness she departed to the Land of the Leal the morning of the 26th. Funeral 27th at above place. Services conducted by Rev. E. Gurney of our city, who delivered one of his masterly, skillful dlsocnr». i. DV. Gurney can bring the world dowa on a funeral discourse. His sermon was full of pathos and eloquence. The elder 1s a Bible student and a gentleman of high culture. The Bev. Ell Mudd offered up an eloquent prayer. The reverend is a young »■«" of marlced ability. At his call a slender, graceful woman who was gazing in anxiety and dismay from the opposite side of the cab, and pleading with the driver not to beat his horse, turned suddenly, and a pair of lovely dark eyes lighted up at sight of his face. Her pallor, too, gave instant place to a warm flush. A pretty child at her tide clapped her little hands and screamed with delight: And at her beck there presently appeared three or four besotted-looking specimens in the coarse undress uniform of the day, poor devils absent without leave from their post below and hooinff only to be able to bee or "As I hope to drive Miss Allcrton down after the matinee, might It not be a good idea to have the dress parade and the band out? They have seen the battery drills but are much more desirous of seeing the Infantry. "I declare.sir," said Cram, with exasperating' civility, "I can see nothing out of the way. Will you kindly indicate what is amiss?" "Most sincerely yours, "S. 3. Wahiso." "Well, for consummate impudence this beats the Jews!" exclaimed Brax. "Orderly, my compliments to Capt. Cram, and say I wish to see him at once, if he's back from stables." "It is immediate, sir," was his explanation."Maman! maman! C'est M'sieu'Vayreeng; c'est Sa-am." TAKl.NO'8 FIST LANDED rXSEB II "Oh, M. Wareeng! I'm so glad you've come! Do speak to that man! It is horrible the way he beat that poor horse—Mais non. Nln Kin!" she cried, reproving the child, now stretching forth her little arms to her friend and striving to rise and leap to him. This was too much for Ferry. In his effort to restrain his merriment and gulp down a rising flood "of laughter there was heard an explosion that sounded something like the sudden collapse of an inflated paper bag, and old Brax, glaring angrily at the boy, now red in the face with mingled mirth andjconsternation,caught sudden idea from the sight. Was the battery laughing at—was the battery commander guying—him? Was it possible that they were profiting by his ignorance of their regulations? It put him on his guard and suggested a tentative."Ah! Miss Allerton, will you pardon me one moment?" said Waring, as he shifted whip and reins in the left hand and turned coolly up the levee road. Then with the right he forced open and held up the missive. The Rev. Mr. Billwood of Maryland a telling closing address; he will be counted In. Mrs. Balaam as a vocalist bad no parallel. Her voice vras like that of an angel—soft and clear and pathetic. Her music proceeded from her heart and reached the hearts of the hearers. She was called upon to sing at hundreds of funerals. She had sung a great many times at Spoon L1V0 church. In short, she wm a well known singer. Mrs. Balaam will be missed at the v - of the sick. Her hand wm al- Now, as has been said, Cram had had no time to change to undress uniform, but Mrs. Cram had received the orderly's message, had informed that martial Mercury that the captain was not yet back from stables, and that she would tell him at once on his return. Well, she knew that mischief was brewing, and her woman's wit was already enlisted in behalf of her friend. Hurriedly penciling a note, she sent a messenger to her liege, still busy with his horses, to bid him come to her, if only for a moment, on his way to the office. And when he came, heated, tired, but bubbling over with eagerness to tell her of the fun they had been having with Brax, she met him with a cool tankard of "shandygaff" which he had learned to like in England among the horse artillery fellows, and declared the very prince of drinks after active exercise in hot weather. He quaffed it eagerly, flung off his shako and kissed her gratefully, and burst all at once into laughing narration of the morning's work, but she checked him: It only said: "Whatsoever you do, be here before taps to night. Come direct to-me, and I will explain. Your friend, Cram." "I'd like to know how in h—1 I'm to get this cab out of such a hole as this if I don't beat him," exclaimed the driver, roughly. Then once more: "Dash blank dash your infernal hide! I'll learn you to balk with me again!" Then down came more furious lashes on the quivering hide, and the poor tortured brute began to back, thereby placing the frail four-wheeler in imminent danger of being upset. , "Say I'll be along in a minute," was his reply, but he sighed and swore heavily, as he slowly reascended the stair. "Give me another dhrink, smut," he ordered Ananias, disregarding Ferry's suggestion: "Better drink no more till after dark." Then, swallowing his potion, he went lurching down the steps without another word. Ferry and Pierce stepped to the gallery and gazed silently after him as he veered around to the gate leading to the old war hospital inclosure where the battery was quartered. Already his walk was perceptibly pnsteady. "All right," said Waring, aloud. "My compliments to the captain, and say I'll be with him." When a colored man asks for money ahead of what he has earned, we may well«inquire, What is to become of the country? THE FINGER OF SCORN, ai*d ai. i. She would K" far and neai to relieve the wants of the suffering. Shi always paid into the church. She will bC missed at the class meeting and the Sand*] school. Her graceful form will not be seen or the streets any more, but in heaven. She wat a complete model of perfection and beauty. But to all the world who wiil most miss her the judge and