Pittston Gazette

              Oldest Newspaper in the Wyoming Valley. PITTSTOX, LrZKRNK CO., PA., FRIDAY, Jl'LY 22, 1892. KsTAlM.ISIIKl* 1 8SO. i vol.. xi.n. no. so. t A Weekly Local and Family Journal. *il.r»0 I'KK ANNUM IN AlfVAXCK. A Simple Tale. machine. Mr. Cleveland is a keen critic of beautiful word picturing, and if he sent this graham gem back to. North Carolina it must have been owing to his vulgar haste and his anxiety to get away with Joseph Jefferson and catch tomcods in Buzzard's bay. SOME FOOLS. man at the railing, " 1 ou must iitive tell into a keg of nails wlieu you w tv young.' and your tlesh tender." HER FIRST GAME, said Charpentier "Balzac! Vv'hv lie tlie ueeorauons ot tne imprnat resiliences after tlie uiaiiuer of tlie antique forms, and was opposed to any thing in the way of decoration that would revive the memo ries of the royal timed of La Pompadoui or Marie Antoinette. She was a little country miss. The Rev. 1'llnk Plunk DiiwoiirseM on th* must be making a great deal of money out of his novels':" The publisher smiled. "Well." said he, "what do you suppose AGENTS FOR MYTHICAL CONCERNS A CAR DRIVERS' STORY. Wlio dlil not cure for style, Ami so ho thought he'd marry her Because she'll save his pile. WeakueHM »i tluimiuity "It'» my face you mean, stor? Indeoi did not, but I'll tell you how it was. 1 .».v-the first born ill my family, and me father was the wealthiest man in Ireland. Not satisfied with me native lieailty. me fat lie bail me fact* set all over with diamonds She Was So Very That He Wanted to Take Her Mails Hardened with Complaints ol * Talkative Jehu (liven a Green Itepurt- Brother Blink Blank h;:s gone in for the popular "sermonette" or "prelnde" idea. Before delivering bis usual exhortation to siuuers last Sunday morning he gave his congregation benefit of his observations and cogitations concerning fools. This is what lie ♦ aid: She expressed a desire to go over and see a gaiun of baseball, and he was only too glad to take her. There were several reasons for his joy—because she was pretty, because he liked her. liecause he was a baseball crank and liecause he knew she was so bright and smart she would catch right ou at once and be a great comfort to him as a companion at future games and in talking them over iu the gloaming. So ho took her, anJ whea they h id been comfortably seated he began to explain the "lay out" to her. he came in for? It was to get me to »..l Swindled Country I'eople. "S peak i UK 'bout, iectricity," said it Bleecker street car (lriver, one of the old chaps who have lieeu on the line ever since it started, "they's iinltody in this town that's got inore good out of 'lectric lamps than our company." er a Kit ol Kxcluxive New*. So simple was she iu her ways He launched alottd iu Klee, And thought, "She doesn't care for vance him 5(H) francs on liis next volume —which isn't written yet—tv pay his board hill"" A merchant connected with a large dry arnods firm of this city brought to The Tribune yesterday the following letter, which he had received from a friend in Lewisbtirg, Pa.: Then were produced large mahogany con soles, supported by caryatides and sphinxes in bronze. Buffets were designed in which the elwny was relieved with ornaments and ' bas-reliefs in ormolu brass and chased cop per. Richly decorated cabinets, made 01 rich Spanish mahogany, were relieved with dull sparrow gold gilding, looking likt highly chased ormolu. The carving was cut with exquisite skill arid with the crisp □ess that shows the master hand. It would not lie surprising if the furnishings of a century ago should crowd out the present stylos. -Decorator m»il Fnwisb^x. dreas: She's just the ifirl for me," In mv mind now I see Mr. Cleveland with a new tiara made specially for him Argonaut rubies and precious stones ten years of age nie father lost his fortu!DC• iu an etfort to free Ireland, and reluctantly he was compelled from time to time to re move t he jewels from me face to pay the When I wan RILEY'S TRIBUTE. Dkar : Inclosed I send you a receipt for three dollars, which one of our worthy dressmakers gave an agent in February last for a subscription to a "fashion magazine" which has never come to hand, and probably never will. This is ono of several subscriptions laken and paiJ for in our town, and if it is a Fwindle I think the parties should be exposed. Knowing your abhorrence of anything that is mean, and believing this to be one of the most cruel swindles that was ever perpetrated upon a confiding and hard working class, I now write to ask you if yoft will do us the favor to call at 730 Broadway and investigate the matter, and if you Hud it is a "fake" I think t he world at large should be apprised of the icheme through one or more of your metropolitan papers, and 1 am quite sure The Tribune would be glad to expose the same. But when they'd lived in town a year. He found he was outdone. For bills rarae in so fast, alm-i lie was the simple one. —Cloak Review. TDy Lyon & Healy.of Chicago, and quietly learning to play 011 it in Mr. Jefferson's studio, while Mr. Van Winkle is painting a life size picture of Buzzard's bay. Then, again, I see him at the close ot a ousy day taking ott ins panoply anu hanging it 011 a chair as he retires to rest, or inayhap in the morning, equipping himself for that high arena of brilliant usefulness where nis go and powers shine forth with all the undimmed splendor and matchless brilliancy of the knightliest grace and dignity which emit at all times those rare wares of luster that lend and impart additional glory to the rich and glittering tiara of American manhood and statesmanship. "Jlow's that?" asked the reporter who, by the way, was new to the business and had only just come in from the country. "De longer 1 lib, deah breddern. de more I wonder at de number ob fools dere are in de world, an de astonishin part ob it is dat de world gibs along so well considerin de unmber ob fools dat inhabit it. Tlie n.oslf-r Port Speaks Lovingly of living expenses, mid today sorra is the one left upou me, except a carbuncle on air oeck." Tlio impression that seems to have gained ground throughout the country (that Bill Nye and James Whitcomb Riley are not on speaking tertnscertainly ought to be dissipated by the following tribute j that the poet pays to the humorist. He i spoke oi Bill Nye to an Omaha Bee re- I porter as follows: llil! Nw "How's that!"' repeated the driver, "why, it's because they ain't half so many ears lost now'day* as they used to be when they wasn't nothing but gas to light the streets with." FOOD FOR THOUGHT. The sergeant called the turnkey and «iu« ply said. "This man can sleep here UD ni^ht."—St. I»uis Ctirwiiele. BILL NYE WRITES OF A NEW STYLE "Some people are bom fools, some gil foolish after they've been 011 earth a "Cars Jost! Why, man, what do yon mean? \on don't say that your company ever loses any of its cars, rto you?" OF BOOKBINDING. while, an some wait until they're old enough to know better, an when seusible people see dem dey laff inside and remalik to one anudder. 