Pittston Gazette

              ' if • ■s/'fc'jt/ # 1 V KMTAMiaHHKDIHSu. I ALJoet X1A\va , vo, f ijiuesi ewbti Der \n the Wvoming Valley PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, MARCH 27, 1D A Weekly Local and Family louraal. K® More Kings. f The word of the Lord by night "Splendid nursing. By Jove, but that was the house of the Mothers and Sisters of Mercy with a vengeance. But, say, Besant, did you ever see any thing so perfect in tho shape of woman as Miss Lascelles? Wish I'd seen more of her, but it shan't be my fault if the acquaintance isn't improved, though it does seem a pity that they should be on the wrong side of the fence in this National scrimmage, doesn't it? And that reminds me to ask you as a particular favor not to let on to any one any thing of a shady color yon may have noticed in that house, cs it would be too bad to bring them into trouble after all they have done for us." papers—you can have them if you like; they're no use to me." nopKins agrees with me that no one Is more fitted for our purpose than yourself. I would not voluntarily place you in peril, but the exigencies of the sarvice are such that 1 have no alternative —nevertheless, you shall have the opportunity of refusing, if you think the mission too difficult for you to accomplish.""it's the most villainous road 1 ever traveled in my life—but say, friend Dick, are these poor beasts to keep this pace up much longer? It seems to me as though they'd drop in their tracks if we don't case 'em up a bit; why, wo must have flut a dozen miles between us and the camp already." To the watching Pilgrims came, A» they sat by the seaside. And filled their hearts with flame. pistol-snot ox tuo fugitive, on they were gaining at every stride. •»*.ai DIARY OF A DINlili OUT. tnree ot onr guests went liome a little lopsided and cast down. So did the young man. THE CURATE'S STORY. Frank thanked him, and, picking the parcel up, was about to leave the surly fellow to himself when Lawson called hint back. "I allow we're a join' ter take a ban* in this game," Dick said, grimly, tightening his saddle-girth as he spoke. "Now soon qg/they git alongside, dash out on 'em, an' holler fur all yer worth —they'll think the woods is full on us, an' you'll sec a circus." BILL NYE PLACES BEFORE THE PUB- "He reminded me somehow of a young and budding ass I used to know, whose father was at one time governor of a western territory. The governor did not know any too much. He did not know hardly anything. Sometimes he would almost know something, but would become nervous and forget what it was. It YTa» Not In Ills Csaal Vein, but More Entertaining. Here is a choice bit from-JeromeiL Jerome's latest book, "Told -After Supper." It is the story of a party-made-op exclusively of men, and the time fa Christmas eve: Uod said, I am tired of kings, I Buffer them no more. Up to my ear the morning brings The outrage of the poor. "Sav." he will "vou were in Dodson & Green's law office for six months before we got into this infernal scrape, so it's just possible you might be able to give me a bit of advice." LIC SOME INSIDE HISTORY Lo, I uncoVer the land Which 1 hid of old time in the west. As the sculptor uncovers the statue When he has wrought his best. The Colonel, who was evidently ill at case, paused for his reply "Saddle's gettin' kin' o' hot?" he queried. "Wal, we'll hev ter take a spell o' rest- daown i' th' dip yonder, fur thar's a skoary stretch o' kentry before us which it. won't do ter travel over with winded hoases." Dick RTinncd. The Owner of a Story and How He Got Left—Sad Case of the Governor's Wife, So when the thundering hoofs were close upon them, the two young fellows burst out of ambush, yelling like a band of Comanches. Who Was a Little nit Urlilnil Time, "We had some more punch and then the curate told us a story. I could not make head or tail of the curate's sto#, bo I cannot retail it to you. We nofie of us could make head or tail of ttakt story. It was a good story enough, jIo far as material went. There seemed to be an enormous amount of plot, afcd enough incident to have made a doz8n novels. I never before heard a story containing so much incident, nor dealiflg with so many varied characters. "I am sure I will if I can," was the pleasant reply; "but I am afraid I don't know much more about law than you do." "Well, 'sir," Frank said, thoroughly mystified, "I don't suppose I am more ready of comprehension than my comrades, but I could perhaps give you an intelligent answer, if you would kindly explain to me the nature of the undertaking-."I will have never a noble. No lineage counted great; "Fishers and choppers and plowmen Shall constitute a state. The following diary of a well known d#uer out, raccoontoor and bong vecvong Ls herewith given to the public with his own consent to its use, provided it shall go no further and that his name shall be suppressed:' [.Copyright by Edgar W, Nye.] "Once he found that he would have to receive a great man officially at his mansion, and his wife was away. She was on a westbound train which would reach the capital at about the time of the reception. So he wired her, care of the conductor, that she must arrive in full dress. Swayne, with Us strong, fresh horse, in the fury of his attack literally rode down the foremost of the pursuers, while Frank hurled himself upon the second, who, however, managed to keep his saddle. "Well, the case is this—a chap—a friend of mine, you know—at least » fellow whose acquaintance I've made— has got into a kind of a fix, and he don't quite see his way out. Now, just to set his mind at rest, can you tell me what's the law about married men enlisting? "You moan that there is danger of falling into the hands of the enemy." My will fulPllv*l shall be, l'or in daylight or iu dark My thunderbolt lias eyes to see Uis way home to the n. rk. —Ralph WalJo Kmerson. "I was about to make the 6ame suggestion," Frank said, pleased that the necessity of cautioning a somewhat volatile young fellow, though still his superior officer, was spared him. "Vans, the meanest, bloodiest, doggonedest kin' o' an enemy, too. Ilev yer never heerd tell ov the gorillas?" "Just so, boy. Really, Hopkins, I think my wits have gone a wool-gatliering to-night. Well, the fact is, young man, I've got to send a message in hot haste to General Lj-on. The trouble is that most of our young officers are poor horsemen, and this duty includes a long and breakneck ride over a rough country. Now a man from your county— Lawson, I think they call the fellowsays you ride like a centaur, so this, with your other qualities we are more familiar with, has driven us to offer you tlie post of danger." "Nov. 10—Have just returned from a dinner given to a great man