Ettie, her daughter, wife of Mr. Burlingame. The judge will not when he comes home at a late hour find awaiting hia coming with a cup of hot coffee on the stove and a smiling face, with cheering word*, but the opposite—a dark house, no words of cheer nor angel's smiles to enliven the half dead manhood. But what grief will come over the bereaved husband when he finds a dark house, and that the mistress is lying among the tombs, her eyes closed in death! .1 udge, yon will see dark days and gloomy shades, but there Is one cheering side to this-slie is happy; she is among the good of all ages. God bless her ashes. » relieve the wants of the poor -«-• — M But even with this injunction he failed to appear. Midnight came without a word from Waring, and the morning dawned and found him absent stilL cabman's jaw. Below is the pitiful appeal of Henry Clay asking for rations and offering that "the first work that Jaffrey (his son) do you coud tak it Back." "Do you mean that yon are right in being so far ahead of our line instead of dressed upon it?" asked he of the big blonde soldier in the glittering uniform. "Where do you find authority for it?" steal whisky enough to stupefy them before the patrol should come and drag them away to the guardhouse. Promise of liberal reward in shape of liquor was sufficient to induce three of their number to go out with the fuming cabman and help rescue his wretched brute and trap. The moment they were outside the gate she turned on the fourth, a pallid, sickly man, whose features were delicate, whose hands were white and slender, and whose whole appearance, despite glassy eyes and tremulous mouth and limbs, told the pathetic story of better days. "Stead}' there! Hold your hand, sir! Don't strike that horse again. Just stand at his head a moment and keep quiet till I get these ladies out," called Waring, in tone quiet yet commanding. And yet we have been crying out for months, "Give us more 'Rashing,' whether you demonetize silver or not. We need the 'Rashing' bad." It was one of Sam Waring's «ddities that, like the hero of "Happy Thoughts," other people's belongings seemed to suit him so much better than his own. The most immaculately dressed man in the regiment, he was never satisfied with the result of the efforts of the New York artists whom he favored with his custom and his criticism. lie would wear three or four times a new coat just received from that metropolis, and spend not a little time, when not on duty or in uniform, in studying critically its cut and fit in the various mirrors that hung about his bachelor den, gayly humming some operatic air as he con' ducted the survey, and generally winding up with a wholesale denunciation of the cutter and an order to Anat.ias to go over and get some other fellow's coat, that he might try the effect of that. These were liberties he took only with his chums and intimates, to be sure, but they were liberties all the same, and it was delicious to hear the laugh with which he would tell how Pierce had to dress in uniform when he went up to the opera Thursday night, or how, after he had worn Ferry's stylish morning suit to make a round of calls in town and that young gentleman later on went up to see a pretty girl in whom he felt a growing interest, her hateful little sister had come in and commented on his "borrowing Mr. Waring's clothes." No man in the battery would ever think of refusing Sam the use of anything he possessed, and there were half a dozen young fellows iiD the infantry who were just as ready to pay tribute to his whims. Nor was it among the men alone that he found such indulgence. Mrs. Cram had not known him a fortnight when, with twinkling eyes and a betraying twitch about the corners of his mouth, he appeared one morning to say he had invited some friends down to luncheon at the officers' mess and the mess had no suitable china, therefore he would thank her to send over hers, also some table cloths and napkins, and forks and spoons. When the Fortysixth infantry were on their way to Texas and the officers' families were entertained over night at the barracks and his rooms were to be occupied by the wife, sister and daughters of Capt. Craney, Waring sent the battery team and spring wagon to town with a note to Mrs. Converse, of the staff, telling her the ladies had said so much about the lovely way her sparerooms were furnished that he had decided to draw on her for wash bowls, pitchers, mosquito frames, nets and coverlets, blankets, pillows, slips, shams, and anything else she might think of. And Mrs. Converse loaded up the wagon accordingly. This was the more remarkable in her case because she was one of the women with whom he had never yet danced, which was tantamount to saying that in the opinion of this social bashaw Mrs. Converse was not considered a good partner, and, as the lady entertained very different views on that subject and was passionately fond of dancing, she had resented not a little the line thus drawn to her detriment. She not only loaned, however, all he asked for, but begged to be Informed if there were not something more she could do to help entertain his visitors. Waring sent her some lovely flowers the next week, but failed to take her out even once at the staff german. Mrs. Cram was alternately aghast and delighted at what she perhaps justly called his incomparable impudence. They were coming out of church together one lovely morning during the winter. There was a crowd in the vestibule. Street dresses were then worn looped, yet there was a sudden sound of rip, rent and tear, and a portly woman gathered up the trailing skirt of a costly silken gown and whirled with annihilation in her eyes upon the owner of the offending foot. "Oh, perfectly right, coloneL In fact, for six j*ears past I've never seen it done any other way. You'll find the authority on page 562, Field