'Dire ain't ik. fool like an ole fool,' an the ole fool laits too and links he's the wisest pussou in the hull universe. HE C3JECTED. "I'll do this," he said, "before the game is called." THE TRAGEDY OF HENRY ulTTLE "Called what?" she inquired. He h.ughed good naturedly and explained that "to call" meant "to  and she laughed and said "of course," and how silly she was, just as women always do under those circumstances. By this time the players were taking their places. "Why, cert'in. Didn't you know that? Ain't you never seen in the papers an advertisement of a lost ear? They read something like this: Fifty dollars reward; the alDove reward will lie paid for information as to the whereabouts of car No. 192 of this company's line. It wax drawn by a black 5oss and a white mare. The luare had a sparing onto her nigh front leg and astraw fender onto her nigh hind one. Signed by the president of the road.' Also of a Literary Effort Which Deserves nD to Make a Wrorlc of the Bill Nye is in many respects the greatest genius tlmt 1 have met. His diffidence alone prevents him from reaching u pinnacle of fame as a poet. His kind liness of heart, his geniality of temperament and liis loveliness of disposition I have never seen excelled. He has the heart of a woman, the tenderness of a child. No one can tell but those who have attempted it how difficult it is to 1*? a humorist under the trying circumstances of sieknt-ss and affliction. Bui 1 have seyu Nye with an aching heart grind out his weekly Jitter over which hundreds of thousands of people have laughed. Wlitut two of his children were lyirg at the point of death, and when he himself was excluded from his own hou«3 by sanitary officials who had sealed the doors behind which his loved ones were lying, during weeks this tender hearted man wrote letters to his children, who were unconscious of his pres ence, dating them daily from the west so that tkey should not be worried by the feeling that their father was in their home and could not see them, and maintaining during the whole trial a braveness which would have done credit to Sir Philip Sidney or a Chevalier Bayard. A Cue for Orthodox OongregatlonalfstA to Ponder Over. to Go Dowu Into History—Some Re- A little old mnn with a black satchel on the seat beside him fill asleep in tlie waiting room of the Pennsylvania depot across the river the other afternoon. As he slept he snored, and his snore was so loud and vigorous that the sleeper soon became a center of attraction. By and by a policeman came in. looked at tlie man a moment, then approached, gave him a shake and exclaimed. Police My accidental walk through Water street, the first after many long years, re called the tragedy of Henry Little. I have told you of his birth or. a farm in Ohio, of his gentle, God fearing mother, have hint ed at his early religious sentiments, have told how he came to New York imbued with a sincere notion of rescuing immortal souls. I will now recount a tingedy thai has no equal in the wide range of more than twenty years' journalistic experience For five years Henry Little was unflagging in his devotion to the "great cause." He ted the prayer m. ecing, Ue exhorted, lie evinced every purpose to continue in the good work that he had so heroically begun, and as a final proof that he intended to dc vote his soul and body to the service of hi.' Redeemer he married a young and comely woman who had sought the shelter of that bome from the streets. marks from a Swedish Exchange on Nye Wlileh He Says Are Not Quite Correct The receipt, which was a printed blank filled out in the usual fortu, was dated lewisbtirg, Pa., Feb. 6, 1892, and stated that the "New York and Loudon Subscription Agency, office 730 Broadway, N\ Y.," had received three dollars from "foi Le Journal lies Modes and 1 Jicouturiere, with Hooks Nos. I and 2." The receipt was signed by "J. B. Allison, Agent." This form of swindling is one that is more frequently called to the attention of. the postal authorities than anf other, trot ICopyritflit, 1892, by Edpar W. Nye.] "Almost eberybody is a fool 011 some particular subjeck, deah breddern. A man may be puffeckly sane 011 ebry■ ting but his one hobby, an he's jist as foolish in regard to dat as de nios' violent maniac in Bloomingdale or Black - well's island is in regain! to eberyting in gen'ral. Being on the eve, as I may My, ot publishing a book, I hail with ill concealed joy the announcement that a company has been recently formed with a capital of $100,000, and located at Newark, N. J., for the manufacture of "membranoid" for bookbindings. If I had a tiara that I could wear on the cars—size 7^—one that would prevent neuralgia and tick $mi iu the teeth and head, and theu a panoply to wear 011 cold nights when I am restless and kick the asphalt Pullman blankets off, I would like it as well as another. "Yon see." he said, "there are nine players on each side." "P'raps you think that anybody could take a Hleecker street car out of the stable, run her down to the end of the line and bring her back again. Why, we don't neviilet a new trtgo drive » car till he's rtin rt-o wee-:", a* the rurj least, with one of our pilots." "Pilots!" exclaimed the reporter. "Why, cert'in. We have pilots just the same as ships has, and they git good pay too; almost's much as the president. We have to have 'em to learn the new men tfte •vay 'round. Jest look at a map of our line. It's like this: "How many y-des?" she asked, determined not to makfi any more mistakes. "Two." My bust measure is forty "Here, you, wake up! I say, old man, wake upf Sue calculated a moment on her fingers.This is a new style of ornamental leather made from tripe. I get all my information regarding the matter from The Butchers' Advocate, the acknowledged journalistic authority on meaty matters. An all wool panoply with a belt to it would suit me first rate, or the whole thing could lie made in cuo garment, with a tiara of the eame. "Dey is de reckless fool, deah bred dern. He's de man dat "didn't know it was loaded' until it went off suddenly an landed somebody else in kingdom come. He's de fool dat jumps off high bridges on a bet an usually comes to de sufface ob de ribber in a condishuu wich gibs de coroner a chance to make a good fat fee an allows de local papers to print sensashunal headlines. He's de lunatic dat jumps from a halloou into a parachute an subsequently forms an ill terestin puzzle for de doctors to patch togedder so dat his corpse kin be iden tifiod an shipped home to his frieuds He's de ijit dat steps out ob de way ob a railroad train an gits hit by de lightnin express comin down de adder track. He's de frtol dat blows out de .gas on de "occasion ob his first (an last) visit to de city. He's de jackass dat drinks poison for whisky by ini«t.Cikin de bottles in de dalik. He's de fool dat monkeys wid de buzz saw. w'eu it's goin full speed, dat meddles wid live electric wires, dat does a t'ousan an one t'ings dat he wouldn't do ef he only wazn't a fool. The snore stopped to get a better hold and then went on again. "That's eighteen in all, isn't it?" excepting the complaints from the multitudinous victims of the industrious "green goods" men. The address given, 730 Broadway, is the "Old Ixmdon Street," opposite the New York hotel. That familiar and antique bit of Broadway architecture has been closed and empty for three years. Of course nothing was known there of any such concern as the "New York and Lon dou Subscription Agency." "I say, wake up!" shouted the policeman, as he pulled the old man's leg. "Yes, and nine are at the bat and nine in the field. That square there is the diamond, and around it arc the first base, second base and third base." I find the following paragraph in one of mv Swedish