Pittston Gazette

              4 "l^"«?5", Oldest NewsDaoer in the Wvoming Valley. PITTSTON, LUZERNE CO., PA., FRIDAY, MAY 30, 1890. A Weedy Local and Familv Journal. or forty different woodsmen abont this apparent depth of snow on the land, and in each case got a polite and lucid explanation of the whole matter, so plain and clear that anybody with a single, disinfected brain could not help understanding it. I could not avoid contrasting this uniform courtesy of the piney woods with the paucity of politeness and intellectual desolation sometimes met with afcthe elevated railway gates and other thonght ganglia of New York. Seattle is called the PhoBnix city. This is because she was consumed by fire last summer and is now almost entirely rebuilt. The Phoenix was a fabled bird which could rehabilitate itself after having been consumed by fire, and was even more bright and cheerful afterward than before. Even the scorched feathers of the Phoenix, it is said, did not smell disagreeably. Phorai*es are now very scarce, and » setting of Phoenix eggs this spring would bring a fancy price. The day is not very distant when, lite the buffalo, the last phoenix bird will have disappeared from our shores, Seattle is a port of entry, and hejr land office shows more entries than any other in the United States, it is said. WE'LL GARLAND THEIR GRAVES. CHRtSTIAN SCIENCE AND TOMATOES. DOINGS IN SEATTLE POLITENC83 IN THE HOME CIRCLE. VICTIMS OF ABSENTMINDEDNESS. AMERICAN FABLE8. i|' An Kzamplie That Did Not Affect the F»- Polnts on That Young Feoplt A Bridegroom Wlio Forgot Ills Bride. BILL NYE INVESTIGATES THE TEREDO There was a funny incident out in one of our intellectual suburbs which did not go far to help on the Christian science dootrlne. The occurrence was in this wise: A prominent expositress of the doctrines of Christian science was invited, by a number of ladies in one of the suburbs who had become interested in these doctrines and wanted an authoritative exposition of them, to come out and talk on the subject. She came, and began her address in a smali lecture room. male Andience as It Should. of Toda Aro A;Dt to Overlook. Didn't Remember the Sex. THE GOOSE AND THE  A goose who was sunning on a bank was much put ont by the Important airs assumed by a Duck, and finally Observed: "Thank Heaven that I wasn't Born with such a Waddle as you've got." "Nor with my Good Looks, either!" Retorted the Duck. "Bah! your Colors fade in the Wash!" "Your Voice is Cracked!" "It is, eh! Let us go to the Ctobblar and Settle this matter. We will ask him to Decide between us." When the Gobbler had looked tlum both over and heard each one Sing, ha picked his teeth with a Straw,'looked very Wise for a time, and then said: "Well, now, but up to this moiaent I had Credited both of you with good Looks and Common Sense. TSfmt that you Particularly draw my Attenlion to yourselves I find you both so Bomely that it makes my head ache, anil I Amazed that either of you has Witenougb to keep your head Above Water."! Moral—One's Broken Nose nevei looks 80 bad until you Brag of its Symmetry. THE MAGPIE AND THE TRATirjlM One day as a Magpie had taken a 8 sat oo a Limb of a tree near the Highwfy two Travelers came along and Halted ander the tree to rest. They soon obserf ad the Bird, and, never having seen aamSt it) Species before, one of them called out: "Behold the Eagle! What a nobl( Bird!" "How Beautiful! How Grand!" addec the other. Filled with Conceit,. to Chatter her satisfaction but she had scarcely  when one of the tra* "What Fools v what I have Bead a Common Magpie ' 'And let her Begom as he picked up a stone zing at her head. NAVAUS AND SUCH True politeness is founded on consideration for others; yet it is so much a matter of form or habit that politeness is sometimes shown where there is no consideration; it is sometimes neglected where there Is affection and every reason for kind consideration. Thus, in the intercourse of near relatives, made familiar with each other by daily meetings, there is naturally less formality than between people who are only thrown together by chance for a few hours or days at long intervals. But along with the laying aside of formality some necessary features of politeness are sometimes sacrificed by relatives and very close friends. The youth who is careful to salute his lady friends and acquaintances according to the usages of good society sometimes forgets to pay the same respect to his sister, not because he is wanting in affectionate regard, but because he has grown so familiar with her that it seems awkward to him to treat Iier in any formal way. Yet when he meets her in company he should, out of his consideration for her, be markedly polite and attentive. "Never was absentminded in my life," said the little man, who tugged nervously at his bristling mustache. "But my father had one of the worst cases I ever heard of. He was a man who used the good old fashioned birch generously. To add to the good effect of the punishment he used to send us out to cut the switch. If it was not a good one, he sent us back for another. Once he sent me on one of these melancholy errands, and as my offense had been playing 'hookey' from school for three dayB I was in no hurry to retyrn for my punishment. When I came in the room he was pacing thoughtfolly up and down the room. DECORATION DAY HYMN. tomWr BuiiaeM of Seattle—The "Civil- Polite Woodcutters. The Won That Bona and la Not a teed" Published through The American Press Association. Worm, kit m Mollaak and m Teredo. [OopTTigkt by Edgar W. Nye.] One of the bright pictures of the future cherished by the people of Seattle is that of a fine navy yard at Lake Washington, a beautiful sheet of water twenty-six miles long and averaging four miles in width It also has a good and sufficient depth for the anchorage of the Great Eastern anywhere through its entire length. Words and Music by A. B. WOOLVERTON. "Ladies," she said, "I wish to impress upon your minds the fact that nothing exists as it apptiars to us to exist. All matter is unreal; it :is a delusion, a hallucination. Nothing is matter—all is mind. And this truth does ri6t apply merely to what is called disease and its phenomena. The most ordinary things about us are as much hallucinations as so called disease. I will give you a striking illustration. n Moderate, tknoe. 