Artillery Tactics of 1864." "I'll get 'em out myself in my own way, if they'll only stop their infernal yellin'," was the coarse reply. These letters are absolutely genuine, the names only having been changed: "Keeps his head pretty well, even after his legs are gone," said Ferry. "Knows too much to go by the sallyport. He's sneaking out through the back gate." , "Oh, M. Wareeng," exclaimed the lady in undertone, "the man has been drinking, I am sure. He has been so rude in his language." Junk 17,1883. Dkar Sir—I write to tell ybu I have verry Bad Painn In the Right side Work from my Side to my Back Tuseday Evning I sick I think it is Simmer Conplanid Please Sir let me have fifty cts for to get Sume Rashing the first days work Jaffrey do you coud tak it Back I need the Rashing Bad Henry Clay. Mr. Howard Balcorab: For a moment Brax was dumb. He had long heard of Cram as an expert in his own branch of the service, but presently he burst forth: "Why, what does he go out there for, when he has the run of Waring's sideboard?"The funeral was largely attended; people present from eight towns. Music by Minkinse'e band. Minklnse is one of the best musicians in the country. Cold Storage of West Burlaps was the undertaker. His part was well acted. Quite a large crowd followed the corpee to Rush Center cemetery, where there was quite a crowd assembled awaiting the coming. Among the crowd was Rev. Mr. Pang born, Drs. Shrub, Snort and Murdock, E. Lalow and lady, and quite a number of prominent people of the city were present. Rev. Pangborn pro- Waring waited for no more words, booking quickly about him, he saw a plank lying on the levee slope. This he seized, thrust one end across the muddy hole until it rested in the cab, stopped lightly across, took the child in his arms, bore her to the embankment and sat her down, then sprang back for her young mother, who, trembling slightly, rose and took hi6 outstretched hand just as another lash fell on the horse's back and another lurch followed. Waring caught at the cab-rail with one hand, threw the other arm about her slender waist, and, fairly lifting the little madame over the wheel, sprang with her to the shore, and in an instant more had carried her, speechless and somewhat agitated, to the top of the levee. "Well, in our tactics there's reason for every blessed thing we do, but I'll be dinged if I can see rhyme or reason in such a formation as that. Why, sir, your one company takes up more room than my six—makes twice aa much of a show. Of course if a combined review is to show off the artillery it's all very welL However, go ahead, if you think you're right, sir, go ahead! I'll inquire into this later." "Ned, dear, don't stop for that yet. I know you're too full of tact to let Col. Braxton see it was any fun for you. and he's waiting at the office. Something tells me it's about Mr. Waring. Now put yourself in Mr. Waring's place. Of course he ought never to have made that engagement until he had consulted you, but he never dreamed that there would be a review to-day, and so he invited the Allertons to breakfast with him at Moreau's and go to the matinee." "You're off ag'in, are you? Sure I heerd so, and you're mad for a dhrink now. Cafi ye write, Dawson, or must I brace you up first?" "Oh, didn't you hear? She sent for him." The following indicates the state of the money market, also the fin de siecle method of spelling "allow." It also shows how the writer understands that a vague allusion to death will get funds sometimes when all other efforts fail. He does not state whose death he is going to blow in the $1.25 upon, but probably it will go to buy cut flowers for the grave of Ham, who was cut down a couple of thousand years ago by malarial fever brought on by the surface water and hot weather around Ararat: "That's it, is it? Sometimes I wonder which one of those two will kill the other." An imploring look, an unsteady gesture, alone answered. "Here, thin, wait! It's absinthe ye need, my buck. Go you into that room now and wash yourself, and I'll bring it and whin the others come back for their whisky I'll tell 'um you've gone. You're to do what I say, now, and Doyle will see you t'rough; If not, It's back to that hell in the guardhouse you'll go, my word on it." "Oh, he wouldn't dare. That fellow Is an abject coward in the dark. He believes in ghosts, spooks, banshees and wraiths—everything uncanny— and she'd haunt him if he laid his hands on her. There's only one thing that he'd be more afraid of than Bridget Doyle living, and that would be Bridget Doyle dead." "Left into line wheel, captain. Left into line wheel." "I know we're right, colonel; and as for the reason, you'll see it when you open ranks for review and we come to 'action front;' then our line will be exactly that of the infantry. Meantime, sir, it isn't for us to go ahead. We've gone as far as we can until your adjutant makes the next move." In vain Mr. Pierce undertook to explain matters. Minor presumed that the artilleryman had made an actual blunder and was only enabled to correct it by a countermarch, and so rode back to his position in front of the center of the reforming line, convinced that at last he had caught the battery commander. "Why, that rascal Ananias said it was to breakfast at the general's," interrupted the battery commander. "Why can't he get rid of her? What hold has she on him? This thing's an infernal scandal as it stands. She's only been here a month or so, and everybody in garrison knows all about her, and these doughboys don't make any bones about chaffing us on our lady friends." Mb. Bai.combe—Please arlow me to have one Doller & 25 cts this week for I am in Sure Deth. I like to pay yours "Well, perhaps he was invited there too. I believe I did hear something of that But he had made this arrangement with the Allertons. Now, of course, if review were over