exchanges, and hardly know whether the reference is friendly or not. I quote from ThoNordstjernan, of New York. The Nordstjernan goes on to say as follows: lie awoke. His eyes were hardly open before he was on his feet and waving his arms and exclaiming: The inventor claims that membranoid will prove more serviceable, and at th? same time please the bookworm better. "Don't they have any tenors or sopranos?" she asked innocently. "Who dun that? Who put his paws on me? Show me the man and I'll knock his blamed ear off!" For more than a year their dual lives ap peared to be happiness itself. In the sum mer of 1876 my duties had taken me to London, and for the time busy cares had crowded all thoughts of Henry Little out of my mind. "We start down to the foot of Twentythird street, then we run to Ninth av'ner, ihen to Hudson, then to Bleecker, then to Broadway, theu to Park row, then to Bei kman, then to South, then to Fulton ferry and theu we waters the hosses. Starting back, we go to William, then to Ann, then to Broadway, then to Bleecker, then to Macdougal, then to West Fourth, then to West Tenth, then to Hudson, then to Ninth av'ner and then to the stable. That's one of our routes. The other one is worse still. He looked at her earnestly and laughed, but not sweetly. "That man behind the man with the liat in his hand io the catcher," he said coldly. "Pennsylvania and the southern and western states swarm with these swin dlers," said an official of the postoffice yesterday to a Tribune reporter. "They represent themselves to be agents for New York concerns, dry goods houses, publishing houses, etc. Needless to say these concerns are mythical. The swindlers are amply provided with printed blanks to aid them in deceiving people. They will take a subscription for a publication, as was done in the case of the Lewisburg dress maker, or will sell a bill of goods amount ing to hundreds of dollars to a country merchant. They will ask to have a check cashed or for ten dollars advance ou the order, and usually get what they are,after. After staying a week in one town and working It, the swindler moves on to an other field. Their dupes, after waiting a reasonable time and not getting what they had paid for, write to the New York con cern. These letters are sent by us to the Dead Letter office in Washington, indorsed 'Not found.' Before the victims hear from Washington they generally write to this office wanting to know why their letter* are not delivered. These poor people bur den the mails in vain." a pit; mil Du\\\ * "Bill live, var bekante humorist, slog gacken los i Torsdags morgon rid stortbaden i Saratoga, da hans fot slant pa marmorgolfvet och han foil rakt pa en porslinsspottback och erhfill ratt svara sar pa ryggen och i sidan. Han blef ford till sitt ruin i Congress Hall, der en doktor sydde ihop saret. Han maste nu halla Big i sang eu vecka och mojligen langre." "You were asleep and I woke you up," explained the officer. "You did, eh? What business had you to wake me up? I guess there hain't no law agin fallin asleep iu a depot. I'm a blamed good miud to haul off and give you a lickin!" On a foggy September afternoon in lion- Oon the face of the man I had once known appeared before me in an ofiice on Fleet street, where I was employed. It int.ro duced itself to me as that of Henry Littlt and appealed to me to rescue a young woman whom he had induced to elope with him to Knglatnl. lie asked nothing foi himself; said frankly that he was peuni less and destitute; that the small amoiiul : of money lie had had when they foolishly i embarked for Liverpool had been exhausted; that he had pawned every article o( jewelry that he or his girlish companion possessed, and that while he cared not what became of himself he did want tC_ save the foolish woman from the fate that undoubtedly threatened her. Of course 1 was shocked, but the surprise was to foi low. He told me that he had left the young woman at Ludgate hill railway station, and asked if I would kindly gc there and take her in a cab to a place oC safety until her parents could be comma nicated with by cable. "What does he catch—bats? But of course he doesn't." she interrupted herself hastily. "How silly 1 am! He catches flies, doesn't he? He couldn't catch liats in the daytime, could he?" "Please keep quiet." "I won't do nuthin of the kind! What'd you hit me in the stomach fur?" "I didn't." "And there's tho pitcher's box," lit went on. not noticing her explanation. A Boston girl who recently went to Bermuda had bDT sister take her Sunday \\ l»«»re Tliey (iron "Old's I be, I sometimes have to stop when 1 come to a corner and scratch my head a bit 'fore 1 know which way to go. But's 1 said in thelieginuing'taintuothing to what it was 'fore we got these 'lectrio lamps." I am not so fluent in the Swedish language as 1 should be after having had n Swedish cook for years, but if I understand the above paragraph it errs in some of its statements. "That box over there with the uien sitting on it?" she inquired. "What does he keep in it—his curves? 1 heard brother talking the other day about what an elegant curve some pitcher or other he knew had." school class. "Yes you did, and it caused me to spring up so quick that I strained my back! I dou't allow no liviu man to hit tne in the stomach and get away safe. I hain't no fighter, and I promised Hauner not to git into a row, but I'm a good mind to take hold of you, I am!"' "Where is our teacher?" ask-.'d one of the boys ou the first Sunday. "She is gone to Bermuda," was the reply."Rver get lost yourself?" asked the reporter."And where is that?"' was the further question. I was never in Saratoga in iny life, either on Torsdags morgon or elsewhere, and the allusion to "ram i Congress Hall" is purely gratuitous, and most every one knows how 1 abhor ram when I see what it has done for every one but Mr. Keeley, and how I turn from it, especially when I remember how many other things there are that taste better and come at the same price. "No, Mary," he said sadly, "the bos is the place where the pitcher stands. Beyond him is the shortstop, and out in the open there you see th" fielders. Behind the catcher is the backstop." "No, 1 never did, but a friend of mine got lost, though, an they didn't see nothin of him for two whole days. Then they got a dispatch from him dated way up in Westchester county, snyin, 'The car's all right, an the hosses is all right, an I'm all right, but we can't find our way back to the stables to save our necks.' " "De man dat writes letters to de newspapers is still anudder variety, dear breddern, an one of de kine dat'samusin as well as foolish. He takes up de space in de paper dat de halul worth) space reporter has bin crowded out ob. an gin'rally succeeds in showin iu his long, tejus letter how much he don't know about t'ings in ginral, an de sub jeck he's writin about in particular; he's a wuss nuisance dan de spring poet, becuz he prevails de hull year roun. wile de poet only blooms in do epring. "Why, don't you know?" replied the gister. "It is where tho onions come from. "Come, now, but don't get up any excitement here," coaxingly replied the officer. j "W hew, what a breath she will have!" retorted the young heathen.