Pittston Gazette

              v I \ » • ... •/  1 Oldest NewsDaDer in the Wyoming Valley. PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, JUNE 13, 1890. A Weekly Local and Family Journal. ! broken into and rifled by the ever Hungry and abnormally thirsty doubtful state. A poor boy at a frolic, or a nervous Anarchist strolling over Satan's country seat with his overcoat pockets full of percussion bombs, is happy compared with a little soiled nosed territory looking hungrily through the pickets of Co| Inmbia's apartment house yard, where the great tournament for oold victuals is going on among the October states. But now Washington is a full fledged, grown up member of the family, and, wearing suspenders, the young state does not ask, but requests, what, as a voteless, voiceless territory, she could not even petition for with any comfort. Port Townsend will be especially benefited, I believe, and at once, by the new statehood and its attendant blessings. Many millions may be profitably spent there by the government in harbor improvements and public buildings, to say nothing of substantial assistance and encouragement for agriculture.lumbering and mining, which wonld yield early and rich results. Port Townsend is protected from foreign foes by .means of a tort, the name of which has escaped my memory. This fort is situated across an arm or bay of the main sound proper, 0o that the rode street boys of the public' schools, of Port Townsend cannot pick on the troops. The school boys of Townsend are not bad boys at all, but they are full of spirits, and it is all the police can do to keep them sometimes from being rude and saucy to the garrison and his wife. The fort commands the entrance to the harbor and an armed foe could not enter under the guss of this fortification without stirring up ill feeling, unless he entered after sundown, at which time the garrison seeks his couch. Most every one in Port Townsend feels perfectly secure, except when the forest fires are raging. Once a forest fire burned down one panel of the fortifications, and hostile cows got in, it is said, and ate up the supplies. Friendly Indians'got in once while the garrison Was talang a bath and stole his* clothes. And still you will find people all over this country who think that the Indian may be humanised and Christianized, if properly treated. The United States, so far, baa not purveyed the country, it is said, -the width of a township back from the water front in the counties of Jefferson and daMam, WASHINGTON AS A STATE yet enables the pedestrian to arrive there just the same. The citizens of Port Townsend have, for years, been at the mercy of steamboat companies for freight and the rates have been high, but this spring the Port Townsend and Southern railroad broke ground and 8,000 men began to connect Townsend with the Portland terminus of the great transcontinental roads. Hardly had this been done when the gentlemanly, genial and urbane Union Pacific secured terminal facilities, and began to strike out for the growing city. This means that the other roads will follow, and this quiet town, modestly seeking to do what was right, yet seldom tooting her own horn, has the door open for her to future prosperity and commercial importance. \ ' A TALE OF TODAY, COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORD. NO TRUSTING APPEARANCES, THE BURNHAM * INDUSTRIAL FARM. AMERICANIZING OF MERINOS. ODDS AND ENDS. A Case Where the Victim's Wont Fault The Extravagant Price Paid foT SpanUfc The Story of the Comlny He«s'.K»y and the Kind Hearted Man. The Strange Story of a Missourlati Wlw Wanted to Go to Bed. Was Beiif" a lawyer. Some of the Good Wort That It Is Doing for Wayward City Boys." " Sheep Many Year* Ago. Garibaldi's son, Mtnolti, is a member of the Italian parliament efid au alderman of Rome. MR. NYE POINTS OUT PORT TOWN- Beauchamp-Johnges made a happy Mt in Wall street and waa delayed at his office until 7 .o'clock in the evening. Cruel hunger had him in his grasp, so he decided to dine at the Astor houae; which, being a man of few words, especially when ho argues with himself, he did. At 9 o'clock he had finished his repast and a couple of bottles of Extra Dry, and being uncertain whether he saw six or eight empty bottles before him, he decided to walk uptown to his apartments.A typical Missouriau appeared at the Tremont house the other afternoon and asked for a room. He said his name was John Wakely. About 5 o'clock he approached the clerk's desk and said: Attorney C. C. Babcock is a very honest looking young gentleman, and yet this morning he was twice taken for a thief and oncc for a dead beat. Those who hare read of the Rauhe Ilans at Horn, near Hamburg, Germany, that remarkable and unique institution of Immanuel Wichern, will recognize in it the prototype of that little industrial community which more than two years ago was established in Columbia county, N. Y., under tho name, the Burnham Industrial farm. The two arc alike in purpose, in spirit and in the methods of training cmployed. Wichem.'s experiment is, however, widely known, and its success has been demonstrated in its beneficent results, while Burnnam farm is yet it its infancy, unknown even to many of the good jieopit of our own state. The story of the development in Spain of the cultivated "merino" sheep is an interesting one. America did not obtain 'these fine sheep until this century. Our so called tive" sheep were brought over by the early colonists, the first to Jamestown, in 1009, in small flocks of unknown but coarse breeds. In Massachusetts they throve particularly well, and in 1645 that colony paSsed laws to encourage sheep raising. In 1785 the Society for the Promotion of Agriculture to South Carolina offered a medal for the first flock of "merinos" kept in the state. It was not till 1793, however, that the Hon. William Poster, of Massachusetts, smuggled three fine merinos, valued at (1,500, from Spain to a friend in Boston—only to be thanked for the delicious mutton he had sent homel m SEND'S BEAUTIES. At a recent sale of skins in London one of; the lots was 250,000 Australian opossum skins. At another sale 30,000 African monkey skins were offered. "Injun" Nomenclature: Snohomish, Squeamish and Sweethomisli—At "Harv," in Mr. Bubcook went into a restaurant on Third street and deposited his umbrella in the rack and hung his handsome black derby hat on a nickel plated hat hook. When the disciple of Blackstone had finished his repast he walked over to the wall and took what he supposed was his hat, put it on and started toward the counter to pay for his breakfast. "Law bel Frawngs"—Some Tricks of the Pacific Coast. "Gues9 I'll remain, 'cause I'm kinder A storm tower is to be erected at the top of Mount Penn, overlooking Reading, Pa. It will be 1,200 feet above the sea level. tired." [Copyright by Edgar W. Nye.l Port Townsend is the first port on entering Puget sound from the Pacific ocean. The city is beautifully located, "Pleased to have you," rattled the clerk. "What's the name? Wakely, Oh, yes; give you No. 561—front room, with bath; southern exposure. You can get dinner at 0." D The fellow stooCr like a bronze for a few moments and then took a chair opposite the counter. At 6 o'clock another clerk came on watch, and Wakely went to him, saying: Tb» phonograph is to be utilized in preserving the language of the Passamaquoddy Indians by a