1. Blest An - gel of peace, who doth watch o'er the dead, Be with us tr 8 2. We give thanks to-day to the God of our land. Who led on ti SOPRANO. 8- Ifit broth - er to broth - ej\ |n bonds that are true, U - nite for the PASS. ( : ■ t 1——1—»i j .-I U * 11 f-h= -—ra  " 'James,' he said, 'I am glad you have come. I wanted you for something, but it has slipped my mind. I will recall it in a ' And I discreetly backed out of the room with my birch behind me, and tossed it over the fence. That was the last I heard of that switching." "Case of suspended Judgment," said some one, softly. - (lay as we hon - or the vie - t'ry the cause of the There is already a log canal connecting it with the land through Union lake, .and it would not be a big job to make a .ship canal, «s the lake is bnt a few feet "Yesterday I was engaged in housework, and I had occasion to cut up and prepare a number of quinces. Now you all know how terribly quinces are supposed to stain and blacken the hands. For days and days, under the old thought, I have worn upon my fingers the dark stains made by paring quinces. Well, as I worked ow these quinces yesterday, paring, quartering, handling them, I thought, 'How foolish, now, to suppose that these unreal, unsubstantial, non-e::istent things should stain my hands!' and I resolved that they should not stain my h ands, and that I would not look my fingers until my work was over, and then would find them perfectly clean. Well, ladies, not only did I pare and quarter those quinces, but uftcr I had completed them I had occasion to cut and prepare a number of tomatoes, and you know how dreadful they are supposed to be. I pared my tomatoes, cut them and sliced them, handling them freely all the time; and when I was all done with both I rinsed my hands and looked at them, and they were perfectly clean and white, with not a stain upon them!" ■C- - m peace of our coun - try and Although politeness necessarily follows to a great extent set forms, it should have have its origin in affection for the individual, or, in a general way, consideration for others. When the young man begins to behave at home with less politeness he exhibits abroad, there is much that gradually he will lose that consideration for his immediate relatives which he should have and exhibit. He may begin by entering the family room without formal greetingjjibsorbed in his own thoughts or soon begin to leave his sister and his mother to look fc* themselves in the smaller affaiis of life, and gradually but surely he will|cultlvate a selfish disposition in home affairs that will make him a bad or indifferent son or brother. "My brother," continued the first speaker, "was as bad as nay father. He lives in a New England town, and he went to Boston once to transact some business which wonld occupy two days. At the end of four days he had not returned. His wife's anxiety was relieved on that day by a telegram, which read: 'What did I come to Boston for? Have been trying to remember for three days.' " 'Real estate,' telegraphed his wife. " 'Of course,' came back the answer." i is quite safe now in Seat' inary Chinook having be- tie, the eoi»e quite tame and docile. I entered the cage of one of them while there and remained twenty jginntes. The Chinook is essentially a water fowl and is most at home in a dugout When he lands he loses his dignity, for he is knockkneed and has a gait like a mud turtle with a otooa bruise. Before one knee can pass the other it has to hare a written permit. The squaws are industrious to a degree, bringing in to town every morning large bouquets of dew laden clams, which are sold at • nominal price to £he people of Seattle. The churches are numerous and wel) built, every denomination being represented. The Methodist, Baptist and Lutheran churches have services in three languages, so that each may attend and pot up his petition in the language to which h* is most accustomed. • Z!fiD 1" " \l fT "ly forth to die, That free - dom and coun - try might right; Who holds in His hand, strong and might - y to save, The loved ones we crown with th«e "That reminds me," said one of the party, "of a friend of mine. He was a lawyer in a small town, and frequently after working late at night at his office would sleep on a comfortable lounge which ho had in a back room. When he was married there was a wedding breakfast at the bride's home and the couple were to start on an evening train for a wedding trip. H had to run around to his office for a few moments, having forgotten some little thing which had to be attended to. The hours went on and H failed to return to his bride. When train time came and no bridegroom appeared every one was thrown intq a panic. ''Tbe bride fainted, and the news