—New York Tribune. "Here! I'll put this piece of fried cake on my shoulder, and you knock it off if you dare! I'll dare ye to do it! I'm sixty years old and got a lame back, but you dassn't knock it off!" "What's the difference between the backstop and the shortstop?" she inquired earnestly. "You'll see that as the game progresses," he said. "Now watch the players a minute." llurd Lack. "You don't mean to spy that any such telegram as that ever came to your superintendent, doyou?" demanded the reporter.- "That's what 1 said," responded the driver somewhat haughtily; "an I'm the man that had to go an bring the car in. You never see two men gladder'n the conductor an driver of that car was whein they set tyes on me. THE BOOKWORM. than any other style of bookbinding. It is also susceptible of more artistic and gastric possibilities than any other sub- "Is it not possible to catch the rascals?" Without feeling any special interest in the case beyonji what I felt in him—and, 1 may admit,.in a lather confused state ol I mind—I went alone to Ludgate hill. It was only a three minute walk. It had never occurred to me that I would not be ahle to recognize Little's partner in crime, and it was not until I had entered the gen eral waiting room that that thought flashed upon me. Before I had decided what toctc the young woman advanced, introduced herself, and I soon was uiade aware of tht fact that she was the daughter of a man who, after Banker Hatch, had most liber Ully contributed to the support of there formatory missions in Water and Dovei streets. Moreover, when a paper says that "i sang en vecka och niojligcn" or elsewhere it makes a mistake. The officer saw that the better way was to withdraw and leave him alone, but as he retired the old man shouted after him: "It is next to impossible, for they changt their stationery, their New York addresses and are continually on the move them selves. One fellow was arrested recently in Williamsport, Pa., for selling paints, etc., and taking money as the agent of tht American White company, a fictitious concern. He gave the New York ad dress as a box in this postoffice. I went tc Williamsport and testified against him. He was sentenced to eleven months in the penitentiary and to pay the costs of court. When Lycoming county is through with him there will be fifteen other counties iu Pennsylvania ready to seize bim for sirni lar offenses. One of the mythical concerns worked by one of the swindlers was 'Hi! tpn, Pay & Co.,' dry goods, who were sup posed to be at Broadway and Canal street. Hosts of people were swindled oy this alleged firm, which the victims were mad« to believe ex-Judge Hiltou was a membei of. James D. Johnston & Co. is anothei myth. But the cruelest work of tht scamps is when they obtain photographs, oftentimes the only likeness of some deceased member of a family,on the pretenst of sending it to New York city to be enlarged into a crayon. They take a small sum as part payment, go away with tht picture and are pot heard of afterward." —New York Tribune. The umpire shouted, "Thrco balls stance. I am led to believe, however, that the authority for the item is a paragraph recently printed in some of the American papers in which a man who had assumed my name and gone to Saratoga for jagging purposes only fell over a pet cinnamon bear at Congress Hall and cut his brow open on the sharp edge of a porcelain cuspador or "spott back." "Why, Harry," she protested, "there was only one ball. 1 saw the catcher get it iu his hands." The time is coming when the author, instead of trying to subsist on a paltry royalty, will be permitted to carry a vinegar flask in his hip pocket and board at the bindery. The unsuccessful lawyer and graduate of Harvard will not get as thin aa I did while practicing law and banting, conveyancing and starvation, for he can put a little Halford sauce on hid library and feel pretty well afterward. How much happier I would have been while practicing law surreptitiously if I could have put 6ome mustard on a New York decision or given myself up to a Simmon's Digest. ' For fear de women folks may feel slighted I'll conclude by enumeratin a few ob de most noticeable fools of de (sometimes) gentler sex. "Anybody kin hit a man in the stomach wh«m he's asleep, but they don't Deem so allfired anxious to tackle him when he's awake! If you'll knock this off my shoulder I'll clear you of the law!" "The umpire has to do that." ex plained the young man. "The first thing I said was, 'How'd you get lostf "What do they call him the empire for?" she asked. "Because it is a inonarchial form of government?" " 'Well,' says the driver, • 'twas a awful foggy night,' says he, "an i reckon 1 must a got onto the wrong track somehow.' "That was all he could say about it 'cept that the further he weut the worser he got lost." "De auction fool—de woman dat buys secondhand t'ings at auctions dat she could buy new for half de money. The officer was soon out of sight, and the old man walked np and down with the crumb CDq his shoulder and said: "1 guess so," said Harry, with a real smile at her ingenuity. He lay unconscious until some one detected a gas leak and following up the odor discovered the gash in his head. It was then learned that he had registered under my name, and the gladsome news flashed over the wires that I had fallen on a "spott back." "De bargain huntin fool dat spen's a hull dav an a dollar an a half for car fare 'n iunch tryin to buy somet'u for fifty- nine cents dat she cud have bought for sixty half a block from her owu door. 'Jlf I fell asleep that was my own bizr ness. WTfj-\lidn't he come up to me, like one gentleman should to another, aud say 'Mr. Tompkins, it's time to arise.' No, he wouldn't do that. He comes up and hits me a swat in the ■stomach and yells that he'll send me to state prison if I don't rouse up, an I orter lick him till he can't holier. What's your opinyun. naybur?" "This is real exciting, isn't it?" she exclaimed, clapping her hands when everybody did at a good play. "1 didn't think I knew enough alnjut the game to enjoy it at all. but this is real fun." "Why didn't he ask some of the men on the other lines the way home?" inquired the reporter. I realized in an instant the awful blight that this thoughtless girl had brought upon a devoted father. To complete this part of the story, I cabled at once to New York and gave the girl's parents the first intimation they had had for more than a month as to their daughter's whereabouts. Back came a reply to draw for all neces sary expenses and send the young woman home on the first steamer. This was done. She arrived safely In New York," was for given and resumed her old place in hei church. "He did, but they wasn't friendly, an gave him wrong directions. Probably it wouldn't 'a' happened 'cept with a very late car. The driver'd got a long way off our line 'fore he discovered it, an when he did find it out an ask of the other drivers he met the way brtme they keptsendin him and sendiu him till they got him completely Tost." The player had knocked a safe fly to right, and the man next at the bat followed with a foul, wliicli the umpire mentioned in the usual manner. "De giddy fool—de forty-five-year-old woman, wid crow's feet and wrinkles dat tinks she's just as young as she was twenty-five years ago. Law is a rule of action prescribing what is right and prohibiting what is wrong, according to my friend Mr. Blackstone, who got the idea from Justinian, but too often the student and the solicitor find it poor grazing and the common law, especially short commons, (This