plan arranged by the Massachusetts society. *■— ■ and at this time offers perhaps the best opportunity for the investor of any in America, as its prospects are fully equal to those of any other American city, while its real estate quotations, taking all this into consideration, are more reasonable.In overhauling the czar's civil list with a view to economy, recently, one of the items discovered was the payment of 1750 per year -for "lip salve," which has been made to one family ever since the time of Empress Catherine, who is supposed once to have had chapped lips. As he went down the broad stone steps of the hotel a tiny newsboy rushed up to him. An athletic gentleman, who was eating his morning repast and watching his portable property, roared" out: The Burnham Industrial farn.' was or ganized to save boys who are tending to'ward the criminal classes. The lack of proper classification or facilities therefor in the reformatory institutions of the state, forcing the beys committed who have not yet become depraved or incorrigible into the companionship of those in whom crfininal habits are rully developed, was the condition which wrts strongest in urging the establishment of a home like this, far. removed from the city; on a large farm in healthful surroundings, where these truant or vagrant boys not yet incorrigible might be sent, might live under good influences, and have opportunity for the training of hand and mind. Speaking of Samuel Davis a moment ago reminds me that some years ago be joined the Knights of Pythias. He looks very wildly find strangely beautiful in the uniform of the knights, and little children gladly go and conceal themselves when they see him coming. And yet he is a kind hearted man and would never bite a child unless irritated pr miduly_provoked. "Pleaae, mister, buy one," whined the kid, holding up a copy of The Wail of Dig tress. 1 'I'm stuck on depapers," "Well, I'm not," quoth. Beaucbamp- Johnges, and then he smiled at his oWn sally, which waa vaguely apparent to him. "Poor he continued, Smitten with generosity, Mckel and keep yonl- paper," and he sped on. • At the next corner a diminutive newsboy rushed up to him. "Please, mister," whined the boy, "buy one. I'm stuck on de papers," and the young highwayman held up a copy of The Wail of Distress."Come tyick here, sir, and leave mr hat!" "My name's Wakely. Guess I'll remain."About 1802 the ram Dom Pedro was imported to a farm on the Hudson river, and a pair of Spanish merinos were obtained by Seth Adams,' of Dorchester, Mass., afterward of Dresden, O. In 1802 Col. Humphrey, United States minister to Spain, sent to his .farm in Derl.y, Conn., a considerable flock, and from the wool of this stock President Madison's inauguration coat was made in 1809. The "full blood" wool brought as much as $2 a pound, and pairs of these merinos were sold at $3,000. A merino craze was the consequence; in 1810-11 100 cargoes, aggregating lfc,767 sheep, mostly Spanish, arrived In the United States, largely the purchases of William Jarvis, of Vermont, consul at Lisbon, from the fine flocks confiscated and sold by the Spanish junta. All the ladies and gentlemen in the restaurant watched Mr. Babcock as he replaced the ltat and took his own. The young lawyer was as mad as' a hornet and somewhat confused at the contretemps. Then he walked Over to the umbrella rack and picked up an umbrella. The observant gentleman whose hat Mr. Babcock had taken noticed that it was his umbrella that was being carried off, and he shouted in stentorian tones: "Drop that umbrella or I'll hand you over to the police." Mr. Babcock saw that he had made a second mistake and soon fished his own rain shedder from among the many others that were in the rack. Lake Chelan, in Eastern Washington, never freezes, although "in latitude 48 degs. north. The reason given is that it fe so deep, and the warm water always rises from the bottom to supplant the cold, which goes down-to warm itself. The IndiausJisb.i« theilrtie ut all seasons and usesaTffioneggs for bait. An Italian correspondent, writing in English from Rome, says that the pope ''turned slightly pale" when Buffalo Bill's Indians "fell prostrate before him, then, with all the enthusiasm of their race, raised themselves fi'em the ground, shouting with loud voices." Printing in Germany keeps its 450th birthday this year, and the Teutonic printers' union intend to c&ebrate the anniversary right worthily. A grand commemoration "Thank .you, Mr. Wakely. Let'« see* 561, best room on that floor, if the hoose. Just make yourself at" home here." * fa £1* ■ The man seemed dumfounded at something, and he returned to life chair directly opposite the register. When the night clerk appeared at 11 o'clock the Missouriau almost ran to tho counter. ''I'm glad they jguL a new boy," he said. "I'm what WSycOI'-fifll, utd 1 want to remain. Do you understand?" "Certainly, Mr. Wakely. I am going to eat my luncheotf now, buf if I can do anything for you after that don't hesitate to call upon me. Bo pleased to serve you, sir." Mr. Davis was greatly impressed at lis initiation by the chief officer's earnest charge to ever throughout his life rvercome all obstacles that might lie in (he path of hoaest success. Over and aver again this thought was dressed in new terms and in earnest language, thisidea of eternal perseverance being the price of victory. Day and night it dwelt In his memory. Sleeping or waking, "perseverance, perseverance," sang in his breast and stirred him up to do and to dare in the great struggle for success. One evening he strolled down the street and, seeing the lodge door open and members standing about the entrance, he stepped around into an alley and having rehearsed the signals and passwords for the current quarter, he boldly stepped to the portcullis and having pounded on the door according to directions on outside of wrapper, he poked his Grecian beak through the little martin box leading into the vestibule and ejaculated: "Messopotamia!!" An angry man rose to his feet inside and said, smothering his rising wrath by means of the fried onions which had formed a part of his supper: The farm, formerly an old Shaker settlement, comprises 580 acres of land, under a fairly good state of cultivation, in a "region of pure air and lovely fields and forests." Lake Queechy bounds it on one side and the mountains look down upon it. The farm is organized on the family plan. .The cottages left by the Shakers have become the home each of a group of boys. The system of awards and punishments is that of Mettray. There is a department of manual training for the boys, where those showing special aptness are taught full trades and others prepared to enter trades as advanced apprentices. Some will be taught farming, some gardening, and all that labor is ennobling. Tho discipline is firm, yet kind, and each boy has some one who'is interested in him individually. , There are no walls about the farm; everything is free and open. Yet the boys who gO thefe wicked', vulgaV, petty thieves, perhaps liars, swearers, truauts, stay there, lead clean lives, and learn to be honest, pure and upright. ~ ' 'Poor boy," quoth Beauchamp-J ohnges, ♦'here's a nickel and keep ycrur paper," and he walked on. J • • t . At the next corner a small newsboy rushed np to him. During the embargo of the war of 1812 "full blood" wool reached $2.50 a pound, but 111 the