at ten he could just about have time to dress and catch the eleven-o'clock car, but that would make it very late, and when Bay Billy broke away from Ananias nobody could catch him for over half an hour. Mr. Ferry had taken the section, Mr. Waring wasn't needed, and— Why, Ned, when I drove in, fearing to find him injured, and saw him standing there the picture of consternation and despair, and he told me about his engagement, I said myself: 'Why don't you go now?' I told him it was what you surely would say if you were here. Neither of us thought the colonel would object, so long as you approved, and he wrote such a nice note. Why, Ned, he only just had time to change his dress and drive up with Jeffers—" "Oh, for God's sake, Mrs. Doyle—" began the poor wretch, imploringly, but the woman shut him off. Mr. Calhoun, on the back of the note, states that he is not a bimetallist, but a Baptist with a tendency toward somnambulism. Many are the times, he says, that he has awakened from a sound sleep and found himself in the middle of a watermelon patch bathed in a cold sweat and a big melon rind in his hand. John C. Calhoun. But Braxton had ridden away disgusted before Cram wound up his remarks."Now," said he, "let me drive you and Nitf Nin wherever you were going. Is it to market or to church?" "In there wid you! the others are coming." And, unbarring the front door, she presently admitted the trio returning to claim the fruits of their honest labor. When Braxton, therefore, came down to make his criticisms and comments upon the conduct of the review, Minor was simply amazed to find that instead of being in error Cram had gone exactly right and as prescribed by his drill regulations in wheeling to the right and gaining ground to the rear before coming up on the line. He almost peevishly declared that he wished the colonel, if he proposed having a combined review, would assume command himself, as he didn't care to be bothered with combination tactics of which he had never had previous knowledge. Being of the same opinion, Braxton himself took hold, and the next performance, though somewhat erroneous in many r -.pects, was a slight improvement on t!ie first, though Braxton did not give time for the battery to complete one movement before he would rush it int i another. When the officers assembled to compare notes during the rest after the second repetition, Minor growled that this was "a little better, yet not good," which led to some one suggesting in low tone that the major got his positives and comparatives worse mixed than his tactics, and inquiring further "whether it might not be well to dub him Minor Major." The laughter that followed this sally naturally reached the ears of the seniors, and so Brax never let up on the command until the review went off without an error of any appreciable weight, without, in fact, "a hitch in the fut or an unhitch in the harse," as Doyle expressed it. It was high noon when the battalion got back to barracks and the officers hung out their moist clothing to dry in the sun. It was near one when the batterymen, officers and all, came steaming up from the stables, and there was the colonel's orderly, with the colonel's compliments and desires to see Capt. Cram before the big batteryman had time to change his dress. "Mais non—to bonne maman's, of whom it is the fete," cried the eager little one, despite her mother's stern orders of silence. "Look!" she exclaimed, showing her dainty little legs and feet in creamy silken hose and kid. "Go on, Maj. Minor; just run this thing without reference to the battery. Damned if I understand their methods. Let Cram look after his own affairs; if he goes wrong, why—it's none of out concern." "Well, everybody supposed he had got rid of her years ago. He shook her when he was made first sergeant, just before the war. Why, I've heard some of the old stagers say there wasn't a finer looking soldier In all the regiment than Jim Doyle when he married that specimen at Brownsville. Doyle, too, supposed she was dead until after he got his commission, then she reappeared and laid claim to him. It would have been an easy enough matter five yeaj-s ago to prove she had forfeited all rights, but now he can't. Then she's got some confounded hold on him, I don't know what, but it's killing the poor beggar. Good thing for the regiment, though; so let it go." "Is he gone? Did he tell you what happened?" "He's gone, yes," answered one; "he's gone to get square with the lieutenant and his cockney dog-robber. He says they both jumped on him and kicked his face in when he was down and unarmed and helpless. Was he lyin?" Mr. Mason, who accidentally discovered last week that he had been emancipated 30 years ago while he was serving a term with the gang, writes as follows: And so Minor had nodded "go ahead" to Mr. Drake, and presently the whole command made its bow, so to speak, to Minor as its immediate chief, and then he drew sword and his untried voice became faintly audible. The orders: "Prepare for review" and "to the rear open order" were instantly followed by a stentorian "action front" down at the left, the instant leap and rush of some thirty nimble cannoneers, shouts of "drive on!" the cracking of whips, the thunder and rumble of wheels, the thud of plunging hoofs. Forty-eight mettlesome horses in teams of two abreast went dancing briskly away to the rear, at sight of which Minor dropped his jaw and the point of his sword and sat gazing blankly after them, over the bowed head of his placid Borrel, wondering what on earth it meant that they should all be running away, at the very instant when he expected them to brace up for review. But before he could give utterance to his thoughts eight glossy teams in almost simultaneous sweep to the left about came sharply around again. The black muzzles of the guns were {jointed to the front, every