by one of our clubs. The great man stepped on himself in two places. In otherNyords, every time he uncorked hiinse)f he corked himself. He made enemies of half the club, and wc.it away feebly kicking himself for being too "fresh in his expression of thought. I set every- "Thc guerrillas! What, have you them in this part of tho State?" But the rout was complete. Without stopping to look behind them the enemy had turned tail and fled, doubtless believing from the daring nature of the attack that a whole regiment was at their heels. "But how? A Won««tiD Sigh for Freedom. ■ Oh, to be alone! To escape from tho work, the play. The talking every day; To escape ffom all I have done. And all that remains to do. To escape—yes, even fruin D ou. My only love,-and be Alone and free. "She decided at once, for she was a woman of decision, even if she did not look well in full dress. She went to the express car and asked to be aloije. The expressman said wherefore. She said she was the wife of the governor of the territory and would be alone. She desired to dress. He hesitated but left, telling her that when the train got to Antelope he would have to open the car to let off a deceased party who was billed to that place. She said she would be all nicely dressed by that time. Tho driver's precautions, which entailed considerable discomfort on his two passengers, seemed to them superfluous, for no one jnolested'tliem on the trip. It was a tedious, disagreeable ride, but at last they were cheered by the hoarse challenge of tho sentry and heartily glad to find themselves among their own again. Can the wife, without her husjband's consent, stop his pay for her* maintenance or the keep of a child that's been born siace he left home?" "Ilev wc? Why, they swarm over the hull kentry. Wait till we tether .tho bosses under the walnuts yonder r.n' I'll tell yer what they've done to me an' mine." "I should suppose that every human being our curate had ever known or met, or even heard of, was brought into thit story. There were simply hundreds Ot them. Ever)' five seconds he would Introduce a completely fresh collection of characters, accompanied by a brand new set of incidents. "I should most decidedly say that she could," Frank replied, hotly. "Quick, b'ys, to the wood!" Swayne cried, "afore these wildcats kin git ther eyes skinned ter see the trick we've played 'em." They rode slowly to the clump of trees, where they dismounted. "But you're not sure?" Could I only stand Between gray moor and gray sky •VUere the winds and the plovers cry. And no rnah is at hand; And feel the free wind blow Ou my rain wet facc, and know I am free—not yours, bnt my own— Frw, iuid alone! "Well, yes, I am pretty sure." "And there's no loop-hole for him to crawl through?" "You stretch yer legs a bit, Frank, while I tend to the cattle," the farmer said, taking at the same time from his pocket a handful of rolled tobacco leaves, which it were indeed a compliment to call cigars, but which Frank found on a further acquaintance were more palatable tliaflfeheir appearance seemed to iustifv. As they rode under cover again Frank turned tp examine the man they had rescued. He was a well-built, "I dasscnt go no furder, boss," the Jrivcr said, whipping his horse round so sharply that he almost overturned the vehicle, a proceeding which nearly cost him a bullet through his body from the conscientious, but too impatient young soldier on guard. "This was the sort of story it was: " 'Well, then my uncle went into the garden and got his gun, but of course it wasn't there, and Scroggins said he didn't believe it.' "Certainly not. And I say, Jim, I'd give up the acquaintance, if I were you, of a fellow who was mean enough to try to escape such responsibilities." "And of honor," Major Hopkins added solemnly. "There will be quick promotion for you, lad, if you are successful."XL$&R~.._, &&■ '•"!.A "-* McAjfL "But she was not. Being a woman, and rather gothic also, she was delayed somewhat, and as the train ronnded a curve (of its own) now and then she would fall out of her party dress and have to climb back again and tuck in a shoulder blade or two ever and anon. For the soft firelight And lite home of your heart, my dear, Tucy hurt, being always here. "Would you? Well, I'll think about it—he is a baddisli kind of a man anyhow for a highly moral young gentleman like me to make a companion of— but say, there's Captain Fulton hollering out for you—guess you'd better trot, as perhaps his pa's sent him to invite you to a small tea party. I saw Marm Hopkins and one or two other old women of the regiment making a bee-line for his tent an hour ago." Both officers .looked wistfully for his •reply. " 'Didn't believe what? Who's Scrag- gin a?' 1 want to ptand upright. Aid to cool my eyes in the air. Anil to see how my back eun bear lJurdens— to try, to know, . To learn, to grow! Frank ran forward, however, and explained matters, while the darky helped Fulton to the ground, where he loft him lying, not even stopping to take the handful -of silver the young officer offered him, but, putting his old nag to his best, sped In direction of the city. It is t-tranje what a terror the colored people hail of "the Yanks" in the early days of the rebellion. "Of course I will Frank said, curtly. "When do you wish me to start?" Swayns evidently believed that a merciful man is merciful to his beasts. It was an interesting1 sight to watch the tender care lie took of them, to see him strip their saddles off, cut whisps of long1 grass and rub them down till they were as dry as when they left the stable in the morning. Not till they were quite cool did he lead them to the little Btrcam and let them drink their fill of the clear water: and then from his saddle-bags he took a few handfuls of oats and gave them to them. But it was not until they had eaten this and he had hobbled their forelegs and allowed them to crop the scant grass that he thought of his own and his companion's comfort. " 'Scroggins! Oh, why, he was the other man, It was his wife'  "Spoken like the brave boy I knew you were!" the Major said, with enthusiasm. "Why, do you know, Besant, I have had the greatest difficulty in persuading the Colonel to give you this chance. lie was so afraid of seeming ungrateful for the services you have rendered his son—just as if the highest prize to a lad of your mettle was not the post of danger." " 'What was his wife? What's she got to do with it'i' "So when the train got to Antelope, and King Solomon's Temple Lodge, R. A. M., had come down to the depot to take charge of the remains of the deceased brother, it found a highly middle aged lady dressing in the car, and holding a long, tau colored wisp of hair in her teeth, while she held another