collapse which followed pure merino sheep sold as low as $1 a head, and many of the best flocks were dispersed. One Stephen Atwood, of Ohio, buying from the Humphrey flock in 1818, bred carefully for half a century, with such success that in 1858 one of his rams yielded a fleece of thirty-two pounds. In 1849 Edwift Hammond, of Vermont, who, like Whitney with his cotton gin, has added untold millions to the wealth of his country, bought an Atwood ram, the famous Old Black, and from the Hammond flock the ao called "American merino" was developed, a foot shorter in the neck and six inches in the foreleg, yet weighing twenty-five pounds more than its Spanish progenitors of a century back. was planned for the quarter century in 1840, but political disturbances prevented the festival, so that the German printers are anxious not to let tbe present anniversary para unnoticed. "Please, mister," the kid whined, thrusting forth a copy of The .Wail of Distress, "won't you buy a paper? I'm stuck on 'em." The strange guest, after glaring at the clerk, returned to his chair, where he did not move until 8 a. m. Then ho was disturbed by a couple of late boisterous trav eling men. i Then lie left the restaurant, and he was called back by the cashier, who came to tile door and excitedly said: The woman reporter who is trying to get admission to the press gallery of tbe house of commons has got so far along as a statement by the speaker that there is no law to prevent her being admitted there. It was coupled; however, with the remark that as there was also no law to admit her there it might be just as well to lot things stand as tfcey are for the present. The meteorological observatory at the Vatican, to be opened in May, is being fitted up with the newest and most elaborate instruments. Besides the study of meteorology proper and volcanic phenomena, the observatory is intended to provide especial facilities for photographing the heavens. A congress of Italian scientists will assemble for the inauguration."Hadn't you better come baick and pay for your breakfast? You will at least avoid being handed over to the police." As.he still had his check for a fifty cent breakfast in his hand Mr. Babcock walked back and paid his bill, with the eyes of every lady and gentleman in the place fixed suspiciously upon him. "Worse than fly paper for sticking," quoth Beauchamp-Johnges, and then he grinned at his bright remark. "Poor boy," hfe added, seized with an attack of generosity, "here's a nickel and keep your paper." •'We've had enough fun," spoke one of the drummers:' "We might as wel' retire, and"—— THE LANDLORD'S TRICK. The average rainfall, which is really the bete noir of the Pacific coast, is less virulent perhaps at Townsend than elsewhere. While Dnnganess has 20 inches, Here tho man from Missouri jumped about two feet in the air, yelling to the clerk: "Retire!- That's the durned word I've been trying to say since yesterday noon.- I guess I'll retire."— Chicago Trihune. D- • Note by the Editor—(The author, who writes this on space, exceeded - the limits of propriety and the paper when he repeated the scene at every block going np town, so the editor has been obliged to dispense wfth about fifty-five blocks of the narrative; but the tale is not injnred in the least.) ~ One elderly lady audibly remarked: "He doesn't look like a thief, but you can't tell by looks nowadays what a person is, as good clothes don't cost much," —Seattle Press. — Whatcom 38, Sarhish 30, Swinomish 32, Stflligoamish 40 and Snohomish 65, Port Townaend has bnt 16. Possibly the names h*ve something to do "with it, for these towns with Indian names, some of them are coned with a rainfall which wcrald drive old Mr. Mcintosh oat of the country. Take Squeamish, for instance, and East Peritonitis, and Bomballa, and Sweethomish, and Upper Steilacoomumbrella, each of which has from 05 to 163 inches of mean rainfall and nett moisture during the year, exclusive of dews. Snow and hail rarely fall at Port Townsend and some years there are none at ill, and in summer she gets a cool breeze - the straits of San Joan de Fuca from In 1823-36 a mania for Sayony merinos swept over the country, but our stock is still chiefly of Spanish descent, there being probably a million pure merinos of that blood. One "American merino" fleece on record showed 36.0 per cent, of the weight of the animal, and the ram Buckeye, shorn at the "state shearing" in Michigan in 1884, produced a fleece of forty-four pounds. These enormous fleeces, however, are apt to be so full of "yolk," or natural oil, that some have been known to leave less than a quarter of their weight in scoured wool; whereas it is commonly reckoned that unwashed fleeces should yield one-third and washed fleeces about one-half of their weight in scoured wool.—R R. Bowker in Harper's. A little bald headed man with (he humblest sort of a look on his face was wor&ihg at a bench in a carpenter shop on Champlain street the other day when a big fellow came in and asked: H« W»dUC1 Feoee. The Saccesnful Hum. Though established less than three years ago there are already good results to be seen. Fifty-two boys have been at the farm, and of these more than twenty have, after a training of a year or more, been sent back to their parents or to places found for them, cured of bad tendencies, to lead upright and honest lives. Indeed, its* capacity for good seems limited only by its means. Boys are pressing to the gates who cannot be admitted. We have spoken of the efficacy of preventive philanthropy. Is there a better opportunity to employ it than here, to diminish the number of the criminal classes, tp save boys who have no hand powerful enough, no heart strong enough to help them ? And from another standpoint, is there a more profitable investment for society? The yearly average expense from one criminal would furnish sufficient funds to rescuc and train many boys.—New York State Charities Record. * Private Flott has left the barracks without leave. His friend, tho corporal, desires to hide bis absence from the officer of the day. He gets a floor brush, wraps some clothes about it, arranges the brush part neatly for the pillow and lavs it in Flott's bed. The officer, somewhat short sighted, finally comes to the bedside. except in the immediate neighborhood of Port Tewnsend. So here in this rich agricultural, mineral and lumbering region, where two railroadB are coming in this summer, connecting Townaend with Portland and the east; where, the shipping entries are only equaled as to number by those of New York, and where more money and immigration are daily going in than elsewhere in the United States, the country is not even surveyed,- because it is so far away from •Where the American eagle does his incubating. I used to think that Silcott was a very mean and coarse man to take the wages of sin and go away to Canada with them, but the more I think of it the more lenient I feel toward him. Everybody has hoard of the cheapness of living on the coast, and ever since my boyhood I have been impressed with this fact, and yet I was bnt poorly prepared for the quotations I met with at ihe Poodle Dog, in San Francisco. It is a good eating place and I went there as the guest of Mr. Samuel Post Davis, of Oarson, a connoisseur, an epicure wad a bon San Francisco Annex, "Do yon take this for a bean refactory or what? Yon better go right away from here now. If yon want to get a messof potamia, why don't yon go where they kwp,gnch things?' f don't want anything to eat," said Samuel Davis. «'I am not hungry, yon old [baritone ass. I gave yon the password of our order and I desire to enter. Do yon know your business or have your think works slipped a cqg?" " "That's no password," says the other man,''and them's no kind of knocks. You cannot gain admittance." He then : closed down the little wicket, and Mr. Davis could hear him and hi* breath engaged in a deadly hand to hand conflict inside. "Please, mister,'.' whined a wee weeping boy, who rushed up in front of the Fifth Avenue hotel and held up « copy of The Wail of Distress, "I'm stuck on de papers. Won't you buy one?' weht deep in his pocket and took forth a f 10 bill. "Poor boy," h© said, ''take a nickel out of this and keep your paper."