spread like wildfire in the little town tbat H bad abandonded his bride and fled the town. The only one who seemed not to suspect him was the bride. She, however, only shed tears, refusing to listen to any condemnation of her missing husband, but declining to offer any suggestions. Finally she could stand the strain no longer and posted her father to H 's office. H had gotten deep into his work and was just on the point of going to sleep on his lounge, He was eo 'broken up* over his cruel blunder that he was ashamed to face any one but his wife, and extended his two months' wedding trip over a year. They made one of the happiest couples in the world, but to this day his wife has to find his hat for him and remind bim what he wants to do when he leaves the house." ♦he Magpie began an at theaeWorda, Opened her Mouth relers Exclaimed: D are! I know from that this Bird is only I" "added his friend, rod Bent it Whix, who had heard and eing Noticed him—If, £ar and murmured: vould only keen their Credit they mijbtget know!"—Detroit Free STUDYING WB TEREDO. higher than Puget sound a«d the ground easily worked without blasting. The dnef advantage of a fresh water harbor for ships, at course, is that the teredo or ship worm, tb# pest of all warm salt waters and especially of Puget sound, would be eliminated. Large bills for jwival vermifuge would thus be rendered tfiBHecessary and ironclads especially woejd become less porous. The tpredo is one of a genus of ace•phaloas, (testaceous mollusks that bore iuid penetrate the bottoms of ships and Cother submersed wood. The ship worm pame; And here at the tomb of our com - rades so dear, A- gain swell the song of their \ It is a small matter in itself whether 4 young man finds a chair for his sister or mother when they would be seated, an tick pates their desire for a glass of water, cheerfully helps them to their wrops, and offers them the thousand little attentions without which, and in his absence, they could get along very well by their own exertions, but it is not a small matter when neglect of such attentions lessens his consideration for them, develops his selfishness, and gradually undermines the affection that should unite the family. Politeness in society between acquaintances or friends is demanded by custom. Therq U no need to remind readers that it should be exhibited. When the "scientist" had reached the stage of the tomatoes the women of the audience began to look wonderingly and significantly at one another; and when she announced the miracle handkerchiefs were stuffed into mouths ail over the little hall, £nd chests were heaving with suppressed laughter. Being in considerable part housewives, the ladies knew that in the nature of mere material things the juice of tomatoes will wush away and utterly remove the stain of any other fruit whatsoever, and that, after cutting up tomatoes, not a vestige of the quince stain could have been left upon the woman's hands, Christian science or no Christian science. —Boston Cranscript, On the sound '-'the typical American," of whom we hear so much and read so much in the books written by foreigners who come to our shores, smoke a cigar, take a drink and go home, practically disappears. It is a great congress pi representative* from all states and all nations. The Yankee, the reformed label, the negro and the Chinaman he down together, and the cosmopolitan children of the great globe, under gentle skies, toil on together and prosper together. Moral—A Crow, seen all without being now Scratched his ~ CHORUS. SOPRANO. a * !*D—P*~ j^T m i "If some Folkh Months shut what for what they don't Press. - cred re - main. Uu - reis so bright We'll garland their graves  willi ros-es and ALTO. Pojiteness at home and between near relatives, even between husband and wife, though of much more importance irv every way, is not so obviously necessary, and is too often neglected. Gentlemen of what are known as the "old school" were and are scrupulous in the observance of the forms of polite society toward their wives and other female relatives, and in the home circle, but the later generation seems disposed to treat relatives with less formality and respect than is habitually shown strangers and acquaintances. The tendency should be resisted, however, and every encouragement given In the home circle to an observance of the rules of polite society, modified only by a spontaneous exhibition of that greater affection wh4ch exists between the members of a family group.— Baltimore Sun. s iilillf || fake blind man. He kin see's welTs we Smookey—Git away from here, you— A Reactive Kick. ibeloajps to a family of conchiferous or Samelli branchiates. They are not, strictly speaking, worms at all, as they bave the true molluscan organization pne Way of Getting Married. The papers are handsome and metropolitan in appearance—two in the morning and two in the evening. A press clnb was formed during my visit and started off with splendid prospects. Seattle has no horse oars. The talentad, versatile and ambidexterous bobtail car driver can never enter there, and the pleasing aroma of the car stables does not cling to the good clothes of the passenger when he gets off. Two fine lines of electric cars, with four systems of cable cars which scoot np the fciJJs and across the city, give a style of rapid transit which would put many an older city to the blush. in - dy • fog fame. We'll garland their gruvos ''Where is the clerk who issues marriage licenses?" demanded a middle aged, buxom woman, stepping up to the