wisp straight up and groomed it with a wire brush. I am only you! I a.r.i yours, part of you, your vrlfe! And I have no other life. " 'Why, that's what I'm telling yon. It was she that found the hat. She'd come up with her cousin to London— her cousin was my .sister-in-law, and the other niece had married a man named Evans, and Evans, after it was all over, had taken the box around to Mr. Jacobs, because Jacobs' father had seen the man when he w;is alive, and when he was dead Joseph'  X cannot think, cauuot do; 1 cannot breathe, cannot see; There is "uk," but there is not "me;" And worse, at your kiss I grow Contented so. Thus disrespectfully did he allude to some of the senior officers. as sooa jus frank reac tied his quarters, ho learned that the police and officers in plain clothcs had been seooring the streets cfa the line of march, and that the Colonel was well nigh distracted by their futile efforts to discover the whereabouts of his son. As for the Frank hurried to meet his Captain, with whom, notwithstanding the difference of rank, a warm friendship was already springing up. Frank did not, it must be confessed, keeenly appreciate the Major's logic; but while he had no foolhardiness in his disposition, he was resolved that he would at all hazards do his duty, for his was not one of those dashing spirits that loved danger for danger's sake, though when necessitous peril came he would be the last to Bhrink from it. The Old Days. MAKING A CHEAP SPEECH, Oh, those old days! those near yet far off daysl So near, so far, so full of tender lays! When spendthrift hearts all went a-gypsying; Cared naught for form, or statute laws, or thing right, however, by telling my justly celebrated nigger story. It was a groat hit with everybody except the man who told it to me, and who spoke later on—or thought he did. But what could he do without hia nigger story? "I only wanted to tell you, Besant, that we start to-morrow morning to join General Lyon, who is hardly pressed by McCulloch and Price. I thought that perhaps you might do your writing home this afternoon, aa yon mayn't have another chance for a long time." "The Masons had a band also, and while this oompah-oompali orchestra played a dirge and the expressman handed out the package for Antelope ho kept his back toward the dressing room. It was a sad sight. On the one hand were death and the trappings of woe; on the other, ill concealed charms and the trappings of a reception. But it showed nerve and firmness, among other things, and the incident is still referred to by old timers and pointed to with pride by old settlers who glory in the days whefn even officials were ready at all times to act upon an emergency. " 'Now look here, never you mittd Evans and the box. What's become of your uncle and the gun? king; But lived in melodies! IT WAS Ay EXCITIXG SCENE. lads of Captain Fulton's company, they were in a wild state of excitement, for the young officer was a great favorite with them, and they had volunteered, with more courage than discretion, to go in a body and "clean out the tvhole city." So when the news spread that the missing ones had returned, there was great and noisy rejoicing, and when the old Colonel, half an hour afterwards, shook hands with Frank and publicly thanked him for hia heroism, the enthusiasm was unbounded. From lip to lip the story flew ever with more or less exaggeration, and that night Frank Besant lay down to rest the most popular man in the whole regiment. When too, a day or two afterwards, he stretched the bully cf hia company—a ruffian from Cleveland, who had been a roustabout on a lakesteame—on his back in a fair fight, the boys would have liade him a Brigadier-General, if their votes could .have done it. "Now, mate, let's squat here an' take a bite ourselves." Saying which, he flung himself upon the turf and brought from one of his eapacious pockets a roll of greasy paper, which contained several huge slices of bacon placed not over-temptingly between thick chunks of hard, dry hominy cakes. In vain Frank tried to tempt him with the contents of his own saddle-bags, the young Missourian declaring that hog and hominy was the only food for man. handsome man of thirty—well bred, too, if one could judge from his clearcut features. " 'The gun! What gun?' Oh, those old days! those near yet far off days! Paced with dear legends, winsome with sweet «C 'Why, the gun your uncle used to keep in the garden, and that wasn't there. What did he do with it? Did he kill any of these people with it—any of these Jacobses and Evanses and Scrdgginses and Josephses? Because if so it was a good and useful work, and We should enjoy hearing about it.' "Well, boys, you've done mo the best turn any ono ever did for me in tljia world, and I only pray to Heaven that if either of you are ever in such a tight flxasl was ten minutes ago you'll find as brave hearts to help you as I've done." "I got the story at a cost of about $3.75. Whoso pages, filled with tender'st murmur- "You must be ready to start at the first glimmer of dawn," the Colonel continued. "You will carry no arms but these revolvers." He laid his hand as he spoke on two heavy pistols, which were on his camp-table. "You will bear no written message, which might get you into trouble if you were caught by the enemy. And you will ride the best part of the journey in company with a young farmer, who has promised to be your guide—at any rate as far as the Springfield pike, which will lead you to General Lyon's headquarters. As for money, you had better go well heeled, for a silver shield is often a man's best protection." The psalm of life idyllic backward brings Bawitched with memories! Dinner last night valued at  Two extra cigars brought homo  $8 35 40 Frank thanked him for the hint, and was about to turn away when Fulton added: Total Oh, those old days! those truest, purest days! Though life is sweeter for their lovelit grace. Whose heart but lingers near their bounda- "Balance ahead, $5, $8 75 ' "There's another little matter I wished to speak to you about. Do yon set any especial value on that silk scarf Miss Lascelles gave yon for a sling?" "Amen to that!" Frank said. "Now satisfy our curiosity by telling us who you are and where you are from?" "Nov. 12—Attended dinner given in honor of another chump. I was invited to be the life of the party. Did not succeed very well Presiding officer very coarsely intimated that my speech was more fitting for some other decade. This made me hot 'No,' said I, 'it fits this decade fairly well,' and I threw him the left lobe of a canvasback's bosom that had suffered some from the tooth of time. 