-. The Emperor William's order is that no portrait of him or of the empress, or of other members of the imperial family, is to be published without his express sanction. Displeased with the photographic studies so far put before the public, tbe emperor is having his portrait painted by three artists—Koner, Prell and Beckert—to whom he gives sittings simultaneously. Sittings are also now given to a sculptor for the emperor's bust. "Is your name John ?" "Yes, sir." "Well, I have a bill for $3.30 against you from the butiher. He's tired of sending it; You either pay now or I'll give you a good licking!" "I'll pay," said the little man, and he out with his wallet and handed over the money. t The collector smiled find chuckled and went away; but hidf an hour later he came back and queried: ■hv The small boy handed $9.05 to the kind hearted man, and then .sighed as he watched his benefactor entqr the liotql. "Great Scott!" exclaimed' the kid, "dat's de softest' snap I've had for a year," and'entering a cArrikgo he drove home, richer by fM.85 and in possession of his full stock ef Wails.—Munsey's Weekly. "Who is this sleeping herel" "Private Flott," answers the corporal. "A negligent, careless man," remarks the officer severely. "Tell him the first thing to-morrow to get his hair cut. Qood night!"—Exchange. The use of electric lights is increasing with great rapidity among the London shopmen. A walk down the Strand or Oxford street after dark will show that every second or third store has now given up gas, which would have beeu entirely superseded some time ago if it wei*D not so cheap. Many of the other large cities in England are now o«ing the arc light, and at Brighton it is almost universal. Tip  the ocean which makes Townsend mncl cooler in summer than any of the other sound cities. Port Townsend, as one approaches it, reminds one—or, if there are more than one, it may remind the wholf With the first long submarine cables great difficulties were encountered in sending through them a current of electricity of sufficient power to record the message rapidly. The methods for overcoming these difficulties and in use at present are described as follows:How Cablegrams Are Transmitted. "Is your name John f "Yes, sir." party—of Havre, France, . pe. The beautiful and peaceful harbor, together with the green terraced town, rising rapidly from the rippling seas, like Undine or Niobe or Mrs. James Brown Potter, fresh from the bath—it is a beautiful sight. I shall never forget how beautiful Havre looked to me on the morning of my arrival there. I had ridden from Southampton, which is located in England, to Havre (sometimes pronounced Harr by cultivated Americans from the Little Big Horn mountains). It takes, eight long -and nauseating hours to make this trip via a sort of Fort Lee ferryboat which gives the choppy channel a chance to ansesn the already depleted and 1 spoiled and depopulated land lubber at i wonderful rate. The emerald hills a Law bel Frawngs, as T man from Pumpkin peared befoiy me and rose other bric-a-brac in the as our good ship Hoboken waves. I stood forward hatch and abaft the purloin whole past life came up "Pears chased themselves and my fluffy cheeks and fell spatter on the deck. BuC tears of joy. — •» * . "But you are not the man I'm after. You didn't owe the butcher." "No, sir, I never saw the butcher." "Then why did you pay?" Could Not Stand the Competition. Samuel Poet Davis had been taught in that very lodge room the lesson of perseverance, and so he would not give up. Suddenly the idea flashed upon his mind that this was merely done to test him. Be would show them the kind of stuff he wm made of. So he pried open the wicket with an old dirk which he had and -sent in another order for a meesopotamia. Would' Have Been Glad to Spare Bar. From the dimmest era, now lost in obscurity, tho Paris butcher boy has worn a uniform betokening the trade of which he Is invariably a cheerful ornament. The apron he wears is a most curious affair, and he himself must be regarded as the aristocrat of apron wearers, for he sports no less than three aprons at once. Two of these aprons are apparently superfluous, as they are rolled up and fastened at each side; the third is worn in front and held ip place across tho breast by a string made into a peculiar knot at the back. The Paris Batcher Boy's Apron. Keys which, when depressed, transmit positive and negative currents are employed at the sending station in connection with the regulation battery. The current of the battery does not pass directly into tbe cable, but into a condenser, which posses it into the sabmarine line. This greatly increases the force of the current used and serves to cut off interfering ground currents. The instrument first employed in receiving cablegrams was a reflecting galvanometer. Upon the magnet of tfiis instrument is carried a small curved mirror. A lamp is placed before the mirror and behind a screen in which there is a vertical slit. Flashes of light moving across this slit as the needles moved from left to right indicated to tbe trained eyes of the operator the letters in the message being transmitted. But this method of recording mes&ges was found to tax the eyesight of the operator severely, a few years' work often rendering them almost if not totally blind. Recognising the fact that there must be something wrong with such a system, inventors set about repairing the defect, which resulted in perfecting the syphon galvanometer, which has all but superseded all other receiving devices.The will of a prominent attorney in Cincinnati is a peculiar document, and two of the provisions have attracted considerable comment. "I desire that no bar meeting be held for me, for such occasions are utilized by lawyers to explode their eloquence without cause. I desire that no crape be worn by my family for me, but if any member chooses to do so the same shall be charged to his account." The company had struck a town in the provinces where histrionic appreciation was scarce, business poor, public hall accommodations primitive and the hotels execrable. Knowing that there wasn't another actress to be found within a hundred miles, the leading lady said to the manager: "Would it put you to any inconvenience, Mr. Bonstomm&r.ff I should leave the company after to-morrow night?" "Madam," he replied, with exceeding stiffness, "I am sorry—very sorry—to say it would!"—Chicago Tribune. "To avoid being licked, sir." "But you didn't even protest." "No, sir. It wouldn't have done any good. It wasn't two weeks ago that my landlady overcharged pie and I frotested, and" I'm under ihe doctor's care yet."