railing In the office of the clerk of the district court. "Whfrp is the clerk? We want a license, find we want it quick, too." «»4 the elongation of the body is simply Am to the .excessive protraction backward at the eiphonal tubes, which thus give as • long waisted mollnsk, vulgarly called a worm. If I do not make imyaelf perfectly dear, or it I use words which bother or confuse the scientist, I hope he will not be at all backward about coming to me for an explanation The abdominal or shell covered por tion of the animal is comparatively /(mall, and, according to Theodore Gill -is almost snbglobnlar. The siphona portton is, in proportion, extremely lonf .and wennlike. The description of interest as me • two further regarding loos, testaceous mollnsk, gom to work to sink not be entirely out of for I am not i ■fnthe abstract. TENOR., "Yes, wo want it quick," echoed a young man, who followed the woman in, in mucn the same fashion as a child would follow its mother when she was leading the way to some place he was afraid to go alone. License Clerk Johnson was on his feet in a second, ready to issue a dozen licenses, if necessary. The couple began conversing with him, and he finally asked the prospective husband: M flowers;  Well sing of their ral - iant deeds in last - ing song and &lo , .his bird increases proceed, and & this little  which patiently a great /ship ~ place at thi/ , radically opposed tract. It is only the protracted and chronic use ol I deprecate and deplore. The family of Teredinida, to Che ifcjp worm belongs, have siphons that are tutted for the greater part of length, but free towards their ends, these are armed with two peculiar gated shelly appendages called eiphonal pallettea. The teredo does not care for » ognition, but devotes its life to t task. With no appetite for clnb ignoring its marital relations a . genjprf domestic responsibilities, do gives np its whole existence taken and ill advised efforts to the commerce of the world. In this family the mantle is w» oped, its lobes united except at 1 opening, reflected behind over the valves of the shell and developed above into lobe (ike expansions, which are reflected :be binges of the shell and serve to the valves in place. The gflls are large an( extend far into the siphonal portico, month is provided with palpi, and i sweet breath like that of & 'ow. Thefootissnbcylindricaland srlike, with a foliaceous margin ktely protractive and u — lerves. The shell C}ual valves of - The fan ■Jansitora, _ he Xylotrya.tht us, all of whom Centering the , . lottois "Ever onward at times he k lis hold r whoha# "Don't you think married life ia some? thing of a failure, after all?" JJefore the blushing youth could reply the woman, who, by the way, appeared about fifteen years his senior, brushed him aside, and raising her voice a few octaves replied: "Young man, don't you go and poke any fun at us. J have been married before, and can say from personal experience that marriage is not a failure." "A angular case, but one which could hardly be called absent mindedneea," said another of the little group, "is that of C , the stock broker. On the morning on which his first baby was born he oame on tfe© floor with a radiant face. Catching sight of me, he rushed up and said, with a beaming smile and joyous eye: .in word or tcepha- Along the water front lots were located; then the tide water flats, covering several hundred thousand acres, more or less, were located as lots and staked out, so that the bay looks like a forest of overgrown shad poles. T&t was not all; Happy Miiiers. witli ros-es and (lowers; We'll sing of their val - iant deeds in last - ing Bong and sto One would not think there oould be anything very attractive about an occupation which keeps a person day after day shut away from the sunshine, deep down in the earth. But the miners in tho quicksilver mines of New AJmaden, Cal,, manifest a special attachment for their work; they are loth to leave it, even for better pay, and return most gladly to the picturesque hamlet which overlooks the beautiful valley of Santa Clara. There are many Cornishmen among them, most faithful and persistent people; bnt the Spanish-Americans are scarcely less attached to the place than the men from Cornwall. , may time, to facts abnormal, " —ts that as momo P.b h h y i? * *—tiJ— u Well crown them i|A " »•= »■= "Marriage is not a failure," came the echo again. " 'Congratulate me, old man; I'm the happiest father in New York city. There never was such a handsome baby born before.' "You keep quiet," snapped the woman, turning to her escort. "I know all the ropes, and I'll get this license and do all of the talking necessary." their and " 'I do congratulate you, Harry, old {nan,1 I answered, as he squeezed my hand warmly. 'Boy or jfirl?' "He looked at me for a moment, and then a wave of blank despair went over his face. • -gain.  these ho - roes of ours,  elonstyles or The young man subsided, and after his soon to be bride had paid for the license followed her meekly out, like a lamb being' led to the slaughter.