is a joke which I used with good effect at the Inns of Court, in London, where I put up while in England.) But now with our books bound in membranoid, the bookworm And the bott become synonymous, and the day is not far distant when a hymn book or two during Lent may prolong one's life. The "Read and Return" volumes on the train will then have to be chained to the seat, and eminent but unprosperous authors can subsist for a time on the autograph albums sent to them, using the return stamps for Chili sauce. In addition to the use of tripe as a bookbinding, it will be nsed and utilized in the manufacture of slippers for the pastor, and the time is coming when the Christmas tree will yield to the hungry and weary one, not a-promise to the eye to be broken to the heart, but no doubt as many slippers as at present, yet each one capable of making a man a meal. In the onward march of membranoid I am told also that the company will not confine itself entirely to tripe, but will roam about scientifically among the other organs, and in the matter of literatnre will seek, especially in the binding of medical works, to use the membrane of the organ on which the work treats, as, for instance, a meningeal binding for works on the brain and spine, a pleural binding for a treatise on the diseases of the chest and lungs, and so on as to diseases of the bones, peritonitis, etc. He is the same dappel gauger of mine who three years ago stole a carload of watermelons in Ohio, using nothing but an iron bar and a pseudonym. "What does he call it foul for?" she asked. "1 know," she put iu quickly. "It's because it ditlnt go any distance, so the hitter could run. Isn't it, Harry?" "De pretty fool—de young woman dat'a ncbber happy unless some one is tellin her she looks simply angelic or out ob sight, and dat only has brains enuff to keep her hair in curl an her smile fixed so dat her dimples'll show to de best advantage. But even other people are talked alxrat. Here is what The Nordstjernan says of the Democratic convention: Tliis remark was addressed to a gentleman reading a paper, and he replied if a man woke him up that way somebody would get licked. Colonel Knox—Well, Jackson, are you getting along? how "Excnse me," said the reporter, "bnt 1 can't stop to hear the rest of the story now. I've got to get off here and go to a fire, but if you'll give me your name I'll com* around and look you up tomorrow and get the rest of it. It hasn't ever been published, has it?" Harry said it was, and shortly after the man on second sneaked to third. Jackson- -Bad, sah; died. my wife dun I had happened to be in the right plact at the proper moment and had been thC means of saving a fellow mortal! "Jag bar lyckats fa rum pa Grand Pacific hotell, der Cleveland deinokrat- "And somebody will be licked lwfore I'm ten minutes older';" yelled the old mau, and ho shook the crumb off his ihoulder, grabbed up his satchel and went off to find the policeman and make a wreik of him.—New York Herald. "He stole that lDase beautifully," ex claimed Harry enthusiastically. Colonel Knox—I'm sorry to hear that It's a heavy loss for you. For six months I heard nothing of Henry Little. The great city of Ixmdon had re ceived and swallowed him as a mere atom among its four millions of population. One day I saw in a New York paper that Henry Little had appeared at the Tombs without counsel, had surrendered, hatproduced witnesses against himself, hao pleaded guilty to the embezzlement of » small amount of funds belonging to th« Water Street Home for Women, and had been sentenced to a term at Sing Sing. In the prison his conduct was most exem plary and he received full coramutatior. therefor. When he emerged with thi prison pallor on his face—just as I bad seen it on Jerry McAuley's cheeks so manj years before—he called upon me to sai that he had turned his back upon an hoc est life, that virtue w;is a myth, that hon est endeavor profited him nothing, thai God had forgotten him, that hell was hiD portion, and that he neither hoped not cared how soon he established the truth ol his belief. V- [J!/ "DCD—but why pCWeed wid de endless list, dear breddern? Yon all know de different ones as well as 1 do. an per haps a good deal better, for dat matter. "Can they keep them when they steal them?" she asked. Jackson—It am, indeed, sah. Here k am left erlone, widout 110 oue to support me. B'lieve I'll have ter go ter work myself, sail.—Jester. "Oh, no," answered the driver. Then ha took the reporter's notebook and pencil and wrote his name and address, "B. O. S. Slyre, llkj Bunker street." Remarkable stories of the success a! many of tlie Jewish immigrants who have arrived here from Russia within the past two years are circulated in the Jewish so cieties of this city. A Jew from Moscow who was penniless when he landed at thf port of New York in 1801, took to peddling, and is already rich enough to be the owner of $."j00, upon which he draws interest. A Jew from Warsaw, who joined the Jewish farming colony in Connecticut, is prosper ous. Another Polish Jew, who borrowed money to start in the cloakmaking btisi ness on the east side, is now the owner of a sweating concern and employs about twen ty hands. How They Get Along. "Certainly." "Shakespeare said a good waay wise tings, deah breddern, but he never con centrated so much wisdom iu a few words as wen he said, 'Wot fools dese mortals bo.'"—New York Herald. "And can they take them home with them and count them at the end of the season in making tip their record?" she asked again. "Thanks," said the reporter gratefully, 'I'll come and see you tomorrow forenoon." A l'rouilsln;; Oeiilu*. Too Murh. The boy had lwcn sitting for three hours watching the lDob on his fishline when the man came along. He was going down the street with a tottering gait and a wild eye. A chiropodist's advertisement caught his glance. But he didn't. It suddenly occurred to him as he looked at the car driver's name that "B. O. S. Slyre" spelled something that sounded like "Boss Liar," and then he knew that the driver had made game of him.—New V'ork Times. Harry looked at her, this time scornfully, and until the game closed he made no more explanations. Then he made a few, and since that day she has not talked baseball at all, and Harry prefers it so. —Detroit Free Press. "What are you doing there'/" said the man. Mnitic Appreciated. "Yes," he mattered wearily, "that's just it. That's the difference between m." Miss Thumpp-Hardie—Did you ask Mrs. Nexdoor if my piano playing disturbed her baby? "Fisliin," said the boy "Got anything?" said the man. "Yep," said the boy. "What is?" asked the policeman. "We feel the heat"  The "Schalenstelne#" of Switzerland. Servant—Yes, mum; and she said the baby liked it and she was much obliged to you fer playin so much. ''What?" said the man. in many parts of Switzerland smooth fiat stones, evidently hand polished, art often picked up. They aie covered with lines, dots, circles and half cfrcles, and ar« known to the Switzers as "schalensteines." The origiu and use of these stones has long been a mooted point among the learned. Some have that they were charms, others that they were meant to commem- "Patience," said the boy, and the man offered him four dollars a week to come down to the railroad ticket office and answer questions.