—Detroit Fseo Press, n sbe Fed,tho Brute.  A girl in town married a very peculiar and exacting young man six months ago. Her girl friends predicted at the time she would fail to satisfy him, and -that consequently they would not live together six months. That period having elapsed, and there being no evident signs of any separation between the happy pair, the girl friends felt called upon to visit the young wife, and asked her how she had managed to please the young man who had never been known to be pleased before. Mustering all their impudence they called upon her in a body and asked for her secret "What is the recipe?" they asked. "We may need it" vivant from The guard now came oat and caught Mr. Davis by the collar and began to The ejectment was only successful in a measure, however, resulting in the ejectment of the guard, after which Mr. Davis, with teeth marks on his ear and a bloody bugle, strode inside the first door. He told the inside guard what annoying delays he had submitted to, and was tut in tike net of giving the second password, viz., "Tush, tush," when he was thrown out by the inside guard, who was a very -powerful man. Still determined to carry out the teachings of perseverance taught in the lodge room, Mr. Davis made a break for the door again just as the Most Worthy Breath Tester came out and asked what he sought "I seek an entrance," said Mr. Davis, "to this lodge of Knights of Pythias, of which I am a member in good standing.'* ' "You are in error," said the Most Noble Breath Tester softly. "Thi* is a lodge of the Independent Order of Bed Men. We meet here on Thursdays and 'the K. P.'a on Friday*. Try it. to-morrow night, and your beautiful, large, rectangular Perseverance .will doubtless catch the eye of the speaker." Mr. Davis then went -home, thoughtfully, via the drug store, and his boudoir smells of arnica and gargling oil eves" unto this day. . . The insignia of tbe Bath, which has hitherto l»een made of gold, if, in future, to be merely siivergilt. The representatives of deceased knights of the Bath always returned their insignia until the Crimean war period, when, for some reason or other, it was ordered by the house of commons to be retained, which thus proved a costly piece of nonsense for the country. known to the east as Nevada. - Whenever you see this odd knot you may be assured a butcher's apprentice has tied it. The method of making it requires as delicate manipulation as does the successful arrangement of the white necktie, and our gallant butcher boy takes as much pains with its construction as any swell dressing for a -bal 1. Its tying is a profound secret, and no matter what inducement you offer he won't disclose it—you must become a butcher boy to find it out. With his fresh, white aprons, ruddy complexion and closely cropped hair—for never by any chance does he wear a hat during the functions of his office—the butcher boy is by no means an unappetizing object.—Wide Awake. . heard a scholarly Bnttes call it, ap_ along with jright sunlight plowed the of the after deck aa my oefore me. others down vith a hot Hearing the Worst. Mrs. A.—Does the doctor say you have any serious trouble? Professor Carlo Benvehuto — What's der trouble in der parkay, Julie? His Asaistant-rA gent's havin' a fit The Professor—Who is he? His Assistant—Head carver at der Fift' Avenyer hotel.—Puck. -- Tbe fashion of writing chronograms in honor of public events exists in Turkey. A minister of state is sometimes invited to write a chronogram to be put upon some new public building, and Vebhi Effendi, a leading editor of Constantinople, has just composed one in honor of the launching of five new war vessels. The verses are composed of the names of the five vessels, and at the same time are a panegyric on the sultan, while the numeral letters give the present year of the hegira, 1307. Mrs. S.—Oh, no; he says I have been overworking myBelf slightly—that I mustn't change my clothes more than three times a day until I feel better. Mrs. A.—And you say that is not serious! Why, my dear, your reputation will be gone forever.—Racket. A number of ex-soldiers were recounting their deeds of valor: "At Gravelotte I shot seven that I know of." The Bl(geit Story. In the syphon receiver the movements of the needle are recorded by means of ink spurted from a fine tube. This tube is attached to a coil suspended between two fixed magnets, which swings to the right or left as the pulsations pass through it. The syphon galvanometer is a great improvement; is not hard on the eyes and enables the operator to receive much more rapidly than with the old flash receiver.—St. Louis Republic. they were "Well, I'll'tell "you," she replied, "if you'll never tell. Feed the brute."— Philadelphia Ledger. — - joy. Though I was landing in a strangi country whose language I could no' speak and had but $1.85 in American money and a letter of credit which I did not know what to do with, I was coming to land—blessed land. In an hour's time with returning hunger, 1 had devastated a French garden, and a. frightened gar soning had told mfe in broken English, with great Borrow, how he had a brothei who looked also like me, and he al* died a few yean ago—he and his tape worm together. They died in eaol other's arms, he said, and one grave nov Designing Matron—See, father? The young jewelry manufacturer is going to danoe with our daughter the third time. Sordid. A Curious Family History. The most interesting feature of the Washington medical museum is said to be a pair of shattered skulls. They look as though they hod interfered ijj n 1 I "I killed eleven the same day." "And I brought down nineteen." The number went on increasing in wonderfulness to the last. An interesting bit of family history was brought to light in Clerk Birchard's office. Mrs. A. M. Cook presented the incomplete naturalization papers of her father, desiring their completion, as she has a claim against the United States government, and it is required by law that she take out naturalization papers, she having been born in England. Her father, Jasper Fletcher, took out his first papers in Cambridge, Ills., in 1861, but before taking out his second papers he started overland for California, and while on the way the party was attacked by Indians. The mother was killed, and the father, Mrs. Cook, then Mary Fletcher, a girl of 14, and her 2-yearold sister taken prisoners. Mr. Fletcher afterword escaped, the elder daughter's liberty was bought, while the younger sister, if alive, is still a captive of the Indians. The father went to Salt Lake City, where he died, and the second papei-3 were never never taken out. So Mrs, Cook got a completion of her father's papers, and this makes her a naturalized citizen of the United States.—Davenport (la.) Democrat. A True Mistake. Father (who is a rival manufacturer)— Yes; the young'8cam|) is trying to steal the design of her brooch.—Jewelers' Managing Editor—Mr. Maycup, you made a terrible mistake yesterday in the late edition. ' origtoatiyTStfonged to a couple of plucky darkies who loved the same dusky Venus. They agreed to fight a duel with their heads and the survivor take the girl. Neither of them remembered anything after the first bu*t. r "All this is as nothing, gentlemen," said the quiet man; "I remember on that occasion I was killed myself."