axle exactly in the prolongation of his front rani#, every little group of red-topped, red-trimmed cannoneers standing erect and square, the chiefs of section and of pieces sitting like statues on their handsome horses, the line of limbers accurately covering the guns, and, still farther back, Mr. Pierce could be heard shouting his orders for the alignment of the caissons. In the twinkling of an eye the rush and thunder were stilled, the battery without the twitch of a muscle stood ready for review, and old Brax. sitting gloomily in saddle at th« reviewing point, watching the stirring sight with gloomy and cynical eye. was chafed still more to hear in a sllrery voice from the group of la4i«s the It was "bonne maman," explained aiadame who had ordered the cab from town for them, never dreaming of the condition of the river road or suspecting that of the driver. Captain please Sir yu can Be kine anuft to let me have my thirs day money and will pay the Day on next week if yo Will Do So for me please Sir that is all Slidell Mason. "Oh, they bate him cruel. But did he tell you of the lady—who it was they took f rom him?" "So much the happier for me," laughed Waring. "Take the front seat, Jeffers. Now Nin Nin, ma fleurette, up with you!" And the delighted child was lifted to her perch in the stylish trap she had so often admired. "Now, madame," he continued, extending his hand. EATING HIS WHII5KEB8. nounced the benediction. Judge Balaam ear* his wife the greatest possible care, also EtUe, her daughter. The judge tenders below his heartfelt thanks to neighbors and attendants at the funeral. Very respectfully yours. Mr. Lemons, who writes below, no donbt indicates as fully and unconsciously between the lines how times are with him as any exhibit that has been made this summer, and notice toward the close, where he admits in his own touchful orthography, "I would not worry, but I am distressed why I worry you." "Why, sure, the wife of that old Frenchman, Lascelles, that lives below, —her the lieutenant's been sparkin' this three months." "The very wan, mind ye!" replied the lady of the house, with significant emphasis and glance from her bleary eyes; "the very wan," she finished, with slow nodding accompaniment of the frowzy head. "And that's the kind of gintlemen that undertakes to hold up their heads over soldiers like Doyle. Here, boys, drink now, but be off ag'inst his coming. He'll be here any aiinute. Take this to comfort ye, but kape still about this till ye see me ag'in—or Doyle. Now run." And with scant ceremony the dreary party was-hustled out through a paved courtyard to a gateway opening on a side street. Houses were few and scattering so far below the heart of the city. The narrow strip of land between the great river and the swamp was cut up into walled inclosures, as a rule—aban- abandoned warehouses and cotton presses, moss-grown one-storied frame structures, standing in the midst of desolate tields and decrepit fences. Only among the peaceful shades of the Ursuline convent and the warlike flanking towers at the barracks was there aught that spoke of anything but demoralization and decay. LSack from the levee a block or two the double lines of strapiron stretched over a wooden causeway between parallel wet ditches gave evidence of some kind of a railway, on which, at rare intervals, jogged a sleepy mule with a sleepier driver and a musty old rattletrap of a car—a car butting up against the animal's lazy hocks and rousing him occasionally to ringing and retaliatory kicks. Around the barracks the buildings were closer, mainly in the way of saloons; then came a mile-long northward stretch of track, with wet fields on either side, fringed along the river by solid structures and walled inclosures that told of days more prosperous than those which so closely followed the war. It was to one of these graceless drinkingshops and into the hands of a rascally "dago"' known as Anatole that Mrs. Doyle commended her trio of allies, and being rid of them she turned back to her prisoner, their erstwhile companion. Absinthe wrought its work on his meek and pliant spirit, and the shaking hand was nerved to do the woman's work. At her dictation, with such corrections as his better education suggested, two letters were draughted, and with these in her hand she went aloft. In fifteen minutes she returned, placed one of these letters in an envelope already addressed to M. Armand Lascelles, No. — Rue Royale, the other she handed to Dawson. It was addressed in neat and delicate feminine hand to Col. Braxton, Jackson Barracks. Here is the card of thanks: Ajax. "With Jeffers? With my—er—our team and wagon? Well, I like—" But madame hung back, hesitant and blushing. A CARD. "Oh, I don't care a rap how soon we're rid of him or her—the sooner the better; only I hate to hear these fellows laughing and sneering about Mrs. Doyle." And hers the young fellow hesitated. "Ferry, you know I'm as fond of Sam Waring as any of you. I liked him better than any man in his class when we wore the gray. When they were yearlings we were plebes, and devilled and tormented by them most unmercifully day and night. I took to him then for his kindly, jolly ways. No one ever knew him to say or do a cross or brutal thing. I liked him more every year, and missed him when he was graduated. I rejoiced when he got his transfer to us. It's because I like him so much that I hate to hear these fellows making their little flings nowi" The undersigned desires in the midst of his mighty grief—a grief which overshadows ths average grief because of the unusually deep emotion and tender, affectionate nature of undersigned—to express his thanks for the general good feeling and unparalleled turnout on the occasion of'the funeral at which the wife of undersigned was the corpse; also for the loan of eleven (11) front room chairs from