—Detroit Free Press. Somcthlng; Worse. Caspar Corker—Remember de house ober dere on de hill? "While they heal"  He gasjied and sank to the pave, and the policeman went and rang for the ambulance.- -Washington Star. "Yes." big A Jew from Odessa managed to make a little investment iu Wall street, and it ha* Miss Thumpp-Hardie—Did she, really? Jonas Deadlieat—Sure Servant—Yes, mum. She said it saved her th' trouble of ponndin on a tin pan. —New York Weekly. Caspar Corker—Den mind yer eye dere, cull. 1 ast decook fer pie yesli Idy and de landlady bein away de cook unfeelingly set de dorg on me. proved profitable. Another enterprising Jew became janitor of an apartment house. 4iid he manages to make his janitorshii Fiddleback—1 hear, Miss Somerset, that you spent several weeks iu preparing your graduation essay. How was it received? A (ireat IDis;ijD{»oiutiii«»nt. "I think 1 have the most tender hearted husband in the world," remarked Mrs. Glim. "He can't bear to beat his children, even when they ueed it ever so bad." Clone Illvals. 1 lucrative. Another set up a diminutive : kosher shop, in which he is flourishing. Another bought a lot in a rural region ol orate the dead. The characters upon them have Ioiik since been declared to be undecipherable hieroglyphics, but it has been reserved for Ilerr Rodiger, of Bellach, to suggest a theory that comes anyways near explaining their true origin and use. Fulfilled I lie Guarantee. Jonas Deadlieat—Huh! I ast de cook fer pie do day before yestiddy and de dorg bein away she set de landlady on me.—Chicago Tribune. Never did fiend incarnate talk so wildlj blasphemous a* did this man, whom I had known in his gentle boyhood, who had been raised in the county of my nativity, and who had been baptized in the villagt church, where his family had attended sec vice for several generations. MEETING A WAGON' ROAD. Buylow—See here, you told me these clothes would wear like iron. Sellhigh—Well, haven't they? Jersey on credit, and he now has a real es- erua hafva sitt bufvudqvarter redan ordnadt undejfcledning at Colonel John Tracy, hvadan jag saledes blir tillfalle att fa se deni i full yerksamfr't. tate office and can speak Rnglisk. Anothei i got a clerkship iu a clothing store, and it lias developed into a partnership. Anothe; Buylow—No; they're rusty already, Miss Somerset--I didn't' read it after all. Sellhigh—Well, that's the way iron wears, ain't it?—Smith & Gray's Monthly. Fiddleback — What! Not Pray what was the trouble? Miss Somerset—My dress didn't come ill time.—Cloak Review. read •'That a nothing," replied Mrs. Glanders, "my husband is so tender hearted I can't get him to beat the carpet."—Detroit Free Press. hired a floor of a tenement, which now fur nishes room for twenty'lodgers. Anothei started a school for teachiqg the American speech, and there are many learners in it, each of whom pays twenty-five cents n week. Another is a pawnbroker and makes money. So the stories go, and there arC hundreds, not a few of which are entertain ing.— New York Sun. '1 he schalensteines, he says, are topo graphical charts, as a comparison of them with any modern map of the district in which they may be found will show. The engraved * dots correspond with existing towns and villages the lines with the roads. Even the forks and the mountain passes are indicated with precision that i* truly surprising. Herr Kodiger has examined many of these stones from various parts of Switzerland, Italy and Austria, and is sure that they are rude outline maps of the country in which they are found. He his a large collec tion of them in his pocxession which, taken collectively, form n must accurate map of Solathurn, the canton in which the majority of them were picked up. Another significant and curious fact concerning the schalensteines is that they are found most plentiful at intervals uf about six miles, and usually at places where crossroads cross or fork.—St. Louis Keoublic. "Det forsta jag fiiretagit mig, var att se huru langt arbetena pa expositionsplatsen fortskridit." New reporter (tired out)—Today is Saturday, and you know this state now has a Saturday half holiday law which  The IU'porti'r'a Half Holiday. He left me abruptly, before I had recov ered from the shock which his words gavt me. Here it will be noticed tbat ram and its jag, aa well as the deinokratema. are closely associated, and yet those who know the Democracy best know that its prohibition plank is the proudest moment of its life. Juht His Size. For years, often as I have thought 01 him, I never have seen his name until 1 read the account of his tragic death whilt robbing a bank in a Texas town. Mrs. Plankington—Is your little boj going to have a new white flauuel suit this year? Proprietor of Millinery Establishment —How is it you don't get married? Hiding His Time. A French lady, 110 longer as yonng as she once was, but qnite as witty as ever, was observed to sigh as she looked into Channel. City editor—By Jinks! I nearly forgot it. Rush out and get up a five column article on how the day is being observed. —New York Weekly. This leads us on to speak of other literary efforts, among them a sort of delayed boom or the1 fragment of a nominating speech which was not accepted by the candidate, and having been returned to the author, the editor of a Winston paper, as being unavailable, was used by bim in his paper and adapted to the use of a gentleman who had doubtless paid up his subscription or sent in a bit of bridal cake—i. e., a bridal bit as it were. Second Ditto—You see, while I remain single all ray female assistants expect that I shall marry pne of them, and are satisfied with lower wages.—Ulk. He died a burglar with his boots on.— Julius Chambers in New York Recorder. Mrs. Bilderwick—Not exactly It's one his father had last year. Clothier and Furnisher. new. On Sunday next I propose giving a brief talk, with illustrations of same, regarding the great national question of the "Use and Abuse of Wagon Roads," treating it not as a local qnestion, but as a mirror, Rapid Transit on a Bicycle. A vision of rapid transit was evoked by Mr. Moody Boynton in the talk after a ! club dinner the other day, which makes one gasp for breath in reading about it. legislating for the Poor. "Oh, dear!'' she answered, "I was observing how the looking glasses have changed!"— Youth's Companion. "Why do you sigh?" a friend asked At the Wedding. Governor Leon Abbett, of New Jersey, has signed a bill for the appointment of ar, overseer of the poor. A Wrong Hypothecs. GUI and New Schools, Modern Actor—I cau't play in that piece. The role does not fit uie. Old Tune Manager—I thought you were an actor. 4 y "If a bicycle," he said, "has been driven 3TD0 miles iu a day with human feet, using a 3-foot wheel, who shall say a v-fool j bicycle wheel and motor, on a single rail of any standard gauge road, a, speed j inconceivable may not be attained. an([ that with absolute safety the cont'.ncui may not be crossed in daylight, the flvr grand divisions of the earth yet be brought together, space nearly annihilated? "There will be neither city nor country, for both will be united. There will tie uo dust, heat, smoke, steam or lateral motion —as safe as if an open steel tube encircled you, touching the earth with posts only where necessary, driven by the electric current imprisoned in a slotted guide beam, the problem, rapid transit for man, is hereby safely solved forever." Mr. Hoynton" is one of many who have this problem of swiftness in process of solution. It may be that his bicycle railroad is the solution. It certainly lends itself admirably to enthusiastic description.