—From the French. i - -j . Mr. Maycup—How, sir? Bald Headed Men Not Lunatics. MR. DAVIS IS n&ZD. • - Edith—I hear that Mr. Dobbins is going to marry the wealthy Miss Perrill. Do you suppose heis really in love with her? v "Mary—tJndoubtedly; he loves the very ground she walks on."—Mtinsey's Weekly. She OWm tbe Ground. • "Why, you put that item about the creditors of young Daahaway seizing upon hia property under the wrong head ingJ' fljrr. The unfortunate being whose brain is turned Is rarely a bald headed man. A great brain hasn't room to turn. In the Toronto Lunatic asylum at present there are 284 male patients. This number docs not include those confined in the building at Mitnico. Well, among the 284 male patients who are inmates of the asylum building proper there are only 63 who are bald headed. Of theee 62 there are 49 over 40 years of age, that is to say there are 49 who have reached an age when the hair may begin to waver in its allegiance without being the cause of astonishment to the wearer or of merriment to his friends. 50 that there are only actually 13 out of the 284 male patients whose baldness is premature or whose bare scalp need attract attention. Thirty-nine of the 62 bald headed patients are over 50 years of age, 23 are over 80 years of age, 8 are over TO years, and 1 over 80 years.—Toronto Mail. We had blue points, snails, shrimps, beetles, crook necked clams, terrapin, roasts, removes, side issues, boo mots, asparagns, fried mash, with New Orleans molasses; bosom of lamb, with catnip sauce; brisket of moose, sweetbreads, mussels, relishes, mustard pie, Vermont maple sirup, mackerel, pie plant pie, pistache, ice cream, fortissimo cheese, cafe uoir, Garcia cigars, etc., etc., and I was a tittle anxious, so far as possible, tg know what the 1x31 was, fer Mr. Divisis not extravagant or foolish in these matters, t giA t glimpse at the check, which was thirty-five cents each, and it was . with great difficulty that I remaned in my chair. Had « Quorum Without Him. Daring the late war R. D. Cole, Jr., of iDewuan, Ga., secreted a box of silver between the ceiling and roof of the residence then occupied by the family. After the war the box could uot be found, though diligent search was made for it. A few days since Mr. Colawas making some repairs on the old house, and had occasion to tear away some of the interior frame work. As he removed one of the lower partition boards a silver coin fell out, and upon looking further Mr. Cole was rewarded by finding eva y dollar of the long lost money.- Philadelphia Ledger. Mining Treasure Found. '•How was that? Under what headng?""Under 'A fast mail wrecked.'"—Lawrence American. A young man was calling on a congressman's daughter the other evening, when the father appeared at the parlor door. toi£s thefe both. He then brought me some more things to eat, and with a funny little bottle of mucilage added Qurre hM screen place in my memory and a wMm, lower berth in my heart Twm there that with beautiful courtesy the Credit Lyonnaise casliiei cashed my letter, simply requesting mC to remove my hat by way of identifies "May I come in?" be asked, hesitat- Celtlc Cantloli. -  Mistress—What did you-do with the mouse trap, Bridget? ingly? V, '' -—i Bit Mistake. "Oh, yes," she answered, "you may, but we-have a quorum without you." Then he didn't—Washington Star. She—I dreamed last night that I was the most beautiful woman In the world, Mr. Noodly. Didn't Want Milk. . - A milk man wm just getting into his wagon the other morning when a man came aronnd the corner and called: '•Say, yon—wait a minntet" , Bridget—I buratjt jip, mpua.. It was attrapting all mice .in the house.— Backet. ' . . ■- • He (stupidly thoughtless)—1That's just the way, Miss Fwawnces, don't you know. Dweama always go by- contwawica—Washington Star. Feeling Blue. Teacher—How do we tell if anything is sweet or sour? Chicago's New Opera House. Wonld Wot Be Released. , i •He—Will you be mine?. . -. . She—I canonly bp a sisteu toyo». won't gol I favpr theleafeue, not the brotherhood.—Boston Herald. Pupil—By the sense of taste. "And how do you distinguish colors?" "By the sense of touch." "Yon can't feel colors, can you?" "Yes; don't you sometimes feel blue?" —Omaha World-Herald. To strangers tbe Auditorium building is -not only a source of wonder and delight if they are privileged to inspect its interior, but it is a sort of a thorn in their path as well, because if they are not acquainted up in its neighborhood they mistake it for all sorts of other places. One night last week Oeorg* Irish, who was on the main door, was astonished to nee approaching him a procession of country looking chaps Tho carried lanterns and who attempted to pass right by him. "Tickets!" he said. "Yaas," replied the leader, "we've got tickets;" and he pulled out a railroad ticket a yard long and handed it over. "That's no good here," said Irish, as be passed it back. "It ain't?" exclaimed the countryman. "Isn't this a railroad depot?" He was informed that it was not, and he turned to his followers and remarked that "it beat all." Mr. Irish mused that he did not care who else it beat as long as they didn't beat him Treasurer Temple, in the box of&ce, has often been approached by gentlemen from the rural district who have asked for tickets to Kenosha and directions to the World's fair site, and not a day passes that some stranger does not call on Manager Adams or his assistants and ask for something, from a marriage certificate to a pais tar tbe dog show.—Chicago Herald. tion. Gazing on my massive skull for an instant, and placing his ear to it for a moment in order to hear ma think a lit- Ce, he turned to hi* eacritoii'e and handed me ont a hatfnl of shining Napo- The man jumped for his seat and drove off as hard a* the hdrae could go, while the other stood staring after him with a disgusted look, and finally said: "Well, that's qneer. I wanted to ask him if he knew of anybody who coqld draw me some sods." Not Ashamed of the Debt. fashion's mandate that purses, rcticules, traveling bags and footwear must be made of alligator-hide has made alligator hunting an industry in Louisiana and Florida, and the monsters are rapidly being exterminated. ' So marked has been this destruction that the police jury of Plaquemines parish, La., have been compelled to prohibit further hunting. It seems that alligators feed largely on musk rats, and since the lessening of the number of the former the rats have Increased enormously and have seriously damaged crops.—Philadelphia Ledger. Alligators to Be Frotccted. I said: "Of course they will take u« for a drive ulao, will they not; if theycharg* ua thirty-five cents for this little bite with wine?" "Sammy, dear, we really must go to Finkelsteins; we owe them a visit for I don't know how long." ' A Tramp Scheme. •"Oh, tut; that's a tramp scheme." "Tramp-scheme? What* the deuce do you mean by a tramp scheme?" D "Oh, it woo't work."