—Minneapolis Times, j One of these "Spaniards," aa they are called, went away from New Almaden on a prospecting trip in the silver Sierras. He returned to the Santa Cruz mountains, full of joy that the superintendent of the mines gave him his old place. There were tears in Jose's eyes as he thanked his employer.' ; his great life, yet Kecent Styles in Stationery. " Til be hanged if I know,' he said. Well crown them a - gain. these he - roes of ours, The stationery of the day is nothing if it; isn't startling and bizarre. The extreme of: the mode is a heavy paper of bright scarlet, upon which the writer's name is embossed in a black fac-simile of her own handwrit-' ing. Correspondence cards for the families of country bouses have etched corners) showing the most picturesque portion of their ancestral homes. Fair maidens in the' Joy of their first betrothal use paper and cards with pansies in pairs at the top. There is a cobweb paper in which a busy spider, has apparently spun a dainty web all over! a rose pink or leaf green surface, and' wedgewood paper, on which the writing is! done with a peculiar kind of white ink, and all manner of kid finished, cloth surfaced papers on which you can write only with a dull pointed pen or quill, owing to its rougl»»; ness. As for the writing, it has accomplished the old task of squaring the cirole;' no curves must slip in; no lines of beautyj waver, but angular and erect, and the mrtre illegible and puzzling it is the more distingue and swagger it is considered.—New York Sun. "C disappeared from the floor, but in a couple of hours I felt some one nearly jerk my arm from its socket. ad neglitheteretoto misi damage "Ah, sir," said he, "to dig for silver might make a man rich, but it is in quicksilver alone he can find happiness!" To one of his Cornish fellow workmen he said at the close of his first day's work) "It's like being in heaven to be down iq this blessed ground again." " 'It'B a boy,' cried C , gleefully. 'I went home to find out.'"—New York Tribune. devel»pedalAn Essential. pm "Have you got all your trappings for ihe fishing excursion?' asked his wife, "Yes, I guess so. The lines, the basket, the bait—yes!" , They Exaggerate. "M. P." sends us an item clipped from a New York paper stating that we have killed fourteen men and been wounded eight times, and he asks if it is true. No, sir. It's a base exaggeration. We have been under the painful necessity of checking off the accounts of four of our fellow beinga and hare been hit twice. That's all, and we haven't even got the reputation yet of being a dangerous man. Don't believe all you see in the papers.—Arizona Kicker in Detroit Free Preea. And the literal minded Cornish man was moved to reply with a touch of sentiment; jver keep "Well, there be bluer heavens above this ground than anywhere short of the blessed land, that's true for you, Joee."—Youth's Companion. "I knew you'd forget it," she remarked earnestly, "the most necessary thing for the trip. Here!" The -it has clover fed rock- moder, well supplied with Is composed of two peculiar form. lamily includes the Teredo, the *be Kupbess, the Calobatee, " Uperotoa and the Lyroare highly connected, navy the Teredo family's trd and upward," and iougli ) is a bore, the teredo rtainr Dn society like a retired agilist jaarried well The Teredo Navalis, as we call him in ■ientific circles, does his boring and deructive work by means of the armatnre ' the valves already described, and yet rofessor E. Percival Wright very truthlly says that the ship worm is no annate at this business. The sexes of the Teredo family are unually divided, there being about twenty ties to one female. The latter lays its ft in the months of June and July, in ge quantities. Sea sickness never inferes with her plans. 18 Who gave their lives to save * Nation's glo - rj. Who g&re their live* to save a Nation's glo .* rj. these proprietors of aquatic lots claimed as riparian owners the margin of deep water which accrued to the lands, submerged though they were, and some day the keen eyed prophet sees here the Qack bay of Seattle, filled in, and the business portion of the city, where now the tide rises almost as high as the prices, placed upon these humid building sites. That is not all. The buildings, one by one, are wading out toward the deep water, and factories, ware houses and residences, standing on tall and stately piles, creep farther md farther out m the weeks roll by. Inst3od of the missionary and the wood chopper, the pQe driver become* the pioneer at this point, and the crustacean, instead of the red brother, gathers up his household utensils Mid slinks away to seek other haunts. Wages are good, work is plenty, and canvas stores are giving place to handsome brick and stone buildings. One lot Bold for 960,000 while I was there, and the mosio of the jackplane salutes the rapidly receding forest. The Food of ft lifetime. And she handed him a «m»11 can of concentrated lye.—Philadelphia Times. Apropos of victuals, the statistics which a clever Frenchman has just published concerning the food we eat are interesting and perhaps suggestive. According to his reckoning a human being of either sex, who is a moderate eater and who lives to be 70 years old, consumes during "the days of the years of his life" a quantity of food which would fill twenty ordinary railway luggage vans. A "good eater," however, may require as many as thirty vans to carry the luggage for the inner man, but what those people would require who are always hungry, and whose stomachs are, to all intents and purposes, bottomless pits, that the statistician is unable to indicate. Another investigator affirms that women eat much less than men, after making allowances for differences in weight and work. Where a man eats nineteen ounces, a woman of the same weight and of active habits eats only fourteen or fifteen ounces.