Mr. Mc- Keg and eight (8) dining room ditto from Mr. Praiseworthy Stikeleather. "Of course you like it, you old darling. She's such a dear girl, though just a little bit gushing, you know. Why, I said, certainly the team should go. But. Ned, here's what I'm afraid of. Mrs. Braxton saw it drive in at nine-thirty, just after Billy ran away, and she asked Jeffers who was going, and he told her Mr. Waring, and she has told the colonel, I'll wager. Now, what you have got to do is to explain that to him, so that he won't blame Mr. Waring." "Oh. M. Wareeng, I cannot, I must not. Is it not that some one shall extricate the cab?" His wife also "is Bear feet," meaning no doubt that there has been a Wall street movement to depress her feet. "No one from this party, at least," laughed Waring, mischievously,making the most of her idiomatic query. "Your driver is more cochon than cocher, and if he drowns in that mud 'twill only serve him right. Like your famous compatriot, he'll have a chance to say, 'I wil) drown,and too one shall help me,' for all I care. The brute! Allons! I will drive you to bonne maman's of whom it is the fete. Bless that baby daughter! And Mme. d'Hervilly shall bless Nin Nin's totft devoue Sam." He also intimates that if Mr. B. does not "trus" him he will bust: Mb. Bai.com b»- You and Mr. W. E. Balcornbe can i/t-n me $aX) dolor and tell I hav the chanc of making Sum money. Do if you Pleas Sir you can Len me becos my Wife is Bear feet and if you dont trus me Sir vou can Git a Lean on a half aker of Rice but 1 know Sir I can pay you before that Sir. if I was not destrus Sir i Wod not Worry but i am dest rus Wi i Wory you do if you Pleas Sir you can Len me. In the midBt of life we are here today, and here, there and everywhere tomorrow. There has not been such a general turnout or universal satisfaction since the funeral of Mr. and Mrs. Rankin, who were drug from their bed and murdered in cold blood, and the undersigned wishes that he could in more fitting language express himself to those who came and sat up with deceased without charge and mingled their tears with undersigned, who hopes to some day return the favor and also to express orally his thanks to such as may cone to the great sacrifice and sale of household goods which will take place at the home of undersigned all day Monday, during which will be offered an entire kitchen outfit, the almost new ingrain carpet which was on the floor of the front room on the day of the funeral and may have been noticed, together with a baby grand melodion and a silk dress nearly new, and which will almost stand alone. "The dickens I have! The most barefaced piece of impudence even Sam Waring was ever guilty of—to me. at Peter G. T. Beauregard Lemons. The following item also, taken from the Asheville Citizen a few weeks ago, indicates that chickens are close and hard to obtain this season and that money matters were never more seldom, especially among the colored people, than at present: And Mme. Lascelles found further remonstrance useless. She was lifted into the seat, by which time the driver, drunken and truculent, had waded after them. "What flings?" said Ferry. "Who's to pay for this?" was his surly question. "Well, you know as much as I do. You've heard as much, too, I haven't a doubt." Will Voting, colored, aged about 45. was tried for stealing two chickens and found guilty. He has served two terms in the gang—the first time for stealing watermelons. Judge Jones gave Young a four years' sentence, thinking it might break him of his long fingered habit When the sentence was pronounced. Young said, "Tliank you, sir," to Judge Jones. "You, I fancy, as soon as your employer learns of your driving into that hole," was Waring's cool reply. "Nobody's said anything about Sam Waring in my hearing that reflected on him in any way worth speaking of," said Ferry, yet not very stoutly. ".Not on 'him so much, perhaps, as the world looks at this sort of thing, but on her. She's young, pretty, married to a man years her senior, a snuffy, frowzy old Frenchman. She's alone with her child and one or two servants from early morning till late evening, and with that weazened little monkey of a man the rest of the time. The only society 6he sees is the one or two gossipy old women of both sexes who live along the levee here. The only enjoyment she has is when she can get to her mother's up in town, or run up to the opera when she can get Lascelles to take her. That old mummy carss nothing for music and less for the dance; she loves both, and so does Waring. Monsieur le Mari goes out into the foyer between the acts to smoke hiB cigarette and gossip with other relics like himself. Waring has never missed a night she happened to be there for the last six weeks. I admit he is there many a time when 6he Is not, but after he's had a few words with the ladies in the general's box, what becomes of him? I don't know, because I'm seldom there, but Dryden and Taggart and Jack Merton, of the infantry, can tell you. He is sitting by her in the D'Hervilly loge grillee and going over the last act with her and rhapsodizing about Verdi, Bellini, Mozart, or Qounod—Gounod especially and the garden scene from •FarDut-. *" Thanking one and all onoe more for their sympathy and the use of their teams, and hoping that this great sorrow may be tempered to the shorn lamb, and remembering that whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and hoping that no one will miss the sale, and realising that possibly the dear one was snatched away because undersigned idolized her too much, I am yours truly, Bursftfobth Balaam. "Well, by God, I want five dollars for my fare and trouble, and I want it right off." And, whip in hand, the burly, mud-covered fellow came lurching up the bank. Across the boggy street beyond the white picket fence the green blinds of a chamber window in