'You say my speech is decayed! So are yoar victuals!' I then took an ornamental tin wedding cake from the center of the table ar ! \Yent home. " 'No—oh, no—how could he? He ttikd been built up alive in the wall, yen know, and when Edward IV spoke to the abbot about it my sister said that in her then state of health she could not and would not, as it. was endangering the child's life. So they christened it Etoratio, after her own son, who had bdfen killed at Waterloo before he was bofn, and Lord Napier himself said'  Conning them oVr with misty, yearning ey«s, And tor tho future prays! — E. L. Wakcman "Why no"—Frank hesitated. Two hours before it was priceless to him, but things seemed different now, since he had received that letter from home. Thcv had dispatchcd of their hasty meal and lighted the long, ungainly cheroots, when Frank reminded his Companion of his promise to tell him about the guerrillas. "Mark Henderson, at your service, Captain of Zagonyi's cavalry, and now —or at least a dozen hours ago—on thp 6taff of General Lyon, I started It dawn with a guide to try and make communication with troops that are supposed to have left Kansas City to come to onr aid, but the rascally villain led me right into tho.t nest of hornets you saw buzzing about my ears." Speech last night, say $10 0C $5 00 10 Aim High. Dinner Aim at tbc Istghest prise; If there thou fall Thou'It haply reach to one not far below. Strive first the goal to compass; if too slow Thy speed, the attempt may ne'er the lees avail. The next bent poet to conquei T Cigar  Balance oat  Brot forward .. 00 4 90 "Do you very much want it?" he asked, smiling as he read the eager anxiety depicted in the young officer's face. " Wal, mate, thar ain't much ter tell— leastways I ain't got the gift o' the gab ter make a long story out on't; but when the war broke out folks took this side an' thct, jess es ther inclinations led 'cm. Father an' I was fur the Union; and mos' gin'rally onr neighbors was seceshes. We lived in a lone farm-house, tol'ble well-to-do, an', es we was in the minority, went about our own bizness without interferin' wi' folks. Mas' of the young fellers roun' us jined the gorillas, an' they set up a cry cs those es was not fur 'em was agin 'em an' gcv father notice ter leave the kentry. Hut the ole man was true grit. lie jess tole 'cm thar was a leaden welcome fur every seccsh es crossed his threshold in anger. They'd done some fearful things, them gorillas bed—strung a neighbor o' our'n ter a branch o' one o' his awn apple trees an' flogged his wife an' darters. Yes, it ain't no dime novel trash I'm a-talkin' to yer—flogged the wimmen till the blood run down ther backs, so yer kin Gee my ole dad was doin' some tall talk in' when he gcV them the defy. I shall never forgit the night they come. Thar was no one in the house but dad an' me an' my little brother Bill, a young 'un ngt more'n seven years old. We did the best we could, but it warn't no use. They dragged father from the house an' riddled him wi' bullets afore my eyes. I managed somehow or other ter get away to the woods, but not afore I'd made my mark on some o' ther skins; an' jess es they was firing the tarns the Union soldiers como up, an' the hull band o' cut-tliroats scattered." "An' little BUI?" "So to date I am square in the whole deal, though I have placed rather a moderate value on the bon liomme and rather - Bishop M&nt. " 'Look here, do yon know what you are talking about?* we asked him at this point. Silent Heroism. To fight aloud is very brave. "I would give a thousand times its intrinsic value to call it mine," was the emphatic declaration, "but perhaps you, like myself, hold its associations too dear to—" He pulled out his purse as he spoke. "Don't mind that, sir," Frank said, hastily. "I have more about me now than it is perhaps prudent for me to carry." "And I am on my way to General Lyon to tell him that those very troops are hurrying by forced march to join him," Frank ejaculated. But gallanter, I know. Who charge within the bosom The cavalry of woe. Speech, say $2 00 $0 30 05 50 "He said no, but he knew it was every word of it true, because his aunt had seen it herself. Whereupon we covered him over with the tablecloth and he went to sleep. . They did not lie long at St. Louis, only time enough to properly equip themselves for the field and take a few more doses of drill, so nauseating tc James Lawson, who was getting sickei and sicker of military life. Then, hej for the frontl With one broad sweep across Missouri, they went into camp at Kansas City—then an insignificant border town with little promise of its .future prosperity. Bouquet Dinner. Who win, and nations do not see. "Nay, here it is, sir. I have no tenderer regard for it than as a memento of a very interesting chapter of my life. Take it, and wear it as the knights of old did their ladies' favors on the battle field: only--reffiember that, though love hallows all things, a soldier's loyalty brooks no rivalry." "Well, spare no expense. You shall not be the loser. Now to rest, for you will have a heavy day before you. I will 6ee you in the morning and give you final instructions." Henderson looked keenly at the speaker. ' Tin cake. Who fall, and none observe. Whose dying eyes no country Out on whole thing. "Nov. 15—Just got home from large dinner, where I was expected to swap $8 worth of bon hotnme for twenty cents worth of consq/nme. I ain away ahead. I did not have to speak. Other great men obliged, and 1 was not called on. 1 arranged that 1 should be inolnded in the list of speakers as it will appear in the mornipg in the papers and then came away stealthily, conveying my dinner concealed in such a way as to eludo observation. So far on this season I am ahead. 1 W llegards with patriot love. "It's rather a curious dodge, isn't it?" he said, "to rig you up in private's uniform? What rank do you hold in the service?" We trust, in pluraexl procession. Willing to Oblige. For such the angels go. Rank after rank, with even feet. And uniforms of snow. —Emily Dickinsitn. And the last words Frank heard as he left the Colonel's tent were: "If any thing happens to that boy, Hopkins, I shall never forgive myself." Cold and gray the morning broke, though it was in early August Frank \ "Just what yoti see—fn'fi private— that is all." Prophetic words. Charles Fulton little thought then how hard for him would be the strife " 'twixt Love and Duty." TIE MEL "Then your Colonel must have a fine regiment if his rank and file are filled by such as you. Give mo your hand, my boy, you will have your commission before the month is out, or I'm no judge of matters." Frank had been unable to make any personal inquiries about the Lascelles before he left St. Louis, as "leave" had been peremptorily refused to all private soldiers, but Charles Fulton had managed to