—Herald of Health. His Boots Had Already Burned. Innkeeper—Sir, you will soon burn your spurs. Who gave their lives to save a Nation's glo ry. Who gave their lives to save a Nation's glo rj. Traveler (who is standing very near the fire)—You probably mean that I shall soon burn my boots. Logic. A—Come, now, you must own that yon have gone partly mad on the score of gymnastics. Innkeeper—No, sir. Your boots were burned some time ago.—Journal of Education.The woman who wants to make the most show on the least money goes abroad; she buys no new clothes for this performance, she gets her winter outfit over there; if she has friends she enjoys herself hugely, and if she hasn't she knocks about sight seeing,1 economizing and feeling herself altogether the most virtuous of persons. It's funnyi how careful people are to inquire who are going on certain steamers. Not very long ago a whole party positively declined to! travel on one on which would be two or three of our millionaires. It was said that, while they mightn't tip any more, they literally ruled the boat for the time being, inasmuch as the mighty name had its effect on captain and officers, on stewards and maids. It goes to show that the divine William didn't exactly know what he was about when he said there was nothing in a name.—New York Sun. i The Power of a Name. Not to bo Balkod. A Hol|ht of Hand Boy Wonder. B—Mad? Why gymnastics means strength, health, long life. Once upon a time in a country theatre the heavy tragedian had forgotten his dagger and only discovered its absence in the stabbing scene. Equal to the occasion, he threw himself upon the villain of the piece and cried: The youngest magician and prestidigitateur in the world is Eddie Abbott, and he is just 6 years old H. J. Abbott, by trade a glass cutter, and a resident of Philadelphia, the young necromancer's father, detected strong evidences of manual dexterity in his son when he was not more than 8 years of age, and he immediately procured a teacher and put the Infant prodigy undei .his care. Since that time Eddie has been constantly in practice, and he has now arrived at such proficiency that he competes with Herrmann and Kellar. His first professional tour was of the interior towns near Philadelphia. Then he played to crowded bouses at the Academy of Music and the C&rncross theatre in Philadelphia, and gave several performances in private houses, notably in John Wanamaker's and George W. Child*'. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children would not permit him to play in New York. His next exhibitions were given in Canada, where he was not well received because be did not speak French. In two weeks' time, however, he mastered enough of that tongue to enable him to converse rapidly, and thereafter achieved great success.-—Chicago Herald. Mrs. Skinnphlint (holding np for Mr. Skinnphlint's inspection a pair of Johnny's trousers)—My dear, these are the best Johnny has. Don't 70a think they look a little too old and shabby to wear to church with his good coat and rest? No Kour Pair for Jshnnf, His Occupation. "Poor woman! Have you no husband to help you earn a living?" A—That may be, but the fact is our forefathers knew nothing of gymnastics, and  B—And they are dead, every man  of them.—Tagliche Rundschau. "I have a husband, so called, but he is deeply engaged in something else." "Of what nature?" "Die, wretch 1 I would have stabbed thee to thy wicked heart had I not left my dagger in my chamber. But thou shalt not escape, as I propose to strangle thee in the presence of this honorable assemblv!"—J udge. Mr. Skinnphlint (decidedly)—Yes, yes. They wouldn't look well together at all. "Trusting in Providence."—Chicago Times. A Blind Hint. A small boy of four summers was riding on a rocking horse with a companion. He was seated rather uncomfortablyjoa the horse's neck. After a reflective paQ*e he said: "I think if one of us gets off I could ride much better."—San Frandjpoo CalL (Eagerly) "Then I may get him"  Not an Adonis. (Buttoning his pocket) "You may get him his old coat and vest to wear to church with them."—Chicago Tribune. The Rtualftu Exile System. "Of the solitary confinement in the Russian castles the most frightful stories have been told," said George Kennan in a recent interview. "It means absolute burial, insanity and finally death. You might as well put a man in a sepulchre in a graveyard and seal him up with the scantiest supply of food that will sustain life, as to immure him in one of the cells of the Fortress Petropavlovski, which translated means the Fortress of St. Peter and St. Paul. The Aft of Paper. A Sad Lack of Confidence. Co remove ship worms bathe the boti of the ship every morning in hot ax water, rinse thoroughly in tepid, illed water, wipe dry with a coarse ih towel, and then smear thoroughly h creosote oil. This should be kept 'or at least a fortnight, after which it be found that the worms are so «fied that they may be readily reed from their holes by means of i pick. preparing the above intuition \he ' $ Wouldn't Hpve Cot Chilly So Soon. Vigorous Methods. Jimmy (who has just returned from a party)—Oh, mamma, I do wish Td worn my overcoat. Mr. Darkling (undergoing a medical examination for insurance)—Are you going to punch me again like that, doctor?A somewhat startling novelty in railway construction comes from Mexico in connection with the building of the new Monterey and Mexican Gulf railroad. If the equipment be equal to the track, the line must certainly be classed A1 among railways, for it is reported that its sleepers Rnd woodwork are mostly made from mahogany and rosewood, while the bridges and culverts are built of