an old-fashioned southern house were thrown open, and two feminine faces peered forth, interested spectators of the scene. Comment on the length of the sentence would seem out of place here at this time, when, so nearly as may be, a fraternal feeling should exist. It is intimated, however, that Mr. Young was a pronounced bimetallist. whereas the court was opposed to that idea most bitterly.Braxton's first performance on getting into cool habiliments was to go over to his office and hunt through the book shelves for a volume in which he never before had felt the faintest interest—the Light Artillery Tactics of 1864. There on his desk lay a stack of mail unopened, and Mr. Drake was already silently inditing the summary note to the culprit Waring. Brax wanted first to see with his own eyes the instructions for light artillery when reviewed with other troops, vaguely hoping that there might still be some point on which to catch his foeman on the hip. But if there were he did not find it. He was tactician enough to see that even if Cram had formed with his leading drivers on line with the infantry, as Braxton thought he should have done, neither of the two methods of forming into battery would then have got his guns where they belonged. Cram's interpretation of the text was backed Jb'y the custom of service, and there wap no use clticising it further. And so, after discontentedly hunting through the dustcovered pages awhile in hopes of stumbling on some codicil or rebuttal, th« colonel shut it with a disgusted sna, and tossed the offending tome on tht farthest table. At that moment Brax could have wished the board of officert who prepared the Light Artillery Tactics in the nethermost depths of the neighboring swamp. Then he turned on his silent staff officer—a not unusual expedient. The above card is not greatly changed from seven or eight that I have on hand. I have only united the salient features of the group into one composite card and trust it may be a warning to those who are tempted to use the presence of death as a pretext for word painting, treatises on the currency and advertisements of sale. Your true friend, "WELL, for consummate impcdence hi BEATS THE JEWS!" I may be wrong, however. The court will please take notice that this comes to me as hearsay, and also that my apology is ready at a moment's notice in case [ am wrong in putting the judge down as an enemy of bimetallism. I do not care to be sentenced to 1,000 years for finding a felon on the finger of scorn. least, though I've no doubt he's done worse a dozen times. Why, bless your heart, Nell, how can I explain? You might, but—" "Here, my man!" said Waring, in low tone, "you have earned no five dollars, and you know it. Get your cab out, come to Mme. d'Hervilly's, where you were called, and whatever is your due will be paid you; but no more of this swearing or threatening—not another word of it." "But would you have me suppose my big soldier couldn't handle that matter as well as I? No, sir! Go and do it, sir. Aod, mind you, I'm going to invite them all up here to the gallery to hear the band play and have a cup of tea and a nibble when they come down this evening lie's going to drive the Allertons here." Speaking of courts and the law reminds me of an incident which occurred in the great northwest last winter. Christiana county is a new organization, and the county seat still has fresh paint on it. "I want my money, I say, and I mean to have it. I'm not talking to you; I'm talking to the lady that hired me." "But I have not the money. It la for my mother—Mme d'llervilly—to pay. You will come there." Where It Come* In. Mr. Ghout—All my monoy cannot give me health, doctor! "WHAT THE DEVIL'S THE MATTER?" unwelcome words: "Oh, wasn't that pretty!" He meant with all his heart to pull in some of the plumage of those confounded "woodpeckers," as he called them, before the day was over. "That is far too elegant a skirt to be worn unlooped, madam," said Mrs. Cram's imperturbable escort, in his most suave and dulcet tones, lifting a glossy silk hat and bowing profoundly. And Mrs. Cram laughed all the way back to the barracks at the recollection of the utter discomfiture in the woman's face. * In February a merchant who sells tea ana ax neives came to the county attorney and said he did not wish to find any fault about it or make any arrests, but some one was stealing his wood at the rate of two cords jDer month, and he wanted to know the best course to proceed and still not commit a felony himself. Would it be dangerous to load some of the sticks with powder? Would he be liable or subject to arrest in case of death or mayhem? Dr. Bolus—No, perhaps not, but it is of inestimable value nevertheless. It gives your physician great confidence.— Truth. "Worse and more of itl Why, you conspiracy in petticoats, you'll be the ruiD of me! Old llrax is boiling over now. If he dreams that Waring has been taking liberties with him he'll fetch him up short " "I want it now, I say. I've got to hire teams to get my cab out. I got stalled here carrying you and your child, and I mean to have my pay right now, or I'll know the reason why. Your swell friend's got the money. It's none of my business how you pay him." In grim silence, therefore, he rode along the front of the battalion, taking little comfort in the neatness of their quaint, old-fashioned garb, the single-breasted, long-skirted fr»ck coats, the bulging black felt hats looped up on one side and decked with skimpy black feather, the glistening shoulder-scales and circular breastplaf.es, the polish of their black leather belts, cartridge and cap boxes and bayonet scabbards. It was all trim and soldierly, but he was bottling up his sense of annoyance for the benefit of Cram and his people. Yet, what could he say? Neither he nor Minor had ever before been brought into such relations with