visit their house, which, however, he found.deserted, while the only CHAPTER V. MID WAR'S ALARMS. At last. OF THE FOURTH, They were on the march, hurrying forward to the relief of General Lyon, who had had the choice thrust upon him of abandoning to the enemy the part of the State he was guarding, or of meeting in battle double the forces at his command. Like the brave hero he always showed himself to be, he had resolved to adopt the latter course, though defeat seemed inevitable. " 'T appears ter me, you two uns is gassin* a tol'ble sight too much. Wouldn't it be jess es sensible ef yer was ter put a few more miles at ween you an' them gorillas afore yer got so tonguey." Bonhomme $0 00 Consomme, ctc $7 50 Two cigars extra CO Balance  ■C/ ■fcC 8 00 A STORY OF THE LATE WAR. "Nov. 16—As I sit here disrobing before I retire I will write some more in my diary. My mirror still tells me that I am strangely beautiful. Large, dark, lustrous eyes, regarding each other pleasantly across the bridge of a clear cnt, aquiline nose, ami abundant eye winkers of some changing shale fringe the bright pink lids and anon kiss the massive cheeks below. Above, like the long stretch of marble cemetery at Pere la Chaise, slumber the tresses of my late hair. Once it was flowing, but now it is fled. Thus far shalt thou come and no farther, saith the broad plaza of bright and well laundered scalp to the soft ginger colored lambrequin of somewhat segregated hair. And yet I am popular and beloved. Tonight I sang a song at dinner. It is not often I sing a song at table, but I did this evening. Some one asked me to do so. I escaped while they were searching the building for this unknown man who asked me to sing. 4 DOING CHORES ON THE FAT.M The hint was too valuable to be disregarded, so once more they resumed their journey. If they could have gone In a direct line they would have reached Springfield by night-fall, but they were so often obliged to make detours to avoid the enemy that whem darkness came on they were obliged to camp in the woods till daylight. And when dawn came the roaring of guns and clattering of small-arms in tho near distance told them that for all their dreary ride and headlong speed they were too late. a high estimate on the consomme, so 1 am surely not ahead, though two or three times I was quite sure that I was getting ahead." Mr. John E. Gett (at an amateur musicale—What's he singing? BY BERNARD BIUSBY Miss Van Clef—"Let Me Like a Soldier Die." Mr. Gett—If I had my gun with ma ho should be gratified!—Puck. (cosmum) He was startled at the deathly pallor of the girl's face. Up to this hour the young citizen soldiers had never even seen a Confederate r regiment, nor experienced the sensation of firing at any object which possessed the unpleasant power of retaliation, so when in the afternoon of the second day's march, the scouts came hurrying hack with news that the enemy was in front of them, many a heart beat fast in anxious expectation. It was a wooded, hilly country with small clearings interspersed here and there. The above is an exact copy of the diary of a prominent New Yorker who has been dining a good deal this season, but who is at present doing chores for his board on a small farm three miles behind Quogue, onLorg Island, and preparing for a season of uninterrupted gayety next year. "Quick," she cricd, "for"'Heaven's sake let me hide you somewhere—it were ruin, indeed, for him to see you here!" Not Needed. "Do you keep burglar alarms here?" she asked of the owner of the shop. "Yes'm." "Are they sure to go off?" "They are." "Kill the burglar every time?" "Why, no. A burglar alarm ia not expected to kill a burglar." "What, then?" CHAPTER IV. HIS DEAREST FOK. YOU WILL CARRY NO ARMS BUT VHKSK Dick Swayne's eyes literally blazed with fire. There is a strong contrast between a lady's boudoir with a charming young woman for a companion and the cobwebby loft of a stable, whose chief feature is some evil-smelling, mildewed REVOLVERS. Up a steep hill before them they rode in haste, and on mounting its crest, though the sky was but just gleaming with the rays of the newly risen sun, the whole panorama of the battle-field Jay before them. had slept the sleep of the weary, and it seemed to him as if he had not lain on his blanket more than a short hour when an orderly roused him for the day's adventures. "We foun' little Bill lyin' in the brush, bleedin' ter death, with a gunihot wound in his side." "They're over the ridge yonder; I can see the smoke of their camp-fires. Oh, Lord, but I wish I was out of this," Lawson whispered hoarsely to Frank Besant. hay, with occasional glimpses of fat, lazy spiders spinning webs for flies that never come to the sun-forsaken spot, yet that was just the metamorphosis which Frank Besant realized. "Good heavens, Dick! and is this possible in a land like ours? Bat surely these fiends were not your neighbors, man?" Old and \eir Athletics. "To alarm the household." "Oh, that's it? Well, our household has been alarmed every single night for the last twenty-seven years, and I can't see that we really need a burglar alarm. Sorry to have taken up your time, but you really ought to make them kill the burglar."—Detroit Free Press. lie sought at onco the Colonel's tent, where he found a good meal awaiting him, which he had hardly dispatched when Colonel Fuiton himself entered "Wilson's creek, by thunderl An' I thought we was ten miles away," Dick Swayne cried, as he dashed his spurs in his horse's flank and galloped down the declivity. "I know nothing of athletics. I don't understand a game when I see it, and that is probably the reason why I have been elected an honorary member of the Manhattan Athletic club. This organization wanted to exhibit to the world a frightful erra-nple of a man who didn't know anything about athletics. In the old days we played baseball where we honestly caught the ball, and were put out by bein ;; stung 'by the ball. Now a man reaches the baso by sliding out on his nose. At the conclusion of a game of football a man could spend the evening with his best girl; now he spends it with his doctor."