marble, both the wood and the atone being abundant along the route. i Mamma—Why, dear? "Happily a movement has begun in the United States, which it is barely possible may lead to an amelioration of the condition of many of these unfortunate exiles. Petitions are to be circulated throughout the country addressed to the esar and conveying to him the sense of the American people on this subject, in tho hope that he may take a more merciful view of the exile system than has heretofore prevailed and make such a revolution as will rob it of its greatest horrors. This expression of opinion will be presented to him through the International Prison association, which meets in St. Petersburg during the present year, and inasmuch as the czar is not an overbearing or relentless man, the effort is worthy of the largest encouragement by our people." Jimmy—Because I could have eateQ a great deal more ice cream.—West Shore. Mr. Barkling—Well, before you do it just have the policy made out and signed, will you?—Judge. The Physician—Just once more. Littleton—Why did you retire from business? Didn't you make expenses?» A Sufficient Reason. Singleton—Yes, just lota of them. That's the reason I retired.—Detroit Free Press. . of Teredo, I am indebteC uable suggestions to the Natura of the Teredas, bj E. Perciva ht, vol. xxr; Monograph of tht J Teredae, by Q. W. Try on, «nd C orochure by E. H. Baumhauer, en Sor le Taret et lea Moyens de pro r lee Boia de ees words tc effect ittle cut 100,000,000 feet of lumbej rear and had to import a lot more « own use, and yet it costs $100 ax VD clear off and destroy the beauti tnoer tnat-now nanas on'wnat an to and additions to the city. Isa* D tree growing in the park that wai four feet in circumference six fee the ground. Many others near i about as large. st every stranger thinka thtf On a Whether fashion's increased attention to hygienic laws has advanced the physical type of her feminine votaries, or that American society girls are growing handsomer from other causes, it is true that it takes now beauty of a very striking character to make a young woman a veritable belle. Society is full of fresh, clear eyed girls who in their elegant environment, with their cultivated manners and all their refined accessories of toilet, are pretty enough, every one of them, to be extremely attractive. Occasionally, however, the actual belle appears, her radiant loveliness enhanced on its part by the same surrounding* which give to her plainer sisters a vm- touch—and what a sway is hers!— Fashionable Belles. Madge—Oh, isn't that a bull? Charlie—Yes, but you needn't be afraid so long as I'm with you. Madge—I'm afraid you won't bd with me long if he comes this way.—MunseyD Weekly. Mr. Fripley (who has gone to the parson's on marriage bent)—Never mind ringin' for a light. a. ory Mr. Stephenson—Matilda, if you don't It is a noteworthy fact that one of the four states recently admitted to the Union, namely, Washington, is second in the extent of its steamboat mail routes, being ranked by Maryland only. Maryland has 1,250 miles in such routes, while Washington has 907 miles. s A Ten Strike. The Parson—It's rather dark here. Mr. Fripley—That's all right I'm afraid every time she gets a look at me she'll change her mind.—Judge. Snooper—How does your new son-i law strike you, Fangle? Fangle—For ten dollars, usually. Harper's Bazar. The Lecturer—The next feature to claim your attention, ladies and gentlemen, is Signor Lifty, the strong man. He takes that safe, weighing 1,000 pounds, and toys with it as a mother would dandle her infant.—Judgs. The Corporal's Warning. China's Gas Wells Afire. A Renewal of Tronble. Flott, the volunteer, left the barracks without permission. As the young man is a general favorite, his corporal determined, if possible, to shield him from punishment. Accordingly, he wrapped a sweeping brush in a blanket and laid it in the volunteer's bed. The officer on duty, who is rather short sighted, soon after went the rounds of the beds until he came to Flott's. "Who lies here?" he asked the corporal. During the Tai Ping rebellion years ago the rebels held possession of the country where these gas wells aro situated. They took off the cap that held tht. gas in confinement from one of the wells and set the column aflame. It has been burning ever since, and there is not talent enough among the Chiuese engineers to extinguish the fire. But it is to be presumed that even the bamboo piping iq the well remains uninjured or the orifice must long since hqvo l-ceu closcd,r-C'ha,rles Danby's Report. 4 Repartee. In conclusion, Mr. Kennan remarked that the subject was an exbanntfega one, and though many books had been written, the half had not been told, nor could the half be conceived of the frightful results of this peculiar system of punishment.—F. G. De Fontaine. "Your account has been standing a long time, Mr. Dukey." "Then give it a seat, my dear Shear!." "Very glad to, sir. Shall we make if a re-ceipt?"—Harper's Bazar. put that dog out, I'll get out myself. We bumped twice just now.