—^cket. Will Albert Victor Eter Return? An impression prevails in England that Prince Albert Victor of Wales will never return alive from India. It is well known that he has from the very outset been extremely averse to making the trip, and that he has regarded his Indian Odyssey with the most trloomy forebodings. The news, therefore, Uiaton tbe very first day of his arrival in Bombay tbe elephant on which he was riding stumbled and fell, and that at a later hour on the same afternoon tbo horses which he was driving bolted and smashed his carriage to pieces, has been received with much uneasiness in London. It is true that the prince escaped on each occasion with nothing beyond a few scratches and a severe shaking, but the fact remains that the two accidents on the same day are regarded by the superstitious as an exceedingly ominous beginning to the Indian tour of, England's future king. —New York Tribune leons. But Townsend has the advantage of Havre in two respects. First, she has in view in two different directions a of besnttfrd snow capped mountains which just completes the picture, and, second, she is less overrun with foreigners Havre. You hear the idiomatic American tongue almost con- "Kb," said Mr. Davis, '„they say they cannot afford it. Pood, of coune, and wine are quite cheap here, and labor is not expensive, but horses and carriages come high. Yon can live well here and not attract attention, but if you hire or own a carriage it proves that you are thoroughly reckless about mopey matters.""Dear girl, if that were the only thing we owed them I should have gone long Since. "—Der Floh. Why Mrs. B. Lectured Him. "Be you the milk inspector?" asked a boy. Mr. Benedict—What! Alone, Miss Pert? Let me take you down to supper. The Real Thing. "Of course not." "No relation?" "No." 1 " Nothing IDft. Miss Pert—Really, you should not deprive yourself of the pleasure of taking Mrs. Benedict down. "AH gone," murmured Poftsonby itodly, as he surveyed his bald head-in the mirror. "Not even a part retaains."—life. "Then you wait and 111 run up and head him off in the alley and tell him so. Hell want a quarter, though, far' the way you skeart him. His collar was all limpay before the horse had made two jumps."—Detroit Free Press. Mr. B. (smilingly)—No pleasure at all, I assure you.—Lawrence American. atantly at Port Townsend. I was there on All Fools' day, as it is called. The proprietor of the hotel was working the cheerful little thread game, which, as the reader knows, consists in Kncoaragiug. When Poverty Comes in at the Door. She—We never quarreled when we were engaged! A Costly Bible. I witched him pay-the seventy cents, np to® waiter ana go our, ana taen i said, "Sam, do you mean to say that you got off with, leas than * dollar for that dinner?" A Bible has just been rediscovered in the Vatican library which is in Hebrew. It is supposed to be the oldest in the world, and is valued at $100,000. It is so weighty that it requires two men to lift it, the binding being in heavy metal. In the year 1512 the Jews of Venice offered Pope Julius H its weight in gold for it), but though he was financially hard up just then he refused the offer.—Toronto Empire. He—No; I thought butter wouldn't, melt in your mouth then. concealing in the coat pocket a spool of white thread, the end ot the thread being drawn out through the coat so as to look like a stray fragment, which same solicitous friend generally tries to pick off. - After unreeling forty or fifty yards of it r he decides ainid much merry laughter tW it is a joke, and he buys large quantities of stimulants , for the . party, who fill the air with peal after [ peal of more merry laughter. But the landlord was not wholly successful. Seven or eight times, after waiting patiently for his chance, he succeeded in getting various people to pick this thread off, but the yard upon yard that shonld liave followed it did not come. Finally, it leaked out that another humorist was carefully cutting the thread every time so as to sell the land- I lord, and then "mine host," as I heard him called on«e in a paper, threw away the spool and casting aside all reserve told each and every one to nominate his "Oh, yes. I thought they rather socked it to mo today. Generally they throw in a canvas back duck and a terrapin steak at that price, but today they are cross. I suppose it's wash day probably, and so we had to t ake kind of a picked tip dinner."Reform Is la the Air. waiter here? Waiter-Yea, sir. Customer—Then hand over your fee. I've waited for you nearly an hour.— Racket. it customary to fee the She—It hasn't since we were married, that's certain. Haven't had enough of it to melt.—Munsey's Weekly, . • A Special Inducement. The Ancient Art of Embalming. Stranger (thinking of locating)—What inducements can you offer to influence a man to come here and settle? In viow of modern progress in embalming, desiccation, and other methods of preserving tho dead for an indefinite time, it is interesting to note that it has been estimated that more than 400,000,000 human mummies were made in Egypt from the beginning of the art of embalming until its discontinuance in the Seventh century. There were three grades of embalming. For preserving his relative in the most approved style the Egyptian had to pay $1,233; in the second grade, the operation cost about $375; the third method was so cheap as to be considered "within the reach o* the poorest citizen," and involved the pickling of the body for some days, and then a boiling in bitumen. These mummies are deToid of hair and eyebrows, and are black, heavy, dry and very hard to break.—New York Commercial Advertiser. After that I took a friend from New York to the Poodle Dog and ordered the same thing exactly and paid $18 for it. I learned then that Mr. Davis did +*»■D. way to advertise the low price of living in San Francisco. I've met several men since who had dined with Mr. Davis under similar circumstances. He arrangas it with the proprietor somehow in advance, but I do not think it is anjr way to do. I would ne more do that by a friend of mine than I would exi&ct my right hand to cleave to the roof of my mouth if I did do it also, from • clear sky. That's the way I feel about it exactly. It shakes man's faith in man and makes countless thousands mourn. Greek Meet* Greek. Nimrod • •• Stoutleigh—Any shooting here, my boy? - Bob Thingum—Competing with Barnaul, I notice. More than two thousand fanners have applied to the agricultural department for seeds of the sugar beet, of which the department has imported several tons. This looks as if the farmers were going to try the beet sugar experiment on a scale large enough to give it a thorough test Napoleon's Birthplace. Mrs. Kurius (with operaglaas, looking into window opposite)—I declare to goodness, if that impudent woman over the way hasn't got a spyglass and is trying to look into our flat I—New York World. Watt* Hisname—No. So many imitations of alligator skin—had to have it made up whole.—Puck. Board of Trade Official—Well,-suv we have one of the most attractive cemeteries in the entire state.—Lowell Citizen. The house where Napoleon was born, ai Ajacdo, was duly honored by President Carnot on his visit to Corsica. It is situated in what would be called now an old lane. The Bonaparte family were only tenants of one of the two wings, and that wing has been specially whitewashed. A small garden serves as entrance to the dwelling, and sprigs of ivy, brought from Chiselhurst, commence to creep around the walls. The rooms are tiled, cold and poor; that wherein Napoleon was born, with its chair bed, is still unchanged. It contains the busts of the great Bonaparte and the prince imperial—the first and the last of the Napoleons. In the special visitors' register, kept for rulers and princes, M. Carnot's signature follows that of the ex-Empress Eugenie. The cloth covering an old piano has been morseled away by visitors for relics. Many of the Corsican mayors came forty miles to welcome M. Carnot, clad in their Sunday clothes—goat and sheep skins.