—From a recent speech of Chauncey M. Depew. "who's yocb correspondent?" "Brace up, man I" was the reply, uttered with a cheerfulness not altogether natural. information he could glean in the neighborhood was that the ladies and their household had gone South—where, the informant could not, or would not, tell him. This was disappointing to both the lads, for, to tell the truth, the fair Southerner's brilliant charms had set their imaginations aflame. "Neighbors? Aye—neighbors who hed gone to the same skule es we uns, 'tended the same church, danced, drunk an* played wi' us from the time we was no bigger'n little Bill—but, by the Gord thet made me, they shaU pay with a Jife fur every drop of blood they Bhed!" He had been hastily hurried through the yard at the back of the house, peremptorily ordered to climb a ladder to his present uncomfortable quarters, and notified that if he did not keep perfect* "It was one of the most disagreeable contretemps I was ever at. "But I say, Frank, I can't brace up. I've got a secret on my mind that won't let me brace up, just as I'm on the certain road to death. Hold hard a minute and I'll make a clean breast of it." "Now," he said, "for your instructions. Ride your hardest, but do not kill your horse by overdoing it. Avoid, as far as you can. all villages. And, when you reach General Lyon, tell him that ve are coming. That is alL Go now, and God be with you!" As they rode they could see the armies of either side massing—Ben Mc- Culloch, with his fifteen thousand fighting men from Arkansas—Lyon and Siegel with their five thousand, some of whom had borne themselves so well at Boonville. ■ *■ "A speech was made Auring the evening by a man named Simpson, sometime* called the Sockless Cicero of the Unbroken Plains. He is a plain man, with an impediment in his syntax and mutton tallow on his boots. He spoke briefly, lit the wrong end of his cigar, seemed to be thoroughly in earnest, and when the loving cup came around to him he went down into it like a hired man, rinsing his bleached mustache, and coming up joyously like a mallard duck with a dank and dripping bill. Beneath Contempt. ly quiet until further communications, Mr. De Broker—I am a defaulter, and I want you to defend me. he would bring heavy trouble on tho head of his fair acquaintance, let alone entailing disagreeable consequences on himself. So he sat for hours moodily ruminating over the day's occurrence and wondering how the adventure woul wind up. But the confession never came. Well indeed did the young Missourian keep his word. For three weeks they -lay in Kansas City, each day expecting the order to march. "Skirmishers—by the right flanktake intervals—march!" rang out the command, and the men of Frank's company were deployed over the rising ground. Frank followed the orderly to a clump of trees a quarter of a mile from the camp, where he found a rough young lountry fellow standing beside two serviceable-looking horses, of the breed that has made Western Missouri famous—light, strong, wiry animals, sure-footed as mules and gifted with an sndurance rivaling that of the steed of the Arabs. The man himself was the typical product of the coil—a hardy, sun-burnt fellow, with long flowing black locks, dressed in homespun, wearing long cowhide boots, and carrying at his waist a belt equipped with a small arsenal of pistols and ammunition—not at all the kind of gentleman a nervous travelei would care to meet on a lonely road, though there were few honester young fellows, as times went, than Richard Sw»vniD. The Westerner eyed the soldier with a keen glance of criticism, as he looked to the trappings of the horse allotted him, tightened tho girth of the saddle, adjusted the stirrup-leathers and mounted. Frank was too shocked by the story he had heard to encourage further conversation, while Swayne, wrapt in meditations of the past, seemed pleased to lie back and smoke in moody silence. Grgat Lawyer — Certainly, Mr. De Broker; ni get you off all right. Have no fear. How many millions is it? In tho mad ride down the hillside Frank's horse tripped on a root of a tree, hurling him to the ground with a force that for the time stunned him, and when he recovered his senses, it was only to see the beast hurrying at full speed after his companions. It was here that young Besant receiyed his first letter from home—a joint composition of his mother and Grace Brentwood, which went far to dispel tho glamor of Mary Lascelles' fascinations. What old soldier does not remember mother's first words to him in the battle-field—the tender messages of affection—the garrulous records of home events, 60 insignificant, yet 60 dear to him—the gossip about neighbors, for whom he cared not one jot while he lived near them, but who now seemed woven into his life with renewed interest—the silly, but womanly admonitions to take care of himself, as though her darling's primaiy duty was to run behind a tree as soon as he heard the hiss of a rifle-bullet—the warnings against damp socks and bad companions—the prayers—the little stains on the paper he knew too well were tears —and the mute misery wliich would show itself despite its strained air of cheerfulness. Mr. De Broker (with dignity)—Sir, I ain short only a few thousands, and I hefoe to pay that some day. Oreat Lawyer (to office boy)—James, sho\ this vile scoundrel the door!—New York Weekly. The shades of evening began to fall at last, and Frank got more and more Every crash of broken twig, every sound of moving bird or squirrel, nay, every stirring leaf made some face light with apprehension. "If I see an enemy," thought Frank, "can I deliberately point my weapon at him and pull the trigger?" "If the enemy sees me," thought James Lawson, "will he 6end a bullet through -me without a qualm of conscience?" If they could only see the foe, It would not be half so bad, but to be crawling at snail's pace through the gloomy woods, each instant expecting the thin puff of smoke and crack of rifle that shall speed the messenger of death, is indeed trying to those who have never stood fire before —so different from rushing with blood at fever heat in the wild delirium of battle on a foe you can see. Thus, with hearts beating and nerves strained these embryo warriors reached the top of the hill and gazed into the valley below them. For an hour or two they thus remained, their bodies resting, though their minds were active. uncomfortable. Had it not been for Charles Fulton he would have made an effort to escape, but of course that was out of the question; besides he felt that it would be a poor return to the girl for her kindness, if he were to allow his impatience to jeopardize her safety. At last. . "He reminded me of a barber I once sj»t under, who sang a rollicking song and accompanied himself on the atomizer."Are you happier since your second marriage?" he asked of his friend as they rode down town on a Broadway car. "Oh, much happier." Feels Ketter. Suddenly the countryman started with a gesture of alarm. Picking himself up as best as he could, he started on a run. It was no easy task to reach the Union lines, but he got there at last. By this time Siegel had moved on the right flank of the enemy and driven the Confederate lines back, while Lyon with four thousand men and ten guns had burled himself against them on the left. "Hark!" he cried, all alert