the light artillery, and he simply didn't know where to hit. Lots of things .looked queer, but after this initial experience he felt it best to say nothing until he could light on a point that no one could gainsay, and he found it in front of the left section. Jones—It's very amusing to see thoaa ladies across the street looking at the bonnets in that window. Not to Him. "Exactly! You mustn't let him. Yon must I sent him up with your team—yours, mind you—to keep his engagement, since it was impossible for him to come back to review ground. Of course he wouldn't expect him to appear afoot." These are mere specimen bricks from the fabric which Waring had builded in his few months of artillery service. The limits of the story are all too contracted to admit of extended detail. So, without further expansion, it may be said that when he drove up to town on this eventful April day in Cram's wagon and Larkin's hat and Ferry's Ilatfield clothes, with Pierce's precious London umbrella by his side and Merton's watch in his pocket, he was as stylish and presentable a fellow as ever issued from a battery barrack, and Jeffers, Cram's English groom, mutely approved tne general appearance of his prime favorite among the officers at the post, at most of whom he opened his eyes in cockney amaze, and critically noted the skill with which Mr. Waring tooled the spirited bays along the level road. Hut that ended the colloquy. Warinjj's fist landed with resounding whack under the cabman's jaw, and sent him rolling down into the mud below. He was up, rfloundering and furious, in less than a minute, cursing horribly and groping- ia the pocket of his overcoat. Brown—Amusing! Why, that's my wife and daughter.—Brooklyn Lite. The county attorney thought it over for 15 minutes with his whiskers in his mouth. He always ate off some of his whiskers while engaged ia^hought. "No, you would not be liafile, I think," said he, "but to avoid accidents to yourself or your family I would load only sticks of white birch, Mr. Jaggerson. White birch is easily distinguished even in the night, and if you load only that variety your family circle will not have a notch in it this winter." Too Hot In the Shade. "Don't know about that, NelL I reckon that's the way he'll order out the whole gang of us next tune. He's had his fill of mounted work to-day." "Now, Dawson, ye can't see her thi9 day, and she don't want ye till you can come over here sober. Off wid ye now to barracks. They're all out at inspection yet, ana win oe tor an hour. L.ay this with the colonel's mail on his desk, and thin go you to your own. Come to me this afthernoon for more dlirink if ye can tell me what he said and did when he read it. No! no more liquor now. That'll brace ye till dinner-time, and more would make ye dhrunk." [to bk continued ] Retrospective. "Why on earth, Mr. Drake, didn't you look up that point, instead of m&kingr such a break before the whole command?""Well, if he should, you be sure to acquiesce pracefully now. Whatsoever you do, don't let him put Mr. Waring in arrest while Owen Allerton is here. It would spoil—everything." "It's a pistol, lieutenant. Look out!" cried Jeffers. There was a flash, a sharp report, a stifled cry from the cab, a scream of terror from the child. But Waring had leaped lightly aside, and before the half-drunken brute eould cock his weapon for a second shot he was felled like a dog, and the pistol wrested from his hand and hurled across the levee. Another blow crashed full in his face as he strove to find his feet, and this time his muddled senses warned him it were best to lie still. "I couldn't find anything about it in Casey, sir, anywhere," replied the perturbed young man. "I didn't know where else to look." "Oh, match-making, is it? Then I'll try." And so, vexed, but laughing, half indignant, yet wholly subordinate to the whim of his beloved better half, the captain hastened over, and found CoL Braxton sitting with gloomy brow at his littered desk, his annoyance of the morning evidently forgotten in matters more serious. So the man went home and loaded his wood pile for bear, but in his haste he erroneously loaded one stick of hickory."Well, you might have asked Mr. Ferry or Mr. Pierce. The Lord knows you waste enough time with 'em." Miserably he plodded away down the levee, while she, his ruler, throwing on a huge, dirty white sun-bonnet, followed presently in his tracks, and shadowed him until she saw him safely reach the portals of the barracks after one or two fruitless scouts into wayside bars in hope of findiwr some one "Where is Mr. Waring, sir?" he «ternly asked. "You might have asked Capt. Cram," was what Drake wanted to say, but wisely did not. He bit the end of his penholder instead, and bridled his tongue and temper. That night the county attorney's office was burned to the ground, together with a library consisting of Hill's Manual, the Revised Statutes for 1869, "Horace A. Taylor on Diseases of the Horse," "The Man Who Sobered Up," by Walt Mason, and the government publications "I wish I knew, colonel. His horse C»me back without him, as you doubtless saw, and, as he hasn't appeared, I am afraid of accident" Nearly a mile above the barracks, midway between the long embankment to their left and the tall white picket fence surmounted bv the olive-trraen Two minutes more, when he lifted his battered head and strove to stanch the blood streaming from his nostrils, he saw the team driving' briskly away "Begobs, it's hot! I t'ink th' hate must be np to wan hunderd in the shaade." "Thin yez ought to be glad yet ai% rorkin in th' sun."—Harper's Bazar, "Oh—er—Cram, come in! come In, man," said he, distractedly. "Here's a matter I want to see you about- It's— "Ah! She may put on airs now, but I can remember the time when she didn't have no horse or carriage."—Life. "The next time I have a review with ► t