—Boiluv Commonwealth. In view of the bill recently passed by tht New Jersey legislature legalizing the Reading coal conspiracy, and the surpris ing fact that Governor Abbett has not yet vetoed it, this action looking to the ap pointment of an overseer of the poor ii timely. A bill which gives to three rail road companies the power to combine and advance the price of coal is sure to keep s great many people poor and reduce" others to the verge of poverty. An overseer oi the poor is therefore to be an official of im portance and large duties, and the governor does well to approve the bill providing for his appointment. a national and international question, and showing by personal reminiscence? how I found the wagon roads of our own country when I was thrown in contact with them a great deal, treating same pnder the title of "Wagon Roads with Whom I Have Met Up With," and in connection with the great World's Columbian exposition of roads and road I teds, to be shown in the furniture exhibit, Class D, No. 301) A Great llla-ssiii-;. Widow—Well, Mr. Brief, have yon read the will? 4 iJ .fV. £»*•) A m XliW Modem Actor—No, only a star.—New York Weekly. Below I give the paragraph as it is printed, for it is a g»-ra of forensic beauty ~Dck ribbed 1 Falls or domestic roof of 'forum"). speaker w used in Brief—Yes, but I can't uiake anything out of it. & which would have jarred the 1 natural dan} at 8t. Anth-wiy' shaken the wet cotton dome* the Chicago 4-m (pronounced I shall utilize it hi a schoo which I am about to issue, to advanced classes of rhetoricmost w oplied and most magnificent, and most luxuriantly robet those splendid attainments, t admirably fit him for that liij brilliant usefulness, where powers shine forth with dimmed splendor and n liancy of the taightliesl., dignity, and which emit a Heirs—Let's have it patented. A will that a lawyer can't make anything, out of is a blessing.—IIuriDei''a Bazar. Useless Knowledge, Itiirylnic 1'earlH iu China. The male wasp never stings; but so long as he and his sister are twins and dress alike this bit of knowledge availfcth not.—Brandon Bucksaw. The practice of lmrying pearls with th« dead must have lieen, if it is not at present, very common, as Chinese ingenuity has tH'en exercised in devising methods for restoring the luster of those found in tombs. The following directions are from a Uiindlxjok of Arts, for removing the discoloration occasioned by gaseous emanations of decomposing Ixxlies: "Take the watery extract of Yih Wing grass aud swine roasted wheat; put them with the stained pearls'in a silken bag. aud wont them in the hands until the white color is restored."—Philadelphia Ledger. A Kiting a (Jood Deal "Will yort have some of the strawberry shortcake, Mr. Withers?" asked the landlady. grandly pan*ly eqnippc I with all hicli most Newsdealers will do well to put in their orders perhaps this week, as this matter concerns one and all more than the careless and thoughtless have ever considered, affecting, as it does, the valves of the American jKx-ketbook in a thousand ways. Yours truly, It is the man who has to live on cornbread at home who finds the most fault with the pie when he travels.—Raw'* Horn. Ittiilruail Pien Ilon't Count. At the same time, it would be more sat isfactory to the public if Mr. Abbett woulo veto the conspira«y bill, and in this waj show bis solicitude for the poor. In addi tion to being unjust, cruel and oppressive.' there is a great chance that it is unconsti tutional. There also is good evidence fot believing that it was bought through the legislature by the payment of a large sum of money to the members. Senator Rogers of Camden county, has said that he was offered more than $25,000 if he would work and vote for its passage. This being true, Governor Abbett can do a greater service for the poor by vetoing this bill than bj appointing au overseer for them.—Xew York Advertiser. "Yes, ma'am," replied Mr. Withers "and some strawberries also, please."— Chicago News Record. "Fo' de Lo'd, Lige, de ushers dun forgot to lako de ribbon off de aisle. How kin we git ovah gracefully?" "I know that girl paints. Why. in the bath she is white as a ghost and look at her cheeks now." i arena of nis grand all' the uuatchless brilgrace and Her M unlit for ll»rgaini. "You do her an injustice. Her tiauce is gro'ffing a beard."—Brooklyn Life. True Courtesy Lige—Yo' come along; I'll show you. t has mah razor in inah ban an I'll cut t Doan' ro' worrv.—Truth. There wan a curious instance of the ex tremes to which a bargain fiend may be carried revcale*) by the death of a woman in one of the suburbs a few days ago Among her belongings were found about fifty pieces of dress goods that had uever been made up, some of them, judging from their styles, a score of years old. Of calico and other wrappers there were nearly three times as many, ami a huge accumulation of wearing apparel of all sorts was also found. Is yD vr i ' The I'lace for Him. ~Xt" The Father of Jewelry, all times those rare waves of luster that leml and impart additional glory to the rich and glittering tiara of American manhood and American statesmanship. In the fortitude of hie purpose, and the strength of his character, and the tenderness of his sympathies, and the womanly gentleness of his hrr.rt ho reminds ns of some grand and lofly towering oak. beantifully and symmetrically developed, and richly and luxuriantly foliated with the graceful garniture of a vernal woven garland of opulent epleu dor, capable of defying and withstanding the raging blasts of the wildest storms, and yet offering, within the tender and getitle recesses and its leafy bowers, a nestling place for mother birds to safely nnrse their tender brood." If Mr. Harrison sent that back he fichly deserves Ae charge of being the great American ice machine. Cold as my own heart is at th* ies, I cannot read the above without a pulse, and over and over again " I read it 1 promise myself that I will never ngain do so without providing myself with a handkerchief. If Mr. Cleveland returned this inflamed encomium it is no wonder that Republican papers charge him with trying to over little children with a mowing A Frondi writer recounts this aner* dote of Balzac's grand air. The narrator once had occasion to visit the French publisher Cliarpeutier. He was ushered into the publisher's room, and found him in conversation with a somewhat stout but not very elegant man, whom the newest visitor did not know. "Yes, my dear Cbarpentier," said the stout man nonchalantly, "it is going to IkD a complete surprise to my mother; she doesn't know a thing about it. Yon see the chateau and grounds are laid  in this way." He traced some imaginary lines with his cane on the floor. "Here will stand the house—a noble structure jn the style of the Sixteenth century. It Will lDe ornamented with superbly veruuculattd stones at the corners, and also at the doors and windows. There will be two floors entirely occupied with sleeping rooms, so that there may be sufficient room for me and for a large party of friends when we come ont from llalzac's Castle, The Coming »tjl« In Furniture. The father of jewelry was Prometheus. When he was cut loose by Hercules from the chains that fastened him to Mount Caucasus he made a ring out of one of the links of his fetters, and in the bezel of it he fixed a portion of the rock. According to Pliny that was the first ring and tht tirst stone.