on the instant.Unjnstly Reproached. Old Gentleman—Aren't you sorry now that you didn't work for your money like other people? A few moments of profound silence. "I hear nothing," Frank said, in an excited whisper. "It was a delightful dinner, presided over by Mr. Wehavewithusthisevening. "Exactly, the same as with my first, but there is this difference—I feel more settled." "Then it was a case of love?" Convict—I've worked hard for all the money I ever made, sir. There was some one moving in the stable below. Frank listened with breathless interest. Presently a voice called out cautiously: "The tramp of mounted men," was the answer, "to yer hoss, man, an' hustle lively!" Dinner Song S3 G5 10 $2 X Napkin "In your mind'.'" Old Gentleman—I thought yon were here for counterfeiting? Frank in the hurly-burly of battle was running1 hither and thither. Suddenly he saw before him a bare-headed man on 'horseback, whose uniform he recognized at once. Balance. "Nov. 19—I am just home from another dinner, at which I spoke. There were others, of course, who spoke, but they were not into it. I spoke feelingly and interspersed my remarks with persiflage. It was a good speech. Better than tho dinner. Something Mid not agree with me. I think it was the shrimp salad. I oughtn't to eat shrimp salad, especially when 1 desire the use of my dinner for any length of time. This salad was not properly made. The colliver oil was the work of malarial codfish. The salad was improperly dressed also. Its dress was low vulgar. We could not get along together. 1 35 "Yes, and all otY.-r ways. It was never quite clear in ray iin-1 venturo who ran the house, but in this case everything ia plain sailing and no occasion for dispute."Convict—So I am. • I made $3,000 in tens and twenties, and- I've done ten years at hard labor for it.—Detroit Free Press. A minute later and they were going at headlong speed. To Frank's surprise they turned at right 'angles from the line they were pursuing—for road, you could not call it—and plunged into the crcek, up whose rocky stream bed they rode with undiminished speed. This brought them to a clearing, across which they literally flewr-urging the panting horses to a maddening gallop; but as they reached the cover of a friendly wood, Swayrie drew the rein. " 'Tis me, boss—Aun' Mattie. Jess come down de ladder sawf ly es ye can —dar ain' nobody heah but fren's." You may be sure that he obeyed the summons with willing haste. "General Lyon, sir!" he cried, clinging almost breathless to his stirrupleather, "Colonel Fulton has sent me to tell you that troops from Kansas City are on their way to your relief." "She knuckled, eh?" "Oh, no; she's boss." Drew the Line There. '—New York Sun, The shoemaker's daughter (dressed for promenade)—Now adieu, papa, I mua go over to the conservatory. "I mos' skeered to deaf 'bout yo, honey," the old woman whispered as he stood beside her. "For Gord's sake foiler sawfly an' don't ask no questions."Conjurer—You see, ladies and gentlemen, the dollar has vanished. We shall soon find out where it has gone. You, honest countryman, over there, just put your hand in your coat pocket! I bet you'll find the dollar. A Trick That Bill Not Work All this Frank appreciated to the full, and it did him good to sit down and write to those loving women at home a long rambling record of his adventures by flood and field, though, strange to say, he forgot to tell them any thing whatever about Mary Lascelles and her perfections, which was inexcusable when we consider that up to that time he had hardly thought of any thing else. "Shake!" he said, laconically, stepping up to Frank's side and stretching fortb a big, brown, scarred hand, whose horny cuticle would have puzzled the modern philosopher of palmistry. "Too late—always too late!" was the sad reply. Father—Ah, but wait a bit and I'll go along with you part way. Yes, there lay the enemy right in front of them—a small family of German emigrants camped beside a prairie schooner. Just then a cry came from the First Iowa Regiment that they had no Colonel. Daughter—Father, what possesses you to suggest such a thing? Think of my social position.—Fliegende Blatter. She led him through a door into an alley, where stood a light delivery wagon, with an old gray horse in the shafts, and a white-haired negro perched on the driver's seat. Acting In obedience to Aunt Mattie's directions, he sprang into the body of the vehicle, only to find himself beside the recumbent figure of his wounded Captain. "Hold hard a minute, mate, we must breathe the critters, or they'll hev us sure es shootin'," he cried, wheeling his horse round, and peering through the branches of the trees. "Who will lead us?" rang from a hundred throats. The bugle sounded a recall, the men fell back in column, and the march was resumed. Frank grasped the proffered hand with eagerness. Each read in the other's eye a true patent of nobility. Peasant—No; I've only got two-marks and pfennig! The Toetry That Fays. Frank saw General Lyon dash to their front, and heard him cry: "I will lead you! Onward, brave boys of Iowa!" Poet (opening his mail)—Great Scott I The Squeucherv has refused my nobl® poem beginning, "My name's Dick Swayne," the brawny young farmer exclaimed. "What's your'n?" "But I mrfde a good speech. Unfortunately it will not be printed. It is a rule of the organization not to print remarks made at its table. So the speech, as well as the dinner, was a complete loss. "Impossible. You must have the dollar!"That night over the blazing camp-fire song and jest and story passed the hours away—rations were plenty—discipline not half as strict as in the barrackyard—why, war after all was but a big picnic, paid for by a grateful country. The clearing was a long strip of cornland, lying in a valley between two ridges. Frank and Swayne had crossed it at right angles in its narrowest part, where it was probably not more than fifty or sixty rods from wood to wood. Wild through the lonely chambers of my soul— Poet's Wife (opening her mail)—Never mind, my dear; here's $10 from Tho Warmed Overland for a trifle I sent it beginning, Picking up a musket that had fallen from a wounded soldier's hand, Frank threw himself into the ranks of the advancing regiment, ever keeping his eyes on that glorious warrior in front. "No, I haven't! That was dollar you put in my pocket a wliile ago, but I've been out to have a drink since then." Tableau.