—Puck. M»jrb« He Wm DliMtUfled. "Did the murderer make any confession?" asked the city editor of the execution reporter. The Bale la Pap*'* Hair. He was a small boy, with all a small boy's inability to reason properly and vith a profound admiration of his father, yhich extended even to a respectful atitude toward the bald spot which was Deginning-to be apparent on the paternal lead, o imitate one day dcitisors ray locks Cible to get Cuff™ Making by Electricity. American History. "Was he resigned to his fate?" "Not a word." At a certain Berlin cafe the lighting and ventilation are effected by means of electricity. In the center of the room there arc several large glass jars through which passes a platinum wire in spiral form. Tho electricity, on heating the wire, speedily raises the temperature of the water in the Jars to boiling point and preuares the coffee in tho sight o{ everybody. .Lastly, a small electrio Railway transmits the coffee to the Viuious tables, so that the guest* may Uelp themselves to their liking.—Ne.v York Telegram. Teacher—What is the World's fair at Chicago, Ills., in 1893, to commemorate? Class—Th' discovery of th' West Indies by Christopher Columbus in 1492.— New York Weekly. * "H$ appeared to be at first, but towards the last he did considerable kicking."—Texas Siftings. The Weight of Worda. Customer—I want to get an unabridged dictionary. "Flott, eh? The disorderly fellow is so intent on pleasure that he totally neg lects himself. (The corporal trembles in the belief that the fraud is discovered.) You may tell Volunteer Flott to-jnorrow to „et liia hair cat. Good  gc:ule Blatter, "Volunteer Flott," was the reply, U«H ring litn^arsHM. . have been very deep in Washington * "the' high, Clerk—'Yeasir. Webster or Worcester? Attempts reicently made to acclimatize kangaroos* ia England appear to liavo been remarkably sivC-Cws(q|, Instead of keeping confine t in s:iv*U and careful U $''i|ited, llwy hnv-3 bras turned loose in •uri( and woods, and have been found to thrive and breed freely. There aro now in fring park twenty weight "or thirty kangaroos of different «p3?ies, and the curious creature seems destined to rank among familiar domestic York Telegram. ater because stumpe are go „ , it was with a desire v Of them being cut off eight and ten manlv adornment that he ibore the' ground, but that is not so. possessed himself of a pair o ned very er.rly that thia pine is ex- and proceeded to cut off such r ly pitchy at llie base or butt, so o{ *"8 bac" h*ir as he was 90 as to be practically worthless, bold of. D lumberman cuts a notch above this This self barbering did not pr tionable point and inserting a spring dtJlf pleasing to LL. mother with ton or steel points to It, ha proved him for Luj misdeeds ti this littk acaffold and cuta off the deal of emphasis. V htvtf hMQ Mt don't know what I shall do ! three feet 4boye hi* bead if he had she said. "You knew that to the pelted."' Stake me feel bad to have joi earborn and I, one afternoon while ""Why, mamma," he retorted, g through th* foreirt, assumed the unanswerable logic of his r house role ot Boston tourists in never scold papa for having a of iafortaetion. *q4 Mind thirty halt."—Boston Courief. Customer—Makes no difference. It's the only thing that will keep my trousers from bagging.—Clothier and Furnisher. Gordon (on the two hundredth lap)— 1 never saw such a child! Here I had you as quiet as a lamb a moment ago, and now you're going to give the concert all over again.—Judge. "Did you hear of Travers' narrow eftcape? Some one shot him right over the heart, bnt the ball didn't penetrate through his breast pocket." "Saved by the usual pack of cards, ) suppose." Another Narrow Eaeape. Jockey—I've trained all I know hoCpy and I'm still four pounds over weight.' The Lut Resort. A Fatal Displacement. "My heart is in my month. } tm\ afraid to hear your answer." ' ','Yon may TfelJ be, Jfr. Dollboy," retorted Ethpl. vf never could marry # {nan whose heart was not in the right place,"—New York Sun. Hon: :' Owner—It looks as though you'd liavo to take a bath after all.—Munsej^a Weekly. ovc espowh*» r»- with a gobd A Cash Inducement. Smilax—So Wantrox didnt marry fo* beauty? Brodix—No; he married for booty.— Epoch, No Half Way Measures. Baggs—Do you and your wife ever quarrel, Uncle Ephraim? Uncle Ephraim—No, aah, we neber quarrels; we jasflghte.—Burlington Free Press. "No. Bills."—Clothier and Furnisher They Are Generally Behind. A Rare Freak* 0 Countryman (in dime museum)—Sayv bub, what sort of a curiosity be yon? Freak—I'm the boy what never whittles.—Texas Sittings. "Strange thing that dog's tail, isn't it?" "What makes it strange to you?" "Why, I never saw one before."— Philadelphia Times. to you," it wotfid rftlt your A Liberal Corporation. Grateful Citizen—I yr'u delighted to read in that yon had refused to raise the price of ice. President Ice Company—That is tras. We shall make no change in the price. The only change will be in tike' lumps.— New York  Pou'4 Speak Tour Mind. Bis Authority. A Wisconsin man called another a skunk; verdict for $800. A Vermont woman called a man a hypocrite; verdict $250. A Kentucky man called a negro a thief; verdict far (KXX ▲ New York druggist called one of kis ofcrks an eye fervant; verdict for 1500. Just keep oool and do a lot of thinking, bat my  A M* stamp canceling machine is being'1 trisd in the Philadelphia postbfflce. It wop-, Srat4d by electricity, and is said to cancel. As staoqpson letter* at tfaia rate of 96,060 per l how, aawnattMSy Mgisteriog the nambsr "Yon mustn't hoe that com with yer face to the east'ard," said Farmer Sparrowgrass to his hired man. "Why not?" asked BilL "Because the old proverb says, Westward hoi'Munsqy'i Weekly, with (he /«•»D "yoi holeinhjf Their Usual Can—. Mrs. Brown—Did you pick up that tack I dropped on the floor? IxcnilBf Himself. Ne ( "What are dreams made of?" wildly orles some poet Dreams are made of pies.—Merchant Traveler. Btowd—Yes, but I didnt man toy* w {% A . ; 1 . 4 " - . W 1 W