—Cor. Pittsburg Press. Native—Yessir. Dad just shot a man dressed like you,—Hunaey's "Weekly. They Soothed Qim. John—I started to read some of y.our jokes last night, but before I got half through I was most unfortunately interrupted. .. . All the Difference in the World. Wh&t's ill a' name? the poet asks. rCl add in this relation: ' There's penury and affluence In one abbreviation. "Wonderful artist, that Dauber! Thousands have looked at specimens of his work." Hii Specialty. SprinfjvflU, Utah, is enjoyiag ageuuiue sensation ever a wonderful musical clock owned by Mrs. Mnrtha Stevenson, of that plaos, accounts of which have appeal ed in tho Pfevo papers. Mrs. Stevenson says: The whole Aiing is uuaccountable to me. I have had the clock for seven toen years, and never suspected it had any muscical tendencies until Nov. 1. On that day an enlarged portrait of my son Charles, who was killed by Indians in Arizona, was hung in tho room hero the Clock was. Shortly afterward the clock began playiug of its own volition, and has continued to do so ever since. It has been carefully examined by several persons, and the question as to how the music is produced still remains a mystery. " The Dancer Put Ted—This is the second time you have been engaged to that girL Look out you don't lose her again. Med—Not much fear of that; she is ten years older now.—Harper's Bazar.* "Indeed! What is his specialty?" "Signs."—Lawrence American. Jack—How was that? 1 John—I fell asleep.—Yankee Blade. For, in.my seedy student days, Wheh e'er I had a letter, 'Twas sure to be a bill addressed To "Jonas Snelling, Dr." A Literary Scandal. A Kaleidoscope. "Did you hear of the discovery they have made about Hark Twain?" "No. What?" "All his books were written by a man named Clemens."—Life. He Meant Well. Mumby—Say, when two trains collide, they call it a telescope, don't they? But now I drive a dishing pair. Town a handsome dwelling. And letters come with checks addressed To "Dr. Jonas SneUiur " "John-," said the dying man, "will you be one of my pail beareH?" favorite method of quenching his thirst, and bo the day passed-pleasantly and all I too soon with this merry band. Washington i* to he-more greatly benefited by her admission to the Union, perhaps, than any other of the new states. I will state my reason?. Ever since the organization of oar republican form of gov! eminent in this country the donbtful rtaUhsslxwn the r^pien^ofa^fedaral S2*Sfcom!wrS?tto«3nmS • n° 0n the 1st Of Ja(tfuary Port Townsend had 6,000 people, btrt is the previous year had spent $200,000 in street improvement* alone, say |34 per capita. This was done also in such a way as to avoid tearing np a block every time the police wanted to smell of a gas leak. In •on»e of the larger cities the police hare *'morbid desire for the smell of gas «d so whole acres of paring axe **n up in order that fatal thirst nay he satisfied. Port Townsend Is divided into two great, grand divisions, via., upper and lower town. These are connected by means of a zigzag pUnk walk or switchback, which extends down the face oi the hill in a forward-and-Uck-oross-ovsr- "I shall be only too glad to, old fellow," replied John, sympathetically. — Harper's Bazar. . ' " Dumley—Yes ;* why ? Mumby—Nothing; 0n!£ I was wbhder- Ing why they didn't cali it a coflicfeoscope. —Lawrence American. Two Resemblances. MeCorkle—Dolley is as tall as a ladder. and he is like a ladder iaanother respect, too. •'What is-that?' The Earth Is Drying Up. All rivers and small streams are visibly smaller than they were twenty-five years ago. Country brooks in which men now living were accustomed to fish and bathe in their boyhood have, in many cases, totally disappeared in consequeuce of the failure of springs and rains which once fed them. The level of the great lakes is falling year by year. There are many piers on the shores of lakeside cities which vessels once approached with ease, but which now reach the water's edge. Harbor surveyors will tell you that all harbors are shallower than they were even a decade ago. This not due to the gradual deposit of earth brought down by rivers as some 1*137 suppose, nor to the refuse from city sewers. The harbor of Toronto has almost ceased to be of use, despite the fact that it has been dredged oat to the pennaneut bottom rock—St. Louis ftenublic. Worse Than Bad Form—Cruel. Am IlhutratioB. "She is such very bad form. She actually associates with her servants." "Poor things! And does she compel them to associate with her?"—Harper's Bazar. Bilious—I sleep in feathers, but I belisve it's unhealthy. Tnffnut—What's thatl Look at the spring chicken; seo how tough he is.— Boston EUrald.  .Young Callow—I say, fellow, I'm in a great hu*ry. Give, me two pounds of dog biscuit. ClarkBon (formerly in gents' furnishing goods)—Yes, sir; for yourself, sir? —American Grocer. Absent Hlndedness. "You can see through him."—Yeno- Tine's News.' Sensible People, wi 1 have nothing to do with "curc-a'ls"— medicines that are advertised to cure everything from a chilblain to a broken nC-ck. Read the list of diseases that Dr. Pit w'e Golden Meiical Discovery will cure: Affections of the throat asd lungs, iocii e-'t consumption, disordered liver, sore bronchitis, asthma, catarrh, nWrs, tumors, mid g veilings caused by frr ula aod bad bl kD.i; and ague ai d diopcy. Tuis 8 'nais liko ou;e-»ll but it is m t Ti i« pr  ,Dis"ove'y" will ranlly cure all tliw rumpltiwts simply btouse it purifts* ilio blood uiDon »hie.i ih y depeDd and bui r's up the wC ak places of the body. By d-njgists. The Ever Beady Messenger. Why He "it Solemn. Wlndsniff—What a solemn looking chap Jones is! The district messenger boy may be slow in action, but at times he is too previous with his tongue. One of the guild was recently waiting in the ladies' ordinary of a St. Paul hotel for no ostensible reason, but just simply waiting. A lady fpr whom he Lad done an errand left the room. Literally Correct. She—Has Connecticut two capitals? He—No, only one. She—What is that? He—C, of course!—Lowell Citizen. Mr. Crimson beak—You know Swipes? Mrs. Crimsonbeak—Yes: what's the matter with him? lie I'M* Tou Wittix--That's natural. He's a dentist, and spends all his time looking down In the mouth.—Harper's Bazar. Mistress—What! Here you are, sitting on a chaiv and reading! Why, you were sent to dust the room! Dusting u s Lasy Art. "She has beautiful teeth,1' exclaimed nn elderly lady near the piano. , "I wonder if they are har own." "He's troubled with kleptomania." "You don't say sol - Poor fel|ow! he ought to take something for it.*' The Occmlon. "Were you ever sandbagged?" Never Carried It Behind. "Yes." "When?" "When I bought that last lot of fin* sugar from you."—Epoch. "It seems to me 1 have seen your face before." "Quite likely. That's where I carry it"—Harper's Bacar. _ "I guess not," volunteered the messenger. "The dentist just told m« he wouldn't receipt the bill until she sent all the money."—St. Paul Pioneer Preee. ,ble. He takes too Itatesmah. Servant—Ah, madame, I have mislaid the duster, and so I am sitting on each of tho clmirs in turn.—Journal Amusant and-balanoe-with-opposite-gent style sf ensdneerina. which is cndU novdL and