—Generalanzeiger. "Don' be skeered, boss—lie down—we ■in' a-gwine ter hurt yer," cautioned the driver, as he flung a tarpaulin cloth over them and started his horse on a steady jog. This budget of home news warmed his heart so that he thought he would share his gratification with James Lawson, who, he guessed, had no kind friend to keep him posted on the doings of Meltonburg, but to his surprise he found that worthy young man sitting on the tongue of an empty baggage wagon with a corn-cob pipe in his mouth, leisurely perusing a letter which, judging from its bulk, contained twice the matter of his own, while a heavy roll of Meltonburg Weekly Advertisers lay at his feet. "Frank Besant." No time nor need of further words. Swayne sprang to the saddle and led the way at a brisk gait, half-trot, halfcanter, which the horses seemed to take of their own accord. From the start the roads were execrable, if you could dignify by the name of roads the thin beaten tracks which lay across the wooded ridges, and which never seemed to turn aside for any obstacle less formidable than a precipice, now climbing1 till the horse had literally to scramble for a footing, now speeding over declivities so steep that Frank, with all his skill in horsemanship, expected to find himself flj&ig over the beasts' ears at every step he took. Speech, valued at. $18 00 00 But Frank Besant was not fated to enjoy mnch of this al J retro revelry, in fact he h&d hardly stretched himself on the turf after a hearty meal and really began to enjoy his rest, than he heard a voice behind him say: Ah, hero they come! Dinner (not available). Not as Swayne and Frank had done, but up the full sweep of the lowland—a long line of straggling horsemen, half a mile away yet, but in full sight of the wary watchers. Oh, God! what's that? The saber drops from the listless arm, the stately figure reels and falls, and the gallant General drops to the earth with a bullet crashing through his heart. Loss $18 00 His Great Need. Parent—You wish to marry my daughter? f You bet your boots, old pard, that's so! —Black and White. To Frank's delight his companion was the first to break the silence. "Nov. 20—1 am home again after a triumph. We iiaCl several eminent men at our banquet. The ventriloquist, who was to have been the life of the party, could not come, and so I was invited. I li).d short notice, but th.lt is the test of true greatness. I closeted myself with 'The Story Teller's Guide' for two hours, and then taking a half hour with an elocutionist was in fine form, with a good appetite, at 6:30 p. m. Removing a touch of sadness and gravy from the back of my dress coat I sallied forth. Suitor—Yes, sir; that is the object of my visit Too Good. "Besant, my dear fellow, I shall never forget the service you have done me this night." * ' "What is the matter, Harry? Are you never going to .get through shaving this morning?" "I don't know, jchild. I don't know what to do. I went and got mo some of the new beard pomade, and it works so that before I can get through shaving the second cheek the beard has already begun to show again on the other."—Fliegende Blaetter. "Jlist the very man, sir, for the job; we need not go any farther, I think." "By Moses, but them hyenas ain't on our tracks after all I See that chap aleadin' 'em—he's the one thev're [to ne continued] "What means of support have you?" "Never mind that, Gir." Aii Extensive Collection. "I have no actual cash, but I have Bomething very profitable almost in view." "But I do mind it, and always shall mind it. I was not insensible all the time I lay on that cursed door-step, so I saw something of the gallant fight you made to save my life." "Well, don't linger on that subjcct. Where do you think this darky is carrying us?" He instinctively knew that they were alluding to hint, and turning his head saw Major Hopkins and Colonel Fulton in earnest consultation. For the present Misa Old maid—Your room is very pretty. Miss Rosebud, but I wish ypu would drop fn and sec mine. It's a perfect museum of curios. All presents, too. chasin', an'the Lord hev mercy on'his soul, cf they catches him." "Then what you need is not a wife so much as a spy glass."—Black and White. "So you have heard from home too, Jim, I see," he said, pleasantly. "Who's your correspondent?" It was an exciting scene. As Swayne said, the leading man was evidently the quarry of the others, and as they drew nearer it was apparent that he wore the uniform of a Union officer. The chase must have been long and severe, for the horses of all were pounding along with that rolling gait, which told how nigh they were exhausted. In fact, several in the far distance could be seen who had dropped out of the race altogether: only three were within It Wag Possible. nothing came of the remark, and the officers went away, but when half an hour later Frank was summoned to the Colonel's presence, he was not a whit, surprised, though he was considerably astonished when the object of the interview was explained to him. Miss Rosebffl—Birthday New York Weekly., presents?— A traveler who was known to exnggerate once related at an inn bow he, along with two others, made 150 of the enemy run. Lawscn looked up, apparently illpleased at the interruption and the Question. "Ketch hold o' the pommel o' yer saddle ef yer mus' claw onter suthin', young feller; fur thet marc's mouth ain't no hitchin' post," Swayne admonished his companion, as they reached the top of an unusually steep "We had some sherry in the ante-room while we took'off our rubbers, and the dinner was very good indeed, barring a young man who hud begun dining a little too early in the afternoon anil who was therefore about an octave ahead of the music all the evening. Ho burned off one lobe of his whiskers while lighting his cigar, and it smelled so that Her Sacrifice. Mrs. Freshly—Yes, she is a true martyr."To the fair grounds, where onr regiment lies. Won't my father be jolly glad to set eyes on me—guess he's given me up for a goner!" "Nobody you know," he said, gruffly, thrusting the letter into his pocket. Then, as if an afterthought brought a change of mood, he added, more pleasantly:Just the Same As Not. Athenian Stage Manager—I say, what's the cause of delay? Miss Freehold—Why? Of course nobody believed him, but one of the company remarked after a pause: Mrs. Freshly—Her house burned down, and the firemen could only save either her pug dog or- her boy, and she told them to save the boy. She feels the loss of viie do.? sadly.—Lowell Citizen. "But how came you to get over the effects of that ugly knock on the head so soon?" "Besant," the Colonel said, "1 am obliged to detach a man on special and I am afraid dangerous duty, and Malor Property Man- -Why, the star says he won't go op, because you've billed the name of Euripides, the author, in bigger letters than his own!—Puck. ascent. "The thing is natural enough. The three gentlemen ran, and the 150 enemies ran after them."—Eulenspiegel. "There's a lot of Meltonburg news- Frank accepted the reproof grace' fully.