—Paris Figaro. The probabilities of fashion in furniture indicate thiyb the coming craze will be the Empire style. A ccntury ago this remarkable style of furnishing was evolved in l' rance, and it affords opportunities in fur nishing that are well worth the considers tion of oui\leaders in household taste. Tht ityrt; recalls tiie best traditions of the court of the Empress Josephine. It always hap pens that when IxDuis tjuinze and Louis Seize styles have been in vogue for a tim» they are followed by a demand for Empire furnishings. As is well known, the revo lutioii in France proved1 a fatal blow to Louis Quinze and Louis Seize decoration.*, which were' abandoned is tainted with royalty and bad ta»te. following the re publican coup d'etat; caine the republican era, during which a new society arose, en thusiastic for anything which recalled the republics of Greece ami Italy. P. S.—The subject •will be ably handled. B. N. Not an l'|»tart Public men, if they are to be successful, must learn to stifle personal prejudices. Prince Talleyrand, who shifted his politics so skillfully that he served under several distinct and contradictory jKilitical systems in France, learned this lesson very early. "DIDS T YOU DROP SOMETHING. SUt?' —Jester, A Remarkable Lawyer. A still greater surprise to the family was the discovery of not less than 500 pairs ot old stockings, all carefully oarned and put away. All the hosiery that tue household had had. and, as they supposed, worn out fears ago, was there, as c-trefuliy mended and packed away as though they had be longed tCD a saint. Here is an example of the view Robert Toombs took of a lawyer's duty to the com innnity. Writing to his wife from Roanoke, bis plantation in Stewart county, he said: "1 was sent for night before last to appear iu Lumpkin to prosecute a man for Wiurder. As it appeared that the act was committed on account of a violation of the slayer's marital rights, 1 declined to appear against him."—San Francisco Argonaut.Poor Man. He'd braved the lion in his den. A Calculation in Wages. And plowed the angry wave. With fear his fitee had never blanched Whenever he was shaved. Ilire a man to work at the rate of on* cent for the (irst mouth and then agree to double his salary at the end of each of the following months for a term of three yean and see how greatly you will be surprised when he calls for the grand total of his wages. Here are the figures in a nutshell: First month, 1 cent; second, 2; third, 4; fourth, 8; fifth, 16; sixth, 32; seventh, 64; eighth, $1.28; ninth, 12.56; tenth, $5.13; eleveuth, $10.21; twelfth, $20.48; thirteenth, $40.96; fourteenth, $81.92; fifteenth, $163.81; sixteenth, $327.68; seventeenth, $655.36; eighteenth, $1,311.72; nineteenth, $2,623,54; twentieth, $5,247.08; tweuty-first, $10,494.16; twenty-second, $20,988.32; twenty-third, $41,976.64; twenty-fourth, $82,956.28; tweoty-lifth, $165,906.56; twenty-sixth, $331,- 813.12; twenty seventh, $663,626.24; twentyeighth, $1,327,.352.48; twenty-ninth, $2,654,- 1KH.96. thirtieth, $4,609,009.92; thirty-first, $8,618,019.84; thirty-second, $l7,236,039.68t thirty-third, $;V4,472,078.38; thirty-fourth, $68,944,156.72; thirty-fifth, $137,888,313.44; thirty-sixth, $275,776,626.88. Grand total of the thirty-six months' or three years' salary $552,ii54J25J,35. —Cor St. Louis B* When M. Thiers, who was of humble origin, began to rise in the world, Talleyrand treaty him with great consideration. This greatly displeased a high bred lady of the prince's acquaintance. In shadowy Jungles of the east The tiger lie had played; But he quailed when his wife presented htm The climax was the unearthing of - gi«u pile of empty tomato cans, which the con scieptious old soul had stowed away for some purpose known only to herself. He—I'm looking for a girl who can bake a cake, a loaf of bread, or cook a meal; one who isn't afraid to sew a button on, or soil her hands in a little With a nightshirt she had made. Clothier and furnisher. Her family knew that she had a mania for bargains, and would buy anything and everything if she thought it was cheap, but the inventory of her purchases was tt genuine revelation even to them.— Boater Tiers Id. "What!" she exclaimed; ceive this upstart?" "do you re- The Barbtr Shop In Literature. housework. Not Far to Go. "So Miss Wallflower has caught Mr. The leading promoter of these ideas wai the painter Louis David, who strove to reproduce on canvas the statues of the gods and the heroes of Roman history. To bt in keeping with David's pictures the republic demanded a return to republican classicism to suit the tribunes, and the members of the uational assembly draped /n their togas, as well as young ladies clad in transparent tunics, harmonized with furniture that was Athenian, carved with the bas-reliefs and ornamentations of the ancient marbles. Napoleon, to preserve the memory of his combats in Egypt and Italy, instructed his architects to design The barber shop used to be the rendezvous for current news and gossip before the days of papers and clubs. You can still hear a good deal of news in a barbel shop. The average barber is still a talkei from Talkerville. Moliere, the French wil and dramatist, loafed a good deal in baTber shops and picked up good things. Gil Bias was a barber. So was Figaro, o; Spain, aud the opera, "The Barber of Seville," is named for that bright feitow. Poets have taken to the craft.. Folez, th* old German poet, was a barber. So wa* the famous sonnetier, Burchiello, of Florence, and Allan Ramsey, author of "Gentle Shepherd!"—National Barber. "Madam," Talleyrand answered, "he is not an upstart He has got up,"— Vouth's Companion. She—1 should strongly advise you to try an intelligence office, Mr. Close leiarh.—Life.  glim?' "She lias." "He is awfully thin, isn't lie?" "Ypr; that's why she got so easily around him."—New York Press. A Difficulty in the Way. '•Eb'nezah!" "Ma'am?" A shivering wretch, with barely clothe* enough to dust a Addle with, blew into tb« Chestnut street police station on the wintry blast last night, and spplied foi shelter. There was a good natured expression on the poor fellow's face that dirt could not hide. The sergeaut looked at him for a moment, and then reflected, "1 never in my life saw a man so badly ixjckmarkeU." and then aloud he said to the Hit lC»ce s«t wllli Diamond*. Paris, A Little (iruimnav Le**ou. "Liza, you don't seem to be very The man went on with a long list of details of his establishment, his servants, his wine cellars, his deer park and so, on, to all of which Cbarpentier listened with great respect. By and by the talker went away with a grand air, and the pther visitor ventured to ask, "Who was that gentleman?'- "That was Balzac." He Thought mm Much. "Nome; I'ze finished up all the work they was to be did." busv?' "Is yoh bin hookin watali millins Fum de mahkit?" "No'm." Dashaway— You have ojfened an account with my tailor, haven't you? Done, you mean; done." "Well, maybe yoh didn't. But I doan' see how yoh am gwine ter prove an alibi fur dat colic."—Washington Star. Travers— Dashaway—1 heard that ho had engaged two new lawyers. —Clothier and Furnisher -Yes, how did you know? "Yebsuui; I've finished up all the work they was to bedoue did."—Indianapolis Journal.